


Between the Lines

by Aiambia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Dancing, Depression, Feels, Fluff, Frottage, Fucking, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Kid Fic, Lots of Sex, M/M, Modern AU, Office AU, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Questioning Sexuality, Riding, Slow Burn, Stripper AU, benarmie, long fic, minor - finnrey, minor - reyva, minor - stormpilot, sort of prostitution, there's so much in here, what do i tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:26:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 128,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiambia/pseuds/Aiambia
Summary: #1 RATED TV DRAMA OF 2017On a hot August night, Hux finds himself face-to-dick with the hottest stripper in town. It was only supposed to be one night, but Hux kept going back for more. Now, he struggles with his feelings. That stripper, Kylo Ren, takes his breath away every Friday night, but his new secretary, Matthew Calrissian, makes his heart race. Hux is torn between them.BUT WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW: Kylo Ren and Matt Calrissian are the same person. And his real name is Ben Solo.Who will Hux choose? Will Ben's secret be revealed? Who does Hux keep calling?Find out Mondays!





	1. Mr. Brightside, Do I Wanna Know?

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the fanfic that took me over a year to write. I started this last Feburary, and (as of writing this note) I'm still not done with it, but I felt like I finally needed to post it. So, tada!
> 
> To address a few things: Ben does have PTSD in this fic. The depictions of PTSD in this work ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE. I've done my research and have written it in as accurately as I could, but I know it's not perfect. I used various sources to help me figure out Ben's symptoms and how he should behave in accordance with his temperamental personality, including the [National Institute of Mental Health](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml), the [U.S. National Center for PTSD>](http://www.ptsd.va.gov), and various personal stories from people who suffer from PTSD. However, as I do not have PTSD, I can't even begin to imagine what it's actually like, and I apologize in advance for any inaccuracies. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, let's get this show on the road!

 

 

**Monday 1:21AM**

 

“Do you like that, Pumpkin? Do you like getting violated?”

He didn’t know it would feel like this. Hux was curious. That’s all it was. He didn’t mean to go home with a stripper and have sex in a stranger’s bed, but there he was.

He wasn’t prepared for all of the pleasure, all of the heat. Kylo’s cock was buried in his ass, and it kept hitting his prostate over and over again. Was it supposed to make him see stars? Was Hux supposed to love it this much? Combined with Kylo’s hand pumping his cock, Hux almost couldn’t take it.

“Fuck, I…“ He was so close, but he didn’t want to let go of that feeling, not yet. The stretch and the burn, the pleasure and the pain, he loved it too much to let it stop.

“Come on, Pumpkin. Let me see you. Let me see you make a mess of yourself,” But he loved the way Kylo told him filthy things, too.

Arching off the bed, Hux came, Kylo still fucking into his ass and pumping his cock. He shook, clinging to Kylo, too high on pleasure to know what was going on. It was when he came down from the high, when he looked around the star-lit room and felt Kylo’s body drop down beside him that he realized he’d just made a huge mistake.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Monday, 1:10 PM**

 

His first thought was that someone ran him over with a truck.

 

Groggy, sore, and confused, Hux woke up wishing that the sun would let him go back to sleep. It was far too bright in the room, but he was comfortable on the bed. Still, the sun nagged at his eyes, and lying on his stomach, Hux couldn’t block out the light without suffocating himself with the pillow. It was just as well, however. Summer was right around the corner, so he was uncomfortably hot and a little sweaty under the sheets.

With a sigh, Hux threw back the covers, muscles protesting every movement. Why did it hurt? Mornings weren’t supposed to hurt. Despite that, Hux sat up and went straight to his closet just like he did every morning.

Or, he would have, but pain shot up his spine and he collapsed in a heap as soon as he stood. Then, his mind was clouded with pain and well as grogginess. He groaned, blinking his eyes while they finally adjusted to the light. It felt disgusting and pathetic lying there on the ground, but with the pounding in his head made him dizzy he wasn’t eager to try standing again. Somewhere near his head, Hux heard his phone ringing and groped around blindly until he found it.

 “Hello?” He answered. His words sounded a little mangled like he was screaming all night. How weird.

“Hux? Where are you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the past hour!” It was Phasma, sounding slightly panicked.

“Why? What’s so important that you had to call me instead of texting?” Pushing himself up to a sitting position, Hux leaned back against the bed frame. He needed to get up, get dressed, find some Tylenol, and then get to work.

“I did text you,” He let Phasma talk as he stood on shaky feet and began collecting his clothes. That’s funny. Why were his clothes scattered all over the floor?

“I texted you twenty-two times, and called you eight times,” With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Hux straightened up and looked around.

“I have called every number in your emergency contacts and then some,” There were Darth Vader Posters on the wall, graphic t-shirts and jeans scattered around the floor, a large stereo system shoved up against one wall, and a used condom on the floor. The bed he’d been sleeping on definitely wasn’t his, and neither was the dresser, or the model car, or the room for that matter.

“Hux, where are you?”

Hux clutched his clothes to his chest, trying to cover as much of himself as he could. Slowly, the pieces clicked into place. Oh, right. _That_ happened last night.

 

“Fuck.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Sunday, 7 AM**

When Hux woke up that morning, he sighed and wished he could go back to sleep. Usually, Hux loved being up at the crack of dawn. Everyone was asleep and he could have some peace and quiet with a cup of coffee and Millie dozing in his lap before heading off to work. However, today was his birthday.

Hux hated his birthday.

Everyone always made such a big deal about it when it was really nothing special. It was just another day that everyone should have used to work, but his employees seemed to think that their CEO’s birthday was some sort of national holiday.

As soon as he stepped inside the building, the receptionist, whose name he didn’t remember, greeted him with a birthday card. The card went in the trash can right next to the receptionist desk. When the elevator opened on his floor, he saw balloons and streamers everywhere. When he stepped out of the elevator, the entire building seemed to chorus “Happy birthday!” as if their ass-kissing would earn them a raise. Hux wished he could appreciate it, but the only thing they cared about was how much Hux paid them. Their good will meant nothing to him.

 “Happy birthday, boss!” Except for Phasma. She was the only person he’d consider a friend. “Are you excited about the big 3-5?”

“Don’t you have reports to be writing?” Hux dropped into his desk chair, and confetti fell from his hair. Sneering in disgust, he used the reflection of his computer monitor to pick the rest of it out.

“Oh, come on, Hux. Ten minutes won’t kill you. Besides, we’re ahead of schedule.”

“By ‘ahead of schedule’ do you mean ‘Finn worked on it the report all night’?” Hux deadpanned. He pulled up the day’s schedule on his computer. How many pointless meetings did Dameron schedule for him today?

Phasma rolled her eyes. “No, I mean we’re literally days ahead of schedule, so you,” she pointed at him as she spoke. “Should tell me what you want for your birthday and then go home and enjoy it.”

Hux ignored her comment as he looked over his schedule. He could practically hear her exasperation. Usually, he wouldn’t come in to work on the weekend, but project due dates were coming up and there were meetings to attend. Speaking of, he had a total of seven meetings that day, both in person and over the phone, with people from companies who were so obviously taking advantage of Hux’s birthday to try and cut deals with his company. Dameron knew better than to do this.

Pushing a button on his desk phone, Hux barked, “Dameron, cancel all of my meetings for today except for the lunch date.”

“Oh, I fired Dameron.”

“What?!” Hux’s eyes flashed dangerously at Phasma, but she remained calm and unfazed. “What do you mean you fired Dameron? He’s _my_ secretary.”

“There was an altercation yesterday. Someone decided to pick a fight with Finn, and of course Dameron wouldn’t stand for that. My options were to fire him or call the police. I would’ve done both, but know you hate it when we get negative press. I meant to call you, but I was busy finding a replacement.”

“And when does this replacement arrive?” Hux was beyond pissed. As if it wasn’t bad enough that all sixty-five floors of the company were celebrating his birthday by not doing anything, now he’ll have to train a new secretary because Dameron couldn’t keep it in his pants.

“Tomorrow,” Phasma stood from the couch and started heading for the door to, hopefully, get back to work. “In the meantime, you should at least try to enjoy your birthday.”

Hux hummed in response, trying to work out how he’d turn down all of the idiots who thought they could solicit company shares from him with birthday greetings. The first meeting was in ten minutes, and there was barely any time between each one, meaning he didn’t have enough time to cancel all of them. He’d have to go to every single meeting, endure the superficial birthday wishes, and deal with pushy negotiations all day, leaving him no time to work on the projects that actually mattered.

It was going to be a long day, but it couldn’t get any worse, right?

 

 

* * *

 

**Monday, 1:48PM**

 

Munching on a bowl of cereal, Hux tried to will the Tylenol to work faster. After realizing he was alone in the apartment, he decided to stay for a while, out of spite. If that man was stupid enough to leave a stranger alone in their apartment without explanation, then Hux wasn’t above taking advantage of every resource at his disposal.

He took a shower (a long, hot shower, just to rack up the water bill) explored the two bedrooms (a man and a woman lived here, but were obviously not in a relationship. The pictures suggest that they’re siblings or cousins,) rearranged the fridge magnets into something more sensible (there were now arranged in neat rows, memorabilia magnets to one side, pop culture magnets to the other, plastic bubble letters at the bottom, and “fuck you” spelled out in the center), and then sat at the small dining table, munching on the last of the frosted flakes while editing someone’s college essay about the practicality of colonizing the Sahara desert.

That little bit of organization was enough to calm his mind after waking up in a strange place after the night he had. He did everything he could to keep from thinking about it, even though he knew he could only avoid it for so long.

Once he finished editing the essay, last night was all there was left to think about. Sure, work was still a priority, but an uneasy feeling loomed over him. His instincts screamed at him to ignore it. Rain or shine, sick or healthy, Hux always showed up for work. There were very few things in his life more important than his work and feelings always landed at the bottom of that list.

However, this wasn’t just any feeling.

This left Hux zoning out in the shower, wincing as he cleaned himself. This had Hux dressing in a stranger’s hoodie and sweats because his need for comfort outweighed his aversion to clothing that he didn’t own. This had Hux organizing magnets and editing an essay in a stranger’s apartment because it was the only thing that helped him stop the panic that rose when he couldn’t untangle the knots in his mind.

 

            He slept with a _man_.

            A man named Kylo-fucking-Ren.

 

He doesn’t know why, but he slept with a man and did so willingly. Hux doesn’t know what came over him last night. He shouldn’t have wanted to and right now he regretted it, but last night he wasn’t so worried about right or wrong. All he could feel was heat and pleasure and Kylo’s hands and Kylo’s tongue and-

 Wiping his hands over his face, Hux tried to concentrate. He couldn’t go to work like that. He needed to push these concerns and fears down so that they didn’t distract him. There was no time for him to worry and question his sexuality. For fuck’s sake, he was thirty-five-years-old. This was something teenagers worried about, not millionaire CEOs with important companies to run. And yet, there he was sitting at a stranger’s dining table with his head in his hands, too panicked to do anything else because this wasn’t how his life was supposed to go.

From the moment he was born, Hux was raised to know, to believe that he would grow up and marry a woman. She would be beautiful and intelligent, they would have a son and a daughter, and then Hux would never have to worry about his love life again because that part of his life would be over. For the most part, his life had gone according to plan. He’d grown up adored by the girls in school. He inherited his father’s looks and his mother’s charm, earning him an endless stream of love notes in his lockers and phone numbers for lonely nights. Then this had to happen.

Reasonably speaking, it shouldn’t have worried him so much. It was a one-time occurrence and would never happen again, but no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that it didn’t mean anything, Hux couldn’t convince himself that that was true.

He needed to stand. He needed to move and not get stuck there thinking about it. Pushing himself to his feet, Hux collected his belongings, not bothering to change. (The hoodie and sweats were a bit big on him, but they were also comfortable. He left a fifty on the counter so Kylo could buy new ones.) But he froze by the door. There was a wall of photos there, one that he noticed but didn’t bother to look through. All of the photos were of Kylo and woman who lived with him. They were quite obviously beautiful people.

The thought brought his fears back to the front of his mind. How could he have thought a man was beautiful? It sounded wrong, completely and utterly wrong, but it was possible that it was just the aftermath of last night talking. This dark haired, large nosed man with a ridiculous number of moles all over his face and a grumpy look on his face wasn’t at all beautiful. Hux was a man, so he couldn’t think of another man as beautiful. He couldn’t think of this man who made him scream and feel like he was in heaven.

But, he did and it made Hux mad.

And a little horny.

Which made him even madder.

His traitorous body wasn’t supposed to respond like that to the thought of getting fucked by another man. Just who did this guy think he was? He had no right to have sex with Hux. Hux wasn’t gay. It was not supposed to happen like that.

Pushing the thoughts away, Hux flung the door open and called for a taxi. He needed to calm down and stop thinking of this. He needed to go to work. He needed to do something more familiar. He needed to forget that this ever happened.

 

He couldn’t forget.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Sunday, 6 PM**

 

After a long and terrible day of “Happy Birthday Hux!” and “Finally hit the big 3-5 huh?” and “How does the birthday boy feel about a merger?” Hux was ready to go home and pass out. He did his job. He sat through every pointless meeting, endured a few choruses of “happy birthday” accompanied by three cakes (provided by Phasma, his mother, and a particularly flirty business partner), and opened presents (more ties, a few dozen gift cards, some flowers, and a gym membership coupon. He wanted to hang himself with the ties.)

Hux ran a hand through his hair as he put the last necessary files into his briefcase. He was tired and stressed, but there was still time to turn this day around. He fantasized about relaxing as he locked up his office in the same methodical way he unpacked everything in the morning. It was ritualistic and a way for him to lock up all of the day’s stress and leave it at the office.

He’d just finished turning everything off and gathering his things when Phasma burst in with a devious grin on her face and Mitaka and Finn trailing behind her.

“Whatever you’re planning, I want no part of it,” Hux said, dutifully ignoring her, as he headed for the elevator.

Phasma grabbed his arm as he passed, stopping Hux before he could even reach the door of his office. “Oh no you don’t,” she said. “It’s your birthday. We’re going to celebrate.”

Hux tugged his arm free and sent her a glare. She did this every year: tried to get Hux to be festive about the day that he hated most. Two years ago, she bought him a Porche. Five years ago, Hux made the mistake of agreeing to birthday lunch which resulted in a surprise party. When they were eighteen, Phasma took him to a game of paintball (which Hux will never admit that he actually enjoyed. He won every round by sniping from the hills, and no one could put even a fleck of paint on him. Phasma came in a close second by forcing the enemy team into submission with brute force and intimidation.)

“Come on, Hux, the limo is waiting out front.”

“I’m going home, Phasma.”

“You’re coming with us.”

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Mitaka?”

His other VP snapped to attention, jaw tensing. His eye darted back and forth between Phasma and Hux. Though Hux was his boss, Phasma obviously had something over him, otherwise, he wouldn’t have been there. Hux was sure Mitaka, of all people, wouldn’t let him down, however, his mouth gaped open and shut like a fish, as he decided whose wrath he’d rather incur.

“It’s a surprise, sir. However, I’ve researched our destination and am confident that you will enjoy your night.” Mitaka looked him straight in the eye as he spoke. Hux glared back, and Mitaka’s gaze dropped to the floor. Of course, Mitaka was in on this. Phasma wouldn’t have approached him without backup, not when she was trying to drag him out somewhere.

“Finn,” Hux turned to the lowly secretary, trying to keep his voice even. Asking Finn for anything was reaching. He was a hard worker but he was also completely incapable of acting without instruction. Hux needed his assistants to know what he needed before he needed it and so had no idea why Phasma kept him around. The poor kid could barely remember her coffee order without writing it down.

“I uh…I’m not allowed to say anything. I mean, Ms. Phasma’s my boss, but you’re her boss, so I guess an order from you outranks an order from her…”Finn trailed off when Phasma sent him a warning look. Naturally, he panicked. “Nope! No, sorry. Can’t say anything. Ha ha…I don’t know where we’re going. I’m just your ticket inside….Please don’t fire me.”

Rolling his eyes, Hux turned back to Phasma. No one wanted to tell him anything, so he had no obligations to go. From Phasma’s exasperated sigh, he was sure his face told her as much.

“Alright,” she said, turning to the door. Like that, Hux was home free. Phasma suddenly dropped the subject and seemed content to leave him out of whatever festivities she’d planned. It was unsettling.

“What do you mean ‘alright’?” Hux questioned. That wasn’t right. She never gave up so easily, so quickly. Captain Charlize Marie Phasma, had never given up on anything in the twenty-five years that they’d known each other; not when she was “it” in freeze tag, not when their high school refused to let a girl on to the football team, not even when she demanded that the army place only female soldiers in her company.

Phasma shrugged. “I mean, alright. You obviously don’t want to come with us, and it _is_ your birthday, so I’ll respect your decision.”

“You never respect my decisions.”

“Of course I do! I respect and support all of your business decisions. It’s your social life that needs help. Anyway, this place is probably too much for you. You wouldn’t be able to…handle it,” her voice dripped with sarcasm. Captain Charlize Marie Phasma did not give up. She was mocking him, baiting him.

“Y-yeah!” Finn chimed in. “It’s so crazy there, but its way out of your league. I mean, not that you’re _not_ good enough for it, but it’s just probably too extreme for your tastes. Too, uh, fun.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, while an awkward grimace spread across his face.

Hux barely caught Phasma’s eye roll, but she seemed to agree with her incompetent secretary. “Not the most eloquently put, but he has a point. You _aren’t_ good enough for it. You aren’t _fun_ enough. We’ll be fine without you, though. You’d probably just drag the mood down anyway.”

She was baiting him, and it was working.

“I can be _fun_ ,” Hux ground out, his need to prove himself rearing its ugly head. It was one of the things Hux hated about himself: no matter what the situation, he had a hard time backing down from a challenge. Hux had a need to prove himself, to show everyone that he was the best.

Phasma let out a mocking, choked off laugh. “No, you can’t.” She waved a hand dismissively, and that was the last straw. It was one thing for someone to insult Hux. It was a completely different deal when they insulted him and then refused to give him the chance to prove them wrong.

“We’re going,” he said. The sour look etched into his face juxtaposed the grin on Phasma’s, but he couldn’t bring himself to comment on it. He was out the door before Phasma could even begin her victory gloat.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” She teased, stilettos clicking on the floor as she followed Hux to the elevator.

He didn’t answer her. “Am I going to regret this?” He asked instead, as their party of four climbed into the limo.

In place of an answer, Phasma shot him another shit-eating grin.

“Charlize,” he prompted.

“Armitage,” she replied.

Hux let out a pained sigh as he sunk into the limo’s leather seats. “Mitaka, tell me this limo has whiskey, wine, vodka, _something_. Hell, I’ll take a hard cider if that’s all there is.”

“I’m sorry, sir, there isn’t anything. However, there will be plenty of alcohol for you when we arrive.”

This was going to be one fucking long night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Monday 3:08 PM**

 

Hux shuffled into the First Order Inc. office building with a scowl on his face and a stranger’s clothes on his back. The ride over was hell. Not only because he had to take a filthy cab, but also because he ended up alone with his thoughts. Hux learned that the “having gay sex does not make me gay” argument with himself sounds a lot stupider in person than it does on the internet.

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in,” Sometimes Hux forgot why he was friends with Phasma. “Have fun with your boy-toy last night?”

Hux grunted in response as he stepped out of the elevator. It was bad enough that the entire building was going to gossip about his appearance and astonishingly late arrival time, he didn’t need Phasma perpetuating these rumors too. She followed him to his office with a too-smug grin on her face that told Hux he needed to question her later after he’d locked himself in his office and taken a nap on his couch.

Mitaka slid into view beside the duo, and he automatically started rattling off the status of the various projects and meeting results that Hux missed while he was sleeping that morning. Sometimes he wishes Mitaka were still his secretary, but the man can handle finances like no other. Hux would’ve been a fool not to promote him to VP of Marketing (technically, he’s the CFO, but that title is bad for Hux’s ego.)

Hux waved him off. “Dameron,” he called instead, as the three of them neared his office. “Take the reports off of Mitaka’s hands. That was your job anyway, to collect that information for me. I’m docking your next pay che-“

Hux froze in front of Poe’s desk. That was not Poe Dameron sitting at that desk. That wasn’t his pretty brown hair. That wasn’t his annoyingly charming smile. Who the fuck was this?

“Who the fuck are you?” Hux made his thoughts known, staring down the man behind the desk. The man looked afraid, rightly so, and just as confused as Hux felt.

“Who am I? Who are you?” The man questioned. He looked like some awkward, middle-aged recluse who lived in his mother’s basement. Messy blond curls, 1970’s style glasses, jeans, beat-up converse, and a haphazardly tucked button-down rolled to the elbows; could he have been any more of a stereotypical loser?

“You know, I’ve had a long weekend, and this little stunt does not put you on my good side. I am Armitage Hux, CEO of First Order Inc., and since you’re sitting at that desk, I’m assuming that you’re a secretary. That makes me your new boss,” Despite the crappy start to his day, Hux took great joy in watching the fear on the man’s face melt into horror as he realized who he was so rudely questioning. “Now, who the _fuck_ are _you_?”

He hesitated. “Uh, Mat-Matthew Calrissian. I’m, uh, Matthew Calrissian…sir.”

“Calrissian? Any relation to Lando Calrissian? First Order Inc. works closely with his distribution company.”

“He’s, uh, my…uncle! By marriage. We’re pretty close.”

“Uh-huh,” Hux didn’t believe a word of this bullshit, but couldn’t really bring himself to care. That low-life wouldn’t last more than a month as Hux’s assistant, so he wasn’t too interested in getting to know the guy.

“What’s your work history?” However, just because Hux didn’t care about him, didn’t mean he was automatically qualified to be Hux’s assistant. Even if he’d only last a month, he needed to meet every standard possible. For that one month.

“…It’s on my resume.”

“Yes, well, I’m asking you now. Work history.” God, he’s stupid. Either that or he was going to give Hux a hell of a hard time. If Hux didn’t need a secretary so badly, he’d fire this guy right now.

“Radar technician.” Matt gave Hux a sneer as if Hux offended him somehow. “Well, systems engineer, technically, for the Marines. I trained with them prior to that. Discharged during training due to an injury.”

Hux glared, and Matt glared back. None of this was helping Hux’s headache. “You should take orders well then. Thank you for serving,” he said it more out of obligation than gratitude with a large side of sass. He doubted he’d ever be thankful for Matt in any way.

“My pleasure. Is there anything else you need, _your highness_?” Matt stood and did a little bow, and Hux heard Phasma trying and failing not to laugh beside him. It hadn’t even been ten minutes, and already this guy was on his last nerve.

“No, but if I hear your voice again today, I’ll dock your pay by one dollar,” Hux turned on his heel toward his office ignoring the tense atmosphere and Phasma’s stifled laughter.

“You can’t do that!” Matt called after him, sounding decidedly more panicked now that his pay was involved.

“Two dollars!” Hux called over his shoulder.

Rather than another response, Hux heard frustrated screaming as his office door shut. If he looked back through the glass doors, he was sure he’d see a few objects swept onto the ground based on the sounds of dull thumps and tinny clatters. So long as it wasn’t company property, Hux didn’t care.

“Fuck you, Ginger Spice!” he heard, muffled through the door.

“Three dollars,” Hux muttered to himself in response. He took a moment to consider the insult before amending his decision, “three fifty.”

“Looks like you caught a feisty one,” Phasma burst out into laughter as soon as the door shut. Even Mitaka was having trouble containing a smile. Hux sent them both glares but otherwise dropped the subject.

Dropping onto his couch was sweet relief for his still-achy body. Hux threw an arm over his eyes. Somehow, just being in his office comforted him. Whether it was the familiar smell of paper and his cologne, or that it was a reminder of how good his life was, Hux could feel the pent-up stress seeping out of him. He knew it wouldn’t last long – it never did – but taking a moment to relax was more than enough to get him through the next part of his crisis.

“Sir, are you alright?“ Mitaka asked. He and Phasma looked down at Hux. Their faces were written with worry and concern. “Did everything…go okay last night?”

Hux turned over to face the back of the couch and curled in on himself.

“No.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Sunday, 9:49 PM**

 

Of course, they got caught in the middle of rush-hour traffic. For a city as big as New York, Hux wasn’t surprised, just miserable. They stopped for dinner at some fancy restaurant that Hux didn’t care to remember the name of.  He hoped that was the surprise that Phasma had in store for him, it wasn’t. Of course, it wasn’t.

Hux checked his phone for any missed calls maybe fifty times, but there was never any waiting. Then at some point, he fell asleep in the limo, Phasma’s and Mitaka’s chatter became nothing more than white noise.  Finn was glued to his phone and looked up at him every once in a while, but was otherwise quiet. It struck Hux as suspicious that Phasma had yet to pull something outrageous on him. The whole evening was too nice, too normal, like the calm before a storm.

Usually, Hux’s intuition was correct. Sometimes, he hated that.

He was awoken by some sort of low thumping. It shook the car, and Hux jolted upright, thinking that an earthquake was shaking the city. However, the thumping started to reverberate in his ears, and as they pulled around the corner, it grew louder. Hux groaned. From the windows, he could see the nightmare that Phasma has graced him with this year: a strip club.

Hux could feel the bass rattling his bones, and the line was out the door and around the block. This place looked more like a nightclub than a strip club, but Hux knew it by name: Kanji Klub. Poe used to talk about it all the time. It’s the most popular club in the city, known for its dancers, drinks, and “fantasy nights” where the club put on special performances and what not according to the holiday or the preference of someone rich enough to rent out the club.

Apparently, Phasma was that rich someone. Hux hoped she didn’t use the company card.

“What is this?” Hux shot daggers at Phasma, and she grinned back.

“Your birthday present,” She climbed out of the car before Hux could protest any further. By then, it was too late to turn back. He was there now, and Phasma would probably drag him out of the limo forcibly if he didn’t go willingly, so he stepped out of the car.

Finn got them to the front of the line and into the club with a high-five to the bouncer. The inside of the club was loud and dim, save for the strobe lights littering the various stages scattered around the room. It was a huge building, with two stories, a large theater-style main stage with a runway and a few stripper poles on it. Many more, smaller table-stages in various corners were also equipped with stripper poles, and the upper floor was where Hux assumed the performers took care of more private requests.

Phasma dragged him to a table right in front of the runway and sat him down. He wanted to argue about the cleanliness of the location, but the music was too loud for Hux to even hear his own voice. On either side of him sat Phasma and Mitaka, like guards to ensure no one bothered Hux – or rather to ensure that Hux didn’t escape.

With shifty eyes, Hux took the time to properly analyze his surroundings. He still had a chance to escape this hell, but only if he got a drink in him soon. To his left, Finn was chatting up the bartender. They were all smiles and laughs as the small Asian woman behind the bar loaded up a tray with top-shelf bottles and a few glasses. To his right, patrons walked in and out of the bathrooms. It may be best not to venture in there. In front of him stood a stage that looked old and worn, a stark contrast to the shiny poles and lights that decorated it. In fact, the entire club looked brand new. The style was very classic with gold trim and railing complimenting maroon red carpets and walls. Crystal chandeliers lit the room, and the second story balcony looked like a prime hang-out spot for a mob boss.

As much as Hux hated being there, he couldn’t deny that the atmosphere was right up his alley. Upon further inspection, Hux felt it necessary to retract his earlier comment about cleanliness given the lack of any noticeable stains on the carpets, and the smooth, not sticky surface of the table in front of him.

A few minutes later, Finn came by with a generous assortment of alcohol before disappearing behind some door near the stage. Hux didn’t bother to pay attention, however, and went straight for the bourbon. Apparently, Phasma meant for them to stay. Idly, Hux wondered if she bothered to remember that they all still had to go to work the next day. He shouldn’t drink. He should just sit through a show or two, wait until Phasma was tipsy enough to be agreeable, and then leave.

That’s what he should’ve done, but the spotlights started swirling around the room to indicate the start of the next show, the music started pumping louder, and Hux knew the amber liquid in his cup was calling his name. It burned as it went down his throat, and Hux finished it in one gulp. The lights focused on the stage as Hux poured himself another, but he didn’t bother to look up. As the music faded, hordes of people crowd up around the stage and began to cheer. Then the music started again, and the cheers got louder. But that was not important. His bottle of bourbon was all that mattered.

After the second drink, Hux sat back and closed his eyes to let it all sink into his bones. He debated having few shots of tequila next, but a pleasant buzz was just settling into his head and Hux didn’t want to rush into himself into a blackout. With each beat of the music, Hux could feel his body growing warmer and his head getting lighter.

Only then was he relaxed enough to open his eyes and really look around him. The club looked marvelous in a way he couldn’t have described under the stress of sobriety. It wasn’t just the club that was beautiful, but the patrons and staff as well. Some faces, Hux recognized from business meetings and conventions. Those he didn’t recognize looked just as well put-together, however. Overall, there was an air of politeness and superiority amongst the patrons. They cheered and tipped politely rather than howling at the dancers like animals. The staff looked well-groomed with pleasant smiles on their faces, as if they didn’t hate their jobs. It was a nice change when a waitress came by to refresh their bottles without a hint of spite in her cheery voice.

Then there were the dancers who seemed to radiate beauty. There was a woman on a table to the right of the club, a man on a table to the left and six masked dancers performing center stage. Their ringleader didn’t have a mask but claimed the runway for himself.

They looked like gods and goddesses. The women were all muscled but smooth. The presence or absence of big breasts and wide hips didn’t make one any less attractive than another. On stage, the masked women led the dance with their male partners, allowing them to touch but never surrendering themselves except to a pole. The men were all very muscular and toned, but in a lithe way that only dancers could achieve. Some were thinner, like ballerinos while others looked more like bodybuilders.

The ringleader looked more beautiful than all of them. His shoulders were wide but his hips were narrow. His black hair whipped around as he danced and turned, framing his dark eyes and sharp nose. Big hands traced over hip bones that jut out just above the waistband of his (leather? latex?) pants. On top of all of that, he had an eight-pack.

Hux’s eyes were glued to the man. He barely noticed when the song ended and there was someone running on stage to hand the man a microphone.

 “Please, a round of applause for your valiant Knights!” The man said. He gestured back to the six dancers behind him, and more cheers erupted. Hux didn’t clap, but he did notice that each dancer wore a different mask that covered part or all of their faces. The Knights bowed in turn before the crowd’s attention shifted again.

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to Kanji Klub. My name is Kylo Ren, and I’d like to invite you to spend a very special fantasy night with us,” Hux found himself biting his lip as he listened to the smooth baritone. Kylo had immaculate stage presence. Every word out of his mouth pulled the crowd in, captivating them.

“Very special, indeed!” A woman’s voice rang out over the speakers, and Hux twisted around to look at the female dancer on the right side of the club. “I believe we have a birthday in the house tonight?”

She looked pointedly at Hux with a smile playing on her lips, but Hux was barely able to roll his eyes before yet another performer was talking.

“A birthday? Oh, but that means we get to pull out the special moves,” a suave, familiar voice echoed, and Hux turned to his left. He met eyes with the male dancer on his pole and table and found none other than Poe Dameron staring back at him.

If something else was supposed to be said, Poe didn’t say it. His flirty smile faltered, and he looked just as shocked as Hux did, if not more so. Hux glared at him. This was where his secretary ran off to? A strip club? There was no way that working as a stripper was a better option than working as Hux’s secretary. He judged Poe with every ounce of anger and disappointment he could muster, and then barely restrained a smirk when Poe visibly flinched under Hux’s gaze.

Hux snapped out of it when he heard Kylo’s smooth baritone again, drawing attention away from Poe in what Hux can only assume was damage control. There was no way that anyone in the club missed their wordless exchange. Hux threw back his first shot of tequila.

“You’re both absolutely right. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Scavenger and Damn-eron! Up next, they’ll be performing a duet here on the main stage,” Kylo smoothed everything over so easily, but Hux wondered if anyone else caught the slight strain in his voice or the way his eyes narrowed as he stared at Hux.

The music started up again, and Kylo sauntered off stage as Poe and Scavenger walked on. Their dance was a smooth, sensual push and pull, but Hux kept his eyes trained on Kylo. At some point, Phasma and Mitaka must have disappeared when he wasn’t looking because Hux had only his drinks for company when Kylo sat himself down on Hux’s table.

“You’re blocking my view,” Hux said simply, glaring up at Kylo.

“Are you the birthday boy?” Kylo ignored his question. Hux strained to hear him over the music.

“Are you an idiot?” Hux replied. “Do you honestly expect us to have a conversation over all of this commotion?”

Kylo huffed a laugh. To Hux’s horror, he started to move all of the alcohol. The bottles disappeared one by one behind Kylo’s muscular frame until Hux was left with no more than an empty shot glass. Then, Kylo was right in front of his face. There was only a foot or two of space between their bodies as the dancer sat on the edge of the table and loomed over Hux like a sexy, sweaty statue.

“Is this better?” There was amusement in his voice as Hux blatantly looked him up and down. A voice in the back of his head screamed at him that this was wrong. Hux didn’t do men. He wasn’t gay. He liked women. He has never found another man attractive in his entire life, but all of the alcohol must be getting to him because this guy was capital H-O-T _HOT._

“Much,” Hux said honestly. Narrowed eyes accompanied Kylo’s smile, and Hux saw it again. It wasn’t anger, not exactly, but it wasn’t smug either. It looked more like desire, but not just for a quick fuck.

“What should I call you, birthday boy?” The smooth baritone brought Hux’s eyes to his lips. Soft cupid’s bow, slightly chapped, and just far away enough that if Hux sat up a little straighter and tilted his head, he could definitely wipe that smirk off of Kylo’s face.

“Ginger Spice?” Kylo continued when Hux didn’t answer.

“Fireball?” He brushed aside a piece of Hux’s hair that had fallen out of place.

“Copper Cock?” His gaze dropped a little too low, and Hux felt his breath hitch.

“Oh, I know,” Kylo leaned in close, right next to Hux’s ear. Hux could smell the sweat and cologne clinging to his body. Heat radiated between them, a combination of Kylo’s fatigue and Hux’s intoxication.

Hux would’ve been a fool to deny that he was attracted to this walking personification of desire. It was just that, right then, he couldn’t tell whether it was the alcohol that was making his heart race and his hands a little twitchy, or if it was that Kylo was so openly flirting with him, tempting him in front of the entire club. His dick took more than a little interest, and it was obvious that Kylo knew that.

“Pumpkin.”

“What are you, my grandmother?” Hux sneered as Kylo leaned back, laughing. “Pumpkin? _Really_?”

“Unless you’d rather give me a name, yes really,” Kylo made a show of swinging one leg over Hux’s head as he got off of the table. He leaned in for one last comment before he left. “You know, as birthday boy, you get one free performance, on the house. Just let someone know what you want and who you want it from, and we’ll make it happen.”

He sauntered off with a wink, swinging his hips like he knew Hux was watching him go. Hux decided that he hated Kylo Ren, specifically because of how he thought he could command Hux like he did his audience, but especially because of the way his ass looked in those pants. It was unfair for an ass to look that good in leather.

 

After that, he couldn’t drink. Hux was too distracted by Kylo to even think about drinking. Just who the fuck did he think he was, trying to seduce Hux with his smooth voice and pretty eyes? He could’ve ignored it and probably should have, but Kylo wouldn’t stop teasing him. While he hadn’t bothered to talk to Hux for the past two hours, he had shot Hux filthy looks, accompanied by the raunchiest thrusts and dips Hux had ever seen. It was pathetic and disgusting.

Someone like _that_ thought that he could seduce Hux? It was a bold move for a lowly stripper. But, what’s more, Hux was pissed that he refused to back off. No matter how much Hux glared at him or tried to ignore his antics, Kylo managed to do everything that Hux didn’t want.

Kylo wanted to play like that? Fine. Hux could play that game. He could show Kylo the art of seduction. Hux could make Kylo want him, beg for him, but he wouldn’t give himself up.

It started with getting his attention. For the rest of the night, Hux flirted hard. He unbuttoned his collar and ruffled his hair. He bit his lip and shot Kylo a wanting look whenever Kylo looked at him. He tucked approximately $800 into the straps and waistbands Kylo’s various costumes. That one forced him to stop at the ATM by the bar twice. He passed Phasma and her smug grin both times, but the look on Kylo’s face when Hux managed to stick a fifty in the center of the waistband of his low-rise jeans was totally worth it.

Then he needed to make his offer. Luckily, birthday patrons received one free performance of their choice. Hux would use his to leave Kylo wanting. That was how he ended up using his free performance request on a strip tease lap dance from Kylo Ren.

On the main stage.

In front of the entire club.

Poe looked a little horrified when Hux pulled him aside to tell him that, but Hux thought the horror served him right for leaving the company.

It was only once the music started blaring and Kylo was vaulting himself onto the runway that Hux realized it might have been a bad idea. Suddenly aware that he was sitting center stage and a guitar riff that was probably going to be stuck in his head for the next week was blaring overhead, Hux wished he’d gotten a private room. The lights were bright and the club was dark, so he couldn’t actually see the audience, but he could feel them all watching. It may have been what he planned, but now all eyes were on him and it was a little nerve-wracking.

Then Kylo was walking into view with that same look on his face: narrowed eyes and a smirk on his lips. It was frustrating Hux that he still looked so smug and in control. Hux wanted to reduce him, put him on his knees for thinking that he could possibly seduce Hux, but he needed to be patient.

Kylo wore more clothes than Hux had seen him in all night. The zip-up hoodie, t-shirt, jeans, and beat-up converse made him look more like a college student strapped for cash rather than a stripper. Suddenly, the hoodie disappeared, someone handed him a bottle of water, and then Kylo’s thin white shirt was practically nonexistent as it clung to his skin. Hux had to dig his nails into his crossed arms in order to ground himself. He suddenly felt so hot, but he didn’t know why. His pants were getting tight as Kylo peeled the white t-shirt off his abs. His breath quickened as Kylo started to undo his belt. He was attracted, and he hated it.

Kylo still had that damned smirk on his face when he made his way over to Hux. Spreading Hux’s legs, he dropped between them, and Hux had to shut his eyes while Kylo danced. He tried to push the feelings away, figure out why he suddenly felt so hot, and refocus on his plan, but it was hard to do when Kylo was right in front of him looking like _that_. A hand on his chest made Hux open his eyes. Kylo was hand is big, and it trailed down the front of his shirt. If Hux wasn’t aware of the arousal burning through him before, he was now. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining everything that those hands could do as they sunk closer and closer to his erection.

That was how the rest of the dance went: Kylo moved, rolled, thrust, ground against Hux. He took those jeans off and then did it all again in his black briefs, and Hux tried not to think about how hard he was. To make matters worse, Kylo had a very obvious erection. Hux could see it as he danced and feel it when Kylo ground on him.

For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to sleep with a man. It was a passing thought, an irrelevant and wrong thought, but he wondered. What did it feel like? Was an ass tighter than a vagina? Did it feel different with a man? Did it feel better? Hux had never touched another penis before. Would it feel just as good in his hands as his own? Would it feel good up his ass?

But then, the song ended and Hux jolted back into reality. He was mortified that he even thought about having sex with another man, but everyone was looking at them. Hux needed to focus on his plan. Tempt Kylo; make an offer. Kylo was positioned right on top of Hux, straddling his hips, erections pressed together through their clothes. Hux gives him one last look over and reaches for his wallet. If he wasn’t so focused on his own horrific desires, he might’ve laughed at the way Kylo’s eyes widened when Hux waved four hundred dollars in his face. Carefully, he tucked the money into Kylo’s briefs, just brushing his cock.

Kylo let out a shaky breath, audible only to Hux as the crowd cheered. His eyes told Hux that he wanted, maybe they both wanted, but they couldn’t. They wouldn’t.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Monday, 12:38 AM**

 

Ben felt too hot when he pushed Pumpkin into a wall and kissed him like his life depended on it. His hands pulled on Pumpkin’s hips so that they’re grinding together and moaning as they made out, and Pumpkin’s arms dragged his mouth back in whenever he tried to pull away. They really shouldn’t have been doing that. Ben didn’t even know how they ended up there, making out in the dressing rooms.

He should’ve just gone home, but Ben felt like he’d earned a reward. Typically, he earned about $200 on a good night. Thanks to Pumpkin’s contributions, tonight he earned a whopping $1,783. That was more than he usually made in a month. Apparently, having one-person tip bars of gold made everyone else think they should offer up at least a few pieces of silver.

He was still clad only in his underwear, but Pumpkin didn’t seem to mind. His hands ran through Ben's hair, tugging, pulling, and then trailing down his back, his abs, groping at Ben's muscles. His lips never stopped moving, kissing Ben, groaning and whining for more. His hips ground at just the right angle, and then they were both too focused on that friction to do anything else.

Ben had to hold Pumpkin's hips against the wall, else they both come right there in the dressing rooms. Hell, he'd love to just make out and come in his pants like a teenager, but Ben could hear the muted music coming to an end. This wouldn’t end well for either of them if someone caught them fucking against the dressing room wall – not that it was going very well to begin with. Ben was pretty sure that Rey saw him dragging Pumpkin into the dressing rooms in the first place.

"What, do you have some sort of ‘no touching’ rule?" Pumpkin asked, breathless. He glared as if Ben has wronged him. Ben hadn’t expected all of that anger to come with Pumpkin’s desire, but it wasn’t as if he minded.

Quickly, Ben shoved a hand down Pumpkin's pants and stroked lazily at his dick. Pumpkin's head falls back against the wall and he all but screamed as Ben thumbs the beads of pre-come around the head of his cock. Ben leaned in close and whispered in his ear, “Not unless you wanna get caught."

Curses fell out of his mouth as Ben continued to pump, dragging his hand down and squeezing as he neared the base, then up and twisting his fist around the head. "Or maybe you do wanna get caught? I could jerk you off right now. Everyone on stage will walk in just in time to watch you come in your pants, watch you scream my name and make a dirty mess of yourself."

Panic flashed across Pumpkin’s face, and he held Ben at a distance. Ben stroked his hands up and down Pumpkin’s arms as he closed the distance again. “Or, my car’s parked out back. We could-“

Before he can even finish, Pumpkin was out the back door, and Ben was forced to pull on his clothes and chase after him. Pumpkin already was waiting against the car when he exited the building. Immediately, Ben went for a kiss, and Pumpkin eagerly returned it, but only for a moment. Once Ben reached for the back-seat door, Pumpkin pushed Ben away again, putting space between them.

Determined not to let him get away, Ben stayed close, pressed their foreheads together. “What? What’s wrong?”

It took a moment. Pumpkin bit his lip and didn’t meet Ben’s eyes, but eventually, he talked. “Not…not here.”

Ben rubbed circles into his skin with a little more forceful than necessary. He was horny and impatient. He didn’t want to wait, even if it would be incredibly uncomfortable for two 6-foot men to have sex in the back seat of a small 2003 Honda accord.

Then the anger struck back. Hux glared at him again when Ben didn’t move and grabbed his jaw. “I said: Not here,” Pumpkin punctuated his words and sealed it with a kiss. Ben barely had time to react before Pumpkin pushed him off, forcefully this time.

There was so much desire burning under his skin that Ben complied without another word. Every action felt like a battle, but it only made him want more. Pumpkin was the kind of person who always got what he wanted, Ben could tell that much from his performance request, but it was the kind of thing that was infuriating and infatuating.

They drove but Pumpkin didn’t direct them, so Ben went back to his apartment. It was too quiet in the car, too tense as drove. Pumpkin kept checking his phone, trying to call someone who never picked up. They pulled up to Ben’s apartment complex and walked to his door, and that was too quiet, too. Was it unusual to have nothing to talk about with a hookup? Maybe, but Ben still thought it felt off.

Once they were inside, Ben shut the door and shoved Pumpkin against it. Their mouths slammed together, and their teeth clicked, but Ben didn’t care. He needed to do something, get his hands on Pumpkin before everything got awkward and they lost the mood.

However, Pumpkin was slow to respond. It took a lot of coaxing and Ben’s hands in his underwear to get Pumpkin to finally sink into their kiss. Even then, Ben was doing most of the work. Finally, he got fed up with it. With one hand pumping lazily at Pumpkin’s cock and Pumpkin’s hands draped around his neck, Ben pulled back.

“Hey, are you alright?” Ben asked, mumbling the words against Pumpkin’s mouth.

Pumpkin didn’t respond. He stopped responding to everything save for Ben’s hand still wrapped around his cock.

“God, Pumpkin. I really wanna fuck you into my mattress, but if you’re not comfortable with this, you need to say something,” Ben backed up further, pulling his hand out of Pumpkin’s pants, and holding his arms outstretched on either side of Pumpkin’s head. “I’ll stop if you want me to. I’ll be fucking pissed, but I swear I’ll stop.”

After what felt like too much silence, Ben dropped his arms. The anger started bubbling up in him but confusion came along side it. He couldn’t figure out why Pumpkin would be so into him at the club, demand that they not have car sex, but then act so timid when they finally got to the good part. Unless….

“Are you a vir-“

Pumpkin surges forward, suddenly, and cuts him off with a kiss.

“If you dare finish that sentence, I’ll give you blue balls for a year,” His hands and eyes trailed down Ben’s front and he paused again. “Fuck me.”

Still not convinced, Ben tried to pry him off. “Are you sure-“

But he was cut off again, this time by Pumpkin fondling his balls through his pants.

“I don’t think you heard me correctly,” Pumpkin’s words were like venom, and he was sure this time. There was no hesitation or indication of fear. “Fuck. Me.”

They didn’t even manage to get their clothes off before hands were roaming everywhere. There was one in Ben's hair, another groping Pumpkin's ass, two pulling at Ben's shirt, too many trying to pull their hips together to grind, get their pants off, and get to the bedroom all at the same time.

Ben marked Pumpkin’s neck with as many dark bruises as he could manage. The moans he was rewarded with were music to his ears, and Ben returned them with a few of his own when Pumpkin started pulling on his hair. Somehow, he was still coherent enough to get their shoes and socks off, wrap Pumpkin’s legs around his waist, and walk them both to his room.

He dropped Pumpkin on the bed with a slight bounce and then striped himself of his clothes. Pumpkin watched him with hazy eyes, so Ben made a show of stroking himself, letting his hands roam his body and rub at his favorite spots. His eyes slid shut as he palmed at his dick, dragging his thumb over the head and tugging at his balls while a lazy smile spread across his face.

Ben cracked open his eyes. Pumpkin was still staring at him, but he looked so depraved. His pants were shoved down just far enough for him to pull his dick out, but his hands didn't know where to go. Pumpkin held them close to him, like he’d break whatever he tried to touch, and Ben decided that he was definitely a virgin, even if he didn’t want to say it.

“Enjoying the show?” Ben took pity on him, kneeling between his legs and pulling his pants and underwear off. Pumpkin curled in a bit at the sudden cold, but looking down at him was like looking down on a porn star. Dick hard and slightly curved, half-hidden by his shirt, face flushed from arousal, lips wet, pre-come making a little stain on his shirt; fuck, he looked delicious.

Pumpkin moaned in response as Ben leaned down to mouth at his neck. He arched up into Ben’s touch as Ben thumbed at his nipples. Touching Pumpkin was just so addicting. It was like each touch triggered a different moan, another shaky breath, desperate clawing at whatever was available. Ben absolutely loved that he needs to take it slow.  He was the one who got to find every spot, every touch, everything that would make Pumpkin shake. Ben was the one who got to lick up everything that escaped him - moans, come, sweat, all of it.

“You want me to fuck you? I’ll fuck you. I’ll take you apart, bit by bit until you can’t think of anything but me. Shove my cock in your pretty little hole and listen to you beg for more. You want that, Pumpkin?” Ben told him, and Pumpkin let out a string of curses before trying to wiggle out of his shirt. Ben had to help him there too, and he was pretty sure they popped off a few buttons in the process, but that wasn’t important right then.

“Y-yeah,” His answer was mumbled and interrupted by another kiss, but it was a yes and that’s all Ben needed.

Ben's head kicked into overdrive. Kissing Pumpkin into the sheets, he ground their cocks together. It was so much better without clothes in the way. The slide of skin on skin was a little distracting as they both groan at the friction, but after a few blind thrusts, Ben managed to remind himself to reach for the lube and condoms in his bedside table.

“Shit,” he fumbles with the bottle of lube and almost dropped it after pouring out a little too much, but he wrapped his hand-full-of-lube around their cocks and it was incredible. They slid against each other, and it was so smooth With Ben’s hand around them it was even better.

Ben tightened his grip and thrust a little Watching Pumpkin writhe around on the sheets under him was beautiful, but he knew he needed to stop. He pulled away and Pumpkin went from confused to angry before Ben could even explain himself. Pumpkin immediately reached out, tried to drag Ben back down to him, and it made Ben laugh.

“Just give me a minute, and it’ll be even better,” Ben tells him, pushing Pumpkin back down and coating his fingers with more lube.

“It gets better?” With that glare on his face, Ben thought Pumpkin meant it to sound sarcastic, but it came out so innocently excited.

Ben attacked with a predatory smile. He leans forward into Pumpkin’s space again, trailing one hand along his asshole and using the other for balance. Pumpkin gasped and clenched up while Ben circled his finger around tight ring of muscle. His arms were locked around Ben’s neck, and his eyes were shut tight even though nothing happened yet.

“Come on, Pumpkin,” Ben whispers. “I just need you to relax. You’ll be okay. I’ve got you.”

Ben kissed him and slowly Pumpkin relaxed, allowing Ben to inch his finger in. When the finger was fully sheathed, Pumpkin squirmed, trying to adjust to the feeling.

“You good?” Ben asked.

“Fine,” Pumpkin mumbled.

Without warning, Ben crooked his finger and wiggled it around, and Pumpkin went mad. He was all tight again, muscles clenched tight, clinging to Ben like his life depended on it, and breathing erratically.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Relax,” Ben commanded, trying not to take too much pleasure in Pumpkin’s inexperience.

Slowly, Pumpkin relaxed again, and Ben tried to nudge a second finger in. The process was slow, but Pumpkin was more compliant the second time around. He forced himself to breathe at a somewhat normal pace as his muscles clenched and relaxed until Ben could scissor him open.

The third and fourth fingers were even easier, but by then Pumpkin was too focused on staying calm and relaxed to enjoy it. It annoyed Ben that he stared up at the ceiling, looking relatively calm, while Ben pumped four fingers in and out of his ass.

In frustration, Ben stopped pumping and felt around with his fingers instead. All four digits massaged the soft flesh, and Pumpkin glanced at him, confused and adjusting to the new sensation. He still wasn’t enjoying it.

With a scowl, Ben shoved his fingers a little deeper, earning a little yelp. It was only a moment more before Ben found that spot. He knew he hit it when Pumpkin arched off of the bed and clung to Ben again. He started cursing again, doing everything he could to bring himself down a little harder on Ben’s fingers. Pumpkin practically sobbed when Ben’s fingers left and didn’t come back. It was music to his ears.

“You want me to fuck you?” Ben asked, rolling the condom onto himself, and slicking them both up with more lube.

Pumpkin begged out of frustration and want. “Yes! Yes, fuck – just – fuck please!”

A dangerous smirk spread over Ben’s lips as he pushes Pumpkin’s legs back and inched in. Pumpkin immediately clenched up again, but Ben tried to calm him, trailing kisses down his neck.

“Pumpkin-“

“Relax. Yes, I know,” Pumpkin snapped at him. It made Ben angry, how ungrateful Pumpkin sounded.

Suddenly, Ben bit down on Pumpkin’s shoulder, and suddenly, Pumpkin shouted in surprise. The momentary jolt is enough for Ben to get himself in, but just the tip. The two of them all but collapse on each other because it’s good, it’s tight.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Ben mumbled. He knew it hurt him. He knew Pumpkin’s muscles probably burned from being stretched open like this, but that didn’t stop them from clenching around Ben’s cock, dragging him in further. The whimpers quickly dissolved into moans, and soon enough Pumpkin started begging for more.

“You want more?” Ben asked, nudging in further as Pumpkin forced his muscles to relax. Pumpkin nodded, face screwed up as he focuses on the sensations. His whole body was flushed a light pink making his barely-noticeable freckles stand out. “You like that? Being stretched open on my cock?”

Once Ben was balls-deep, he ground experimentally, pushing Pumpkin’s legs back until it lifted his ass off the bed a little. Pumpkin couldn’t do anything but moan, nails raking down Ben’s back and through his hair.

Pumpkin nods again in response. “Words,” Ben tells him.

“Fuck, yes. Yes! Just….”

Ben canted his hips forward in little thrusts and watched with smug satisfaction as Pumpkin tried to rock himself back in time with the thrusts. "You're so filthy," Ben whispered.

"You love it, don't you? This burn, getting stretched open as I fuck you," His hands rubbed up and down Pumpkin's thighs, and Ben started sliding in and out, slowly, letting Pumpkin get used to the motion.

"I bet you love getting fucked rough and raw, like a little whore," Bit by bit, they rocked together faster and faster.  

"Do you, Pumpkin? Do you love getting violated?" Ben brought one hand down to pump Pumpkin's cock as he pounded his ass. Every thrust felt harder than the last as Pumpkin rocked with him. It was hot and dirty and tight and great, but it wasn't enough. His head was spinning, his heart was pounding, and all the heat was coiled up in his gut, but sitting back and just fucking into Pumpkin wasn't enough to get him over the edge.

"Fuck, I…," Pumpkin looked just as gone as Ben, and just as frustrated. Pumpkin was close, but he was holding back. He made grabby hands at Ben, and Ben complied, leaning forward for a kiss that was more connected lips and passing breaths than anything else.

“Come on, Pumpkin. Let me see you. Let me see you make a mess of yourself,” With one final groan, Pumpkin came.

Ben felt everything at once; Pumpkin whimpering, hands pulling at his hair, nails raking down his back, heels digging into his back, the hot, tight, slick heat of Pumpkin's ass, the sticky white come on his hand, and the vibrations of his whimpers against Ben's mouth.

That's what pushed him over. Everything all at once made him see stars and go still, buried deep inside Pumpkin's ass. That tight coil of heat just exploded as he came, and Ben almost wishes he had asked Pumpkin if he could go bareback.

Pumpkin didn’t let go. He just rocked back on Ben's dick as much as he could even though they both just came. Ben would've laughed if he wasn't breathing so hard. Pumpkin really did love the pain. The oversensitivity was probably driving him insane, but who's Ben kidding? He loved it too.

So, they rocked together, riding out the after-glow until Ben's arms were too tired to hold him up. When they laid side-by-side, both out of breath and still blinking the stars from their eyes, Ben let himself look over at Pumpkin. It was the first good look he got of Pumpkin in all the time that they'd been together – They forgot to turn on the lights, but the combination of Ben’s nightlight (that he always forgot to turn off) and the moonlight set a better mood for an inappropriate hook-up than 60watt light bulbs ever could – Pumpkin was way more attractive than he originally thought.

He looked at his alarm clock and frowned. 2:03 AM. That wasn’t good; Ben started his new job at nine the next morning. He swore it was only 12:30 when they left the club, and the club was half an hour away from his apartment at the most. Did they really fuck for that long, or was all of the sex just screwing with his time perception?

He'd dwell on it further, try to figure out the time line, but suddenly the sheets were rustling. Ben looked around and found Pumpkin sluggishly trying to pull himself from the bed.

"Oh, no you don’t" Ben said immediately. Gently, he took Pumpkin’s wrist and draged him back on to the bed. Pumpkin tried to squirm away, but with Ben’s arms locked around him, and the energy drained from his body, he couldn’t do much but whine.  

"Let me go," Pumpkin mumbles, weakly pulling at Ben’s hands.

"You want to leave after I just devirginized your ass? Good luck walking," Ben reached back to his bedside table for a few tissues to clean them up. Pumpkin squirmed, but he didn’t fight Ben’s movements as he cleaned them and wrapped himself around Pumpkin again.

"I…This wasn’t…" Pumpkin couldn’t find the words, but Ben knew exactly what he was trying to say.

"Don’t worry, Pumpkin, I won’t tell any of your friends that you screamed for me," Ben pressed his nose against Pumpkin’s hair. He probably wasn’t gay, Ben knew. This was just a one-time thing for him. The thought hurt, just a little because Ben felt like he was being used, but he wouldn’t let it bother him. Maybe Ben was being used, but he enjoyed it, and he wouldn’t let anything ruin the memories of the incredible sex he just had. “Just go to sleep. Enjoy it for a while.”

Pumpkin didn’t say anything else, but he took Ben’s advice. His body relaxed, but his hands never moved from Ben’s. It was barely noticeable, but Pumpkin’s hand curled around Ben’s just a little tighter, interlacing their fingers. Ben smiled and wondered idly what it would be like to do something like this for real. What would it be like to have a real relationship with all of the sex and romance instead of bringing home one-night-stands whose names he didn’t even know?

Maybe he’d never know, but for now, this was good enough. Squeezing Pumpkin a little tighter to his chest, Ben let himself drift off.

“Goodnight, Pumpkin.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Monday, 9:03 AM**

 

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit!_ " Ben raced through the front doors of First Order Inc. He was supposed to be there thirty-three minutes ago for orientation. He was late on his first day, and he'd be lucky if that was the only bad thing to happen. After the spectacular failures that were his last three day jobs, Ben promised himself he’d do better. This was not better.

As he skidded to a halt at the front desk, the receptionist put up a finger without looking at him, silently telling Ben to wait a moment. He took that moment to adjust his wig and glasses before anyone noticed. He really hated wearing them, but he tried to get these decent-paying day-jobs too many times to know exactly what happens when he didn’t wear them. As fun as it was being a stripper on the weekends and holidays, it wasn’t so fun when his coworkers or boss recognized him from the club and then decided that he “didn’t live up to the company’s morals." He just hoped that Poe wasn't lying about the pay for this one because Ben and Rey really needed the money.

"Thank you for waiting," the receptionist said in a too-cheery voice. "How may I help you, sir?"

"Hi, uh, I'm the new secretary?" Ben did his best to sound professional and hold himself confidently, but when the receptionist raised an eye brow and looked him up and down, Ben knew he was doing a shit job.

" _You're_ the new secretary?" She asked incredulously. "Good luck. Take the elevator up to floor 60. Finn will help you from there."

Oh thank God, Finn was there. Ben almost forgot that he'd be there, working right alongside Ben every day. He made his way to the elevator with a quick ‘thank you’ to the receptionist and used the entirety of the elevator ride to calm himself. This was going to work. Ben had his entire charade planned out so that he could work here for a few years, just until Rey' was out of college and had a good job, then he could go back to...well, he didn’t know what he would go back to because there really wasn't anything _to_ go back to, but at least he wouldn’t have to put up this weird, itchy - the wig was made of something awful - facade.

Ben took a deep breath as the elevator slowed. _This is going to work._ The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open, and _thank God,_ Finn's there.

"You were supposed to be here at 8:30!" Finn hissed at him. His voice was low, even though no one was paying attention to them.

"I'm sorry! Some rich people bought out the club, there was a guy in my bed this morning – it was a long night!" It physically hurt to think about it, but it really was a long night. When Ben woke up that morning, there was a very attractive ginger wrapped around him, whom he vaguely remembered calling “Pumpkin,” but most of the night was forgotten in favor of getting to work.

"Ben, are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"For the love of-...If you don't pay attention, you're gonna get us both in trouble! I don't have to help you, you know. I'm doing you a huge favor." Finn glared at him, and suddenly Ben was reminded of why he didn't like Finn.

"I know. _I'm. Sorry._ Can we just keep going?" Ben said through his teeth. Finn annoyed him with his I'm-a-good-person disposition. Poe liked him, Rey liked him, and he was willing to help Ben not blow his cover, so that's why Ben tolerated him, but Ben didn’t like Finn. Not at all.

"Break room. Copy room. Meeting room. Phasma's office. Mitaka's office. Bathrooms," Finn didn’t break eye contact but pointed as he listed. As soon as he turned around, Ben rolled his eyes.

"There are two Cafeterias on floors 20 and 53. If you can afford it, 53 is the one to go to," Ben looked around as Finn talked. It was a stunning office building. Rather than the traditional fluorescent lights and drab cubicles, the floor plan was very open. Minimalist-style desks littered the area around the elevator, but a little way down, it broke off into a sort of living area, complete with leather sofas, TVs, ceiling to floor windows, and hard wood floors. The dark walls gave the room a modernist feel, and all of the employees looked just as elite as the decorations. Ben definitely felt out of place in his jeans and converse. Even Finn was dressed like GQ model.

"And, here's your new office," It was just a desk fit into an alcove, really, but it was a little way away from the rest of the employees, so maybe it would be quiet. Finn, fortunately, or unfortunately, worked on the opposite end of the floor. Phasma was his boss and her office was right by the elevator, whereas Ben's boss worked as far from it as humanly possible.

"Where's the big man?" Ben looks around the rest of the floor for some sort of fancy, flashy office. He worked directly for the CEO of this company now, so it stood to reason that he should work close to his boss.

"Right there," Finn points to the right of Ben's desk, and Ben had to walk past his desk in order to see the double glass doors that led into the most expensive office he'd ever seen.

"What the fuck?" The office was just as fancy as Ben expected it to be with tall book cases, a small sitting area in front of a mahogany desk, a mini bar behind said desk and a fluffy white rug that matched the one that Ben's desk stood on.

What confused him was how hidden the office was. Ben didn't notice it at all until he was standing about a foot away from his new desk, and even then, Finn had to point it out. Why would the CEO of a major company want to be so hidden? Did someone have a price on his head? Was Ben the first line of defense? Did he have cameras set up around Ben's desk to detect any possible threats?

"I know, it's weird; he should be here by now," Naturally, Finn misinterpreted his statement completely. A CEO could show up whenever the fuck he wanted. He's the CEO. If he's not there yet then that means Ben wasn’t in trouble for being late, but if Finn thought it was weird for the CEO to be absent so early in the morning, then maybe his new boss was one of those hard-ass CEOs who enforce company policy like he's a warden for a high-security prison.

Finn finished his little spiel about company policy, new-employee paper work, and a bunch of other things that Ben read in the 37-page employee contract. He took note of some of the tips like his boss's typical coffee and lunch orders, what to do if Phasma started yelling, and that Mitaka was much more intimidating than he looked, but otherwise tuned it out.

The rest of the morning passed without any sort of excitement. His boss was MIA, and Ben was not upset about that at all. Around noon, Ben decided to go explore the cafeterias Finn mentioned, but a tall - like taller than Ben and he's 6'3" kind of tall - scary blonde stopped him by the elevator.

"Excuse me, who are you?" She looked at him accusingly, and Ben almost pissed his pants. She was one of Pumpkin's friends.

"Matthew Calrissian," He answered automatically. It was a new identity Ben assumed after he realized going by "Ben Solo" was too recognizable. He didn't need to be reminded that his mother was up for a presidential nomination every time someone looked at him. Besides, Ben was trying to hide not only his job as a stripper but also from his parents. They weren’t the amazing people that everyone seemed to think they were. Ben knew that first hand.

"Calrissian? You look familiar, and not just because I hired you," she trailed off, studying Ben's face. If she recognized him, he was done for, but she kind of looked familiar too, if he disregarded last night at the club.

"Were you in the military by any chance?" Ben took a stab in the dark at that one, but based on her muscular figure and powerful glower, she had to be a captain of something.

"Yes, actually. I'm Captain Charlize Marie Phasma. Served two tours in Afghanistan with the Army." Bingo.

Ben spent the rest of lunch talking with Phasma about their experiences. Under that tough army exterior, she turned out to be a very fun and daring person. She talked about his boss a lot. Apparently, his name was “Armitage Hux.”  He sounded like a total dick.

Then it was just Ben again, sitting at his desk with nothing to do. Phasma said not to worry, that his boss would be in soon, but it's been half the day and he hasn't shown up yet. Maybe Ben should go home.

Right around 3 o'clock, the entire office went dead silent. Ben was watching Netflix on the company computer, but he’d seen that episode of Orange is the New Black enough times that he knew exactly what Piper's going to whine about next. He could spare a glance at the commotion or lack thereof.

Someone was walking through the office that everyone was either very shocked to see or completely terrified of. As soon as Ben saw who that someone was, he was decidedly both very shocked and completely terrified.

Pumpkin.

It was Pumpkin walking towards him, talking casually with Phasma and Mitaka. It was Pumpkin walking towards him wearing Ben's favorite 21 Pilots hoodie and a pair of his sweats. It was Pumpkin walking up to his desk and talking to him, not realizing he wasn’t Poe.

Then Pumpkin froze. He squinted at Ben. "Who the fuck are you?!" he shouts.

"Who am I? Who are you?" Ben shouted back because it dawned on him who Pumpkin really was, but he didn’t want to believe it. He was Pumpkin, or at least he looked like Pumpkin. In actuality, that wasn’t right. Pumpkin was the horny mess that Ben fucked at one in the morning. This? This is....

"I am Armitage Hux, CEO of First Order Inc., and since you’re sitting at that desk, I’m assuming that you’re a secretary. That makes me your new boss,”

 

Fuck.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates Mondays


	2. Bad Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST TIME ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Against his will, Hux went to a strip club for his birthday. There, he met (and fucked) the mysterious and beautiful Kylo Ren. Upon waking up in a room that was not his own, Hux contemplated his own sexuality while rearranging fridge magnets and editing a college essay. Meanwhile, Ben finally got a decent paying job but found out that the beautiful red head he plowed the night before is actually his new boss!
> 
> Will Hux return to the club? Will Ben fuck up his new job? Will they have more hot sex?!
> 
> Find out now in ~~episode~~ chapter two: Bad Intentions

 

 

So, maybe this job was a bad idea. Sure, Ben needed the money, and Poe was right, it did pay well. It’s just Hux...

"Matt! Where are the copies of the financial reports for the Tarkin Project? We've a meeting in ten. _Be ready_ this time," Ben's fists trembled as he heard Hux's voice crackle from the desk phone. His nails made marks in his skin from how hard his fists were clenched.

Through gritted teeth, Ben pressed a button on the phone and replied, "Yes sir. Your copies are on my desk, sir."

"Well, bring them to me," Hux said like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Ben was a complete idiot for not thinking of it first.

With a huff, Ben pushed himself back from his desk, grabbed the papers, opened the doors to Hux's office with much more force than absolutely necessary, and dropped the papers right on top of whatever Hux was in the middle of reading. Hux looked up with an unimpressed glare that Ben shot right back at him before turning on his heel to leave.

"Matt," Hux called, forcing Ben to freeze with his hand on the door. His voice cut through the air like a knife. Gone were the memories of Pumpkin's delicious little whines now that Ben had Hux yelling at him daily to make copies, send emails, set up meetings, and "get my coffee order right next time" even though it's the same thing he always drinks every fucking day.

"Yes, sir?" Ben's voice sounded strained and it was all he could do to hide his anger behind civility and politeness.

Hux sighs, " _Turn around,_ Matt. Do I have to spell it out for you every time?" So, Ben turned around. Hux didn’t say anything.

Of course, he didn’t say anything. He just looked Ben up and down like a piece of meat, raised an eyebrow, snorted, shook his head, looked back down at his work, and said: "you may go."

It made Ben mad, angry, so fucking furious to get silently judged like that. He stalked off to the bathroom with a nasty glare on his face that had the other employees practically jumping out of the way. Bursting into the bathroom cleared it out most immediately, and, for once, Ben was glad to have such a tall and intimidating figure if only so that there weren’t people around to watch him when this happened.

"AAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!" Ben punched each of the stall doors as he walked in, sending them into the flimsy stall walls with a loud bang and bouncing back with almost as much force. He punched a paper towel dispenser off of the wall before going at the doors again, and once he was done, he leaned with his head against the wall, clutching his sore hands.

"So," Ben heard a voice from the bathroom entrance. "What'd he do this time?"

It's Finn. Ben didn’t like Finn, but he was the only one willing to listen to his plight at work. Sometimes Phasma would let him complain, but Ben wasn’t eager to talk smack about his boss to his Vice President, so he kept those conversations to just general complaints.

But when Finn let him talk, "Who the _fuck_ does he think he is, judging me with his eyes? Does he have a problem with the way I dress? Well, I'm sorry we can't all be super professional fancy businessmen like him. Some of us actually have to work if we wanna eat dinner. It's not my fault that all I have are jeans and converse!"

Ben walked as he ranted, and Finn watched, half paying attention, half surveying the damage that Ben did to the bathroom. "And then all of the ordering! Matt do this, Matt do that, Matt make calls, Matt send emails, Matt get my dry cleaning, Matt _kiss the ground I fucking walk on because I'm the best thing to ever happen to this goddamn planet!_ "

"But it's kind of your job to-"

"I know it's my fucking job!" Ben snapped at Finn and turned to glare at him.

"....okay....That...that's cool,” Finn muttered, hands raised in surrender.

Sighing, Ben rubbed at his eyes under his glasses. He really shouldn't have gotten so angry. Even if he didn’t like it, this was the only job he'd been able to land where no one recognize him as either Ben Solo or Kylo Ren. Getting angry and destroying company property wasn’t going to help him keep it. The paycheck he'd already gotten in the month he'd been working here was more than enough to get himself and Rey some long overdue technology upgrades. Rey’s shiny new laptop had already helped her tremendously in class, and Ben's new iPhone 6 Plus was a miracle from heaven compared to his old cracked iPhone 3GS.

Besides, this was what a secretary did. He was _supposed_ to do all of the remedial tasks. He's supposed to book dinner reservations, make last minute stops to random shops for weird requests (what the ever loving fuck does Hux need construction paper and glitter glue for?), and take notes during important meeting-

 

Oh shit, the meeting.

 

Ben booked it out of the bathroom without so much as a "bye" to Finn and went straight to the meeting room. Glancing at his phone, it was exactly 10:30 so he was late, but through the glass doors, he saw that there was hardly anyone in the meeting room, so he wasn’t _that_ late. He skidded to a halt at the door, and pulled it open. He was okay. Hux couldn’t get after him. Technically he was there right on time.

All Hux had to do is look at him, and Ben remembered that he forgot the copies of the rest of the project papers in the copy room. He ran off again, swearing when he got to the copy room because the damn copier was out of paper and only half finished printing the copies that he needed. Ben wanted to slam his hands down on the stupid machine and smash it to pieces. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout to the heavens that all of this was unfair and why couldn’t he just have a normal life and a normal job and have all of the necessary copies in his hand so that his boss didn’t chew him out after the meeting for not being ready, _again._ Ben can do better. _He can do better._ So, why didn’t he?

He seethed quietly, trying to focus on being angry at himself and the copy machine so that he didn’t think about the talk that Hux was going to give him later that might result in another pay deduction. It had only been a month and Ben has already had three pay deductions. He didn’t need another one.

When the copier finally finished, Ben grabbed everything and ran for the meeting room. He slowed as he approached, trying to catch his breath and not look so panicked. If there was one thing he'd learned in the time that he'd been working here, it's that the way he presented himself was almost as important as the things that he said. Hux taught him that one the hard way and continued to teach it by judging his choice of attire, but it was important none the less.

Pushing the doors open, Ben was more than thankful that no one turned to look at him. The meeting hadn’t even started yet. All of the project managers were just standing around and talking to each other. Quickly, Ben passed out the necessary papers from the pile that he was holding and the piles that Hux brought in with him. As soon as he was finished, Hux seated himself at the head of the table to signal the start of the meeting. Ben took his seat next to Hux, pulling out his tablet and waiting for someone to start talking.

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Hux didn’t look mad, which meant everything was okay. Ben did well. It was okay. He’s okay.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Did you have fun playing Gossip Girl in the bathroom?" Hux asked as Matt sat.

Matt froze with his tablet in his hands, and Hux allowed himself a cruel little smirk. Contrary to what others thought, he knew about everything that went on in his company, especially the actions of his troublemaking secretary. Although, it wasn’t very hard to keep up with him when he left chaos and destruction everywhere he went. Hux already had to replace a few bathroom stalls, paper towel dispensers, water fountains, and even the fridge in the break room once.

"Just remember that if you broke it, it's coming out of your paycheck," Hux watched as Matt's shoulders sagged in a silent horrific realization. So, he broke something else? Hux wondered what it was this time.

It didn’t matter that Matt was the best secretary he'd had in years. So what, if he got all of his work done and put up with Hux's exceedingly strange requests with minimal complaints...to Hux's face? He was a pain in the ass, and Hux could barely stand looking at him every day. Even when Hux watched him like a hawk, Matt tended to cause more problems than not, and it made quite the dent in the company’s budget. It was just that Matt was so damn good at his job that Hux wasn’t willing to trade his skill for someone with a better temper.

Honestly, it was refreshing to have an assistant who got things done so diligently. Matt even took notes during meetings – something Poe never seemed to catch on to – and they were _good_ notes. Hux has found more than a few things to incorporate into future projects through Matt's notes that he missed in the meetings. If only Matt didn’t have such a bad attitude about everything, then Hux would appreciative.

The meeting at hand went just as smoothly as they always did. The new Tarkin Memorial Museum would go on as scheduled, but Hux discovered a few complications by way of his incompetent managers. They’d become too comfortable with the power given to them, and though their designs were virtually flawless, Hux couldn’t help but notice their complete disregard for their teams and partners.

The meeting he just held seemed more like a bragging tournament among the project managers than an actual discussion about the progress and goals of the project. That told Hux that something was amiss within the architectural department of his company. If there was a reason for their blatant disregard for teamwork, Hux would find it and fix it. If there was no reason and this was a power play, then Hux wasn’t above firing all of the managers as soon as the project was finished.

“Matt,” Hux said, as soon as the project managers left the room. “I want you to send out surveys to all of the team members and partners that we’ve been working with on this project. Get their opinion of the project managers, compile their answers, send it to me.”

Any sort of conflict surrounding the company was completely unacceptable. Whether they were Hux’s personal affairs as CEO or the janitor’s daily complaints about his job every conflict had the potential to blossom and grow into a monstrosity that could destroy everything Hux and his family ever worked for. That’s why he always accounted for the worst possible scenario. That’s why Hux always dabbled in the Human Resources department, making sure all of his employees were as happy as possible.

“Matthew, are you listening to me?” No matter how infuriating they might be.

“Yeah, what? Sorry. Surveys. Got it,” Matt didn’t look up from his phone, likely texting someone while he was supposed to be working. Hux rolled his eyes and led them back to his office. Matt was always so distracted on Fridays.

Although, lately, so was Hux.

He couldn’t help feeling antsy as he sank down into his desk chair. 11:41, read the clock. It wasn’t even lunch time yet and already Hux wished the day was over. He never used to wish for the end of the day. He’d often stay at the company building for days on end until Phasma forced him to go home and take some time off to sleep. Now, he just wished the day was over. It wasn’t as if his previous habits had diminished. Hux still spends days and nights at the office – always working, hardly sleeping – but on Fridays, he’d become anxious to leave. It was unsettling how this habit developed – Hux doesn’t even know if he could call it a habit since it only developed this past month – but Hux could no longer ignore the significance of Friday nights.

Not when it was a prime time to see Kylo Ren.

Hux developed a…not an obsession per say, but a _curiosity_ about Kylo Ren. He wondered constantly about why Kylo was so kind to him that night, why he never asked for Hux’s name, why he held Hux like they were lovers. He told himself that it was wrong. Hux was not gay. He had absolutely no reason to fawn over a man, but suddenly, he was all Hux thought about.

As a result, he’d gone back to the club that Friday when the crowds were big enough for him to hide in the back and watch Kylo dance on stage. His performance was captivating and his beauty unmatched. Hux tried so hard to remind himself that he made a mistake, and that he was only here to prove to himself that he’s not gay, but suddenly it was 3AM and the club was closing.

What happened? Where had the time gone? Had he really gotten so distracted that he didn’t notice hours passing him by? It was a bad idea in the first place, he decided. He wouldn’t go back. He couldn’t go back.

But he did. Hux went back the next week, got lost in the trance of watching Kylo, and then it was 3AM again. He had no idea why, but he just kept going back, and now it’s been a little over a month since his first visit and Hux was more confused, curious, and concerned than ever before.

“Um…Mr. Hux?” Hux turned his attention towards the door where Matt stood. “Did you want anything for lunch?”

Lunch? But it was only…1:30? His watch must be broken. “Oh…yes. Get me something. It doesn’t matter what,” Hux looked around himself as he listened to Matt’s footsteps fade away. His watch read 1:30 and his computer said the same. On his desk, some sort of letter to another CEO stared up at him. Hux had stopped writing in the middle of a sentence and now he couldn’t remember what he was trying to say.

Where had the time gone? This distraction was getting out of hand. It was one thing for Hux to lose track of time in the middle of a strip club, but now he was zoning out at work for hours at a time, day dreaming about Kylo Ren.

Hux checked his phone for any missed calls, but, of course, there weren’t any waiting. The rest of the day passed in a blur, and then it was six o'clock and he rushed leave. Half of the papers and reports that he needed to look over during the weekend didn’t make it into his briefcase, but Hux couldn’t find it in himself to care. He drove home, he ate dinner, and then he drove again, to the club this time.

It was 10:30 by the time he got there, and Hux sat in the parking lot in his car, wondering why he was so weak to temptation. He shouldn’t have been there. He didn’t even know he drove there, but since he was there, he might as well go in, right? It would be a shame to have come all this way and not gone in.

As soon as he was inside and tucked into the corner table where he always hid, the tension bled out of his shoulders. He’d become comfortable there, back pressed against one of the staircases, shaded by the second-floor balcony. No one bothered him but the waiters who came to refill his glass every now and then, and he had a perfect view of the whole club without anyone really being able to see him.

Kylo was already on stage, his strong arms swinging his body around the pole at the end of the runway. The song was something slow and sensual, and Hux knew this routine. Kylo did it at least once every time Hux came to the club. He swung around that pole in nothing but a spandex thong that just barely covered his cock and balls, but that wasn’t the point. While the crowd drooled and screamed over his lack of clothing and sensual moves, Hux saw everything else Kylo showed off. He climbed the pole, used his arms to hold himself up, and walked on the air. He wrapped his legs around the pole, perching himself about halfway up, and then slowly leaned back until his torso hung horizontally in the air. He held himself there for an entire verse, slowly doing excessively fancy sit-ups. Kylo used this dance to show off his body, flexing his muscles and boasting his strength. He’d slowly sit down into a split and then twirl himself up into a stretch that put his body on display, skin shining with sweat, chest heaving for air, hair framing his face, and lips slightly parted.

This dance was a huge money draw, Hux knew, but as Kylo turned himself around the pole again Hux watched his eyes. That was the other half: Kylo used this dance to search the crowds. By now, Hux knew that he wasn’t so special. Kylo walked off with men and women who weren’t him every week, and sometimes Hux didn’t see him for the rest of the night. His eyes would lock with someone in the crowd, he’d stare at them for the rest of the dance, and that’s how Hux knew who he’d sleep with that night.

However, Kylo’s eyes didn’t stop that night. They kept sweeping the crowd for the entirety of the song, and that was unprecedented. Did that mean Kylo would stay for the whole night? Did that mean Hux will get to watch him all night instead of silently wondering into a glass of Hennessey what dirty things Kylo was doing?

Kylo spun around the pole once more, striking a pose as the song ended. The crowd erupted in loud applause and Hux found himself clapping along with them. Kylo bowed, eyes still sweeping the crowd. He hadn’t given up yet.  He was still looking for someone to take home, someone to give his body to for a night.

Then his eyes stopped. It was quick, silent; the kind of thing only seen by those looking for it, but Hux saw it. Hux held his breath as he watched it unfold. For a fraction of a second, Kylo’s eyes settled over a dark corner of the club, right up against the staircase, shaded by the second floor balcony. They looked right at Hux and Kylo’s mouth twitched, but it was more than enough for Hux to know.

Tonight, he was Kylo’s someone.

Hux stood suddenly. He needed to leave, _now_. This was a mistake. Coming back was a mistake, that night was a mistake, this whole thing is one big mistake. But his feet wouldn’t move, and his heart wouldn’t stop racing.

His skin tingled as his eyes searched the club. It was excitement but also fear, all of the pent up fear that he’d held back from the moment he woke up in the strange apartment with no clothes and a sore ass. Kylo was off stage now, and Hux knew that Kylo would come for him soon.

Music blared overhead and the Knights walked out on stage to perform one of their routines. Hux tapped a finger impatiently on the table as he watched the stage. Maybe Kylo was going to do a number with the Knights before coming to find him. He watched the curtain closely for any sign of a seventh performer joining the six already on stage, but then the song was half over and there was still no sign of Kylo.

 

“You looking for someone, Pumpkin?”

 

Hux whipped around as he heard the familiar baritone behind him. There, in the same black spandex thong, stood Kylo Ren looking back at him with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “You,” Hux whispered.

“Well, I must say I’m flattered,” Kylo circled him, ignoring Hux’s obvious standoffish aura. “But, I have to ask: why do you always sit in this dark corner all by yourself?”

Hux cursed inwardly. “So, you’ve noticed me all these nights?” He tried to sound hostile like he wasn’t scared that Kylo would prove right the one thing he wanted desperately to be wrong.

Kylo smirked dangerously and backed Hux into the wall, pinning him with a hand on either side of his hips. “Are you jealous that I don’t come talk to you?”

“I don’t need attention from a whore to boost my ego.”

“Then why do you keep coming back?” Kylo leaned in close, knowing he’d caught Hux in a lie. Hux refused to speak to him or even look at him, instead looking off to the stage. “Oh, I get it. You miss my cock.”

Hux’s eyes snapped back to his, and he furiously denied Kylo’s accusation. “Are you sure my ego is the one that needs boosting? I don’t miss your anything. Fuck you.”

“I did,” A cheeky grin spread across Kylo’s face as his eyes rake over Hux’s body. “And you loved it.”

“I didn’t love anything!” Hux hissed. Anger encased him, suddenly. “I don’t need some self-centered, low-life whore telling me what I do or don’t feel. What happened was a mistake and why I’m here is none of your business. So, why don’t you just get back on your little stage and sell your body to some other pathetic bastard, because I’m not going to be your toy.”

“Don’t lie to yourself,” Kylo challenged, returning Hux’s glare. “You begged me to fuck you. You loved having my cock up your ass. You can sit here and deny it all you want, but we both know what happened. We both know that you want me.”

How arrogant. Hux scoffed. He couldn’t believe that this was the man he thought was attractive enough to fuck. “You are certainly full of yourself.”

“With a cock like this, I wish I could be full of myself,” Kylo grins dangerously. “But I guess you know what it feels like.”

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It was completely wrong and disgusting in every manner that Hux could fathom, but he felt himself growing hard as the memories played back in his mind.

“No, I’m not doing this,” he said, more to himself than to Kylo. He didn’t _want_ to do this. He didn’t _want_ to be interested, but his body wouldn’t listen to his head, and he didn’t understand why.

“Come on, Pumpkin. You know you want me,” He followed Hux when Hux moved away to chug the rest of his water and leave a tip for the waiters.

“No,” Hux said firmly, poking a finger against Kylo’s bare chest. “I’m not your Pumpkin, or your booty call, or your anything. We had sex. It was a mistake. End of story. It’s not happening again.”

For a moment, Hux thought Kylo would actually back off and leave him alone, but he made the mistake of letting his eyes flicker down to Kylo’s chest. Hux hadn’t realized that his muscles were so firm. It was one thing to watch them in action, holding the dancer up as he swung around a thin metal pole, but feeling them was completely different. Sexuality aside, it was attractive, he was attractive, and in Hux’s split second of distraction, Kylo shoved him up against a wall.

“You sure about that? Seems like you like what you see,” Kylo’s forearms framed his face while his large hands played with loose strands of Hux’s hair. Hux’s arms were effectively restrained, crushed between their bodies, hands splayed across Kylo’s chest.

“Yes! I mean, no! I — Stop this. I’m not going to let you- aaahhhh,” Hux’s protests were cut off by a moan when Kylo started sucking the skin right below his ear.

“Stubborn,” Kylo muttered. “Would you just listen?”

“You’re the one who’s stubborn,” Hux retorted, cursing Kylo’s persistence. Hux wanted to tell him to fuck off, but Kylo kept mouthing at his neck. He knew that if he opened his mouth while they were like this, he wouldn’t be able to control what came out.

Kylo’s eyes dropped to Hux’s mouth. He was close enough that their noses almost brushed. Hux took a quick glance around the room. The dancers were still dancing, the waiters bypassed them without a word, and neither the guests nor security cared enough to even spare them a glance.

 “See, I think we should get out of here,” One of Kylo’s fingers trailed down Hux’s chest, and Hux’s breath hitched. “I wanna feel you all over me.”

Someone must have drugged his water. Hux’s face felt hot, and his body wouldn’t cooperate despite his brain screaming at him that Kylo was a _man,_ and Hux wasn’t _gay_ , which made this _wrong_. Through his pants, Hux could feel Kylo’s erection slowly humping his leg. It was disgusting and dirty and _wrong_ , but Hux’s pants were getting tight and he couldn’t find the willpower to stop it.

“I wanna take you apart until you’re begging,” One of Kylo’s hands carded through his hair while the other thumbed circles into his hip. “I wanna hear you scream my name, and I wanna scream yours all night.”

“You don’t even know my name,” Hux managed to say, trying to summon some sort of self-control.

Kylo brought Hux’s hands around his neck, so he could inch ever closer to Hux’s lips. “Armitage Hux. It’s kind of hard _not_ to know who you are,” Kylo’s eyes flickered back up to Hux’s. “But I promise not to tell anyone.”

Leaning down, Kylo kissed Hux’s jaw, “You can tie me up.”

He nipped and sucked around Hux’s collar bones. “Spank me.”

Hux felt like he was melting under all of the heat. “And I’ll worship you. Call you ‘Sir’, ‘Mr. Hux’, ‘Master,’” that damned smirk spread over his face again. “ _’Daddy’_ ”

Finally Kylo pulled back and looked Hux in the eye. “And if you say ‘stop’, then we stop.”

Then he kissed Hux, passionate and needy, but so obviously holding back. “But only if you say stop.”

Hux shoved Kylo away from him and heaved air into his lungs. He couldn’t take any more of this. It was too much. He shouldn’t have stayed. He shouldn’t have come here. He should’ve forgotten about Kylo Ren the moment he woke up in his apartment. All of this was a mistake. All of it was one big mistake. Hux miscalculated.

Kylo looked shocked, disappointed. Hux could see, he knew he went too far. Hux could walk out right now and never have to look at the stripper ever again. He could go back to living his normal, perfect life, and forget that all of this ever happened. This was his out.

But he didn’t take it.

“I’m parked out front.”

“Actually, I have something better in mind,” Kylo flashed him a dangerous smile, and Hux wondered why he was so weak.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Climbing the stairs to the second floor of the club, Ben huffed a laugh at himself. He could hardly believe that he just convinced his boss to have sex with him. Again.

Ben really didn’t know what to think, but he was definitely excited. His last few hook-ups were boring and sloppy, and having to look at Hux five days a week made him a little hot under the collar. He really did enjoy the one night they spent together and couldn’t help fantasizing about Hux writhing under him.

Ben led them through the sea of people, glancing back to make sure Hux was still following. They passed the second bar, and Ben motioned to the club owner, Maz. She was a tiny old lady who had no business owning a strip club, but Ben suspected it was all a front for something bigger. She one look at Hux and winked back at him, and Ben took it as permission to use the Starlight Suite.

Aside from working the stage, the dancers had access to suites and private rooms on the second floor. Each dancer had their own room, especially reserved for them and any guest who could afford private lap dances or other intimate services, but the Starlight Suite took it a step further.

The Starlight Suite was the biggest private room in the building. No one used it without Maz’s explicit permission, and, as far as Ben knew, he was the only one who had been allowed to take guests in there. The bedroom was huge, walls painted a deep red to match feather white carpets. An en-suite bathroom housed a bathtub big enough to hold multiple people, and a walk-in shower, also big enough for multiple people. Satin sheets covered a California king bed and numerous pillows. There was a mini-bar in one corner, adjacent to a wall that displayed a wide assortment of dildos, vibrators, nipple clamps, paddles, and other sex toys available for use.

Ben’s favorite part, however, was the skylight that gave the room its name. The stars shone down on Ben when he took temporary lovers to bed and calmed him after nights of rough play. It was the perfect place to take Hux.

As soon as they walked inside, Ben stripped. He was excited, arousal stirring in him from his showdown with Hux. Hux, however, didn’t seem so eager. He hesitated by the door, looking around like a lost child.

“So, how are we doing this?” Ben asked, trying and failing to hide how eager he was. His cock was already half hard, and he cupped himself, looking Hux up and down. It made Hux flinch and blush. Ben smiled, he was adorable.

“Is this sanitary?” Hux looked scandalized.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head off, Pumpkin. Everything’s been washed, and we’re the first people to use this room in months.”

“I…I need to make a call,” Hux pulled out his phone and turned away, trying to hide his face.

Ben rolled his eyes, but went with it. He agreed to follow Ben up there, but he was obviously uncomfortable. It wasn’t unexpected. As much as Ben wanted to fuck him again, he didn’t want to force Hux into anything. Wandering into the bathroom, Ben silently gave him another out. Hux could leave right then if he wanted to, and Ben wouldn’t be upset. He waited, trying to give Hux enough time to decide without making it seem like he was stalling if Hux decided to stay. Hux was still there when Ben walked out.

 “Took you long enough,” Hux’s voice drew Ben’s attention to the bed where Hux sat stretched out, completely naked, typing something into his phone.

After a moment, he tossed his phone on the nightstand and approached Ben. “Glad you decided to stick around, Pumpkin. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Hux kissed him instead of responding. Ben found himself kissing back, hand automatically moving to Hux’s hips to pull him closer. It was surprisingly intimate, to kiss Hux again. Maybe it was because Ben knew him better, knew that Hux was his boss and they were about to fuck. It was their little secret, and Ben couldn’t help loving the idea of doing inappropriate to his boss and knowing that no one else would ever know about it.

Ben let his hands roam as Hux pulled them back towards the bed. His hands rubbed over Hux’s waist and hips, and palmed over his ass eliciting little gasps that let Ben deepen their kiss. Arousal began to burn through Ben. He would’ve been perfectly content to stand there a little while longer with Hux pressed against him and just make out, but Hux’s legs hit the bed and he pushed Ben back.

Sitting on the bed, Hux’s head was about even with Ben’s stomach. Immediately, his hands trailed down to Ben’s cock and stroked. Hux’s touch was surprisingly gentle as he gave Ben a few experimental strokes. It only took a moment for his grip to become sure, and then Hux looked up through his eyelashes and drags his tongue up the full length of Ben’s cock, making sure to hold Ben’s gaze there.

“Fuck,” Ben swore, running a hand through Hux’s hair. His tongue is soft and wet against Ben’s dick. Hux smirked up at him, so proud of himself for making Ben shudder in pleasure.

Ben pulled back roughly on Hux’s hair, forcing him to look up. Hux just smirked back at him, hands still working on Ben’s cock.

“That is what we’re going do, right? Fuck?” he asks. “Or are you just going to stand there and will an orgasm out of me?”

That sass never failed to make Ben a little pissed, but with the promise of sex in front of him, he let Hux go and stripped off the rest of his clothes. As soon as he was done, Hux dragged him onto the bed, kissing everywhere he could reach. Ben had to grope around one of the night stands for condoms and lube since Hux wouldn’t let him go, and Hux plucked the items from his hands as soon as they appeared. Pushing Ben back, Hux manhandled them both until Ben was situated under him with the condom on his chest.

“Impatient much?” Ben commented. Hux rolled his eyes but continued to prep himself, pouring lube into his hands and starting to work himself open.

“I’m paying you to fuck me, not talk. Put the condom on.”

Ben made a face. He knew it was just Hux and that such efficiency was in his nature, but it wasn’t what Ben liked. He liked to take his time. He wanted to reduce Hux from a careful, prepared man who left his clothes folded neatly in one corner to a horny, moaning mess.

“Wait, _paying_? I mean, yeah we typically charge for these kinds of services but tonight is…” It dawned on Ben exactly why Hux had come back to the club alone, instead of with his friends. “Are you paying me hush money?”

 Hux glared at him, “Do you have a problem with that?”

The revelation made the situation one thousand times better. “My lips are sealed.”

Reaching for the bottle of lube, Ben slicked his cock, letting himself fall into the familiar heat of arousal. He followed his orders, rolling on the condom and slicking it with more lube, but when he looked up at Hux, something didn’t seem right.

Hux was sitting on his knees, doubled over with one hand braced on Ben’s abdomen and the other trying to stretch himself open. His hair hung over his face, so Ben couldn’t see his expression, but his chest heaved deep breaths that sounded too even to be a natural rhythm.

Carefully, Ben slid his hands up Hux’s thighs. “You know, it would be easier if you let me-“

“Shut up,” Hux knocked his hands away, intent on prepping by himself instead of letting Ben help him. It wasn’t weird, per say, for Hux to refuse assistance, but it was certainly frustrating for Ben to watch. Aside from that, the whole situation felt exceedingly awkward and forced.

Another ten minutes went by, and Ben began to wonder if something was wrong. Hux was taking an eternity, and Ben’s thoughts were beginning to wander. Would he be thinking of this when he came into work Monday morning? Would it give him and awkwardly inappropriate boner in front of the entire office? Maybe it wouldn’t be the best situation, but Ben’s getting paid to have sex with his hot ginger boss. Who’s he to complain?

When Hux finally pulled his fingers out of his ass, Ben wanted to cheer. He stroked Ben’s dick a few times and started lowering himself down slowly.

Very slowly.

Incredibly slowly.

So fucking slowly that Ben didn’t think he was actually moving. Hux barely had the tip of Ben’s dick in his ass, yet he was already panting, already shaking. Even lying below him, Ben couldn’t see his eyes. Hux was so curled in on himself that Ben knew something was up.

“Look,” Ben sat up on his elbows. “I could do it for you and you’ll-“

Hux shoved him back down roughly. “Shut. _Up._ ”

Though he clearly needed help, Hux’s pride wouldn’t let Ben do anything. At that point, Ben was much more concerned than aroused. He wasn’t gay, Ben knew, but after the last time they fucked, he thought Hux would at least try to explore his own body.

Ben pushed himself up on his elbows again. “Hux, if you’re not comfortable with this, we can just-“

And then Hux slapped him.

His cheek stung and Ben sat there, stunned. A balloon of anger burst open and Ben sat up, grabbing Hux by the wrists. The sudden motion jolted Hux, and he slipped down on Ben’s lap, their dicks resting a bit uncomfortably between them.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Ben screamed. “You want to have sex? Great. You want to skip foreplay? Whatever. You want to take ten years to sit on my dick? Well, it’s your money, but why don’t you put down your ego for a minute, General Hot-Shot? It’s not a crime to get help. No one’s going to judge you for being inexperienced. But you know what I am judging you for? Fucking _slapping_ me when I’m trying to _help you_. I don’t know what kind of world you live in, but I’m not a slave who kisses the ground you fucking walk on. If you think for a minute that you can just use me like a toy because you’re paying me or because I work in the sex industry, then you better pull you head out of your ass because that’s not how it works. I don’t care if you don’t want my help, but if you want me to fuck you, you’d better give me some fucking _respect_.”

Hux squirmed in his grip, and Ben drew up his knees to properly trap Hux there between his legs and chest. Ben was so pissed, but, oddly enough, very turned on. In his experience, this was the kind of thing that led to rough, dirty sex, full of swearing and slapping and insults, and _that_ was fun.

“Are you going to apologize to me, Pumpkin, or do I have to make you?” Ben leaned in close, putting his face right next to Hux’s as Hux looked away. He could hear the shaky little breath that Hux let out, and Ben smiled. This was totally elaborate foreplay for rough sex.

Hux didn’t say a word, wouldn’t look Ben in the eye, but Ben didn’t mind one bit. He could play dom, and if Hux wanted to switch later, then he could play sub too. “Look at me,” Ben commanded. “Look at me!” He held Hux’s jaw with one hand and forced him to look up.

Ben was so ready for an attack. He fully expected Hux to start spitting venom, telling him not to bite the hand that feeds him, to start ordering him around and really get down to some hard and dirty fucking. He expected to see his Pumpkin look up at him with need and lust, and beg “punish me, please!”, but he looked into Hux’s eyes and saw the exact opposite.

His eyes shone with fear, darting back and forth like he was looking for an escape. His newly freed hand pushed at Ben’s chest, trying to run away, trying to protect himself. For once, Hux looked a little scared, a little lost, and very defensive. His chest still heaved breaths into his lungs, and despite almost being the same height, he looked so small right then. Ben let go of his jaw and Hux immediately looked away.

Gently, Ben ran both of his hands up and down Hux’s waist, and all of the pieces clicked into place. Hux wouldn’t approach him at the club. Hux was overly prepared. Hux took a concerning amount of time to prep himself and then couldn’t even open up enough for them to start fucking.

“You have no idea what you’re doing. Do you?”

Hux looked back at him, offended. “Of course I know what I’m doing!” Walls went up around him, and Ben could see his posture straightening, shoulders rolling back, eyes narrowing; Hux was slipping into his defense mode, the same one he used during meetings with the big clients. “Maybe you should just leave.”

“What did I tell you, Hux? I’m not judging you for being inexperienced,” Ben let himself slouch so that they were eye-to-eye and used his thumbs to rub circles into Hux’s hips. Hands pushed at his shoulders, but Hux couldn’t move back, trapped between Ben’s legs and chest.

“What the hell are you talking about? I have had sex with many women. I know how this works,” Hux tried to lean away from Ben, but Ben just drew his knees closer to his chest, bringing them closer together.

Ben let his hands run up and down Hux’s side. “Oh, really?” He asked teasingly.

“Yes, you ass. I have toys, ropes, and costumes hidden all over this room, and I’m just about ready to use a paddle on you.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but you don’t know the first thing about anal, do you?”

“Yes, I do.” The hands on his chest stopped pushing and just gripped at his shoulders, nails digging into his skin.

“Really? How many girls have let you put your dick up their ass? How many guys have fucked you raw?” Ben ran his hands down Hux’s back. As he kneaded Hux’s ass and pressed slow kisses to his neck, Ben could feel him relaxing. Hux shifted in his grip, and their cocks brushed together.

“I’ve…researched it,” Hux didn’t answer his question, and Ben took that to mean he’d never tried anal until Ben came along. He pulled back to look Hux in the eye again, and it looked like Hux was trying to convince himself more than Ben.

“Meaning you’ve never had anything up your ass, not even your own fingers?” Hux looked away, face turning pink. Ben pressed more kisses to his neck. He actually felt bad. Hux seemed really stressed and in need of something to relieve his stress, but he couldn’t quite figure out anal sex and that only made him more upset.

Ben let a finger slip down and circle Hux’s hole, using the globs of lube already there to massage around the ring of muscles. Hux tensed up, nails digging painfully into Ben’s shoulders. In response, Ben flicked a thumb over one of Hux’s nipples earning him a gasp and a shudder.

“Hux, it’s alright. I know you’re not gay,” Ben whispered.

“…My sexuality is _none_ of your concern,” Hux’s voice was just as quiet as Ben’s, but he spat out the words like they were poison. “I’m paying you to fuck me. That’s all you need to worry about.”

It didn’t feel right, exactly. Hux was using him as an experiment, and it was strange for Ben to be with someone so inexperienced. However, he couldn’t deny the logic buried in the situation: Hux was questioning his sexuality, but instead of trying to experiment with someone close to him, he buys a whore and puts the emotional damage as far away as possible. It was smart, strategic, and if Hux was willing, Ben could show him the ropes. It wouldn’t be hard. After all, he’s Kylo-fucking-Ren, the star dancer at Kanji Klub. If he played his cards right, they could do this often, and then he’ll be Kylo fucking Hux. Ben showed Hux the wonders of gay sex, and Hux paid Ben some much needed cash. It wasn’t a bad deal.

“Whatever you say, Pumpkin,” So, Ben complied, slipping a finger into Hux’s ass. With Ben doing so much to relax him, the finger went in easily, but immediately Hux gasped and clamped down on it.

“Look at you,” Ben whispered. “So eager, but you can’t even prep yourself.”

Hux refused to meet his eyes. “I was fine last time.”

Ben kissed along Hux’s jaw, rubbing his finger against Hux’s soft inner walls. “Ha! Of course you were fine; I prepped you.”

Using his other hand to pump at Hux’s cock, Ben coaxed him into relaxing again. “Just let me show you how it’s done. We’ll go slowly, and you can stop me if you don’t like it.” With a little twist of his wrist, Ben stroked just hard enough to get a reaction out of Hux, but not so much that it was satisfying. A smile tugged at his lips as Hux’s head dropped to his shoulder.

Ben gave little tugs on his dick as Hux began to get into it, rocking forward into Ben’s hand and then back on his finger. “What do you say, Pumpkin?”

Hux rubbed his head against Ben’s shoulder in something that felt like a nod.

“Use your words, Hux. I need your consent,” Ben’s smile widened when Hux grunted at his teasing.

“Fuck you,” Hux muttered. He would’ve sounded angry, but Ben managed to wiggle a second finger into him, and the words came out as more of a moan.

“That’s the idea, but first: consent,” Ben dragged out the “eh” sound in the word just to be annoying.

“Okay. Yes, yes. Just get on with it,” Hux started rocking back harder on Ben’s fingers and Ben huffed out a laugh. Crooking his fingers a bit and pressing down firmly, Ben managed to drag a particularly strangled moan out of Hux. Hux arched up, his hands scrabbled at Ben’s shoulders, and then his hips started moving all on their own, grinding down in little circles. There’s Pumpkin. There’s the needy little mess he remembered.

They probably should’ve moved, but Hux was positioned quite nicely on Ben’s lap, ass cheeks spread giving Ben easy access to his needy little hole. With Hux clinging to him, Ben scissored him open, enjoying all of the gibberish that fell out of Hux’s mouth. His other hand left Hux’s dick just long enough to find the bottle of lube and pour more of it over their cocks.

Jerking their cocks together in his hand, Ben heard himself moan. Immediately, Hux’s ass flexed around his fingers, drawing them in further.

“Do you like that, Pumpkin?” Ben wiggled a third finger into him. “You loved it last time too.”

Hux’s fingers made their way into Ben’s hair as Ben stretched him open. “Do you remember begging me to fuck you? I do.”

He added a fourth finger and Hux took it with a moan and a little thrust into Ben’s hand. “I remember you moaning for me, screaming.”

Suddenly, Hux pushed back on his shoulders, forcing Ben away from him. “T-too close,” Hux muttered, leaning back on Ben’s legs. Ben dragged his hands away, smugly smiling when Hux whined at the loss. He sat back on his hands and just looked for a moment.

Hux looked perfect, skin flushed pink, barely-there freckles dotting his pale skin like stars, cock standing tall with beads of pre-come dripping down it, chest heaving for breath. Ben leaned back on one hand and jerked himself with the other. He liked this view. The bedroom lights were on, but dimmed, setting an easy mood that still let them see.

As soon as Hux’s breathing returned to something more normal, Ben maneuvered them around so that Hux laid face down in the pillows with another pillow under his hips for leverage. Hux latched onto the pillow under his head, holding it for dear life, so Ben rubbed his hands down Hux’s back, trying to reassure him.

“It’ll be fine,” Ben said, rubbing his dick along Hux’s crack. He leaned down to nibble at Hux’s ear. “You’re going to love it.”

“I’m an anal virgin, not a china doll,” Hux glared over his shoulder, and Ben chuckled.

“Same thing,” he whispered back.

“Then be a bull in my china shop.”

Ben froze. “…Are you making sex puns?”

“Shut up and fuck me.”

“Oh my god, you made a sex pun.”

“Don’t fucking kink shame me, I’m paying you.”

“Oh, so it’s a _kink_?”

Hux pushed himself up on an elbow and looked back at Ben. “If you’re going to be a fucking asshole ab-

Ben cut him off by pushing in the tip of his cock. Hux fell back on the mattress and tensed up. His everything clenched up, and Ben couldn’t help falling forward over Hux. The tight heat around his dick felt so damn good.

Underneath him, Hux was shaking, heaving deep breaths into his lungs and holding onto his pillow with a death grip. Ben ran a hand up and down the side of his waist and pressed kisses along his spine as he pressed in bit by bit. They went slowly, Ben murmuring encouragements, until his cock was buried in Hux’s ass.

“Sorry,” he said between kisses. “Didn’t wanna break you. We’ll save the crazy stuff for next time.”

“And what makes you think there will be a next time?” Hux mumbled, face pressed against a pillow.

Ben huffed. “I’m that good,” He nipped at Hux’s neck. “Besides, you’re stubborn. One night with me wasn’t enough, so here we are again. Just wait; you’ll be back at the club, begging me to fuck you next week.”

“Really? I can’t wait,” Ben could practically hear his eyes rolling.

In retaliation, Ben rolled his hips gently, and Hux went mad. His whole body tensed again just as it was relaxing. His eyes squeezed shut, his back arched, and his bottom lip was stuck between his teeth. With one arm by Hux’s head for balance and the other on his waist for guidance, Ben ground their hips together, reveling in Hux’s whimpers. It probably stung like a bitch for Hux, but he wasn’t exactly trying to be nice. Besides, Hux wasn’t telling him to stop.

Soon enough, Hux relaxed into the motion, grinding back and impatiently demanding that Ben do more than just lay on him. Slowly Ben mixed in little thrusts, going in slow and deep. He picked up the pace with every thrust, rolling his hips down in that smooth motion he uses when dancing.

Ben thinks he shouldn’t be allowed to see Hux like this, looking so vulnerable and trying to make himself relax. He shouldn’t enjoy this as much as he was, watching Hux squirm beneath him, trying to adjust once Ben was fully sheathed inside him. His body radiated heat and his mouth screamed for more, but his limbs flailed a bit helplessly. His hands scrabbled for purchase against the sheets, pillows, headboard, but they couldn’t find a place to stay. Ben took pity on him eventually, dragging his hips up so that Hux was propped on his knees and able to shove back in time with Ben’s thrusts forward.

They both groaned in delight at the new position. Hux told him “faster” and Ben leaned back, snapping his hips forward sharp and quick. Hux ordered him “harder” and Ben slowed his pace to put more force behind each thrust. Hux commanded him “deeper” and Ben used his hands to spread Hux’s ass cheeks, get them as close together as possible. Ben held on to Hux’s hips to get a better angle, and when Hux started screaming, he knew he found it.

“Christ, Kylo, there! Yes. Fuck!” His words slur into incoherent babbling as Ben drove into him. He was close, and Ben was close too.

Hux had his head buried in the pillows, back arched and hips driving back to meet Ben’s thrusts. His hands clawed at the sheets beneath them and he started screaming when Ben found his prostate again. Ben slammed in hard, keeping the angle. Every time his cock brushed against Hux’s prostate, Hux screamed and Ben lingered there, grinding in before pulling back and starting all over.

Ben’s head started to burn with pleasure as he snaps his hips forward, harder, trying to get deeper when he’s already as deep as he can get. His eyes rolled back to the rhythm of the motion while his breaths grow shorter and more frantic. Hux’s walls clamped down around him, and Ben was right at the edge. His nails dug into Hux’s hips, and he just drove in until-

“Stop.”

Ben barely heard it, and even though his hips kept moving, his concentration was broken.

“Did you hear me? I said _stop_!” Hux dragged himself forward, away from Ben and curled around the pillows.

Dazed and confused and a little pissed that he didn’t get to have his now dying orgasm, Ben slipped out of Hux and fell back on his ass. He blinked a few times to ground himself and then finally took in the scene before him. Hux laid, sprawled out on the bed, panting, his whole body flushed, freckles popping up all over his skin, and a furrow in his brow.

Alarm immediately consumed Ben. “Are…are you alright? Did I do something?” His throat went dry and his eyes ran up Hux’s legs to his hips, waist, shoulders, neck, face, checking for any injuries that he may have accidentally caused.

“I’m fine,” Hux murmured.

Carefully, Hux rearranged himself, lying on his back and bringing his knees up so that Ben had the most beautiful view of his gaping hole and leaking cock. Hux cocked an eyebrow at him. “Well?”

“What?”

“What are you waiting for? Fuck me.”

Ben paused for a moment, but let his dick slide alongside Hux’s before pushing into his hole. He couldn’t help but feel concerned that something had happened and Hux’s pride was getting in the way of admitting he needed a break, but Hux moaned and the thought just disappeared.

“Fuck yes. So good Kylo. Oh! G-good…God…”

The noises drove Ben on, encouraging him to fuck harder, deeper. Like the first time they fucked, Ben dragged Hux’s hips up off the bed and into his lap, fucking him with wet sounds of skin against skin. Only, this time Hux watched him.

It was unnerving to have Hux, his boss, staring at him with those same cold, calculating eyes that Ben saw five days a week. They were watching him, observing his face, lingering over his muscles, staring at his cock sliding in and out of Hux’s hole. But it also egged him on, drove him to do better.

Carefully, one of Hux’s hands reached down to jerk his cock, but his eyes never left Ben’s face. Ben, on the other hand, couldn’t help looking down and watching. Hux timed it so carefully, stroking up and pressing his thumb into the slit as Ben’s hips snapped forward. Then the other hand moved, drawing Ben’s attention. Hux drags the hand up and over one of his nipples, tugging at it, pinching it, twisting it. He moaned as he abused himself, face twisting in pleasure.

It made Ben dizzy. His hips stuttered and lost rhythm because he was too busy drooling to properly fuck. Then Hux’s legs wrapped around his waist and drew him forward. Ben just went with it, leaning into the hungry kisses Hux attacks him with. There are fingers in his hair that kept pulling and twisting, and _god_ it all felt so good.

Somehow, his hips found a rhythm again. Hux’s fingers clawed at his shoulders and combed through his hair, and he didn’t stop dragging Ben in for more kisses until Ben was sure his lips would be bruised and swollen all weekend. His balls tightened, and Ben could feel himself at the edge again. Face pressed into Hux’s neck, Ben snaps his hips forward, trying to push himself over. He was so close, and blindly, he reached down for Hux’s dick. Hux cried out, moans pouring out of his mouth as Ben pumps him in time with each thrust. And then-

“S-stop.”

Ben stopped that time. He snapped his hips forward one more time and held himself there, grinding since Hux wouldn't let him do much else. He stopped pumping Hux’s dick too, grip tightening around the base. Confusion and concern crept at the edge of his mind as he panted into Hux’s neck. Something was wrong. He _knew_ something was wrong. Hux had never done this before with a man and he kept telling Ben to stop. Something had to be wrong.

“Pull out.”

Hux’s voice was calm. It was always calm. Ben could never tell whether or not he was angry unless he looked at Hux’s face, but that was clearly a command to stop, to back off. Ben was hesitant to move. Even if Hux told him to pull out, any sudden movements might hurt him more. Carefully, he pushed himself up so he could look down on Hux and make sure he was okay.

Hux looked back up at him with the most unimpressed look on his face. His arms were crossed over his chest, and a finger tapped against his arm impatiently. “Do I have to spell it out for you? Pull out.”

It took Ben a minute to process everything. Hux wasn’t hurt. He wasn’t in pain. He wasn’t screaming or shaking. “You’re fucking with me.”

“No, I’m playing golf with you,” Hux’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

When Ben didn’t move, Hux took initiative, rolling his eyes and pushing Ben back with his feet. That look on his face was so familiar. Ben knew it. That was the same look Hux gave him when Ben did something exceedingly stupid, but right then while his mind was still hazed with lust, Ben couldn’t figure out what he did.

Those green eyes stared him down until Ben was on his back and Hux was straddling his hips. It was almost invasive how they raked over his body, taking in every detail while Ben’s mind cleared and his heart rate returned to something more normal.

“Are you going to stop me again, or are we actually going to fuck this time?” he blurted out.

“You say that like whatever you were doing was good enough to be called fucking. And here I thought _I_ was the virgin,” Hux rubbed their cocks together, but aside from the pink flush of his skin and hard cock, Ben could barely tell he was affected by it.

“What?” Ben hated the way Hux stared at him, studied him like he was a lab project.

 “I may be the one who’s inexperienced with anal sex, but you fuck like a teenager,” Hux’s voice was light but condescending. To prove his point, he leaned down and licked hard over one of Ben’s nipples, and Ben couldn’t help it if he moaned and arched off the bed. “I can’t believe _that_ is what you were doing to me.”

“I don’t fuck like a teenager,” Ben said through his teeth.

With another eye roll, Hux braced himself on Ben’s chest and lowers himself onto Ben’s cock until Ben’s fully sheathed in that gloriously tight heat.

“Oh please,” Hux whispered. He flexed his walls around Ben’s dick, clenching his muscles tight. “Every little thing gets you going.” Ben canted his hips, trying to grind up into the heat, but Hux was heavy on his lap. Even with his hands pulling at Hux’s hips, Ben couldn’t do much besides circle his hips and silently beg for Hux to give him some sort of leverage.

“All I have to do is touch you,” Hux’s hands reach forward, sliding up Ben’s chest, and then back down his stomach. His body moves with his hands and he rocked back and forth on Ben’s cock.

“Kiss you,” His lips ghosted over Ben’s teasingly, but moved instead to trail kisses down Ben’s neck and chest. Ben could feel the phantom touch of Hux’s lips lingering down that trail. It made his breath a little short and his heartbeat a little quick.

“Arch my back; show off a little,” Hux leaned back, and Ben gulped as Hux started riding him in earnest, bouncing up and down with his hands splayed on Ben’s chest.

“And do you love begging, don’t you?” As soon as Ben’s eyes met Hux’s, Hux let his face melt into something desperate and lewd. His eyes drooped into the same haze that Ben felt and he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Kylo fuck me harder!” He cried, and Ben groaned, thrusting his hips up hard as Hux thrusts down.

“Fuck, you feel so good; so big,” His head lolled forward and his eyes slip closed, and suddenly Ben was having trouble keeping his own eyes open. He wanted to watch Hux come undone, watch his little Pumpkin keen for him, but the pleasure was too blinding.

“I wanna come on your cock! Please make me come!” Then Ben really couldn’t take it.

 He panted hard, and all he could really hear was the wet slap of skin against skin. Hux looked absolutely sinful fucking himself on Ben’s cock while his own dick bounced, hard and leaking. It was just too much. All Ben could think about was Hux and fucking and the heat around his dick and how he was right there on the edge of his orgasm.

Then, with a few hard thrusts, he came hard. The pleasure is blinding, consuming. Ben didn’t stop thrusting, but he could feel his cock spasming, shooting load after load of come into Hux’s ass. It hit him hard and fast, and when it was over, he was dizzy, panting, shaking with pleasure.

When he opened his eyes, Hux was staring down at him, not with need or lust; no, Hux was staring down at him with a stupid smirk on his lips and those same cold calculating eyes. Hux was still riding him, grinding down as hard as he could.

“See? Just like a teenager,” With one hand jerking hard at his cock, Hux brought himself to his own orgasm, eyes fluttering shut as a wave of pleasure washed over him.

Long white stripes of come shot out onto Ben’s chest and Hux’s eyes cracked open just long enough to watch himself cover Ben in his semen. Then he slumped over, heaving breaths into his lungs. Unconsciously, his ass kept clenching around Ben’s dick every few seconds until Hux finally regained enough strength to pull himself off of Ben and retreat to the bathroom.

Still consumed in the afterglow, Ben laid there on the bed, completely confused. What the hell just happened? It was amazing, yes, but Ben was sure that Hux said he was an anal virgin, so where did all of that come from?

Out of nowhere, Hux turned it all around on him. Where Ben thought he was showing Hux the ropes, going slow and giving him something he would enjoy, it turned out that Hux had been watching him, studying him. How did he know that Ben loved watching, loved dirty talk?

Throwing an arm over his eyes, Ben tried to calm himself, heart still racing with adrenaline. He supposed it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. After all, he fucked _Hux,_ the only man he knew who could charm his way through angry confrontations and make getting fired feel like an honor. He could’ve come a second time watching Hux undo himself like that. It was definitely a side of his boss that Ben had never seen before. It was a damn good look on him, and Ben would be lying if he said he didn’t want to watch Hux breathe out that little sigh of pleasure all over again.

The bathroom door opened with a soft click, and Ben listened as Hux’s footsteps approached. The bed dipped and then there was a warm wet cloth on his chest. It startled him enough for Ben to lower his arm and watch Hux work. Hux didn’t look at him as he cleaned. If anything, he looked more closed off than Ben had ever seen him. He was debating something, but whatever it was, Ben wasn’t going to get it out of him.

The washcloth was enough of a reminder that there was still a used condom on his dick, so Ben took that and tied it off. Before he could even think to ask where the trash can was, Hux swiped it from his hand and dropped the damp washcloth in its place for Ben to finish cleaning himself with.

The whole process was methodical and far too quiet, and Ben didn’t really know what he should do next. Hux disappeared into the bathroom again, but Ben didn’t want to just leave. So, he got up to find Hux instead. He tensed, hunched over the sink, as soon as Ben walked in. Ben dumped the towel in what looked like a hamper and then took a moment to look around the bathroom.

Ben tried to break the tense silence, “So, it looks like we have the place to ourselves,” He said, commenting on the lack of pounding bass echoing through the building, But it didn’t work. Hux ignored him, and walked back to the bedroom. There was a limp in his step.

A pang of guilt hit Ben hard. Maybe something really did go wrong and Hux’s stupid pride wouldn’t let him admit it. Maybe Ben shouldn’t have let himself get so excited. Maybe he should have actually stopped when he first suspected something was wrong.

He followed Hux back into the bedroom, and it was all too quiet as they dressed. Hux didn’t look at him. Poking his head out of the door, Ben checked to confirm his suspicions. The club was empty, and Maz had left the building key for him outside the room. They were alone. As soon as he returned, Hux shoved some money into his hands and gathered his things. Ben was too distracted to count his earnings. It just didn’t feel right to leave while Hux looked so...weak.

Not five minutes ago, Hux was looming over him, studying him, smiling triumphantly because he knew he’d won, and now, without warning, he was limping to the door with drooping shoulders and a tired face. It could’ve been exhaustion; Ben knew the first time was always the most tiring, but he couldn’t shut off the alarms in his head that kept yelling, _‘You hurt him. You knew you had to be gentle, but you hurt him anyway. You_ monster _.’_

Ben shoved the money in his pocket and blocked the door as Hux tried to leave. They needed to talk about it, but Ben wasn’t completely sure how. Hux didn’t stop him, didn’t say a word; he didn’t even try to leave, so they stayed like that for a few long moments.

“I…” He didn’t know what to say. “Was I too rough? I’m sorry if it hurt. I mean, it looked like you liked it, but…” Trailing off, Ben looked over Hux, trying to check for any injuries besides the limp, but Hux didn’t give anything away.

“Thanks,” Ben whispered. Maybe he should make sure Hux was okay, and he wasn’t bleeding. Maybe he should call an ambulance.

Suddenly, Hux’s head shot up, and shot Ben strong glare to hold him in place. Ben panicked, thinking Hux was going to tell him off, call his lawyer, and then call the cops. However, the words that left his lips were arguably worse than that.

“You’d better be working next week,” he whispered. “You owe me for the pain shooting up my spine, and you’ll pay your debts with your body. Now let me go.”

A smile spread across Ben’s face. Maybe he needed to learn to trust Hux. Maybe he shouldn’t worry so much.

Ben stepped forward and pressed kiss to Hux’s messy hair.

 

“I’ll see you next week, then. Goodnight, Pumpkin.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next morning, Ben woke up to Rey bursting into his room, holding a wad of cash, and screaming:

“Where the _hell_ did you get _$2000_?!”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I spent more time working on this chapter than almost the entire fic. By that, I mean I've completely rewritten it 3 times (all 10k words), and made major edits at least 4 times (one of which was this past Saturday lol)
> 
> Updates Mondays


	3. Hands to Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Ben endured the woes of being a ~~glorified errand boy~~ secretary. Hux distracted himself by contemplating his sexuality again while fucking Kylo yet again. 
> 
> It seemed like they were going to make it a regular thing, but will the wonders of gay sex be too much for Hux to handle? Maybe Hux will be the one to show Ben something new in the bedroom? Why is Rey so concerned about Ben's relationship? How do you remove coffee stains from white carpet?!
> 
> Find out now on chapter 3: Hands to Myself

 

 

“Ben, your boy toy's here,” Poe walked into the dressing rooms, Rey close behind him, both of them covered in a thin layer of sweat.

Fighting a smile, Ben hummed in response and tried to focus on applying his make-up.

“Place your bets people! Will tonight’s excitement be chains or vibrators?” Poe teased. He took the lipstick from Ben’s hand, and Ben turned so Poe could help him apply it.

“Oh please, you know I don’t get to choose,” Ben replied. Still, the smile he was fighting spread across his face as Poe shook his head.

“Not that you mind,” Poe tapped him on the shoulder to signal that Ben’s makeup was done.

The dressing room looked like a tornado had swept through it that night. It was Fantasy Night, and the club manager decided that Musicals would be tonight’s theme. On Fantasy Nights, anything goes, and that means _anything_. The club’s usual rules of no amateur performers and no-nudity on stage were lifted for the night. Everybody got an eyeful of everything, making Fantasy Nights the biggest nights of the year.

It was crowded and Ben hated it, but he had one last performance and then Hux would take him away for their own private Fantasy Night. As it stood, there had been amateur performers running in and out of the dressing rooms since the club opened, each trying to make a good impression on the managers and senior dancers like Ben, Rey, and the Knights. Some of them were arrogantly bragging about their skills and trying to seduce the managers, others, like Finn, were scared out of their minds.

“Guys, I can’t do this,” he said, staring into Rey’s vanity.

“Finn, you’ll fine. It’s just one performance,” Rey tried to soothe him while she finished lacing up his corset. “We’ve practiced this a million times.”

He grunted as she pulled it tight. “Yeah, in your living room, wearing sweats, and eating junk food. Not in front of actual people!”

Somehow, Rey and Poe managed to convince Finn to dance that night. The three of them always came up with these ridiculous dance routines to numbers like “Show Me How You Burlesque” or “All That Jazz” during their movie nights at Ben and Rey’s apartment, and when they found out that today’s Fantasy Night was going to be musicals, they just _had_ to perform their rendition of “Lady Marmalade.” Normally, Ben never participated in their games, but he burst out of his room singing Christina Aguilera’s part that one night and the rest was history.

So, there they were, all four of them dressed in lacy lingerie, corsets, make-up, and high heels, a few minutes away from performing, and it was _now_ that Finn chose to have cold feet. “I can’t do this!” He wailed, turning to Poe and Rey for help.

“Too late, we’re up next,” Ben stood and went backstage. He could hear the Knights’ rendition of “Cell Block Tango” nearing its end. They needed to be on stage _now._

Finn didn’t stop whining the whole way there and pissed Ben off but he tried to focus on how much Hux would appreciate his outfit instead. Just thinking of how Hux’s eyes would light up made him a little hot under the collar, but then the crowd erupted with applause and Ben’s thoughts were drawn back to the task at hand.

When the curtain opened, it was dead silent. Then the music started, and Rey’s voice rang out over the speakers: “Where’s all my soul sisters? Let me hear you flow sisters!”

Cheers erupted again as Ben, Finn, and Poe began singing the next lines. It was never a requirement for the dancers to sing while they performed, and the four of them (excluding Poe) didn’t exactly sound radio-worthy, but Rey said that they couldn’t _not_ sing a musical song so they sang. Ben didn’t mind. His voice wasn’t great, but it would do. Besides, he was too distracted looking for Hux to actually worry about how he sounded.

As Poe and Finn sang the first two verses, Ben stayed back, grinding the air and rolling his body on the right side of the stage. There were hundreds of pairs of eyes all on him, but he only needed one. Then, at the end of the bar, Ben saw a cleanly styled red-head with too much pomade in his hair and a hand over his mouth. Bingo.

Hux looked him up and down quite liberally, and in response Ben ran his hands all over his body, making sure to tangle his fingers in his hair and bite his lip just for show. As Rey’s rap started, he followed her, Poe, and Finn onto the runway, and flashed a cheeky smile in Hux’s direction. Hux rolled his eyes but smiled back when Ben’s turn finally came to sing.

He belted out Christina’s verse, a little off key while swinging around the pole at the end of the runway. The motion of the dancing rubbed Ben’s tight lacy panties against his cock. It created the barest amount of friction but was enough to make him hard. The thing about lacy lingerie was that it was transparent. Not only that, but Ben’s cock was definitely bigger than average. It barely fit into the tiny garments while soft, but leaning back against the pole with a mic in one hand and using the other to brush over his skin, the entire head stuck out of the waistband as his cock stood proud and hard for the whole club to see.

Just to earn a few more screams, Ben shoved a hand down his panties as the song ends and gave his dick a tug. His boss wouldn’t be very happy about that, but it was Fantasy Night – anything goes. He looked to Hux as he walked off stage, and Hux looked like he’s struggling not to palm himself through his pants. It would be too indecent for someone of his status to do something like that.

“Someone’s eager,” Poe teased once they were backstage. Ben didn’t bother to answer as he ran around gathering his things and getting dressed. It was a little pointless to shove his boner into the confines of his jeans when he’d be naked again within the hour, but he wasn’t keen on having people stare when he was off stage.

“Wait, do you actually like him?” Finn asked.

Ben rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to punch him. Finn could be upsettingly dense at times. “I whore myself out to him for money. It would be a problem if I didn’t.”

“No, but like you were staring at him for the entirety of the performance, and you actually smiled.”

“Is it that weird for you to see me smile?”

“Yes,” It was Rey who replied this time. “It’s a little off-putting.”

“You know, you all suck,” Ben glared down at his phone, reading the texts Hux sent him while he was working.

“You know who also sucks? Hux,” Poe still had his annoyingly sunny grin on his face. “Do you normally lay down for bjs or is he on his knees?” Rey smacked Poe upside the head, but he laughed anyway.

“I gotta go,” Ben mad a mad dash for the door as soon as he stashed his phone. “Don’t wait up for me, Rey. I’ll get an Uber home.”

“Don’t get arrested!” She called after him.

 

With amateurs walking in and out all night long, Ben couldn’t use the back door without getting trampled, so he was forced back into the club. Jessika, the bartender, was on stage performing a particularly raunchy version of “All That Jazz”, but it all faded into background noise as he searched for Hux. He’d left the bar, but his bright orange hair made him easy enough to spot.

Looking rather impatient, he stood by the club entrance, glaring at his phone as Ben approached him. Even over the music, Ben could hear the device apologizing to Hux and asking him to leave a message. His glare refocused on Ben as soon as Ben was close enough. “There you are! Come on,” spinning on his heel, Hux went made his way towards the stairs.

Grabbing his wrist, Ben pulled him back and pushed him against a wall. “Whoa, whoa, what’s got your panties in a twist, Pumpkin? You don’t usually say ‘hi’ without an insult.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. We’re going to go upstairs, and then we’re going to have sex. Now, let go of me,” Hux pulled roughly at Ben’s hair to stop him from leaning down for a kiss. With a particularly angry glare on his face, he squirmed in Ben’s hold, but Ben’s large hands kept his waist pinned to the wall.

“No,” Ben’s reply earned him an eye roll.

“Kylo.”

“What has you so impatient? Rough week at work?” Ben leaned in to kiss down Hux’s neck, ignoring the protests and hands pushing at his chest.

“Kylo, let go of me.”

“Was your secretary being a little shit? I’ve heard CEO’s have that problem,” Ben smiled when he heard Hux sigh. Truthfully, Ben had been very problematic that week, but it was completely Hux’s fault. From the moment he walked into the office on Monday to the minute he left earlier that day, Hux was breathing down his neck about deadlines and missing files.

It was a slow process, but after two months of sleeping with Hux every weekend, Ben learned how to drag information out of him even if he never got more than a sentence or two. With every passing week, Hux became less timid and more excited. Ben didn’t want to brag (that’s a total lie. He loved bragging about himself) but he’d done a pretty good job at helping Hux figure out what he liked.

“You’re being a little shit. Let me go. People are staring.”

“Come on, Pumpkin. Aren’t you eager to relieve a little stress? Tell me what’s wrong,” His hands trailed down Hux’s sides as Hux slowly stopped fighting him. Despite his words, Hux’s body betrayed him.

“Yes, I intend to relieve my stress as soon as we’re upstairs. Get. Off.”

“You’re no fun,” Fine, they’ll leave, but not before Ben had a little fun. Hux had an exhibitionism kink whether or not he was aware of it, but Ben knew because Ben could always feel how quickly he got hard when Ben pushed him up against the club walls and started grinding.

“Just get – oh _fuck_!” Ben froze, watching Hux melt in his hands like putty. All he did was lift up Hux’s leg to wrap it around his waist, and suddenly Hux was clawing at his shoulders, panting like they’re already fucking.

“…Um…what?” Their crotches weren’t pressed together nearly close enough to be called grinding. Ben hadn’t even tried touching Hux’s nipples yet. He was so confused.

“I’ll tell you why that happened if you’ll let us leave.”

“Am I going to enjoy this?”

“You’re going to enjoy me enjoying it.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Jesus, you’re wearing a plug?”

 

Hux smirked as he shed the last of his clothes. He’d already tied Kylo to the bed, the red rope holding his hands to the headboard above him, leaving him incapable of doing anything but watching. Apparently, Hux had something special planned, because the lights were on instead of dimmed. Tonight’s festivities would be just as much about sight as they were about touch.

Friday nights had quickly become his favorite time of the week. It shouldn’t have, given that Hux still hadn’t completely figured out his sexuality, but Kylo quickly became an addiction that he couldn’t get enough of. He still feared, still worried about what having sex with a man meant about him as a person (the most recent of his horrifying revelations being that he actually did find Poe and Mitaka attractive), however, he convinced himself that it could hurt if it was just sex. And Kylo was _really good_ at sex.

Usually, Hux just pushed all of those thoughts to the back of his head and let himself get distracted. Maybe that meant he was avoiding the problem instead of dealing with it, but that was easier than admitting things he wasn’t ready to think about. Somehow, this was the one thing in his life that didn’t have requirements. Kylo let Hux do everything and anything, and not just because he was getting paid. There was a constant genuine excitement in Kylo’s eyes that made everything so easy and fun. 

“That’s not all, but first let’s see you,” Hux straddled Kylo’s thighs, letting his eyes rake over every inch of the dancer. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

Pride washed over Kylo, though he tried to hide it, fighting back a smug grin. He was still dressed in the ridiculous lingerie from his performance. Tied to the bed with hair falling in his face and spilling around the pillow under his head, Kylo truly looked like a porn star.

“Unfortunately, your corset will make things a bit hard,” Leaning forward, Hux began to undo the lacing down the front of the corset. He made sure that their cocks rubbed together through Kylo’s sheer lacy panties while he did. “What a shame. I rather like pink.”

He had to unlace it completely to get it off, given Kylo was already tied to the bed, but Kylo didn’t seem to mind waiting. Actually, Kylo seemed to very much enjoy grinding their cocks together while Hux worked.

“At least leave the rest of it,” Kylo whined, tilting his head like he knew how delicious he looked. His voice dropped low, “I picked it just for you.”

Hux had to pause and breathe for a moment. Despite his denial and repulsion to the thought of being gay, if there was one thing that drew him back to Kylo every week, it was his seduction. All Kylo needed to do is tilt his head, droop his eyes, and say something in his deep baritone voice and Hux was gone. It was like Kylo was playing a mind trick on him, dragging him in with sweet promises but delivering something that left Hux screaming. It was addicting.

“Aren’t you sweet?” Hux tries to sound sarcastic, but he knew Kylo could see through it. Eager not to let himself get too lost in Kylo’s seduction, Hux got up and left the suit, much to Kylo’s confusion.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back,” he reassured.

It took a moment to gather everything, but after a quick trip to the upstairs bar, Hux came back with a cold plate of cut strawberries and cherries, and an unopened, cold bottle of whipped cream. The bartender, an older woman named Maz, had been more than happy to help him gather what he needed.

Kylo lit up like a little kid. “Pumpkin, you’re spoiling me.”

“Who said this was for you?” Hux climbed back on top of Kylo, placing the plate of strawberries on the nightstand, and opening the can of whipped cream for himself.

“You’re going to hog _whipped cream and strawberries_? That’s just cruel,” Over the weeks, Hux learned that Kylo was absolute shit at keeping a straight face. His “anger” quickly contorted into frustrated arousal as Hux licked his lips around a mouth full of whipped cream.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hux drew out another line of the cream on his finger and licked it clean. “Did you want some of this?”

“Hux, come on. Just give me a little,” But of course, Hux ignored him, choosing instead to cover a strawberry in whipped cream and pop it into his mouth.

“Okay, you look fucking delectable,” Kylo admitted, obviously distracted by Hux’s tongue darting out to collect stray bits of cream. “But, can I just have a little taste?”

It definitely didn’t sound like Kylo was referring to the strawberries and cream anymore. Hux drew lines down Kylo’s chest and around his nipples and then decorated it with strawberries. Slowly, Hux lapped it all up, enjoying the way Kylo shuddered under him when he lingered the perky buds. “I don’t know, Kylo. _Can_ you?”

“Fucking grammar nazi…” Kylo broke off into a moan as Hux trailed his tongue up Kylo’s neck. “ _May_ I have a taste?”

With a victory smirk, Hux leaned down to kiss his lips. It was only meant to be a chaste tease, but Kylo pulled him in, tasting as much of Hux as he could. They only pulled apart when Hux’s lungs started to protest, but even then Hux hovered close, allowing breaths to pass between them.

“Now, it’s my turn,” Hux sat up and fed Kylo a few cream covered strawberries to keep him quiet.

The “quiet” part ended up failing spectacularly as Kylo just talked around his mouth full of strawberries, complaining “aww, I don’t get to taste any _more_ of you?” But, Hux ignored it while he settled himself between Kylo’s thighs. One long lick up the underside of his cock shut him up instantly.

“You should be the one doing this,” Hux held the hard cock in one hand. It stretched the fabric of the lace panties as Hux drew it close to his face rather than letting it lay flat against Kylo’s stomach. Just a few kisses to the shaft had Kylo pulling against his restraints.

“Don’t you think?” He licked another stripe up Kylo’s cock and then pulled the head into his mouth, sucking hard. Kylo’s hips jerked up, but Hux held him down and let go of his dick with a satisfying _pop_.

“I should be the one tied up. I should be the one begging for you to continue, and you should be the one sucking my cock, looking up at me with those big pretty eyes of yours,” following his words, Hux swallowed Kylo’s cock down as far as he could and then looked up through his eyelashes. Kylo stared back with lust-clouded eyes and his bottom lip between his teeth.

Much to Kylo’s frustration, Hux came back off again, but it was quickly quelled as Hux mouthed at his balls through the panties. “Come on, whore, let me hear you.”

Hux sucked down his cock again, bobbing his head to take in as much as he could, and then working the rest of the shaft with his hands. Kylo screamed and struggled against the rope, then tried bucking his hips again as Hux moaned around him.

Until a week ago when Hux pulled out the rope, their sex nights had been pretty vanilla. Most of it consisted of Kylo showing Hux the ins and outs of gay sex, and then Hux experimenting by reciprocating whatever Kylo did. That being said, this was really only the second time Hux had ever given a blowjob, but he was a quick learner and Kylo was way too easy to please.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to get Kylo close. His wrists were still pulling at the rope, but his head lolled to the side and his eyes drooped, unable to focus on anything but the pleasure. So, it was when Hux made it a dirty job that Kylo really got loud. Hux alternated between sucking hard and making obscene slurping noises. His cock was heavy and thick. It stretched Hux’s mouth and almost made him gag, but the feeling was addictive and Ren’s screams were like a symphony.

Then Hux stopped. Very abruptly, he came off Kylo’s cock completely and watched him struggle with the sudden loss of pleasure.

“Why…” Kylo panted, brow furrowed. “do you always _stop_ right before I come?”

Without Hux’s mouth sucking it down, little beads of pre-come dripped down the head of Kylo’s cock. Hux kissed his cock again, “Because you look so pretty when you’re frustrated.”

“Fuck you.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Standing from the bed, Hux went for his nightstand to retrieve a condom and lube but hesitated to return. “Do you want another strawberry?”

“Uh, sure?” Kylo watched him, bemused.

“Don’t choke,” For a moment, Hux let his fingers linger around Kylo’s mouth, and then he braced himself on the night stand with one arm and reached behind himself with the other.

He could hear Kylo whimpering and an audible gulp as he realized what Hux was doing, but Hux forced himself to ignore it and relax. Letting his head rest in his arm, Hux took deep breaths then twisted the plug inside his ass. He’d grown accustomed to the size and feeling of it inside his ass over the past week, but it still took a bit of relaxation to get it in and out.

Slowly, his fingers tugged at the base until the wider half of the cone spread and stretched his hole. With a content sigh, Hux made sure to pull it out slowly, not only for his safety but also for his pleasure. He learned that he loved the slow burn of getting stretched open.

It was definitely fun to wear the toy (and its smaller counterparts) all week. It felt like he was flaunting his darkest secret in the face of every employee in the building, but no one even realized it. (Well, maybe Matt figured out something was different, but that had more to do with Hux using him as a verbal punching bag whenever the plug became uncomfortable.) However, it still left him wanting. The plug was no substitute for Kylo’s cock. Maybe the widest part of the largest plug was thicker, but it just didn’t fill him up like a real cock.

That was another thing that Kylo taught him about anal sex: no matter what toys Hux used, no matter how long he used it, there was no substitute for the real thing.

With one final sigh, Hux placed the plug on the nightstand, exchanging it for a condom. It was a fancy glass plug, slick with lube and completely transparent. Hux bought it as part of an anal training kit (The packaging said “Booty Camp”.)

Kylo’s focus stayed on the plug. He was completely oblivious to Hux rolling the condom onto him and slicking him with lube. “How long were you wearing that?”

“All week,” Hux straddled his lap, and Kylo’s eyes widened. “Are you imagining it?”

“You could say that,” Kylo groaned as Hux sank down on him quickly and easily. A grin crawled its way onto Hux’s face as he bottomed out.

“I couldn’t stand the stretching,” Hux rocked his hips and Kylo watched him through hooded eyes. This was the stretch he’d been waiting for all week.

“It takes up far too much time,” He started a slow pace, bracing himself against Kylo’s abdomen for leverage. Kylo’s cock filled him up perfectly.

“So, I bought a few plugs,” Then Hux started riding harder, coming down on Kylo with wet slaps, partially muffled by the remainder of Kylo’s getup. With each thrust, he brushed his prostate, making Hux shudder.

“That way, we can get right to fucking,” Kylo’s hips started snapping up as hard as they could, in time with Hux riding him.

“Just imagine, I wore the damn thing from the moment I woke up until I got home. All of those meeting, all of the people, and none of them knew I was stretching myself to take your cock,” Kylo started getting vocal again, eyes fluttering shut as he got closer to his finish.

“I think my secretary almost caught me,” Hux leaned forward to bite and lick and Kylo’s nipples. The little buds perked up, and Hux had to focus on abusing them to distract from his own building orgasm.

“I wonder what would’ve happened if he did. Maybe he would’ve bent me over my desk and fucked me while the rest of the office carried on. There wouldn’t have been time to take off our clothes. And then just imagine if someone had caught us. I bet he’d keep pounding into me, even with people watching, and I-“ Hux had to cut himself off, slamming down particularly hard on Kylo’s cock and grasping at the base of his own dick. _Not yet, not yet, not yet_ , he chanted, trying to come off that dizzying high before came. He couldn’t come yet, there was still more to do.

Kylo however, screamed as he came, arching off the bed. Hux let himself focus on what a good job he did based on Kylo’s writhing rather than focusing on how he almost came while thinking about getting fucked by _Matt_. That was a thought so completely out of place that Hux never wanted to think about it again, even if it did raise the question of “why Matt?”

“Fuck,” Kylo panted under him, coming down from his high. His eyes cracked open just enough to survey Hux. “You didn’t even…What _else_ are we gonna do tonight?”

 “You’re going to taste some more cream,” Hux replied simply, slipping off of Kylo and disposing of the condom.

A stupidly excited grin washed over Kylo’s face as Hux crawled up his chest. Hux was very eager to come now. It wouldn’t take much, especially with the thought of covering Kylo’s face in his come. Bracing one hand against the headboard, Hux used the other to guide his cock to Kylo’s mouth.

“You know,” Kylo said, lapping at the bead of pre-come. “If you untie me, I can deep throat you.”

Hux froze, sucking in a breath. He’s read about deep throating. It sounded a bit disturbing on the internet, but now that he was faced with the offer of watching Kylo swallow down his dick completely...

Kylo’s wrists were freed from their restraints at lightning speed, and Kylo was just as quick to put Hux on his back. He didn’t go straight for Hux’s dick, however. Instead, he snatched the bottle of whipped cream from the nightstand and started doodling. Given how much time Hux spent on whipped cream drawings, he just laid back and let it happen.

Until Kylo pulled out his phone.

“No,” Hux commanded, putting his hand over the camera lens. He was already playing a dangerous game by buying his own personal escort every weekend. If the story got to the media and there were pictures to prove it, Hux would be finished.

“But it’s a work of art! How else am I gonna remember this?” Reluctantly, Kylo obeyed and tossed his phone on the floor.

“With your mind. What did you even draw?” Looking at his own body was a little awkward without a mirror, but Hux could see enough to make out what looked like…

“You drew a dick on my stomach?!”

“Not _a_ dick, _your_ dick. It was right there: perfect inspiration.”

“…”

“What?”

“…It is beyond me, how someone with your sex appeal can have the mentality of a ch-aah!” Kylo cut him off by suddenly licking up some of the whipped cream dick. With slow, languid licks, Kylo cleaned him off.

But he wasn’t done there.

“Mentality of a what?” He made a little swirl of whipped cream on the head of Hux’s dick and sucked it clean. Hux’s breath hitched.

“Suck my dick.”

“Was that an insult or a command?” Kylo licked up another trail of whipped cream, this time along the insides of Hux’s thighs.

“Does it matter?”

Kylo’s response was to swallow Hux’s cock all in one go. The can of whipped cream laid forgotten beside them as Kylo sucked and slurped, taking Hux deeper and deeper with every bob of his head. When Hux felt his dick brush the back of Kylo’s throat and then pass it, he screamed. It was hot and wet and soft, and every time Kylo tried to suck, his throat contracted around Hux’s cock, driving him closer and closer to that edge.

Finally, Hux couldn’t resist tangling his hands in Kylo’s hair and just fucking his mouth. Expertly, Kylo let him, letting his jaw go slack and looking up at Hux just like Hux looked at him earlier. All the while, Kylo rubbed his thighs encouragingly and hummed to send the vibrations shooting sparks through Hux’s body, but it was those little tugs at the hair around the base of Hux’s cock that did it.

With a shout, Hux came, shooting it all down Kylo’s throat. He arched off the bed, holding Kylo in place with hand pulling at his hair, and Kylo swallowed all of it. Even when Hux let his body go lax and he heaved air into his lungs, Kylo kept gently sucking, squeezing out as much as he could from Hux’s spent cock. Kylo came off with a soft _pop_ and Hux had to lay there for a moment to catch his breath. These nights always left him very pleasantly warm, relaxed, and breathless.

Warm lips suddenly pressed against his, and Hux let his arms wrap around Kylo’s neck while he tasted himself. He sighed, sleepy and content, as Kylo pulled away with a soft laugh.

“I’m going to shower. Money’s on the nightstand,” Hux didn’t bother to open his eyes. He needed another moment before he could summon enough strength to move to the bathroom. When he finally did, Kylo had disappeared along with the empty strawberry plate and can of whipped cream, leaving Hux alone to shower.

He let the warm water run over his back for an extra minute or two before returning to bed. Dressing was a slow process. His body was sluggish and tired, and Hux had to blink the sleep from his eyes. Gathering his things, Hux faced the door, ready to leave, but something didn’t feel right. Something felt different. He couldn’t place it, but something felt off.

Maybe the reality of having sex with another man was finally setting in. No, not the reality of sex with a man, but the reality of sex with Kylo. Hux imagined his nights would be vastly different should he substitute Kylo for anyone else. Kylo was just so enthusiastic, more so than the girls who literally begged Hux to deflower them in college. Maybe it was overwhelming him.

Was it the energy that was unnerving, or maybe it was just Kylo altogether? Reasonably, he should find someone else to spend his nights with. Interacting with the same people for too long results in some sort of a relationship, however pointless it may be. Hux was no fool. He knew that continually having sex with Kylo had the risk of leading to something more, something Hux couldn’t have. Most likely, it wouldn’t even be Hux who complicated things. Kylo, despite his suave and sexy demeanor, would probably be consumed by puppy love, like a teenager, and make things difficult. Hux should just stop seeing him before things get complicated.

The door opened suddenly, and Kylo walked in wearing only sweatpants. Music from the stage performance below wafted into the room. “Oh, you’re still here. Don’t suppose you wanna help me clean up?”

Hux sent him a glare that he didn’t mean, and smiled at his joke. “No, it’s late. I should get home.”

“You should stay sometime. Maz doesn’t really care if we sleep over,” Kylo pushed past him into the room. “But, you know, it’s whatever.”

“Yes, well,” Hux felt like he needed to say something else, but couldn’t think of anything. “Goodnight, Kylo.”

“Goodnight, Pumpkin,” Kylo called, stripping the bed.

Hux looked at him a moment longer before turning to go. He didn’t want to go. It didn’t feel right to leave yet.

“Oh, right!” Kylo dropped the sheets, suddenly and ran over to Hux. Hux turned to him and was greeted with a kiss. “Can’t forget that. It’s not a ‘goodnight’ if there’s no kiss, right?”

Hux rolled his eyes and left the room, but smiled to himself anyway. His lips tingled with the sensation of the kiss and he couldn’t remember why he thought anything was wrong.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

In the morning, Ben woke up to the smell of mac and cheese, his favorite. With a groan, he rolled over trying to block out the bright sun, but his stomach rumbled at the smell of food. After ten minutes of fighting with himself, hunger won out over his desire to sleep and Ben trudged out of his room sometime after noon.

The smell of baking cheese floated around the tiny apartment while Rey was busy chopping up half a loaf of stale bread. Ben sat at the dining table and put his head in his arms.

“Don’t wave the knife around. You’ll hurt somebody,” mumbled. The mac and cheese was their Grandfather Anakin’s special recipe. Ben ate it almost every week when he was a kid, and when Anakin died, Ben made it for Rey as often as he could.

“You’re the one who nicked Finn’s shoulder while cutting an onion,” she teased. The smell of mouthwatering deliciousness amplified as Rey took the dish out of the oven. Despite the fact that Rey has only eaten Anakin’s version of the recipe once in her life, somehow, she always managed to make it better than Ben…although, Ben would never admit it.

“That was _not_ my fault. He gave me no warning that he was walking behind me. When I turned around, _he_ was in _my_ way,” he picked his head up just as Rey pushed a bowl of mac and cheese towards him. Ben eagerly dug into his food, making a bit of a mess on the table.

“Oh really? What about that one time – what was his name? Auntie Leia’s friend: Lor San Tekka?” Rey smiled at him and Ben glared back. He didn’t feel like fighting Rey right after he woke up, but he knew it was inevitable.

“I was twelve and I was learning. You weren’t even there for that!”

“And yet, you still put him in the hospital,” She had him there. Actually, Rey had won almost every single argument they’d ever had. There were a few times that Ben managed to triumph, but those victories were few and far between.

“Well…I…Don’t talk with your mouth full!” Ben scolded, choosing to use cheap tactics when he ran out of proper argument material. The two of them spewed out chewed bits of food as they argued back and forth.

“You’re talking with your mouth full!”

“I’m an adult. I can do what I want!”

“So am I!”

“Barely! You’re nineteen!” Rey looked affronted over Ben’s dig about her age. They were arguing across the table now, the two of them shouting back and forth across the table like a pair of five-year-olds as the fight slowly dissolved into petty insults. All the while they still shoveled food in their mouths.

“Well, you work at a strip club.”

“And? So do you.”

“And you _let_ me work there since I was sixteen. Besides, I make more tips that you!”

“That’s a lie and you know it! My tips are what bought you a new laptop.”

Rey glared as she got up to get both of them more mac and cheese. “Nuh-uh! Your boyfriend’s money doesn’t count! Both of those jobs are separate from your stripper money.”

“What?! Come on! It absolutely…” Ben trailed off as he realized what Rey said. His cheeks flushed, and suddenly he panicked. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Oh, he’s totally your boyfriend,” Rey wiggled her eyebrows as she passed him his second bowl of food.

“Rey, it’s not – he’s not – it’s just sex!” Ben focused on his food and tried to ignore Rey laughing at him.

He didn’t know why he was getting so flustered, or why Rey thought he liked Hux as anything more than a quick fuck. But as much as he tried to deny it, Ben could feel his face burning, and his heart at just the mention of Hux. He didn’t know if he hated the feeling or loved it.

“If it’s just sex, then why do you always look for him when you’re on stage?”

“I don’t look for him...” Ben lied. He got up to put away the leftovers and wash his bowl.

“You mess up ‘cause you get distracted. And why do you get so distracted? Because you’re looking for your _boyfriend_.”

 “Shut up, Rey! I’m not- we’re not dating! He’s not my boyfriend! We’re _just_ fucking!” Ben scrubbed his bowl harder than he probably should have, but Rey was being frustrating. The more she teased him, the more he thought about Hux, and Ben found himself fighting back a smile as he remembered the previous night.

“You know, I’ve never heard an ass described so poetically for two people who are ‘just fucking,’” She joined him by the sink to hand off her bowl. “You said, and I quote, ‘his ass is like two buns and my dick is the hot dog. I just fits so _perfectly_ wedged in between those buns that it doesn’t even need condiments.’”

“Oh my gosh, fuck you, Rey,” Ben muttered, walking off to sulk on the couch and binge Stranger Things. he felt his ears getting hot and knew the rest of his face wasn’t far behind. Rey, meanwhile, was grinning from ear to ear.

Rey joined him a few moments later, throwing herself down on the couch beside him. “I think you mean ‘fuck Hux.’”

Ben groaned. “Oh God, never say that again. It sounds too weird coming from you.”

“What? What did I say?”

“You made an innuendo.”

“It’s weird for me to make innuendos? I work with you at the club. You’ve seen me naked. Multiple times.”

“Yeah, that’s weird too,” Ben said. Rey rolled her eyes. “I mean, it was fine when you were five, but now you….you’ve got, like, boobs and shit!”

“You’ve slept with more women than I can count. They all had boobs.”

“But you’re my cousin. It’s weird.”

“You’re a child.”

“I’m paying your tuition.”

“ _We_ are paying my tuition.”

“But mostly me.”

Rey opened her mouth to retort, but a beep from Ben’s phone interrupted her. Ben had to go back to the kitchen to retrieve it, but as soon as he saw the caller ID, he shut it off. Very poorly, he tried to go back to the couch acting as natural as possible. Rey didn’t believe his act for a second.

“Ben, who was that?”

His eyes flickered between Rey and the rest of the room. “No one,” he replied. It certainly sounded convincing, but the blush spreading across his cheeks gave it away.

“It was Hux wasn’t it?”

“No!”

“You gave him your number.”

“I didn’t give him my number.”

Then his phone beeped again.

Rey usually left childish things to Ben, because he was so good at them. It seemed weird sometimes, given she was so much younger than him, but it worked for them. Ben was the child and Rey was the adult even when they fought for no reason, but sometimes Rey just wouldn’t let it go.

“Ben, tell me what he said!” Rey lunged across the couch, reaching for his phone. He leaned back and held it just out of her reach.

“Fuck off Rey, it’s a private conversation!” He twisted and made to run off to his room, but Rey grabbed the back of his hoodie, stopping him momentarily.

“Are you texting about how you’re gonna fuck this Friday?”

Ben’s face flushed and he sputtered, “I-It’s about work! He’s still my boss, you know.”

“So, it _is_ him?” A wide grin broke out over her face as Ben flipped her off and stalked off to his room. “You’re so in looooove!”

Ben slammed the door behind him and sank down against it. Stupid Rey. Stupid Hux. Stupid phone. His face burned and he just wanted to die, but at the same time, he couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face. No matter what he tried to tell himself, he knew Rey was probably right.

Looking down at the messages on his phone only made Ben’s smile grow.

 **[10:50 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** Did you enjoy your dessert?

 **[10:50 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** I hope you did because I can’t walk. I blame you.

 

Ben laughed to himself as he typed out a reply.

**[10:59 AM] Kylo Ren:** 3 sweet 5 me

 **[11:00 AM] Kylo Ren:** can i haz moar?

 **[11:00 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** No, but you may _have_ more.

 

Ben rolled his eyes. It amazed him that Hux bothered to text in complete sentences.

**[11:00 AM] Kylo Ren:** ya in 7 days

 **[11:01 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** Don’t be so dramatic.

 **[11:03 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** If you’re patient, I may even have another treat for you.

 **[11:04 AM] Kylo Ren:** more??? better than the plug???

 **[11:10 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** What do you want?

 

Ben’s thumbs hovered over the ‘send’ button. He’d typed an answer to Hux’s question as soon as he saw it, but suddenly he was second guessing himself. Hux probably wouldn’t like his answer. It was asking too much of him, no matter how much Ben wanted it.

He accidentally hit the ‘send’ button anyway.

**[11:11 AM] Kylo Ren:** I wanna kiss u

 

He panicked as soon as it sent. Hux wouldn’t like that. He’d think Ben was getting too sentimental, too involved. They were just fucking. He didn’t think of Ben like that. Ben couldn’t just leave the message like that.

**[11:12 AM] Kylo Ren:** and suck ur cock

 **[11:12 AM] Kylo Ren:** and eat ur ass

 **[11:12 AM] Kylo Ren:** and fuck u against a wall

 **[11:14 AM] Pumpkin :3 :** …Well, you certainly know how to charm.

 

Ben breathed a sigh of relief. Hux seemingly didn’t notice what he actually meant. Running a hand through his hair, he tried to breathe and calm his heart. It raced as he second-guessed himself, wondered what would’ve happened if he just left his message alone. More than that, his heart pounded because Ben realized that maybe he did like Hux.

All along, he knew it was true, but seeing the evidence typed out on his phone finally made it feel real. He had a crush for the first time in years, and it amazed him. He’d forgotten what it felt like to have his heart be so full and warm.

When Thannison died, Ben dove head first into working to keep himself and Rey alive and out of the hands of anyone like Thannison’s grandfather. He thought love just wasn’t for him, and after what Snoke did, he was scared to try. But sitting there and staring at his phone, Ben felt that warmth like an old friend greeting him after years of being apart.

Over the years, he learned that he and Rey always came first, and Hux being in his life didn’t change any of that. However, Ben decided that it wouldn’t be so bad to hold on to whatever they had for as long as he could. Even if it was only sex, even if it would only ever be that, he loved the way it made him feel. He knew it wouldn’t last forever, but it wouldn’t be so bad to let himself feel good, feel happy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hux had a great weekend. He started it off right by having hot sex with Kylo Ren, eased into Saturday by waking up late – around 8:45 – and finishing some paperwork at his home office before going out for a nice quiet lunch. The rest of Saturday was spent relaxing and on Sunday, he went on a much-needed grocery trip. All in all, it was nice to not think about _it._

Now, _it_ crossed his mind a few times that weekend, but there was always something else to distract him from _it_. However, seeing Matt bright and early on Monday made _it_ ridiculously hard not to think about. Hux hadn’t thought about _it_ since Friday night, but upon walking up to his secretary’s desk, he was suddenly reminded of _it_ and the thoughts made him very uncomfortable.

“Good morning, sir. Here’s today’s schedule,” Matt pushed Hux’s work tablet across the desk. His hands were big, Hux couldn’t help noticing. They were probably warm, with a firm grip, and…

Here’s the thing about _it_ : Once Hux started thinking about _it,_ he couldn’t stop thinking about _it,_ no matter how hard he tried. It was probably because Matt was right there, and the thought itself was very distracting.

But, just what was _it_ exactly?

 _It_ was Hux’s weird fantasy about getting fucked by Matt that popped into his head while he was with Kylo.

Unfortunately, this left Hux in a position much like the one he was in with Kylo: he was somewhat attracted and had no idea why. With Kylo, the answers weren’t hard to find. Maybe Hux was still trying to figure out the whole “sexuality” thing, but Kylo’s looks and skill were definitely why Hux liked him. Figuring out why _Matt_ was suddenly somewhat appealing was much harder.

Matt certainly didn’t look appealing. Though Hux had trained him well, his usual morning greeting tended to be monotonous and sarcastic. His posture was terrible, his dress was awkward, he tended to fumble over his words, and he was very quick to anger. Hux would admit that Matt was one of the most intelligent secretaries he’d ever had – not many could pick up on business practices and make helpful suggestions so soon after starting – but that was hardly a reason for the sexual attraction.

Though he tried not to think about it, he still questioned why it was _Matt_ who showed up in his fantasy, when it should’ve been Dameron or Mitaka. (That too was a disturbing thought, that Hux has a preference on who he imagined fucking him, however it wasn’t the focus of his current predicament.)

“-a meeting in…fifteen minutes. And, before you yell at me again, I know it’s early. I-I mean, I tried to reschedule it, but they wouldn’t have it,” Hux frowned. He hated it when his curiosities distracted him, but it happened more often than he’d like to admit.

Looking down at the tablet Matt passed to him, Hux saw a scheduled meeting with Mandalore and Co. in fifteen minutes, which was probably what Matt was talking about. His mind flickered, not to the usual thoughts of how to charm the associates into giving him a better deal, but to images of Matt fucking him in the meeting room while the associates from Mandalore and Co. sat there and watched. They fucked in the chair at the head of the table, Hux bouncing on Matt’s cock with his pants around his thighs and his shirt half undone. The people watched them, judged them, recorded them.

Hux needed a drink. Badly.

Without another word, Hux picked up the tablet and stormed into his office. Trying to banish the offending thoughts proved harder than it really needed to be, primarily due to Hux’s physical reaction. Sometimes, he hated his body. It liked to betray him when he most needed it under control. Maybe he could duck behind his desk and adjust himself without anyone noticing.

But of course, the universe wasn’t so kind. As soon as Hux set foot into his office, Matt’s hand was on his shoulder.

“Mr. Hux, wait! Your coffee-“ Hux spun around, not realizing Matt was so close behind him.

Like a slow-motion horror film, everything played out in the worst possible way. Hux turned, already pissed that he couldn’t focus on anything but Matt. His elbow hit Matt’s wrist, and the coffee went flying. Matt tried to catch the coffee cup, but it was already too late. In an instant, the cup flipped upside down, the force of falling liquid causing the lid to pop off. The entire 18oz. cup of blonde roast coffee with two pumps of espresso, three pumps of caramel, whole milk, and two sugars poured all over Matt’s shirt and the beautiful white carpet under Matt’s desk.

The whole office froze as if everyone on the floor could sense the sudden tension. Hux wanted to _scream_.

“I’m sorry,” Matt said at last. He hurried to find napkins, paper towels, anything that would soak up the coffee, and in the process, more coffee dripped off of his shirt, creating more stains. “I’ll clean it up! Fuck, I-I can fix this. Please don’t fire me.”

Seething in his anger, Hux glared down at his secretary as the man only made a bigger mess whilst trying to clean up. “Let me guess,” Hux started, resentfully. “You live too far away to go home and change before the meeting and you don’t have any spares.”

“Who the fuck carries around spare shirts?”

Typical.

Just. Typical.

Hux turned on his heel and went straight to his desk. Rummaging through the drawers, he picked out one of the spare button-downs he kept stashed there and hoped it would fit. Matt may have been about his height, but his shoulders looked much broader.

“Matt,” He barked as his secretary stood.

“Yessir?” There was a hint of terror in his eyes that Hux greatly appreciated, but the sopping wad of napkins in his hands earned Matt a grimace.

“Leave that for the janitors, and go change.”

Matt eyed the shirt warily. “Into that?”

“No, I want you to change into a wedding dress,” Hux deadpanned. “Yes, the damn shirt! Do I have to spell everything out for you?! Go fucking _change_ before we are late to a meeting that _you_ couldn’t reschedule!”

Matt took the shirt and bolted for the bathrooms, leaving the wad of napkins forgotten on the floor. With a sigh, Hux went back into his office and checked the time. They still had seven minutes until the meeting. Hopefully, Matt wouldn’t screw things up even more by being too big for the damn shirt.

When loud, hurried steps alerted Hux to Matt’s return, Hux looked at his watch. They had three minutes. “O-okay, I have the papers, and the refreshments are already set up, and…uh…the the the…your presentation! It’s set up. Everything is ready to go,” Matt rambled on, trying to wrangle his tie into submission. At this rate, they’d never get to the meeting on time.

Hux gave him a once-over, observing the piss-poor job he did of dressing himself. It was a wonder that Matt was such a competent secretary, given his incompetence in everything else. His tie was knotted into an unrecognizable ball, his shirt was buttoned correctly until about half-way up at which point Matt skipped a button, and his cuffs were in complete disarray, unbuttoned and shoved roughly up his forearms. At least it was tucked in, if not a bit messily.

“How can one person be so incompetent?” If Matt couldn’t do this himself, then Hux would have to do it for him. He knocked Matt’s hands away and got to work, straightening out the cuffs, unknotting the tie, and unbuttoning the top half of the shirt so that he could put it all back together _correctly_.

He didn’t realize Matt had frozen beneath his hands until he got to the tie. His hands stilled in the middle of tying a half-Winsor when it dawned on him just how intimate it all was. Bosses didn’t do this kind of thing for their secretaries, loan them clothes and help them dress, especially big-time CEOs like himself. Bosses ordered their secretaries to go home and change or deal with the mess until after the important meeting. Bosses and secretaries kept safe distances from each other, professional distances.

This was anything but.

It felt like something out of a teen movie: the cliché he swore he’d never be but somehow ended up living it anyway. This wasn’t right. This was the kind of thing that led to his weird fantasy. He should run. Hux should just drop Matt’s tie and get to his meeting, but when Hux’s eyes flickered up to evaluate the situation, they found no fear, no shock, and no repulsion. Matt just looked at him with his pretty brown eyes and an almost-smile teasing at the corners of his mouth. It almost seemed like he was amused like he knew something that Hux didn’t.

His expression was such a stark contrast from his body language, however. He didn’t dare to move as if it would scare Hux away like a frightened animal, but his gaze was too soft, too warm.

Hux hated it.

This was verging on something wildly inappropriate as if his sex fantasy wasn’t already inappropriate, to begin with, and he didn’t need that in the middle of his workplace. On top of all of that, he could feel his face heating up as he registered that he was, in fact, getting lost in those pretty brown eyes. With a tight jaw, Hux’s eyes snapped back to the tie to finish the half-winsor, and then he practically jumped back like Matt shocked him with lightning.

“We’re late,” he said, coarse and unforgiving just like a boss should be to his secretary.

In a flurry of movement, he snatched up his tablet, forced a stack of papers into Matt’s arms, and rushed out of his office. He did not apologize, he did not say a word about what just happened, and he definitely did not look back at Matt’s fallen smile and slouched shoulders.

“Yessir,” he heard in reply; soft, submissive, professional, and not at all intimate.

They rushed into the meeting room, Hux painting a smile on his face and doling out apologies for their tardiness. Just like that, it was all back to normal. Matt was at his usual seat – to Hux’s left and taking notes – Hux was completely immersed in his presentation, and there were no intimate thoughts involving Matt of any kind for the rest of the day.

 

But somehow, without Matt’s smile, Hux just didn’t feel right.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to the [Hemmingway Editor](http://www.hemingwayapp.com), this chapter has a grade of 5, meaning it's easy enough for fifth graders to comprehend. Go me?
> 
> EDIT: fuck. That moment when you read back through the chapter AFTER you post it and realize you forgot to take out a few lines from the older version fic. :/ 
> 
> Updates Mondays


	4. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ON THE LAST CHAPTER OF BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Ben and Hux drew some whipped cream dicks, then ate whipped cream off of each other's dicks. Hux discovered some funny feelings for Matt that he really doesn't like, but does he really not like it?
> 
> Is it enough to fire Matt? Ben hasn't had a panic attack in years; how could he have one now? What does volleyball and ice cream have in common?
> 
> Find out now on chapter 4: Human
> 
> (Hint: What does volleyball and ice cream have in common? A four-year-old's face.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains a panic attack and hints of abuse.

 

 

“You’re so full of shit Griff! If that report isn’t on my desk in an hour, you’re getting fired!” Ben yelled at the 42nd floor product development boss.

“I’m full of shit? You’re a secretary! You have no right to threaten me, Calrissian!” Giff yelled back.

The end of September marked the end of the fiscal year for the First Order. That meant Ben was running around all sixty-nine floors trying to intimidate delinquent floor managers into submitting their yearly reports. Hux was breathing down his neck about having all the paperwork done so that he could put out the final statements for the year and release the next year’s goals and projections.

“Yeah, but my boss is your CEO. With how stressed he is right now, I could get him to sign off on your pink slip, easy!” Ben threatened. The floor bosses may have been smart, but most of them either had terrible work ethics or thought they were too good to follow instructions not given out by Hux himself.

“Bullshit! You can’t do that! He can’t do that! Right? Simmons, back me up here!”

But Ben was already walking away to deal with the next problem. It took him three days to get everything, bouncing from floor to floor as he got word from Mitaka which floors were missing reports and which ones weren’t completely filled out. They had a week until September 30th, and they were only half done. Hux was on the final leg of the report for the coming year’s goals as far as company growth, but he couldn’t add in the financial projections until Mitaka finished processing all of the reports, and Mitaka couldn’t finish processing the reports until the floor managers submitted all of them.

When Ben finally dropped back into his desk on Wednesday to do his own paperwork, it was already 4pm; an hour to clock-out. Rubbing his face in his hands, Ben debated whether he should go home. On one hand, he felt exhausted. He could feel bags forming under his eyes and his feet aching from running around non-stop for the past few day. Hux would have his head if this didn’t get done, however,  so it was easier to stay and work instead of listen to Hux bitch at him.

Fuck it, he’s staying.

Some four hours later, Ben was staring at his computer screen, feeling like a zombie. He kept zoning out while typing. It only took him an hour to finish his own work, so Ben decided to sort through some of the reports himself to make it easier for Mitaka to file. He was no expert in accounting and finances, but he knew how to put numbers into spreadsheets.

Rubbing his eyes, Ben read over the document again. He’d been reading the same few lines for ten minutes, trying to make enough sense of it to write down the necessary information. A hand landed on his shoulder, and when Ben looked up, he saw Hux standing over him.

“Go home, Matthew,” he said, looking just as tired as Ben.

Looking around the office, Ben realized that they were the only two left on the floor and likely in the entire building. Ben looked back at the papers on his desk. “I’m almost done with this.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “You were ‘almost done’ with it two hours ago. Stop being an idiot and go home. Leave the hard work to the professionals who understand it.”

Why was Hux always on his case? “Hey, I’m trying to do my job here! Excuse me for being helpful and sorting papers so that Mr. Mitaka doesn’t have to!”

“And how do you intend to do that when you don’t know what you’re doing?” Hux fired right back at him. “All you’re doing is making more work for the rest of us!”

“More work?!” An exhaust-induced rage steam-rolled over the part of his brain that reminded him not to sass his boss. Ben stood, using the few inches of height he had to glower over Hux. “The work I’m doing is exactly what you ordered me to do! Gather reports for Mitaka, and make sure he gets whatever he needs!”

“Yes, and he doesn’t need you screwing things up for him like you always do for me!” Hux screamed at him, knocking his hand away and backing Ben up against his desk. “Go home.”

Ben almost screamed. He was exhausted and angry, but he was also used to Hux yelling at him like that. He blamed Ben (Matt) for almost everything. Usually, it wasn’t so bad. Usually, Ben could tell that Hux was teasing him or venting his stress, but sometimes, like right then, it messed with his head. He knew it wasn’t true, but sometimes the words stuck and Ben felt like just as much of a screw up as Hux said he was.

It hurt, but he was too scared to say anything. He needed that job, needed something stable in his life. He wanted to scream and shout and curse and tell Hux to fuck off, but saying things like that to his boss was what got him fired from his last three jobs.

So, his pent-up feelings ended up using an arguably worse outlet: destruction.

It wasn’t an uncommon outlet, at least not for Ben. At that point in his life, Ben could only call it instinct. Sometimes, it happened without him realizing it, but even that didn’t faze him anymore. Hux, on the other hand, looked mortified as Ben kicked his chair into a wall. He looked terrified when Ben flipped his desk over, scattering everything that was on it, and probably breaking the computer in the process.

The action made him feel better, but the look on Hux’s face was enough to tell him that he’d messed up. Hux usually put up with Ben’s destructive habits. He grumbled when Mitaka handed him the repair bills and scolded Ben for his behavior, but Ben was lucky so far. Maybe his luck finally ran out.

Before anyone could say another word, Ben grabbed his bag and ran for the elevator. His hands wouldn’t stop twisting the leather strap until he was in his car. Then he let it all out.

“GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!” his hands slammed down on the dashboard of the car, deepening the dents he’d made from previous tantrums. Ben yanked off the wig and glasses, scrubbing his hands through his hair and screaming into the void of his old, beat-up car.

He shouldn’t have done that. Hux would fire him tomorrow, Ben’s sure of it.

Why did Hux have to be such an ass? Ben was only trying to help! He’s watched Mitaka file the papers away, he knew what data Mitaka needed for the fiscal year report. Hux blamed him for everything that went wrong, just like he always did. Ben was trying; he really was. It’s unfair. It’s frustrating. It’s –

“Fuck,” Ben bites down on his bottom lip and palms himself through his jeans. Ben hated it. He hated the yelling and the fighting, but more than anything he hated the confusion. He swore to Rey that it wouldn’t get complicated, but that was a lie before the words even left his mouth.

The lines blurred at some point, and Ben didn’t know when. He only knew that he got confused now, when Hux was yelling. He saw Hux, his boss, the asshole who never let him off the hook, but he also saw Pumpkin, his perfect, whining, sex-crazed mess. He ended up getting horny when he was supposed to be angry and it confused him.

During the day, he spent more time than he should staring at Hux’s ass. On Friday nights, he worried more than he was allowed to about Hux’s comfort and happiness. Yet, it was only now, sitting in his car with messy jeans and his head on the steering wheel, that Ben realized he’d dug himself into a deep, deep hole with little chance of escaping.

Ben might get fired tomorrow. After that little episode, combined with the overwhelming amount of property damage that Mitaka constantly glared at him for, Hux was probably going to fire him. The worst part was not the loss of income – Ben made more from Hux on a Friday than he did in a two-week pay period – but that Ben wouldn’t get to see Hux every day. Ben wouldn’t get to talk to him, or look at him, or watch his face twist into those cute angry expressions.

Slamming his head on the steering wheel hurt like hell.  The noise scared a few passing pedestrians when the horn went off, but Ben thought the pain was well deserved. He was fine, everything was fine. He was fine lying to himself about how deep his feelings went, but now it was all …wrong.

He was so content to pretend that his feelings weren’t serious, but Rey had to go and start teasing him about it. Now, Ben couldn’t look at Hux without wondering what it would be like to hold him for the sake of being close. He couldn't think of how it would feel to kiss him sweetly, chastely, without the heat of their Friday night encounters driving them forward.

The drive home was bad, but the drive back to the office in the morning was worse. Ben was all nerves and sweaty palms because he just knew Hux was going to fire him. He pouted about it all night, to which Rey asked “So, you like him, then?” and then passed him the bucket of Rocky Road.

 

 

Everyone stared at him when the elevator doors opened, and that’s when Ben knew it was going to be bad. Finn gave him a sympathetic look, and that’s when Ben knew it was going to be terrible. His desk was standing upright, but it wasn’t his desk. It was a new desk, and it was clean. All his personal belongings were in a box on top of it. That’s when Ben knew he was going to die.

He was scared to put his bag down. He messed up this time, just when things were starting to go his way. He was doing alright. Between the office and the club and Hux, the hours were long, but he made good money and he had just gotten used to his new life. He and Rey could finally enjoy a few luxuries like new tech and air conditioning whenever they wanted.

“Matthew, come here,” the desk phone intercom buzzed to life, and Hux’s voice filtered through. He didn’t sound happy.

Still clutching onto his bag, Ben stepped through the office doors and walked right up to Hux’s desk. His heart was pounding, and he couldn’t help it but he was getting mad again. This wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t be standing there, waiting to get fired. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. This job was supposed to be different, but he messed up again, like he always did. Maybe if he apologized, it wouldn’t be so bad. He could do better. He could do so much better-

“Matthew, I must apologize for my behavior last night.”

 

Ben blinked down at the floor and then blinked up at Hux. What?

 

“What I said to you was very rude and inappropriate. While it does not excuse your reaction, it was wrong of me to demean you in such a manner, and I apologize,” Hux put aside his work and gave Ben his full attention.

For a moment, Ben forgot how to breathe. Hux was apologizing to him? “Uh…sure?”

“I would also like to thank you for all of your hard work. Not a day goes by where you don’t get on my last nerve, but the work you do is phenomenal. So, thank you,” There were no signs of sarcasm or joking in his words or face. Hux was dead serious.

It took Ben a moment to process, and he stood there for a minute, mouth gaping. “So, I’m not fired?”

Hux rolled his eyes at Ben’s tactlessness and went back to his work. “No, you’re not fired. Your skill is much more valuable than you think it is.”

Ben looked back to his desk. “But my stuff…”

“I didn’t know how you preferred to arrange it.”

“Oh,” For another awkward moment, Ben stood there, watching Hux work while he tried to process what just happened.

He felt relieved for sure. Ben might actually be able to keep a day job for a whole six months – that would be a new record – but that wasn’t the only reason for his relief. An inappropriate sort of glee bubbled up with the knowledge that he’d get to keep seeing Hux every day.

It made a smile pull at his lips and that felt stupid, but since when were crushes not stupid? Ben turned to leave Hux’s office if only so that Hux wouldn’t see his happy grin, but Hux stopped him as he was walking out.

“Matt, wait a moment.”

“Yes?” Ben turned, only to find Hux staring at him with his head tilted like he’d been staring at Ben and didn’t just look up.

“Are you wearing slacks?”

“Uh…yeah,” He’d worn slacks on purpose, under the assumption that Hux was going to fire him. It was the only pair of slacks he owned, but Ben figured that if Hux was going to fire him he might as well look decent.

“They look good on you. You should wear them more often,” Hux still wasn’t looking at his face. It seemed more like he was staring at Ben’s ass, which was weird because he didn’t look like Kylo right now, Ben looked like Matt. Matt, an awkward, bumbling man who looked as different from Kylo Ren as Ben could manage.

“O-okay. Thanks,” Ben was finding it very hard to talk that day. He walked back to his desk, heart racing at the compliment and fighting back a smile that pulled at the corners of his lips anyway.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben groaned. Every time he moved, his wrists rubbed raw against the leather cuffs and jostled the chain that left his arms dangling above him. They held his body barely an inch off the ground, forcing him to stand on his toes and use every bit of strength in him to stay upright. It strung him taught, leaving his body vulnerable to Hux’s bidding. The red rope made a recurring appearance, this time wrapping around his limbs and torso to restrict his already restrained movement.

He yelped when the paddle came down on his ass. One, five, twelve strokes and then there was only cold air to greet his stinging cheeks. His cock was hard and leaking, begging for some sort of attention, but Hux hadn’t so much as looked at it since they undressed.

“Now, are you going to be good, or do I need to punish you again?” Hux’s voice bounced around in his ears, hard and dangerous. Slowly, he came into view, paddle in one hand, Ben’s jaw in the other, but Ben could hardly see him beyond the sex haze.

“G-good…I’ll be good,” Ben whispered. He was out of breath, the strain of being strung up and beaten on top of his arousal having taken its toll on his body.

Suddenly, Hux’s hand was in his hair, pushing his head forward and forcing his chin close to his chest. “Excuse me?”

“Master! I’ll be good, master!” Hux let go of his hair and Ben’s head lolled back.

As time progressed, so did Hux’s adventurous side. Lately, Ben found himself strung up, beaten, commanded, and cursed at almost every week. It was a dangerous haze of pain and pleasure that he loved walking through, and Hux loved taking him there. He loved the tenderness of his skin after Hux spanked him over his knee, and when that wasn’t enough, the insults got him going. That might have been why Ben has had such a hard time focusing at work.

When the bed no longer provided enough room for their games, Hux had a liking to the ropes, ribbons, and chains attached to the walls and ceiling. For the past few weeks Ben was tied up, forced to his knees, and took whatever sweet abuse Hux chose to inflict on him that week.

“How pathetic,” Hux circled him, switching the paddle for a riding crop. “You can’t even remember how to address me.”

Ben gulped. Hux loved pulling that card. Sometimes Ben just so happened to forget how to address Hux, and Hux always jumped at the chance to correct him. It’s the only way that Ben got what he wanted when they were in a scene, however. When Hux said “punish” he meant “punish,” so if Ben even remotely looked like he was enjoying himself, then Hux would stop, walk away, and wait until Ben was begging to be hit again.

“No, please master! I’ll be good. Please don’t-“ Ben was cut off by a hard slap to his cheek. He hoped it was all part of the act and Hux didn’t hear how eager and excited he was.

“I did not permit you to speak,” A thin finger dipped between his ass cheeks and stroked his puckered hole. Ben shuddered, hands grasping at the chains above his head. He wanted to move, get that finger inside him, get some relief, but if he so much as moaned then Hux might stop altogether.

“I’ll have to punish you again,” Hux whispered in his ear. The finger was replaced with something a little bigger. Ben let out a shaky breath. He could feel the hard leather of the riding crop tracing his leg, but also all of Hux pressed against his back. His hot skin flush against Ben’s back, his long nails raking down Ben’s arms, his hard cock making shallow thrusts against the cleft of Ben’s ass. “I’m going to hit you ten times. Count them, or your punishment will be worse.”

The first hit came down on his leg without warning. Ben bit the inside of his cheek to keep from whining as sparks of pleasure and pain shot through his body. “One,” he breathed.

“Two,” graced his right arm, the bicep.

“Three,” struck his pectorals.

“Four, five, six, seven” all kissed his back in quick succession.

“Eight,” tapped his ass.

“Nine,” stroked his abs.

Then, Hux stopped. The final hit never came. Instead, Hux’s hands caressed Ben’s body, running along every angry red mark that riding crop left until they were face-to-face, Ben’s face in his hands. Hesitantly, Ben let himself lean into the touch, not knowing if he was supposed to resist or give in, but Hux smiled approving his response.

Too gently, Hux kissed him; slow, sweet passionate. Then, he pulled back with a wicked look in his eyes. “Ten,” he whispered.

Ben couldn’t help his screams then. Hux suddenly gave him every bit of pleasure all at once. There were lips sucking their way down his neck, one hand jerking hard and fast at their cocks, and another hand pumping two fingers in and out of his ass.

It was the blinding pleasure that he’d been denied all night long happening very suddenly and very quickly. It made his face hot and his mind dizzy. There was too much to keep up with.

And then it was all gone, just as Ben came close to that edge. As quick as it appeared, all the pleasure vanished, replaced with Hux, standing a foot away from him, out of breath but looking all too pleased with himself.

“As I said,” he panted, eyes raking over Ben’s body . “Pathetic.”

Ben’s cock jumped at the taunt, drooling pre-come down the side of his dick. Four times. Four times that night, Hux pushed him to the edge of his orgasm, and four times, Hux pulled back before Ben could get there. This made five. Hux seemed to love edging him almost as much as he loved being CEO of First Order Inc. It was a major kink that Ben didn’t know if he loved or hated.

“Weak. Dirty. Naughty,” Hux resumed his circling. “But yes, you’ve been very good for me. Perhaps that merits a reward. Do you think you deserve something, pet?”

“I…I don’t know,” Ben was still dizzy, recovering from his denial.

Hux slapped his ass with a firm, swift stroke. “Yes, you do. Tell me, do you deserve a reward?”

What could Ben say that would earn him his orgasm? He could agree, but Hux may call him eager, greedy. He could say no, but Hux didn’t sympathize with self-deprecation; he’d roll with it and not give Ben anything. Even if it wasn’t the answer Hux wanted to hear, in his hazy state, Ben didn’t know if he deserved anything let alone what to say. So, there was only one thing left:

“I deserve whatever my master gives me.”

Then there were arms snaking around his waist and kisses being pressed between his shoulder blades. Hux caressed him gently, “That’s exactly right. What a good boy you are.”

Ben melted against Hux’s touch. It was a slow, gentle worship of lips trailing down his back, but also hard, stinging scratches of nails trailing down his front. There was a moment when Hux disappeared, but he was back before Ben could register that he’d ever left and then it was dark.

“I want you to feel everything. Can you do that for me?” Hux whispered as a blindfold was tied around his eyes. Ben nodded, because it was all he could do, and then felt the nails and lips back on his skin trailing down, down, down.

It was dark, and he felt those lips getting closer to his ass. They’d talked about rimming before, but only ever talked. There were a few times in the past month that Hux hinted at wanting to try it, but there were never clear signs. Except now, Hux was sucking hickeys into his ass cheeks and thighs, and his hands were dangerously close to clawing Ben apart.

The drag of the nails moved down his thighs as Hux’s lips worked. It was dark. Slowly, the kisses became wetter, sloppier, and the rake of nails against his skin became gentler. Hux paused, but Ben could still feel his hot breath against his skin. It was dark.

It was dark. Carefully, hesitantly, Hux’s hands pulled Ben’s hips back and his ass cheeks apart. It was dark. Ben could feel that hot breath right on his hole. It was dark. There were a few kisses pressed to the inside of his cheeks, and Hux slowly trailed them closer to Ben’s twitching hole until-

 

Nothing.

 

Ben felt nothing. He tried to push his hips back, squirm against his restraints, but he felt nothing. “Hux?” He called out, but the only reply was his own voice echoing off of the walls. Not even the sound of Hux moving or kissing Ben’s skin was audible.

Confused, Ben tried to blink his eyes open but he only saw more darkness. He closed his eyes and it was dark. He opened his eyes and it was dark. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear. He couldn’t feel.

 

Panic welled up in Ben’s chest, and then he couldn’t breathe.

 

“Hux!” The world seemed to close in on him.

“Red! S-stop!” He cried out against the darkness. He gasped for breath and tried to wrap his arms around himself but they wouldn’t move. “Red red red please stop I’m sorry! Let me out!”

His heartbeat was erratic, like it was trying to burst out of his chest, and he couldn’t see. His body dropped to the ground and it hurt, but Ben scrambled backwards until his back hit the cold wall behind him. He tried to breathe slowly, in and out, in and out, like the therapist taught him, but he could feel his lungs collapsing in on themselves. His body wouldn’t stop shaking, as hard as he tried to be still and calm. It was too dark and he couldn’t figure out how to get out of the dark.

“No no no, not again. I-I don’t…please, I’ll do better. I’ll do better. I promise,” He saw things in the dark. He saw things he never wanted to remember. Snoke, Thannison, the box; he felt it all around him. “Please please. I’ll do better. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

A sudden light broke through the darkness. It blinded him, too bright after he’d been left in the dark for so long. A tall dark figure cast a shadow in the light. Ben screamed, terrified, and tried to fight the figure off at as it approached. He must have knocked it down because it stopped, and looked at him. Ben dared not move. He was so scared that the figure might try to hurt him again.

He huddled his knees close to his body and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. As Ben’s senses came back to him, the world looked a little confusing. He saw everything in splotches at first. Lots of red, a little bit of black, some white underneath him, some peach, a dot of purple, and one bright spot of orange right in front of his face.

The colors only confused him more. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be in the dark either, but Ben had no idea where he was and he didn’t want to be there. Scrambling against the wall behind him, Ben tried to force himself back further and get away from whoever was still looking at him.

It was so bright, so orange. It reminded Ben of a pumpkin, almost like…

“Hux?”

As soon as he spoke, the man froze and turned around. Ben recognized that man. Yes, that’s Hux, his boss. Why was he there?

“Kylo,” Hux stood hesitantly, approached hesitantly. He was obviously scared, but Ben didn’t know why. Why was he here? Why was he scared? Why did he have a black eye? There was a good foot or two of space between them, but he doesn’t bother coming any closer. “Are you…are you alright?”

“What happened?” Ben asked. He couldn’t remember why they were standing there, suddenly. There were bits and pieces, but it was jumbled. He remembered being in the dark, being locked away in the box, but he also remembered leaving the club with Hux. He remembered Hux’s hands running over his body. “I can’t – I-I don’t…”

Hux’s expression grew more concerned as Ben spoke, and his reply was just as worried. “We were…I tied you up. We were in the middle of a scene, and you screamed when I blindfolded you. I stopped before you even said your safe word, but you…you just kept…”

Hux stopped talking, as if whatever happened afterwards was too traumatizing for him to speak about, but not necessarily traumatizing for him. That was okay, though. Ben didn’t need him to say it, because oh. Oh. Then he remembered.

“Fuck,” Ben wiped his hands over his face and slid down the wall. It happened again. It had been years since it happened, but it happened again.

“Um…what happened?” Hux asked. Ben looked up. He was still standing, still scared; scared of Ben. He must have been the figure, and Ben punched him. That’s why he has a black eye.

“The blindfold…don’t do that again.” Ben said, and Hux’s expression changed ever so slightly. Hux probably figured it out while Ben was still having his panic attack and flashbacks, but he figured he should explain what little could. It felt like too much to tell Hux everything, but Hux deserved something after receiving a black eye and witnessing what he did.

“It’s my fault. I should’ve asked first. I know better, but….I’m sorry,” He looked so scared, so concerned, so guilty. Ben could tell he was uncomfortable, that this wasn’t something he was used to at all.

“C’mere,” Ben stood and took Hux’s hand, and for once Hux let him. He dimmed the lights and led them over to the bed, as the the moon and stars illuminated the room. As he laid on the bed, he pulled Hux down beside him, and they both looked up through the skylight at the night sky.

As if a calm wave washed over him, Ben let himself relax. It was what he used to do with Rey when he was finally let out of the box. When Snoke let him go home, he’d sit at the window with Rey and let her presence calm him. Now, with Hux, it wasn’t too different.

It was the feeling of having someone with him; someone he trusted, someone he cared about. Ben felt tired then, drained of all his energy. His body was heavy and his eyes were drooping, but his mind still raced a bit, keeping him from drifting off.

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” Ben whispered, to himself and Hux. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. I forgive you.”

“Why are you comforting me?” Hux said after a while. “Shouldn’t I be telling you those things?”

“You are,” Ben replied. And it was true. As his fears and panic ebbed away, Ben let his mind fill up with Hux and only Hux. He rolled over and gathered Hux close to him. In his arms, he held the man he liked a little too much, the man who distracted him all the time. Ben held on to those feelings and let himself be consumed by that innocent joy.

For once he was allowed to hold Hux sweetly, gently, and just be with him instead of grinding and thrusting their way to an orgasm. It felt perfect. With Hux in his arms, and the moonlight on their skin, Ben didn’t have to think about anything else.

They should talk about it, they needed to if their arrangement was going to survive, and Ben wanted it to, but not now. Right now, he was with Hux, under the stars, and everything was okay.

“We should go,” Ben whispered when he started fighting himself to stay awake. “It’s late.”

He pulled away from Hux, moving sluggishly. Ben wanted to stay with Hux a little longer, but he needed to sleep, he needed to be home for Rey. His clothes were neatly folded on top of the dresser, but he only managed to pull on his boxers before Hux stopped him.

“No,” Hux told him, concern and annoyance covering his face. “Sleep here. I am not letting you drive after what just happened. I’ll…I’ll stay with you.”

And just like that, there was a smile on Ben’s face. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew his heart felt full and Hux was the reason. Maybe it was because he cared enough to make Ben stay; he cared enough to want Ben to stay. It didn’t matter. Hux wanted him to stay, so he’d stay.

He kissed Hux, then; slowly, sweetly, gently, just like he’d been doing everything else. His face was warm with a blush and his lips were soft if not a little chapped. “Thank you,” Ben whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

“Uhm…the lights. Should I?” Hux questioned.

“Leave them, or turn them off. Your windows are big, so it’s fine,” Ben laid himself down again and smiled when Hux snuggled closer to him instead of turning off the lights. They were already dimmed, so turning them off completely wouldn’t have made much of a difference, but it was the thought that counted.

But then, he couldn’t sleep. It’s not that he was too shaken from his panic attack or too giddy over Hux to fall asleep. It was that if Ben closed his eyes, he’d be in the dark again and the nightmares might come back. He needed to sleep, he wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t.

Ben ended up fighting to keep his eyes open, choosing to stare up at the stars instead of letting himself sleep.

“Kylo, you need to sleep,” Hux said after a while, knowing Ben was still awake.

Ben didn’t answer. He knew he needed to sleep, but he couldn’t. Hux lifted his head then, and they stared at each other. Maybe Ben’s expression told him enough because Hux took his hand and laced their fingers together even though his eyes were still scared.

“I’m here,” he said. “I’ll be here while you sleep and I’ll be here when you wake up.”

And it was enough.

More than anything, it was grounding to know that Hux would be there. It reminded him of those nights years ago when Ben couldn’t bear to sleep in the dark. He and Rey would fall asleep watching the stars because  They’d lay there on the uncomfortable floor. Rey would lay sprawled out on top of him or tucked

Hux was there. Ben’s okay.

Before his eyes closed, Ben leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Hux’s head. “Goodnight, Pumpkin,” He whispered.

 

“Thank you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hux didn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t. His heart was beating too hard and his mind was racing too fast. He didn’t know if it was because he was scared that Kylo might lash out at him again, or because he was happy that Kylo held him under the night sky, kissed him goodnight, and was laying close enough that Hux could feel the heat radiating off of his body.

 

He didn’t know.

 

He didn’t want to.

 

  

* * *

 

 

 

Ben got back to his apartment around three in the afternoon. He’d woken up around one to an empty bed, a sandwich covered in saran wrap, a note from Hux, and $2000. It was disappointing to wake up without Hux, but at least he didn’t try to smooth the situation over by paying Ben more than he usually did.

He lounged around for a bit before dressing, but when he left, Ben found Maz milling around the stage.

“Boss,” He said, coming down the stairs. “Isn’t it a little early for the club to be open?”

“Benjamin Solo,” She said with a knowing smile on her face. “Isn’t it a little late for you to be waking up?”

“Hey, you’re the one that gave me permission to use the Starlight Suite,” Ben picked up a rag and started to help her clean tables.

“And you’re the one enjoying it.”

Ben smiled up at her. Maz always had a kind word to say and a strong hand to help. He appreciated it. “So, did you see his eyes?”

She had a thing about eyes, something poetic about them being ‘the windows into a person’s soul.’ It sounded like something Ben would find on Tumblr, but her assessments tended to be pretty spot-on, so he never questioned it.

However, there was no tell-tale smile on her face when Ben looked up again. “He hides something from you,” she said, staring at Ben. “His eyes change constantly; blue to green, calmness to jealousy.”

“What?” Ben asked. He rarely understood Maz’s ramblings, and he didn’t understand what she said about Hux, but the seriousness in her voice made him worry.

“His phone,” She went back to cleaning the tables as if she’d never stopped. “There’s something on it that he doesn’t want you to see.”

“What, like pictures?”

Maz opened her mouth to say something more, but decided against it. Instead, she shook her head and waved him off. “Go home, Ben. Get some rest. Just remember that you love him.”

“I don’t – Maz! He’s just a guy. It’s not like that,” But his words weren’t convincing, not even to himself.

Maz laughed at him and told him, again, to go home. When he finally got there, Rey, Poe, and Finn were all on the couch, waiting for him.

He walked in the door, ready to collapse in his own bed and do nothing for the rest of the day. The trio was watching some superhero TV show, but the TV shut off as Ben locked the door. He got the feeling that he should’ve left the apartment, but he was too mentally exhausted from the previous night to figure out where he’d go. So, he made the mistake of turning around.

Rey’s head turned to the side, like a creepy, horror movie-esque porcelain doll. She looked Ben in the eye, holding his gaze. “So, where were you last night?”

Poe and Finn turned to look at him as well, and the whole situation felt too much like an interrogation. For a moment, Ben stayed backed up against the door. They were staring at him and it was freaky as fuck.

“Uh…” There was another moment of awkward silence and the trio continued to stare, waiting for Ben to answer them. Creeping his way towards his room, Ben stuttered out some sort of answer, “I – Well, I was with Hux. Where else would I be?”

The trio relaxed, and Rey broke out into a smile. “I knew it! I knew you would – does this mean you’re dating him?”

“What?!” Ben stopped a few feet from his bedroom. “No! We’re not dating! Why do you keep asking me that? I thought you didn’t want me dating him!”

“Well yeah,” Rey rolled her eyes. “I worry about you, but he hasn’t done anything bad yet. Besides, you like him. Like, _like_ like him.”

Ben stared at her, completely confused by what she said. Finn answered for him, “What. Rey, none of that made sense.”

“Oh, it’s not that hard to understand,” Poe piped up. “Ben likes Hux, but it’s not like he loves Hux, he just likes him. So it’s more than like, but less than love. It’s _like_ like. Like, ya know?”

“No!” Finn looked bewildered. “I mean, yes I get what you’re saying, but it doesn’t make sense. Please, never say that again.”

Poe pouted. “But what if I said I _like_ like you?”

“Please don't," Finn complained, though he was fighting a smile.

"Finn, be nice!" Rey scolded.

Ben took the opportunity to make a break for his room. Flopping face-down onto his bed was the first thing he did. He let himself sink into the comfort and familiarity of his own room and his own bed. It didn’t feel quite right, however, not after the night he had. So, Ben forced himself up and closed the blinds, effectively blocking out the sunlight and shrouding the room in almost-darkness. Immediately, the room was covered in a soft yellow glow from the starry night light that Ben never turned off. Sinking back into his bed, then it felt okay.

 It hit him that he hadn’t had an episode or subsequent panic attack in years. Thanks to all that therapy Rey blew her savings on and good ol’ trial and error, Ben learned how to keep all those fears at bay, even when he was in dark movie theaters. Then, last night happened.

Maybe or Snoke. He proved her wrong, though. And the more she saw that Hux was like tart strawberries rather than poisoned candy, the more she smiled and teased Ben for his massive crush. However, the seeds had already been planted, so when Hux pulled the blindfold over his eyes the thoughts must have grown, thrived, festered into that. That darkness, that terror, that-

“One, two, three, four,” Ben counted the stars aloud, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. Just thinking of what happened had his hands shaking and his mind spinning. The counting made it better, it always did. When Ben was finally calm enough to think straight again he covered his face with a pillow and screamed.

Why now? Why did he have to have an episode while Hux was around? He’d been managing it so well for so long, that sometimes he forgot his PTSD existed. Ben could definitely afford more therapy now, if he needed it, but he shouldn’t. Once upon a time, Ben took control of his PTSD until his symptoms felt more like distant memories and his reactions were near-normal. He often talked himself down and he still couldn’t sleep without some sort of night-light, but Ben knew he was doing well. He could talk about his trauma without working himself into a panic attack. He could sit in dark movie theaters without having flashbacks.

But right then, he didn’t know. He didn’t know if he would be able to handle seeing Thanisson’s face again; not after Snoke cut into him, not after Ben watched his body get-

“Ben, are you alright?” Rey pulled the pillow away from his face, and Ben had to shield his eyes from the light. His curtains were open again, letting light pour through the window, and Rey was sitting next to him.

His heart was hammering inside his chest and his eyes were wet, but as soon as he saw the light and Rey’s face, a wave of calm washed over him. Was all of that really just the result of a pillow? That never happened. After all these years, movies were fine, talking up potential hook-ups/clients in dark corners of the club was fine, and covering his face with a pillow was definitely fine.

 

Only it wasn’t. At least, not anymore.

 

“Ben?”

“I…It happened again.”

“What?”

“Last night. That’s why I stayed the night. Hux, he-“

“What did he do?” Rey looked murderous. “I swear, if he hurt you, Ben, I’ll…I – Well, I don’t know what I’d do, but I’d make him regret it!”

Ben sat up, running his hands through his hair. This, Rey getting angry, this was the last thing he wanted. “God, Rey. It’s not like that. You can’t just – He didn’t do anything. He helped me. I freaked and he helped me.”

He couldn’t tell her that Hux blindfolded him that Hux did hurt him and cause the whole mess. Hux didn’t know what would happen. He wasn’t trying to hurt Ben, and then he was so careful to make sure that Ben was alright afterward. “Please don’t blame him.”

“Are you okay?” She whispered, hesitant to reach out.

“No,” He pulled her into a hug and it felt like all those years ago when she was small and Ben was broken. He didn’t want to feel like that, but he remembered his therapist saying that things like that could happen, that he could have episodes despite his symptoms being mostly gone.

“Is it back?” She whispered into his shirt.

“I don’t know.”

“So, what do we do?”

“…Sleep,” Ben told her. “I’m tired.”

Rey complied with his request and left him to lay down and sleep. Through the open door, he could hear her talking to Poe and Finn about what to do, how to handle it. Ben ignored it and tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. Maybe it was how scared Rey sounded or how empty his bed felt, but Ben didn’t feel like he could sleep despite how tired he was.

Suddenly the bed dipped on both sides, and Ben was crushed between all three of his friends. Poe squeezed in on Ben’s left while Rey and Finn laid on his right. “Sleep sounded like a great idea. Hope you don’t mind,” Poe said with a smile.

Ben smiled back. They were all there for him, Ben realized he wasn’t alone this time. Hux helped him earlier, and Rey, Finn, and Poe were there now. Ten years ago, Ben only had Rey and she was too young to understand what was happening then, but now he had so many people with him, so many people who cared.

At some point, Ben knew he would be okay. Not right then, but he knew it wouldn’t last forever. He hated that after few years of treatment, therapy, and then few more years of figuring what worked for him on his own that all his memories suddenly felt like they just happened yesterday. However, he knew that if he could beat it once, he’d beat it again, and he’d do it with everyone standing beside him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Come on, Ben! You can’t sleep forever!” Rey called from outside his room.

Ben had slept for most of Saturday and Sunday morning. It helped a lot, especially since his friends never stopped being understanding. He was pretty refreshed and could’ve gotten up sometime before noon, but his bed was so comfortable.

“Get up, you need exercise!” Rey burst into his room and pull the covers off of him.

Ben groaned and let his body go limp as she tried to pull him out of bed. “I get plenty of exercise.”

“Yeah, but you need to get up and do something. Come on! You know I’m right,” she sent him a glare that told him she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Grumbling, Ben pulled himself out of bed. She was right. If Ben was going to make sure his PTSD symptoms didn’t come back, then he needed to take care of himself. As much as he loved lazing around in bed, getting out of his apartment would help him much more than sleeping for two days straight.

And that’s how Ben ended up playing volleyball in the middle of Central Park at 4:54 on a Sunday afternoon. They hadn’t gone to the park with that intention, but while the four of them were sitting at a pokéstop, Jessika, the bartender from Kanji Klub, showed up. She called them over to join their game of volleyball, and Ben was going to say no, but someone decided to call him a pussy and then he had to play.

It was Ben, Rey, Finn, and Poe versus Jessika and three of her friends. Now, Ben’s team was pretty athletic from all the dancing they did, and even Finn was a dedicated gym member and Jr. ROTC. They may not have been the best at volleyball, but they managed to hold their own against Jessika’s team of seasoned volleyball enthusiasts.

As the ball went back and forth over the net, they began to draw a small crowd of people. Their watching eyes seemed to have an effect on Ben, Rey, and Poe. The three of them thrived on attention and watching eyes because at the club, more eyes meant more money. Then , Ben’s team was winning by two sets.

The high of the adrenaline and cheering crowd was a welcome change from the other night’s terrors. Ben drove that high into powerful serves and calculated blocks. He scored point after point until his teammates decided to pass him the ball whenever possible.

“YEAH! Did you see that?! Did you see that?!!” Ben screamed after spiking the ball into the ground. His friends smiled along with him, laughing and high-fiving as they prepared for the next serve.

“That was great Ben!” Poe shouted at him. “Just don’t get cocky!”

But it was too late for any sort of warning. Jessika’s team started scoring, and they kept scoring. The first few points were shots that Ben’s team barely missed, he could excuse that, but then Finn should’ve dived to save that shot, Poe should’ve jumped sooner, Ben should’ve run farther back. And Jessika’s team won a set.

Ben tried to stay calm, but he could feel the competitive anger bubbling under their skin as his team tried to re-organize their strategy for the next set. Ben missed a block. Rey shot poorly. Ben was fuming.

“I don’t get it; we were doing so well!” He hissed at Rey as she helped him up.

“Don’t worry, Ben. We’ll beat them,” Rey said, but she didn’t sound sure.

Ben growled, “We’d better beat them.”

They lost the set. The game was tied. There was one set left.

Tired and angry, Ben paced around their side of the net while screaming incoherently. He needed to punch something, but there was nothing within reach. (Well, there was Finn, but Rey and Poe would be mad if he did that again.)

“Come on, Solo!” Jessika goaded. “I thought you were tougher than that!”

“Fuck you, Pava!” Ben shouted back, ignoring Rey’s protests that there were children watching them. “I’ll show you what-“

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” One of the other players on Jessika’s team stared at Ben in wonder. “Solo? Like, Ben Solo, the delinquent son of Senator Leia Organa-Solo? Jessika said she works with you which means the son of the mighty senator is a stripper?! Ha! Is mommy’s little stripper gonna dance for us? Give us a show?”

It took the combined strength of Rey, Finn, and Poe to hold him back. Ben was livid. He wanted to tear them to pieces. Not only were their insults getting to him, but they knew. They knew he was the son of the world-famous senator and now word was going to get out about his location and occupation. Leia would kill him if the world didn’t kill him first. He worked so hard to build up a good life for Rey and himself. Would it all get torn down because of a stupid volleyball game?

“Didn’t you kidnap your kid cousin, too?” The teammate continued. The whole park seemed to stop at that. Ben’s anger dissipated just enough for him to worry. He looked to Rey, knowing it was a sensitive subject for the both of them.

“Is that her with you? Is she a stripper too? Fuck, you turned a kid into a whore! Do you fuck her too? I can’t believe that you two are the next generation of the great Skywalker clan! No wonder your parents never came looking. I wouldn’t want to be related to a couple of screw-ups either!”

All it took was one shared look between the cousins, and Finn and Poe were at least ten feet away from the game. Ben tied his hair up and Rey tightened her buns, and Jessika’s team was very confused.

“Wait, are we not playing anymore?” Jessika asked.

“Oh, you’re still playing, but we’re not,” Finn said.

Poe laughed nervously. “Skywalkers aren’t very pleasant when they’re angry.”

Needless to say, two-on-four was a very unfair match up…for Jessika’s team. Rey and Ben wiped the floor with them, with the score currently at 10-0. Jessika’s team was terrified and very ready to forefit, but Finn and Poe warned against that too.

“Ooh, no. That’ll only make it worse,” Finn said. Truthfully, the cousins would’ve accepted surrender and a lengthy apology, but Finn and Poe were a little ticked over what they said as well.

The game shifted from volleyball to avoid-the-ball as Ben and Rey attacked with so much force that the ball left indentions in the grass. Even the rebound off of the grass still held a decent amount of force. The two of them glowered silently, serving, passing, and attacking without as much as a grunt of effort.

Rey and Ben won the set 15-0 and won the game for their team. They also kept spiking the ball Jessika’s mouthy teammate.

“Hey, you already won! Cut it out!” The teammate yelled, but the cousins were out for blood. “This is harassment!”

“Just apologize, and they’ll stop!” Poe shouted, watching Ben and Rey chase the poor guy around with the volleyball.

“Oh my god,” Jessika muttered, moving a safe distance away from the action to where Finn and Poe stood. “She’s so hot.”

“What?” Finn asks, turning towards her. “Rey’s about to kill your friend with volleyball, and you think she’s hot? I’m not sure that’s the most appropriate response.”

“Well, I mean he kinda deserves it, and even if she wasn’t trying to kill him, she’s still pretty hot.”

“…touché.”

Ben and Rey chased the guy around central park for fifteen minutes before he finally apologized. Rey was pretty wiped, but Ben knew how to hold a grudge. When Rey got tired of listening to the groveling, she pulled Ben away to cool off. But not before Ben could spike the ball into the ground right next to the guy.

And not before the ball could rebound off the grass and hit a five-year-old girl in the face. The three of them froze, horrified. The girl fell to the ground (on grass and not pavement, thankfully) with a particularly heart-wrenching scream that had Ben racing in her direction.

“Oh god, please don’t cry, please don’t cry, I’m so sorry!” He kneeled beside her, feeling entirely too big next to her tiny body and completely unsure of what to do.

She looked okay, aside from a giant red mark on her forehead where the ball hit her. Her strawberry blonde hair was a little messy, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. She was still breathing, and nothing looked bruised or broken. And since she was okay, the scariest part of it all was actually the clothes she was wearing, because normal little girls did not dress themselves in Marc Jacobs dresses, Burberry coats, and Dolce & Gabbana shoes. That meant that she had parents who would sue Ben for all he’s worth once they found out what happened. That was what scared him the most.

“Please be okay, please be okay,” Ben muttered to himself as she sat up. She sniffled. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for hitting you. Please don’t cry. And don’t tell your parents. Please.”

“You hit me with the ball?” She asked, looking up at him.

Ben nodded. “Yeah, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there an-“

“How could anybody be so stupid?!” She shouted in his face.

“I’m…sorry?” Ben was stunned by her articulation and sudden anger. That wasn’t normal for five-year-olds, right?

“You’re a imbicle! Say you’re sorry, right now!” She demanded. Standing on her feet, she was still a foot shorter than Ben while he was kneeling, making her angry pout look more adorable than intimidating.

“I’m sorry.”

“Say it like you mean it!”

“I-I’m so sorry,” The intimidating part was that she was definitely getting these phrases from somewhere. Ben hated to think that she’s allowed to watch tv shows and movies with that kind of language, but the thought that she might be getting it from her parents, and what that implied about her home life, was much worse.

“Now, buy me more ice cream!” Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw an ice cream cone knocked over in the grass with a melting scoop of pink ice cream lying beside it.

“Uh, no? I’m not buying you ice cream kid-“

“PAPA!”

“Okay, ice cream it is!” Ben stood and brushed himself off, and the girl ran off towards the ice cream truck without waiting for him. She was fast and Ben has to jog to keep up with her. Conveniently, Rey, Finn, Poe and all of Jessika’s friends were nowhere in sight, even though he was 98% percent sure Poe’s dog just ran by him with a Frisbee in his mouth.

“One strawberry cone please!” the girl said to the ice cream woman. With a bright smile on her mouth and big brown eyes, she looked like an angel.

The woman looked at her skeptically. “Didn’t I just give you an ice cream cone? What does your daddy think about this?”

She eyed Ben as she spoke, implying that he was the girl’s father, but the girl replied before Ben could protest. “Papa says it’s okay!”

The woman looked to Ben for confirmation and Ben couldn’t do anything but agree, “Ha, yeah, it’s fine. She dropped her other one-“

“You dropped my ice cream!” the girl yelled.

“Yeah, sorry. I dropped her ice cream,” Ben said, handing over $4 for the girl’s ice cream and then buying one for himself.

“Okay, I bought you ice cream, now you can’t tell on me, alright?” bending down to her eye level, Ben tried to ensure his own safety, but she didn’t seem to be paying attention.

“Okay!” She lunged forward for her ice cream, but Ben held it just out of reach.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on! What are you not going to do?”

She sighed dramatically. “Not gonna tell. Give me ice cream.”

Ben made a face at her and she sighed again. “Please?” she begged with a practiced pout and her big doe eyes. Ben didn’t notice it before, but she really was a beautiful little girl, especially with the splatter of freckles across her nose and cheeks that reminded him of stars.

“Alright,” Ben handed the cone over, trying very hard not to smile at her adorable antics. “here you go, kid.”

Ben walked off in the opposite direction, intent on finding his friends now that the drama was over. The trouble was, he was half way across central park now and had no idea where they were. He picked a direction and started walking, but it didn’t take long for Ben to notice that he had a little stalker.

The girl hadn’t left him alone. She started following Ben once he walked off and was trying (very poorly) to be sneaky about it. By now the sun was starting to set and all Ben had to do was watch their shadows to know she was there. Ben stepped right, she stepped right. Ben stepped back, she stepped back. Ben turned around and she crouched down and covered her eyes as if that would prevent Ben from seeing her. She peeked through her fingers every few seconds to check if Ben was still watching her until finally Ben got tired of it.

“Alright kid, now what do you want?” It felt too weird for Ben to stand and tower over her, so he crouched down to her level.

The girl moved her hands away from her eyes and stared down and her half-eaten ice-cream cone. “...pick me up!” She demanded.

“What? I can’t just pick you up. You’re not my kid! Your parents would probably sue me for kidnapping.”

Whining, she stomped her feet and made grabby hands at him. She looked angry again, but her intimidation was off-set by the trails of pink ice cream smeared around her mouth.

“No! Go find your parents!”

The girl pouted for a moment longer and then looked around. It dawned on Ben that she was only a little kid and if he couldn’t find his friends in the middle of a huge park, then there was no way that this kid would find her parents all on her own. She stared back at him looking more anxious than angry, but still determined.

It reminded Ben of Rey, when she was five and Luke got on a plane to Europe without her. Ben couldn’t just leave her there. “Come on, I’ll help you find them.”

As he scooped her up with one arm, she squealed and smiled and hugged him, getting drops of sticky pink ice cream all over his shirt. “Thank you,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Ben said, unable to resist the small smile creeping across his face. “Do you have a name, or do I keep calling you ‘kid’?”

“I’m Winnie, and I’m four-years-old!” Winnie beamed at him. Ben wanted to bash his head against a tree. He’s getting bullied by a four-year-old.

“Well, my name is Ben, nice to meet you, Winnie. Now, what do your parents look like?”

“Um…Mama has long hair and she likes to wear dresses and Papa has short hair and he likes to wear lots of coats,” It wasn’t a helpful description, but any further attempts to get information out of her yielded the same result. For all of her articulation, she was still only four.

They walked around for almost an hour, chatting and looking for Winnie’s parents. They stopped once, after they finished their ice cream, so that Ben could wipe the extra ice cream from her face and hands, but Winnie never stopped talking. Surprisingly, Ben found it very easy to talk to her. They traded stories about their parents and bonded over the mutual terror of their mothers. It was a strange friendship that he cultivated with a girl a fraction of his size, but Ben found that he enjoyed talking to her much more than he did Rey and Poe combined.

Once the sun hung low and darkness approached from the other side of the sky, Ben decided to just park them on a bench and wait for her parents to come by. Winnie clung to him, eyes drooping and head slumped against his shoulder but still chatting away as Ben texted Rey his approximate location. It looked like her parents were nowhere to be found. Ben worried about what he should do. What if they left her here? What if they were never coming back for her?

The thought scared him. He remembered finding a young Rey on his doorstep like it was yesterday. Somehow, she made it from her house to his all by herself, and together they waited for Luke to come back. They sat on the front porch of the Organa-Solo house every day for two weeks before Ben finally learned that Luke ran off to Europe. Rey was heartbroken and Ben knew he couldn’t let her stay there wallowing in hope that Luke would return.

Then and there Ben knew that he’d take Winnie away if he had to. It wouldn’t be easy to integrate her into his life, but Ben would do it. He hardly knew her, but that didn’t matter. Winnie needed someone to be there for her, and her parents obviously didn’t care enough to keep track of her. Ben would love her. He’d take her and he’d care for her just like he cared for Rey. He could-

“Winnima!” A woman called. Both Ben and Winnie turned and saw a blonde woman running towards them. She was dressed just as immaculately as Winnie, but looked quite young.

“Mama!” Winnie squirmed out of Ben’s grip and ran to her mother, embracing her tightly.

“Winnima, I thought I told you not to run off like that!” The woman scolded. “Darling, I was so worried. Please don’t do that again.”

“I’m sorry, Mama. But Ben helped me!” Winnie looked back and smiled at Ben.

“Uh, yeah! Hi, I’m Ben.”

“Thank you, so much,” the woman said, shaking Ben’s hand. “I’m Scilla, Winnima’s mother.”

“It wasn’t a big deal. I – uh – found her, bought some ice cream, and we just talked and wandered around looking for you,” It felt strange talking to Scilla. Her voice was warm, but her gaze was detached. It’s as if Ben was nothing more than an insect to her, but she still felt the need to be civil.

“Well, I’m very glad you found her. She’s just like her father: doing whatever she wants whenever she wants no matter what anybody else says,” She gave Winnie a tired look that Winnie returned with a smile. Scilla reached for her wallet, “How much should I pay you?”

“What?” The question startled Ben. She was going to pay him for finding her daughter? He could’ve kidnapped her for all she knew. “No! No, it’s okay. You don’t have to do that. It was nothing, really.”

Her eyebrow twitched, but Scilla returned the wallet to her purse. “Oh, a humble heart and a gentle soul, aren’t you lucky, Winnie? What would have happened if a bad man found you?”

A ringing drew their attention to Scilla’s purse. Pulling out her phone, she glared at the screen and denied the call. “Thank you again, Ben.” She put on her smile again, making Ben feel a little unnerved, and then they were gone. Ben stared at their retreating figures. Scilla hurried away from him while Winnie dragged her feet, looking back to wave at Ben. She looked a little sad, in a way that she hadn’t while hanging out with Ben.

“Did she actually try to pay you?” Finn’s voice sounded behind him. Ben didn’t have to turn around to know Rey, Finn, and Poe were all there. “What was that all about?”

“I don’t know,” Ben replied. “But I’ve got a bad feeling about it.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: this story is a work of fiction. You should not actually hit four-year-olds in the face with volleyballs. Winnie's just really though. Any other four year old would cry for hours. Please don't do it.
> 
> Updates Mondays!


	5. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST TIME ON BETWEEN THE LINES
> 
> Ben and Hux had a tense screaming match. In the end, Ben got to keep his job, but not before Hux surprised him with a genuine thank you. During their Friday night escapade, Ben had a panic attack and his friends helped him stay calm with a vicious game of volleyball. Afterwards, Ben met a little girl named Winnie, but something seemed strange about her mother.
> 
> Does one panic attack foreshadow another? Can Ben throw an amazing Halloween party? How many references can the author pack into one chapter before she's caught?
> 
> Find out now in chapter 5: Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: I'm really happy that you guys like Winnie. I've come a long way from the days of cringe-y self-insert OCs. I promise you'll see more of her, just...not for a little while. (‾ε‾“)

 

 

 

> _When night falls upon the world and moon rises high in the sky, the monsters come out to play. The werewolves, the vampires, the zombies, and ghosts; the trolls, the demons, and the sea monsters all roam the earth. One by one, they pick off their prey. They choose weak humans, small humans who wouldn’t fight back and rip the meat from their bones._
> 
> _But there’s one creature that rules over them all. They know him only as ‘The King.’ The King has a man’s body but a bull’s head. He has all the powers of a demon and all the ferocity of a werewolf. He wears the bones of his enemies around his neck, like a trophy of his kills._
> 
> _Be careful not to let him catch you, or he’ll rip you limb from limb. He'll skin you alive, bleed you dry, and then feast on your eyeballs while your flesh cooks in the magma of the earth!_

  


Twenty or so small children shrieked, holding on to each other and their parents. A few of the younger ones looked ready to cry while an armor-clad Phasma stared them down with a flashlight under her face.

She was just getting into the story when her phone beeped.

 **[5:06] Matthew Calrissian** : srsly stap makin the kids cry.

 **[5:06] Matthew Calrissian** : I put u in chrg of story teim cause u asked. I can still switch u w mitaka and u can judge costumes instead

Pausing, Phasma looked up to glare at Ben who was standing on the other side of the room.

 **[5:07] Matthew Calrissian:** bitch try me

She rolled her eyes, but when Phasma started up the story again, she made it much more suitable for children ages ten and under. With that complaint fixed, Ben moved on to the next item on his long list of things to take care of. It was a mile long, but it was only 5 PM. The Halloween party didn’t end until midnight.

He went to the cafeteria next. Someone mentioned they were running low on food. As the elevator doors slid open, Ben prepared himself for the worst. He expected to see food flying through the air and hear shrieks of “Mommy, I want!” but none came. Instead, a pleasant and calm atmosphere greeted him. It was a little loud with streams of people coming and going, but the cafeteria was still relatively neat and the food was fully stocked.

“Caramel apple?” A small plate of caramel apple slices appeared in front of his face with Finn’s hand attached to it.

“Is there enough food here?” Ben asked, completely ignoring Finn’s offer.

“Uh, yes,” Finn says, mouth half full of apple. “Griff just finished his rounds. The kitchen still has enough to feed people for a few more hours, and the snack stations on all floors are stocked. Honestly, that’s amazing considering that he- hey, where are you going?”

As soon as Ben got the answer he wanted, he walked back towards the elevators. He needed to get down to the auction floor and take stock of all the auction goods before the bidding ended. He didn’t have time for whatever Finn was whining about. Still, Finn managed to catch his arm as the elevator doors opened.

“Wait, you gotta eat something, man,” Finn held up his plate of apple slices again. “You still have a few hours to go, right? You need your energy.”

“What are you, my babysitter?” Ben glared at Finn, tugging his arm from Finn’s grip.

“I…I guess? I mean Rey didn’t use that word specifically, but that’s basically it,” They glared at each other for a long moment. “Look, I’m not happy about it either, but Rey said she’d kill me if I didn’t make sure you took care of yourself, so just take the damn apple.”

They glared at each other one moment longer before Ben relented.

“I’ll get my own fucking apple,” Ben grumbled, stalking off to retrieve an actual meal for himself. He couldn’t care less about what Finn had to say, but Rey had them both under lock and key. Finn was completely whipped and Ben was too weak to say “no” to his precious baby cousin. If she wanted something done, then it got done.

With a full plate of food, Ben plopped down across from Finn. He stared down at his food, unable to fully process that he was taking a break and not still working.

“You know, it’s only called eating if you put the food in your mouth, chew it, and swallow it,” Finn says around a mouth full of food.

“I know how to fucking eat,” Ben snapped, taking an angry bite of his sandwich. As soon as he swallowed, he realized how hungry he actually was.

Ben wolfed down the rest of his food in a grotesque manner. He couldn’t remember whether he actually ate lunch, but the food tasted too good for him to care. As soon as he finished Ben went back for seconds and then thirds. Finn finally commented when Ben came back with his fourth sandwich.

“When you wanted to know if there was enough food here, did you mean for the guests or for you?” Finn watched, in some combination of horror and amazement, as Ben continued to eat.

“I’m hungry and tired,” Ben said half way through the sandwich. “Fuck off.”

“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad,” Finn ignored his threat, used to getting a constant cold shoulder from Ben. “I’ve been working just as hard as you on this party and I’m fine. What else could Hux possibly have you doing?”

Rolling his eyes earned Ben a glare, but he could tell he wasn’t getting out of small talk. “I’ve been overseeing some projects for him since the fiscal year started.”

“Which ones?”

“Uh, research on the new energy systems, maintaining good relations with charities, and the Tarkin Museum project.”

Finn grimaced as Ben lists them off. “And then he only gives you two weeks to plan the Halloween party. I’m so sorry.”

“If you were really sorry, you’d help me take care of some of these complaints,” Ben said, scarfing down the rest of his food. He needed to get back to work before the party went on a downward spiral to hell. “Take your pick: Haunted house, carnival games, scary movies, auction, costume contest, floor decoration contest, pumpkin carving; the list goes on.”

Finn’s mouth gaped, opening and shutting as he tried to decide what he wanted to help with. Sighing, Ben decided for him. “Look, just keep up with the costume contest. Make sure everything runs smoothly, and if the judges need anything, make sure they get it.”

“Okay. Yeah, yeah I can do that,” Finn said. Ben glared at him for good measure, hoping he actually could. He put Finn in charge of keeping everything stocked because Finn tended to get a little panicky. It was the one job that he couldn’t possibly fuck up. Ben could only hope that helping out with the costume contest wasn’t too much for him.

“I want to know where the judges are at all times. Don’t lose track of them even for a second or the whole contest will be on hold,” Ben walked off, mind already jumping to the next problem.

He must have covered half of the complaints on the list, running all over the building, before he finally felt like he could take another break. Even then, it wasn’t so much of a break as it was checking in with Hux and tallying up the current donation pool. He didn’t need to, but it had become a habit to retreat to Hux’s office when he needed a break.

“Shoes off the couch,” Hux walked in the door, completely unfazed by his secretary on his couch. Rather than his usual work attire, he was dressed head-to-toe in a skeleton-man costume complete with a skull mask. It looked good on his tall, lean body.

He was glaring down at his phone again, and Ben’s mind flickered to Maz’s words. What if Hux really was hiding something from him? Whatever it was, it wasn’t any of his business, so he pushed the thought away.

“Fuck you,” Ben mumbled into the couch cushions. He dug his shoes into the white couch out of spite. “Telling me two fucking weeks before Halloween to plan a party…”

Hux chuckled, putting his phone aside. Ben pressed his face farther into the cushions when his heart started dancing in his chest. As Hux piled on the extra projects and the party planning, he began to shower Ben with more attention. The change was very sudden, but not unwelcome. They seemed to talk all the time now about everything they could think of, going from strictly professional to gossiping over lunch. Ben hardly noticed it happening until he was right in the middle of it.

“Well, it was your idea to put on such an extravagant event,” Hux poured two glasses of whiskey and put one down on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Usually, we hold a costume ball at one of the hotels.”

Ben’s head shot up. “What?!” There was a sinking feeling in his gut like he shot himself in the foot.

“Of course, you didn’t bother to read anything I sent you about the party budget except for the actual budget. If you bothered to look at the budget history or my written instructions, you would’ve seen that everything was already set up. All you had to do was call to confirm the catering and decoration services, and finalize the guest list.”

“You tell me that now?” Ben dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. He was exhausted, and the thought that he could’ve avoided this exhaustion made him want to scream. “Then why the fuck did I do all of this?”

“You should’ve read my notes. Do pay attention, Matthew. You might miss something important next time,” Hux sat in an armchair opposite the couch, wearing a smile that Ben didn’t see. “But I think I prefer your parties to mine. It’s…fun.”

Ben peeked at Hux, heart swelling. Hux was staring at his drink and not Ben. For a split second, his eyes darted up to meet Ben’s and then went back to his drink. He looked as stoic and professional as he always did, but Ben could see the beginnings of a smile playing on his lips.

It felt tense, and he didn’t know why. Should he say something? Did he need to say something?

“Be-aatt! Matt. Hello Matt, Mr. Hux,” Finn burst into Hux’s office, obviously not expecting to see Hux sitting there. He was suddenly in costume, too, covered in bad zombie makeup and Poe’s green army-pilot uniform that he used for shows at Kanji Klub. “Uhh, there’s a problem with the costume contest?”

“What happened?” Ben threw back the glass of whiskey Hux handed him all in one go.

“We sort of lost track of the judges.”

Hux rolled his eyes as Ben groaned. “Well, where did you see them last? Did you even try texting Mitaka? Does Phasma know anything?”

“I don’t have his number, personal or work, and Phasma’s too engrossed in storytelling to be useful,” Finn shrugged and Ben sighed.

“Fuck, okay. How long do we have until the costume contest starts?”

“Two hours.”

“Two — why the fuck are you bothering me about not being able to find them if we don’t need them for another two hours?!”

“You wanted to keep track of the judges at all times!”

“But there are still two hours until — you know what? Don’t fucking bother me unless it’s a real emergency. I’ve still got stuff to deal with.”

“Like finding a costume?” Hux interjected. He was being particularly unhelpful today and Ben had no idea why. Normally, he’d be micromanaging like a mad man, but he’d left Ben alone since he assigned the Halloween party project.

“How is that relevant?” Ben questioned.

“It’s a Halloween party, Matthew. You have to wear something,” Hux ducked behind his desk to rummage through the drawers and reappeared a moment later with a collar and leash in hand. “It’s a little crude, but I think this’ll work.”

Ben could feel his face turning bright red. He recognized that collar and leash. He’s used that collar and leash with Hux during a few of their Friday night escapades. He looked to Finn for help, but Finn turned and walked off as soon as Ben looked at him.

“I-isn’t that a bit…inappropriate?” It was ironic for Ben to say, considering his other occupations, but he could already feel his pants getting a little tight from the thought of wearing the collar and having Hux so close.

Hux laughed at him, “Only if you think of it that way. Now, come here.”

“What? No!” Ben backed up, trying to make his libido behave.

“You may be in charge of this event, but I’m still your boss,” Hux didn’t chase him. He waited for Ben to come back to him. “I can still cut your paycheck.”

“That’s harassment."

“One dollar- “

“Okay, fine!” With a heavy sigh and a bit of grumbling, Ben relented and walked back over to Hux. He wanted to fight and probably would have, but with the rest of the party looming over his head, he’d rather just get it over with.

“You’re a monster,” Ben muttered, biting the inside of his cheek as Hux’s long fingers brushed his neck and fastened the collar in place. They were cold but familiar, and his touch made Ben shiver.

“It’s Halloween. What were you expecting?” Hux laughed.

Ben loved that laugh, he realized. The frustration left his body, and contentment took its place. He started to smile, enjoying the feeling and debating what Hux would do if Ben kissed him.

“Sorry, am I interrupting something?” Finn reappeared in the doorway, holding a pair of dog ears and a fake tail. Like that, Ben’s happy feelings were gone, replaced with growing dread. “I saw the collar and thought these might come in handy.”

“Well, isn’t this perfect?” Hux smiled and retrieved the items. Ben, on the other hand, was furious. Considering he was Hux’s secretary, he hated the implication that came with the costume, even if he did let Hux have his way every Friday night.

“Traitor,” Ben hissed at Finn as Hux put the accessories on him.

“Matt, look at me,” Hux commanded, and Ben’s attention snapped back to him. Their faces were very close all of a sudden, but Hux was too engrossed in adjusting the dog ears to his liking to notice.

When Hux stepped back to scrutinize his work, Ben shifted and tugged at the collar. The smooth leather actually felt quite nice on his skin, but he didn’t want Hux to know that. Hux looked far too proud of his work, and Ben felt like he did when he was tied to the bed and Hux ground their hips together but didn’t fuck him, not yet. It was the kind of feeling that made his face hot and his body want, but he didn’t move. He knows he couldn’t, or else Hux wouldn’t give him what he wanted.

It’s got worse when Hux tugged on the leash, making Ben stumble forward, stumble closer until their faces were inches apart. “Now, aren’t you a good boy?” Hux whispered.

Ben barely held himself back from jumping Hux right then and there. He hadn’t been to see Hux on a Friday night since his panic attack. Hux still showed up every Friday, and Ben still danced, but he was too scared to leave with Hux. As much as he tried to tell himself that Hux wouldn’t hurt him, he didn’t completely believe it. Still, he missed the feeling of Hux in his arms and being tired and sore but satisfied.

Right then, Ben wanted. It had been weeks since he’d been so close to Hux and he craved the other man’s touch. It would be so easy to just lean down and kiss him, to pull him onto the couch and fuck him until they passed out, sweaty and sated, but he couldn’t. Still, his breath was short and his heart was racing, and for a split second, it almost looked like Hux was staring at his lips.

And then he heard a camera shutter. More specifically, Ben heard that weird sound that smartphones make when you take a picture with them.

“Finn!!”

  


* * *

 

  


“Fucking traitor! You better not send that to Rey!”

Hux watched as Matt ran off after Phasma’s secretary. The name “Rey” sounded familiar, but he was too shocked from the picture to think about it. After all, Phasma’s idiot just took a compromising picture of him and his secretary. The press would have a field day if that got out.

Adrenaline rushed through him, putting his mind to work. Hux refused to let the situation get out of hand. Pulling up the building’s security feed on his tablet, Hux tracked their location through the cameras and an advanced GPS program he installed on Matt’s work cell. He couldn’t let that picture get out to the public, but luckily they hadn’t made it too far. Hux made his way down to the 52nd floor where Matt trapped Finn at the end of the Haunted Mansion Maze.

When he arrived, Finn had barricaded himself inside a storage closet and Matt was trying to break the door down. It was a little hard to see because the floor was so dark, but Hux managed to make his anger known all the same.

“Stand aside,” Hux growled. Then he shouted, “Worker number FN-2187, open this door and hand me your phone, or I will fire you immediately. So help me, if you’ve sent that picture to anyone, I’ll have you sued for workplace harassment, invasion of privacy, and possible defamation!”

The three of them were silent for a long moment, and then Finn opened the door and handed his phone over. “I have a name you know,” Finn said. “You don’t have to call me by my worker ID…”

“I’m your boss. I’ll address you as I wish,” Hux glared at him and took the phone. Slowly, the tension faded from his shoulders as he browsed Finn’s phone.

He found the picture quickly, but his thumb paused, hovering over the ‘delete’ button. It was a good picture, actually. The lighting was decent, it was well framed, the quality was nice, especially for a picture taken on a phone, and…were they really standing so close?

Hux studied the picture, looking back and forth between himself and Matt. There was something there that shouldn’t have been. As much as he wishes he didn’t, Hux recognized it. It was…

Banishing the thoughts from his mind, Hux deleted the picture and handed the phone back to Finn. “Don’t do that again,” he warned, and Finn nodded with wide eyes.

The three of them made their way back to the elevators in a tense silence. It couldn’t be helped, Hux supposed. The three of them exited on different floors to do different things, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Matt was unnaturally silent and a little anxious in the haunted mansion and stayed that way right up until they entered the elevator. There had to be a reason for it, but Hux hoped it was that he was scared of Hux chewing him out as well and not because he noticed that Hux texted himself a copy of the picture before deleting it off of Finn’s phone.

Safely back in his office, Hux pulled out his phone and stared down at the picture. Their faces were so close together, and it looked so intimate. If he hadn’t been in the photo, Hux would’ve thought he was intruding on a private moment between two lovers. Matt’s gaze was too adoring, and Hux looked anxious but excited.

Hux wiped a hand over his face. Had he been excited being that close to Matt? He didn’t think so. He wasn’t supposed to be, yet there was the evidence. There was such an obvious connection between them that wasn’t strictly professional, and Hux didn’t know if he was okay with that.

Slipping the phone back into his pocket, Hux pulled his mask on and left his office. He promised he’d relax that night, and thinking about feelings that weren’t supposed to exist was not relaxing. However, no amount of apple-bobbing, movie-watching, trick-or-treating, costume-judging, or maze-walking took his mind off of it.

Everything he did reminded him of Matt, not just because he put the damn event together, but because each activity had his personal touch attached to it. It looked messy and felt sporadic, but all of it worked and flowed so well, just like him. Then, just like that, Hux was back to thinking about Matt.

In the first place, the whole reason why he’d been giving Matt so much more work was to put some distance between them. Ever since the coffee incident, Hux hadn’t been able to stop himself from noticing things about Matt. He didn’t actually need those ridiculous glasses but he wore them anyway. Everything on his desk had a specific place and even though it looked like a disaster to Hux, Matt knew where everything was and always put it back when he finished with it. Though he loathed to admit it, it was kind of...cute.

He started giving Matt more work, more projects to oversee in hopes that he’d be too busy to be around Hux, and then Hux wouldn’t be so distracted. If anything, it only distracted Hux more because he had no one to talk to. Hux had grown used to having Matt follow him around all day, making snarky comments about everything.

Worst of all, Hux started to find the blond man attractive. He may be more physically attractive if he took off those over-sized glasses and put on some decent clothes, but it was his work ethic that Hux spacing out during meetings. Matt worked hard and always got the job done, even if it wasn’t how Hux would’ve done it. During project meetings, Matt commanded attention so naturally, so easily. Hux ended up completely captivated by him – not the meeting, not the project, but him. Matt.

All of the feelings Hux tried to push down forced their way to the front of his mind until they became too hard to ignore. They were feelings that he recognized, but it had been so long since he’d felt them that it felt weird and wrong instead of good. Hux didn’t want to feel like that, especially towards his secretary (of all people,) but it was there and ignoring it only made him feel worse.

By the end of the fiscal year, Hux was about ready to rip his hair out. He refused to accept that it was possible to feel this way about Matt. If it was Kylo, he would’ve understood. If it was Dameron or Mitaka, he would’ve understood.

 

But Matt?

No. Absolutely not.  


So, Hux kept pushing Matt, hoping that keeping him busy would stop this nonsense, but then he pushed Matt too far. Matt got angry. Matt screamed and flipped his desk over. Matt left. ‘Oh, I did that,’ Hux thought. It wasn’t a good feeling. It was a lot of guilt and fear, and he apologized in hopes that Matt wouldn’t quit. (Luckily, he didn’t.)

The party project was supposed to be Hux’s apology: something simple and easy for Matt to do so that he could have a break. It was always an easy thing to plan, and Hux already had most of it set up. All Matt needed to do was call the venue and the catering restaurant to confirm the details.

But of course, Matt threw himself into chaos and planned something above and beyond Hux’s expectations. Walking into the office building that night, Hux was so proud. It was his secretary, his Matt who put such an amazing event together in only two weeks. With every passing day, those feelings were getting harder to deny.

“Armitage, this is quite the party you’ve put together,” Orson Krennic, the former head of the First Order’s board of directors, approached him with his goddaughter in tow. The little girl bid Hux ‘hello’ before running off to listening to the scary stories that Matt and Phasma were telling.

“Director Krennic! Thank you,” Hux beamed with pride for accomplishments that weren’t his own. It was an odd feeling, but one that Hux had come to enjoy throughout the night. “But I couldn’t possibly take all the credit for this. I simply provided the funds.”

“Still so formal,” Krennic teased. He’d been a family friend for as long as Hux could remember, but it never felt right calling him anything but “director.” “If not you, then who should I be thanking?”

Hux couldn’t hold back the wave of pride as he motioned to Matt. “My secretary put this together. He’s the blond telling stories.”

Surprise showed on Krennic’s face. “And by ‘he’ you’re teasing Ms. Phasma, yes?”

Though he painted a smile on his face, Hux felt the words like a bee sting. Why would Krennic say such a thing? Matt was more than capable, despite his appearance. Perhaps he was only joking. “No, Matthew put all of this together. I was actually planning another ball, but he took the initiative and put together this marvelous event in only two weeks.”

Krennic scoffed and studied Matt. “Well, that’s certainly unexpected.”

It was harder than it should’ve been for Hux to stay calm. How dare he. How dare Krennic scoff at Matt’s achievements. Matt worked long hard hours to pull this off, and even now when he was exhausted, he still found the energy to put on an exciting performance while telling stories to children. Hux knew his anger was boiling. He knew that he should've let it go and changed the subject, but being the stubborn man that he was, he felt the need to ask, “and why is that?”

Krennic shot him a questioning look, as if the answer was obvious, but Hux’s hard stare and sharp tone were enough to make him answer. “Look at him: Beat-up converse, messy hair, old glasses, awkwardly large limbs; who does he look like to you?”

“He looks like my secretary,” Hux replied. He was unsure of what Krennic was saying.

“Exactly,” Krennic said. “He’s your dull, awkward secretary who looks more like a college drop-out than an adult with his life on track, yet he was able to put together all of this in – what did you say – two weeks.”

Looking to Matt, the gears started turning in Hux’s head as Krennic talked. “Don’t you remember everything your father taught you, boy? I assume you didn’t bother with a background check because you were so impressed with his skill. There’s much more to your secretary than meets the eye. You would do well to remember that, Armitage.”

Krennic’s words made no sense Hux, but it was clear that he was missing something. “Of course he received a background check. Phasma did the hiring, but I trust her judgment. Matthew is an incredible secretary. If there are things in his past that he’d rather not share, then I won’t ask.”

“He’s…he’s hot-headed and forgetful, and if I didn’t need a secretary so badly I would’ve fired him after the first week, but…” The words became hard to find as Hux defended Matt. He didn’t know why, but nothing sounded right. Nothing sounded good enough. “Matt works so hard, and he listens and remembers. He thinks of everything I forget, and when I praise him for it, he tries to stay professional but he smiles anyway. He…He’s incredible, and I won’t risk losing such an apt assistant.”

Hux’s response earned him a laugh and a cocked eyebrow. “So, that’s why you can’t see it. You sound just like I did, Armitage, when I was younger and foolish. Just be careful not to have your heart broken like me.”

Panic surged through him. What was Krennic implying? Did he know? How did he know? No one knew. Hux was so careful to ensure that no one would find out. His family didn’t know, Phasma and Mitaka didn’t know, even Hux himself didn’t know how he felt. So, how did Krennic know?

“Be careful not to have my heart broken?” Hux was careful to keep his face steady despite his internal panic. “Forgive me, Director. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do,” Krennic scolded. “Don’t play the fool, boy. It doesn’t suit you.”

He walked off to collect his goddaughter, leaving Hux stunned and confused. Did Krennic know what Hux had been trying to deny? His gaze shifted to Matt, and Hux didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know if he wanted to believe what Krennic was implying.

As Krennic and his goddaughter walked back towards the elevators, he paused as he passed Hux. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Armitage,” he said quietly. “If you love him, then hold him and don’t let go. Whatever anyone else says about you doesn’t even begin to compare to how much you’ll miss him. Even to this day, Galen is…Don’t be the fool that I was.”

 

Love?

 

Hux couldn’t love Matt. All other issues aside, it was too early to call this thing love, if that was along the lines of what Hux was feeling. He’d known about Krennic and Galen Erso for years. The whole world knew though the pair denied anything but a platonic relationship. Maybe that’s why it seemed like Krennic could see everything that Hux didn’t want to.

Looking back at Matt one more time, Hux couldn’t help but smile. Matt spoke so animatedly to the children, despite the bags under his eyes and the long list of things Hux knew he still had to take care of. The sight tugged at Hux’s heart in a way that he could only describe as ‘wanting’; it hurt like hell, but it made him smile too. Maybe Krennic was right. It wasn't love, but maybe Hux felt something for Matt.

Maybe?

Probably?

He didn’t know anymore.

  


* * *

 

  


Ben was dead on his feet, but the night was almost over. One more meeting, that was all he had left to do, even if it felt like another mountain to climb. Despite the night’s festivities, there were still employees that came in to work instead of play, namely the managers of the all-important Tarkin Museum Project. They were scheduled for a meeting on the 60th floor, one of the only floors not being used for the Halloween party.

Like everything else for that night, Ben had prepared meticulously — a habit he picked up from Hux — and set up the room an hour before the meeting. But his exhaustion was wearing on him, he knew.

Ben had to turn back at the last minute to retrieve his forgotten papers from the copier, again. Hux would be so disappointed in him. He couldn’t keep forgetting like that. Ben could do better. The thought of going home and getting some sleep pushed his worries aside, however, because he was so close to finishing. So what if it was a Friday night? “Kylo” had already emailed Hux about not meeting, so Ben only had this meeting and then he could leave.

All of the project managers were already in the meeting room when Ben arrived. They talked amongst themselves loudly while Ben rubbed his eyes and took a breath to steady himself. Just this, then he could go home.

When he pushed the doors open, Ben started the meeting without waiting for anyone to take their seats. “Good evening, everyone. Thank you for joining me so late in the day for this meeting. You should have already received my email about our agenda, but to recap, this is just a checkpoint update and your opportunity to bring any issues and concerns to light. So, let’s- “

“Oh, come on,” one of the managers interrupted. She rolled her eyes, “we all know the project is going fine. You don’t need to be so uptight about it.”

“Don’t give him such a hard time,” says another manager. “He’s just being a good boy for his master!”

The managers laughed at the insult, and Ben restrained himself with clenched fists. Looking around, the managers were all quite giddy, and a few were a little red-faced, telling Ben that they didn’t mean it. They just had too much to drink. It was the alcohol talking.

“Well, we can all get on with our night if we finish this quickly,” Ben said, trying to redirect their focus. “So, if you’ll please look at page- “

“Can you do some tricks for us boy? Go on, roll over!” The managers whistled at him, poking fun at his costume.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yeah, funny. Now- “

“More like fetch and sit!” Another one of them laughed. “That’s all he ever does: Fetches Hux’s laundry, and sits at Hux’s feet like the man is some sort of king!”

Ben tried to ignore it all. “According to the project schedule, we’re- “

“Hey, are you the big man’s lover or something?”

Ben froze when he heard the question, mind racing, worrying that they might’ve found out about his other identity. “Please, can we just focus?”

“You know, I don’t think it’s really fair. You get all kinds of special perks like getting to oversee projects or network with other companies’ executives. Even this!” The manager gestures around the room. “He gave you the time and resources to plan a fucking party while the rest of us are stuck doing his pet projects!”

“Look, I’m sorry that-“ Ben tried to protest, but they didn’t let him talk.

“No, you look!” they yelled at him. Ben gripped his papers too tightly, trying to stop his hands from shaking. “We’re floor managers, the cream of the crop. We are the ones who were promised the best. We were told that First Order Inc. would better the world and give us opportunities to succeed. But, you are the one who’s been getting all of that since the moment you got here.”

They all turned on him. Every single person in the room stared Ben down like he was the reason for their problems, their misery. It was unfair. It was infuriating, but Ben held himself back. He could get through this. Then he could go home.

Through gritted teeth, he tried again to refocus the meeting. “I believe the progress on the- “

“Do you ever get tired of being Hux’s bitch?” The documents in Ben’s hands were ruined then, crumpled and torn by his nails digging holes into the paper.

“What’s it like being a trophy wife?”

“Does he fuck you real good too? Is that why you two are so close?”

“Ha! I bet the bastard just has his way with you. That has a nice ring to it: The Bastard and The Bitch.”

“Come here, bitch,” One of them pulls on Ben’s leash, lurching him in one direction, making him stumble. The manager pulled the leash down until he and Ben were eye-to-eye. “You sit at Hux’s feet all day; you can sit at mine for a little while. Just bend over like a good boy.”

They laughed and they laughed, and they didn’t stop. Ben tried to stay calm, but it all resonated in his ears, bounced around in his mind, and ripped at his control until he couldn’t take it anymore.

Ben snapped and punched the one holding his leash.

“I’m not your bitch!” He screamed, yanking off his make-shift costume and throwing it at the managers. “I’m not Hux’s bitch. I’m not anyone’s bitch!”

Ben grabbed the shirt of the person closest to him and just let everything out. “You don’t know me! You don’t know how fucking hard my life is! You think it’s easy being that bastard’s secretary? You think it’s easy keeping up with his pet projects when you ass monkeys refuse to cooperate? You think it’s fucking easy to live on a secretary’s salary when I have to pay the bills, pay my rent, pay for my cousin’s college tuition to fucking Columbia U, and still hope there’s enough left to pay for dinner?”

He shoved the manager away, letting him back up in fear as he addresses the room. “You have families, you have decent jobs, you have everything. This job is the first good thing to happen to me in years, and now I don’t have a fucking social life because of it! My entire life revolves around Armitage-fucking-Hux! You don’t have a right to say anything.”

For a moment, it was quiet. Everyone seemed stunned at his sudden outburst, including Ben. He didn’t expect himself to say that, but it just came out. Now that his head was beginning to clear, he thought that he should leave. He wasn’t doing anyone any good by staying and trying to finish this meeting. He could reschedule it for a time when the managers were sober and he wasn’t so exhausted.

But before he could move, one of them spoke up again.

“The bitch even talks like Hux.”

Blinded by rage, Ben barely registered the people screaming around him. He lunged after the person who spoke and started throwing punches. They were fucking idiots anyway. They deserved this. They deserved to feel his wrath, his pain, his anger, his-

“Matthew, stop.” Low but firm, the voice cut through the commotion, bringing everything to a sudden standstill.

 

It was Hux.

 

Ben looked up. He saw the horrified looks of the people in the room. He looked down and saw a bloodied face. He looked up and saw Hux staring down at him, expression unreadable. he looked down and saw his own bruised and bloodied hands. He looked up and saw Hux. He saw Hux.

Oh God, what had he done?

Panic almost consumed him as Ben leaped back from the man he was beating. There was blood all over his hands and the floor and the man’s face. He was suddenly aware of everyone staring at him and he wished it would stop. He wished he’d gone home and didn’t have to deal with their horror and Hux’s disappointment.

Immediately, Ben’s eyes locked with Hux’s. He was disappointed. Ben failed. He could’ve done better, but he didn’t. He didn’t do better. Why didn’t he? Now Hux was disappointed in him and Ben was going to be punished. He was going to get fired. He’s going to get arrested. There won’t be anyone to take care of Rey because they’ll throw him in jail. They’ll put him in an asylum. They’ll put him in a box.

 

They’ll put him in _the_ box.

 

It was too much. All of it was too much. He could feel his breath growing short and his mind closing in on itself. Ben couldn’t handle it. Not there. Not like that.  


He ran.

  


* * *

 

 

Chaos.

 

That’s what Hux saw when he walked into the meeting room. His employees were screaming, there was blood on the floor, and in the middle of it all was Matt. He was angry, so angry. Hux had never seen him like that before, but it scared him, worried him. It wasn’t right.

“Matthew, stop,” the words were like magic. Time stopped and the whole room froze. In an instant, Hux was the center of attention. His employees looked relieved, but Matt went from rage to recognition to terror.

He ran.

“Mr. Hux, thank God!” one of the managers said, as soon as Matt was gone. “Your secretary is a lunatic. He just-“

“Don’t you dare try to make excuses for yourselves,” Hux snapped at them. He heard them. He heard the comments that all of them had made from outside the meeting room. That’s what drew him there in the first place.

“Do you honestly believe that I’m stupid enough not to know what you said to him? What you said about me? All of you are a disgrace to this company and will be reviewed by the company board. If they find anything that violates our company policies, even just pushing the rules, I will not hesitate to fire you,” He paused for a moment, looking over at the unconscious bloodied man on the floor. “Get him an ambulance.”

Gradually, anger began to fill Hux. He’d had such high expectations for this particular group of employees, but they’d let him down in more ways than one. They hadn’t been staying on the project schedule, he knew, but it was Matt that was bothering him. They bullied Matt. They pushed him around when his awkward secretary was already on edge. They put him into a bad situation and it made Hux furious.

But as much as he’d love to finish the beating that Matt started, his mind was too consumed with worry to focus on it. He needed to find Matt, make sure he was okay. Matt was still exhausted from the party, and then his idiot employees pushed him to anger and violence. He must’ve been shocked, scared. Hux needed to make sure he was okay.

“Hold on!” One of his managers grabbed his arm before Hux could leave the room. “Your secretary assaults a man and you’re going to punish us? I knew you played fucking favorites, but this is a load of bull. We can press charges for assault.”

Hux rounded on them, anger still present despite his worries. “Then I’ll press charges against you for workplace harassment and have you fired and make sure you’re never able to find decent work again! Perhaps I play favorites, but I’ll remind you that I am a rich and powerful man. I can afford to play favorites.”

He stormed out of the room then, leaving the group of stunned and angry employees behind him. That wasn’t important right now. Right now, he needed to find Matt.

After what happened with Kylo, Hux started researching. Kylo, a man so bold and brash and sexy suddenly broke down into tears, screaming, punching, lost in distant memories. Curiosity told Hux it was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When Hux pulled the blindfold over Kylo’s eyes, he froze, his face dropped, and then he went crazy. Something about the blindfold, about that complete and total darkness turned Hux’s weekend lover into a shell of a man. It scared them both.

When Hux walked into that meeting room, he recognized the same terrified look on Matt’s face. Panic attack, that’s what the internet told him. They could be dark and terrifying and one could hurt themselves in the middle of one. He had to find Matt. He couldn’t let Matt be on his own.

However, no matter where he looked, he couldn’t find his secretary. There was no floor, no bathroom, no closet that Hux didn’t check, but he couldn’t find Matt anywhere. Matt wouldn’t answer his phone, no one had seen him for the past hour now, and Hux was beginning to worry.

He returned to his office with little hope and so much fear. He needed to find Matt before anything bad happened, but he couldn’t. And then, looking through the office doors, he stopped short at the sight before him: Matt, sitting on the floor of his office with the lights off and staring out into the night sky.

It reminded him so much of Kylo, the way he sat with his too-long arms holding his too-long legs and that look on his face like everything would be okay if he wished on those stars hard enough. Quietly, Hux entered the room and sat beside Matt. That was what Hux read. That was what all of those internet forums told him to do if he encountered someone having a panic attack: stay with them, don’t touch them, gently ask what they would like to do. He just prayed to God that they were right so that Matt would be okay.

For a while, the two of them just watched the stars. More than anything, it was time to think, and Hux hated it. His worries started festering and growing, and he wanted to fix this, but he had to do it at Matt’s pace. He had to do things how Matt needed them done. His heart hurt, like a heavy weight in his chest, when he thought about how much Matt might be suffering at that very moment. But, it hurt so much more to think he might mess something up and make things even worse.

So, he waited.

“I’m sorry,” Matt said eventually. Hux looked at him, but his eyes were still glued to the stars. “I shouldn’t have — I didn’t even try — I couldn’t…I-I’m sorry.”

He was shaking, on the verge of tears, maybe hyperventilating, but Hux didn’t know what to do. He researched so much, but when it came down to actually helping Matt, he felt so helpless and lost. What does he do? What does he say? ‘It’s okay?’ ‘Don’t worry about it?’ ‘I’m not mad?’

“I forgive you,” were the words that he said. Matt’s head shot up as he met Hux’s eyes. His eyes were filled with tears, and he looked terrified that Hux was lying to him. So, Hux said it again. “I forgive you.”

Matt lunged forward, capturing Hux in his arms. He held on tight, like his life depended on it, clutching at Hux’s shirt. Then, he cried.

Hux couldn’t do anything but hold him and listen to the shaky sobs, but he wondered why forgiveness was the thing that set Matt off. Who wronged him? Who put him through such hell that forgiveness was that much of a relief? He wanted to know, wanted to ask, but felt as though he’d only be intruding if he did.

It worried him to realize that two of the people he cared for most could be reduced to such a state. His feelings towards Kylo were far more physical than emotional, but all the same, he cared, and now he worried. He worried that it was his fault, that he was the reason for their tears and pain. Hux was the one who put the blindfold on Kylo, after all, and his managers were angry because Hux treated Matt so favorably. There was a part of him that wanted to run, that part of him that he always denied, always repressed because Hux refused to run away from his problems. For a moment, he almost listened to it. He could fire Matt, he could stop seeing Kylo, and it would all be over.

But he wouldn’t do that. If he made mistakes, then it was his job to fix them. He had a responsibility to make sure they were okay, and he’d see it through to the end. It might take a while for Kylo to trust him again, but Matt was there right then. So, he held Matt tight, and sank into the embrace to let him know ‘it’s okay. You’re forgiven. I forgive you.’

They stayed like that for a while, until Matt’s sobs turned into soft hiccups, and his grip loosened enough for Hux to reposition them. Like Kylo held him, Hux sat between Matt’s legs, allowing the other man to look out at the stars, but still have his firm hold on Hux. Matt seemed to like it, immediately letting his head rest on Hux’s shoulder.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Hux said when the silence became too much for him. “The fault is theirs for being so jealous, and mine for not noticing sooner.”

Matt didn’t respond, save for a few shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself, so Hux continued. “You’ve been working so hard, and I wanted to give you a break. And then, you…you made a simple party into an incredible festival of games and contests and fun.”

As Hux looked out at the stars, he wondered what it was about them that so many people loved. Why did it comfort Kylo? Why did Matt choose to sit here and watch them? “I cannot deny that you made a mistake in that meeting room. The man you punched will most likely press charges, but I will defend you. I forgive you, and I will ensure that no harm comes to you.”

Reaching his hand back, Hux smoothed a hand down the side of Matt’s face and reveled in the feeling of Matt holding him. He knew what he was doing was wrong. Slowly but surely he was developing a relationship with a man, his secretary. He was going to use his money and resources to defend this man in court against a crime that he very obviously committed. He was going to make sure Matt was okay.

He knew it was wrong, but it felt right. He wanted to protect Matt from those nightmares, perhaps because he couldn’t protect Kylo from his, perhaps because Hux knew he was responsible for all of it, in some way. He’d make it all okay. He needed to.

“I ran,” Matt said suddenly. His voice was raw and soft. “I ran away from home.”

It caught Hux off guard. He wasn’t expecting Matt to say anything, and he didn’t intend to ask. Still, he listened. He sat and watched the stars, and he listened because Matt needed him to.

“Fifteen. Had a bad fight with my dad. Went to California,” He held Hux a little tighter. “It was okay until I…I-I liked him and they…”

Taking Matt’s hands, Hux held them tight and whispered to him as Matt tried to stop the rising sobs. “Shh, it’s alright. You did nothing wrong.”

“I did. I did,” Hux could feel more tears staining his shirt, but was helpless to stop it. “I did everything wrong. I…I did what they said and they still hurt him.”

It was terrifying, he realized, to witness such panic. Matt was hurt, crying, telling him things about his past, and Hux could feel his own panic and anger rising. It was fear that whoever “they” were would come for Matt, and anger that they hurt him and might try to again.

“Who?” Hux asked, unable to stop his curiosity.

“…Thanisson,” Matt whispers, and he sounded so pained. “He…I loved…”

And then he was sobbing again, crying too hard to say anything else. Matt refused to let go of Hux, even when Hux tried to turn to calm him and look at him properly. The very thought of his old love seemed to scare him, and made him terrified of letting Hux go even for a second.

Still, he made himself talk. “They said they’d hurt him if I didn’t do what they asked. So, I hurt people, I-I stole things, I…I was their slave. Their dog. Their bitch.”

Hux wanted to slam his head against a wall as he recalled what his employees said to Matt. It was bad enough that Hux forced him to wear a dog costume, but what his employees said, that was why Matt snapped. They made him feel helpless again like he was Hux’s slave, Hux’s bitch.

“I’m sorry,” Hux said, feeling his heart sink. It wasn’t said, but the comparison was there, that Hux was like “them.” “They” who made Matt do terrible things, “they” who reduced Matt to tears; Hux didn’t want to be like “them,” but to some extent, he knew he was. Hux was Matt’s master, in a sense, telling him what to do, when to do it, and punishing him when things went wrong.

Matt had every right to be terrified of Hux, but somehow he wasn’t. It amazed Hux that Matt hadn’t pushed him away. He should’ve, but he didn’t. Even as the minutes ticked by and they were shrouded in silence once more, Matt still held on, unwilling to let Hux go. It was…nice.

“You should go home,” He told Matt, gently tugging at his hands. “Get some sleep. I’ll take care of the party.”

Matt mumbled into his neck and held him tighter instead of letting go.

“Matthew, you’re mumbling,” Hux scolded.

“But, you’re warm,” Matt said.

The words didn’t mean anything specific to him. They weren’t some reminder of a childhood joy or a much-needed encouragement. Perhaps it was surprising that Matt thought that, but it didn’t mean anything to him.

Still, his heart combusted. Hux could feel his heart racing as he repeated the words over and over again in his head. ‘You’re warm. You’re warm.’ There was no reason for it, other than that Matt said it, but maybe it was that possibility of the meaning that made Hux feel like he wants to hold Matt and never let go. ‘You’re warm. You’re wanted. You’re important. You’re loved.’

There was that word again: Love.

Maybe there was something to be said for the notion since it came up twice in the span of a few hours, but that was ridiculous. It was far too soon for love, Hux knew, even if this felt so close. It felt comfortable and genuine and inviting and…warm. Matt, who should think of Hux like he thought of “them,” thought he was warm.

So, when Matt finally pulled away, muttering something about actually going home, Hux felt too cold. He wanted to have Matt holding him again, resting on him, needing him. He yearned to keep Matt with him, and the thought scared him.

“You’re right. I probably should go home,” Matt wiped away dried tears. He looks exhausted, and all Hux wanted to do was hold him and comfort him.

“Um, thanks for …you know…this,” Matt gestured to the room. It was awkward then. Neither of them knew what to say. “I…thanks.”

“Of course,” It’s all Hux could say, and then Matt was walking off.

When did he get so attached? When did he become so enamored? It scared Hux to think that he’d come to care for Matt so quickly. This wasn’t just wrong, it was inappropriate; Matt’s his secretary. It was stupid; Hux hardly knew him. Still, it hadn’t stopped his heart from beating a little quicker, or his gaze from lingering a little longer.

Hux knew he was falling into a hole and he’d be surprised if Matt didn’t know, but he wasn’t completely sure if he wanted to. Then again, he wasn’t so sure that he didn’t want to either.

“Matt,” he called out, not wanting to let go just yet. Matt turned around, waiting for Hux to continue, but he had nothing to say. “…Goodnight.”

It was lame, but the gesture made Matt smile anyway and that was more than enough for Hux.

“Goodnight…Pumpkin,” Matt teased him, flashing him half a smile just to let Hux know everything was okay.

Hux watched him go before wrapping up the Halloween Party. It didn’t feel right, letting him go so easily, but Hux knew he’d be back. It excited him and scared him, but Hux knew that there would be more time for them.

It was just, he could shake the feeling that Matt’s farewell made him sound like Kylo.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those chapters that I read over and thought "Why did I include this?" I think it's just Ben's background. I probably shouldn't have included it, but my last chance to cut it out of the story was chapter three and it's chapter five, so that's not happening lol.
> 
> Everything starts to get really feels-heavy from here on out. Like, I don't think there's a single chapter in the rest of the fic where I didn't say "oh shit" while I was writing it. Get ready.
> 
>  
> 
> Updates Mondays


	6. Don't Let Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ON THE LAST CHAPTER OF BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Ben threw a kick ass Halloween party, then actually kicked some ass. Krennic told Hux he was an idiot, prompting a dramatic internal struggle. Hux finally started catching on to Ben's real identity! (Sort of...)
> 
> What office drama awaits our ~~assholes~~ heroes? Will Ben finally talk to his parents after fifteen years? Who is Hux always texting and calling?
> 
> Find out now on chapter 6: Don't Let Me Down

Nine o’clock on the dot, was when Hux got to work every day. As soon as the clock struck nine, the elevator doors at the other end of the floor opened. Ben greeted him at approximately 9:01.

“Good morning, sir. Here’s today’s schedule,” Ben always said. It was monotonous but orderly, the way Hux had instructed him to conduct his morning routine. Ben went over the day’s events and finished with: “and your coffee.”

By 9:05, Hux was seated at his desk and had begun his workday. He worked until exactly noon, took thirty to forty-five minutes for lunch, and then kept working until 6:00 PM. No exceptions, no breaks, just work.

Glancing at his desk clock, Ben read the time as 9:11 and he had yet to hear the elevator arrive. Of course, the elevator had already delivered many people, but none of them were Hux. It was odd, given that Hux was never late. Even to their Friday night escapades (since resumed as Ben’s sex drive won out over his fears) Hux always arrived at the same time. Then they snuck upstairs promptly at midnight.

He felt restless, sitting there and waiting for something to happen, so Ben decided to go out looking for Hux instead. Perhaps he’d taken a detour for some reason. Ben checked the bathroom first, but no luck. The break room and copy room were empty as well. He went down to both cafeterias and even asked the front door reception if he’d come through, but no one had seen him.

“Finn, have you seen Hux?” Ben asked when he returned to the 60th floor.

“Not lately. Did you lose him?” Finn was busy at work, writing up a few letters for Phasma.

Ben glanced around the office floor anxiously. “No, he hasn’t shown up yet.”

Finn paused and looked up at Ben. “He’s not here?”

“No. Is it weird?”

“Uh, _yeah_. It’s weird,” Finn said. It made Ben uneasy. “He’s always here on time, but maybe he’s stuck in traffic or something? Did you try calling him?”

“No.”

“Then call him. I know you have his number,” Finn gave him a pointed look.

Finn was right. Hux was probably just caught in traffic. As he made his way back to his desk, Ben pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contact list. At the last minute, he remembered to call from his work cell rather than his personal. If Hux got a call in the middle of the day from “Kylo Ren,” Ben knew it would dig him into a deep dark hole.

He tapped his fingers impatiently on his desk as the phone rang and grumbled when he got voice mail instead of Hux. He tried calling Hux’s personal cell and home phone as well, but was still redirected to voicemail. Frustrated, Ben tossed his phone down on his desk and tried to think about something else. There were many papers to sort through and many more reports to fill out, so Ben tried to do his work instead. However, he soon found that he couldn’t concentrate on any of it. He was fidgety, restless, and he kept glancing at Hux’s office as if the man would magically appear there in his desk chair.

He knew it shouldn’t have concerned him so much, but it felt wrong to be in the building without Hux. Hux should’ve been there. Hux should’ve been in his office, telling Ben what to do and sweet talking other CEOs through the phone, but he wasn’t. It left Ben feeling anxious. He didn’t want to call it worry, but he knew that what it was.

Ben lasted another five minutes before he became too anxious to sit down. He pushed open Hux’s office doors and searched for any sign of life. The whole room was just as neat as Hux always left it, leaving no evidence that anyone had been through there that morning, except for the red-head fast asleep on the couch.

It took a moment to process, but Ben breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that he didn’t have to worry about Hux. He had been in the building the whole time, inside his office, and Ben would’ve known that had he bothered to check there first.

In his sleep, Hux shivered and shifted. Ben smiled. He was even cuter in his sleep. Quietly, Ben retrieved his jacket and draped it over Hux’s body. Hux shifted again, relaxing and snuggling into his make-shift blanket. Fast asleep on the couch and snoring lightly, Ben thought Hux looked like an angel. Crouching down, he couldn’t help staring at Hux’s face. Ben had never seen him look so calm and peaceful. All of his stress and worries were gone, and Ben wished he could see Hux like that more often.

As he moved, a piece of hair fell out of place, draping over his eyes. Carefully, Ben reached out and brushed it aside. Hux stirred as he did, eyes fluttering open and adjusting to the sunlight. Ben wanted to kiss him.

“Morning, Pumpkin,” He said instead. “Sleep well?”

“No, it’s too early for you to sass me,” Hux complained, sitting slowly and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Ben wanted to comment on how adorable he looked but got the feeling that it wouldn’t be appreciated.

“Actually, it’s almost ten o’clock. Also, what are you sleeping on your couch for? Did you go home last night?”

“Since when was it within your right to question my actions?” Hux fired back, yawning. “And I was working. There wasn’t time to go home.”

“Working? For how long? Have you been here all night?” Ben asked, a frown forming on his face.

“Yes.”

“Wha – _why_?” Ben was suddenly more worried than he had been before Hux revealed himself.

“Because there was work to finish,” Hux said as if it was obvious.

“It couldn’t have waited until you slept?”

“I slept.”

“For how long?” Ben was angry then. Hux had pulled an all-nighter working on something and was lying about sleeping. The bags under his eyes told a very different story from the words coming out of his mouth. “You don’t look like you got _any_ sleep.”

“Excuse you. What gives you the right to demand knowledge about my habits?” Hux fired back. He was getting angry, grouchy. “Am I your trophy wife? Your _pet_ to keep tabs on?”

There was a moment of silence, then. Hux’s face fell suddenly, stopping Ben from arguing further.

“I’m sorry,” Hux said. “I didn’t mean _pet_. I – That’s not what I…”

“Oh. Yeah, no. It’s fine,” Ben said, wanting to wipe away that guilty look on Hux’s face. “You called yourself ‘pet,’ not me. And it’s not, like, a trigger word or anything. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

Though a bit hesitant to accept the answer, Hux eventually relaxed. Running a hand through his hair, he explained himself. “If you must know, right after you left last night, I received a call from the New Republic Company. They want to pull out of our 10-year contract early and have the legal leverage to do so. If I can’t convince them otherwise, then the company will suffer. I’ve been here all night trying to negotiate and find ways to save everything should the worst come.”

Ben was taken aback. The New Republic Company had very strong ties to his family. His mother and father used to be board members before Leia retired to go into politics and Han started his own distribution company with his friend Lando. Their connections were always solid and strong. If they were trying to end a contract early, then something was seriously wrong.

“What? That’s insane. New Republic wouldn’t do that,” Ben followed Hux as he made his way back to his desk.

“Are you so sure? They’ve made multiple threats over the past few years, but as much as I try to appease them, nothing seems to get through,” Hux sat down with a tired sigh, running his hands through his hair. Staring down at the papers on his desk, he looked so helpless, so hopeless.

“Well…” Ben was at a loss. He wanted to help, but he also couldn’t fathom why the New Republic would want to pull out of a contract early. “What’s pissing them off?”

Hux shifted through the papers on his desk and handed a handful of them to Ben. “They don’t like our overseas business practices.”

Confused, Ben took the papers, but as he read through them he began to understand why the New Republic Company no longer wanted to associate with First Order Inc. The inspection reports of the working conditions and worker salaries were horrifying, to say the least. Ben knew that big companies typically used overseas factories to make products, and he knew that those factories were typically filthy while the workers were underpaid, but this was so much worse.

“Child labor?! You’re using child labor in your big mechanical factories overseas? Do you know how dangerous that is?!” Ben slammed the papers down on Hux’s desk. At this point, he was very inclined to agree with the New Republic Company.

“I didn’t know!” Hux yelled back. “My father was the one who started this trend in the company because it was ‘effective’ and cheap and it gave money to poor families who had no other source of income. I didn’t know the practice was still in place until the New Republic Company decided to pull out!”

“ _That’s_ your reasoning?” Ben asked, incredulously. He couldn’t believe that Hux would allow something like that in his company.  “You don’t think that it could be, I dunno, _dangerous_ for these kids, and their time might be better spent in _school_?! Have you even _tried_ to change it? Make it safer, at least?”

Hux massaged his temples, trying and failing to stay calm. “Of course I have! Do you know how expensive that is? Adult labor is far more effective and safe, but this practice has been going on for so long that changing over could put the company into debt. Taking safety precautions costs about the same, if not more.”

After repeatedly opening and closing a desk drawer while he spoke, Hux finally opened it and took out a pack of cigarettes. Lighting one, he ran a hand through his hair and looked back down at the papers. “I didn’t know this was still going on,” Hux said, quieter this time. “But at this point, I don’t know what costs I could cut to make changes without doing damage to the company financially.”

At the sight of his distress, Ben calmed a bit. “Isn’t First Order Inc. one of the richest companies in the world?” He asks.

“In assets and properties, yes,” Hux replied. “But our actual monetary reserve is quite low. It fills up as we make money and then drains as we pay employees.”

Ben looked down at the papers on Hux’s desk and thought. There had to be a way out of this dilemma. “Is it so bad if we lose them as a partner?”

“They’re our biggest partner. If they go, the others will follow and we lose important trading access,” Hux took another drag of his cigarette and Ben grimaced as the smoke cloud rose up to his face.

Finally, Ben dropped down in a chair facing Hux’s desk. He wanted to help. He wanted to make it better so Hux would stop looking like he was about to lose his life’s work. “We’ll figure this out,” he said. “So, don’t panic.”

“I’m not panicking,” Hux said, not looking at Ben.

“You don’t smoke,” Ben countered. “You’re panicking.”

“You don’t know a thing about my habits,” Hux continued to shift through the papers. “I’ve been smoking since high school.”

“But you haven’t for a while, right?” Ben leans forward on Hux’s desk. “You don’t normally smell like smoke.”

“Oh yes, and you know exactly what smokers smell like.”

“Yeah, I do. My dad smokes. Mom too, when she’s especially frustrated. Smokers smell like smoke. You don’t.”

Hux looked up at Ben, and then to his cigarette. “I don’t know what to do, Matt.”

In that moment, Ben just barely resisted reaching out and taking his hand. He was angry about the company business practices overseas, but he didn’t have the heart to stay mad at Hux when he looked so miserable. Hux was willing to change it, but he didn’t know how to do that without hurting the company.

“We’ll figure it out,” Ben told him. Hux’s tired eyes met his gaze, searching for truth and confidence. Ben gave it to him. He poured every ounce of assurance he could pull together, hoping that his eyes told Hux what his voice was too scared to say:

_‘I’m here for you.’_

_‘I’ll stay with you.’_

_‘I’ve got you.’_

 

 

They worked for what felt like days. In reality, they’d only worked for a few hours, but it was about 5:30 by the time Hux decided that they should break for food. So far, they’d come up with nothing. Everything they thought of ended up with angry employees, falling stocks, or company bankruptcy. Finally, Hux had enough, handed Ben $30, and told him to pick up the food they ordered from the reception desk.

Ben felt a little dazed as he went to retrieve their food. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t find any money. When his mother and father worked for the New Republic Company, they always had an abundance of wealth to work on their projects or rework things within the company. Money was never a problem for them at home or at work.

First Order Inc., however, didn’t seem to have a dime to spare. Upon reviewing their finances and assets, Ben discovered that they really were living penny to penny. Despite being a well-known and widely successful company, First Order Inc. was apparently very unpopular with investors. They owned physical assets like valuable land and expensive buildings but didn’t have a very high stock price or many big partners. As a result, they didn’t have money to spend on anything.

He felt guilty, then, for breaking so many things when he was first hired. Hux paid for the damages out of pocket, he told Ben. The parties that Hux puts together for the company headquarters used his personal savings as a budget as well. Ben understood then. They _needed_ the New Republic Company as a partner. Relying on them for reduced prices with distribution and resources was a major relief for First Order Inc. and losing it would devastate the company.

By the time Ben returned, his head hurt worse than when he’d left. The whole situation was extremely stressful. It was no wonder Hux was panicking so much.

“You can leave for the night, Matthew. You don’t have to stay for this,” Hux was at the window, looking up at the stars.

“No,” Ben told him, setting the food down on the coffee table. “I said I’d help you figure this out, so that’s what I’m…”

Ben trailed off when he noticed Hux holding another cigarette. It made him furious; irrationally so. In a sudden fit of anger, Ben marched up to Hux, ripped the cigarette out of his hands, and dumped in in a plastic cup with the other cigarette butts.

Hux was shocked. “Matthew, what do you think you’re-“

“Seven!” Ben screamed. “That’s seven! You can’t keep smoking these, or you’ll stink up the whole office!”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hux sneered. “I didn’t know you were allowed to tell me what to do.”

Ben threw his hands up, frustrated. Hux had been smoking non-stop since he suddenly appeared that morning, and with the stress of the New Republic’s threats, Hux’s smoking was getting on his last nerve. “I’m not telling you what to do. I just – I care, okay? It’s not good for you…especially because you were clean for who knows how long.”

“You care?” Hux asked, looking skeptical. “That’s a joke.”

“I _do_ care!” Ben fired back.

“Why?”

“Because I…” What was he supposed to say? Because he was kind of, sort of, maybe in love? Because he used to smoke weed and that’s what got him in business with Snoke? No, he couldn’t tell Hux either of those things. “Forget it. Kill yourself. I don’t care.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it, but Ben was too tired to feel bad about it. The stress was beginning to take a toll on him like he knew it was taking a toll on Hux, but they couldn’t stop working yet. They needed a solution.

Their dinner passed without much conversation, and they both dove back into searching for something that could fix the mess. It was more arguing back and forth than anything else, but as their energy wore down, so did Hux’s stubbornness.

“What if we scrapped some of the expansion projects, like the Tarkin Project?” Ben asked staring at financial reports on his tablet. “That would give us about ten million to work with.”

“We’re not canceling the Tarkin Project,” Hux said.

“But it’s not necessary!” Ben argued. “It’ll give us ten million to work with, double that if you cancel the other expansion _and_ you won’t have to find new staff to head the project.” (He’d fired the previous head staff after what they did to Ben on Halloween.)

“That project took years to save up for, and it’s going to get us hundreds of investment offers,” Hux glared at him. “If we convince the New Republic to wait, then we can take the money from the investors and use it to turn around company ethics.”

“That’s gonna take too long! By the time you get your investors, the New Republic Company will have pulled out of the contract and we’ll be bankrupt.”

“Cancelling the Tarkin Project won’t fix that.”

“No, but it will show the New Republic that we’re taking the initiative to change our ways. They’ll see that, realize that you are not your father and stay on, hoping that you’ll be better than he was.”

“You seriously think that they’ll stay on if I give them _hope_ that I’m not like my father?” Hux looked like Ben had just something exceedingly stupid, but Ben knew he was right.

“Have you seen their company motto?” Ben asked, pulling up the New Republic Company website as proof. “‘A New Hope for Tomorrow’. I’m pretty sure they’ll take it.”

Hux continued to glare at him, so Ben pulled out his trump card. “Look, I’m a Calrissian. I grew up in New Republic Company. Uncle Lando worked for them for a while, so I got to know all of the CEOs, the board members, even Han Solo, Leia Organa, and Luke Skywalker.”

Hux laughed at his remark, disbelieving. “You actually expect me to believe that you, _you_ , know the trio that saved the New Republic Company from total failure and made it one of the biggest names in the world?”

“Yes.”

Ben received a long stare, but finally, Hux gave in. “Fine. Cancel the project. Obviously, you know exactly what you’re doing and I’m just an idiot.”

He felt bad then. Hux’s mood seemed to drop a little more every time they argued about something, and Ben couldn’t stand watching him be so miserable. “You should get some sleep, Hux. Take a shower or something.”

“I’m not going home until this is solved,” Hux said, still staring at papers he’d been looking at for hours now.

“Then don’t,” Ben gestured towards the couch. “Just sleep here.”

“And what are you going to do? Watch me?”

“No! Just…I’ll work from my desk or something. Just get some sleep, okay?”

“There you go again, trying to tell me what I can and cannot do,” Hux ignored him in favor of the papers on his desk.

Ben felt like screaming. The stress was wearing Hux down, and Hux’s panic was Ben down. It was bad enough that they were both tired and stressed, but Hux wouldn’t even take care of himself long enough make sure he was thinking properly.

“I’m not telling you what to do!” Ben shouted back. He glanced at his watch. “I’m just saying this would be a lot easier on you if you got some sleep.”

“What would be easier? Losing my company? My livelihood? I’m not leaving until I’ve fixed this mess or I’m sure that it’s all a lost cause,” The defiant fire in his eyes was slowly fading. He was so afraid of losing the company and Ben could see it plain as day.

 “Hux, come on. It’s,” Ben looked at his watch. “Four in the morning. Wow. Yeah, you need sleep. You’ve been up for almost two days straight.”

“I slept last night,” Hux protested between a yawn. Just the mention of sleep seemed to make him even more tired.

“Yeah? How many hours? Two? You need to sleep. I’ve got one more idea to try and then I’ll head home too,” Ben hoped the reassurance that he’d get some sleep would encourage Hux to get some sleep.

“I’m not a child, Matthew,” Hux protested as Ben pushed him towards the couch. Despite that, he complied knowing he was losing to Ben and to his own exhaustion. “We need to figure this out.”

“And we will. _After_ you get some sleep,” Ben picked his jacket up from the floor and draped it over Hux’s shoulders. Hux glared at him, but eventually gave in and laid down.

“Fine, but wake me up in an hour. We can’t lose any more time on this,” Hux trailed off as he drifted off to sleep, dead to the world as soon as he closed his eyes.

“Yes, sir,” Ben lied. He smiled and left Hux’s office as quietly as he could.  

Ben’s final idea, however, was one that he’d been avoiding this entire time. He hadn’t lied to Hux. He had connections, strong connections to the New Republic Company, but using them would mean exposing himself to the company, to the world, and to his mother. The last thing Ben wanted was for his parents to find him after all these years of running from them. Nevertheless, there was nothing else that they could do. Ben knew that they needed the New Republic Company to stay in the partnership contract for the remainder of the contract period, or else First Order Inc. would face major repercussions. He just couldn’t believe that the ultimate reason why he was calling his mother after all these years was Hux.

He must’ve stared down at Leia’s contact information for an hour before he finally worked up the courage to just press the call button. It was almost five in the morning, but she’d be up. She was like Hux in that way: working around the clock and never stopping to take a break.

The sound of his heart beating resonated in Ben’s ears as the phone rang. What was he supposed to say? “Hi, mom. I haven’t talked to you in fifteen years, but I’m sort of in love with this guy, so could you convince the New Republic Company not to do the thing so that I can win him over?”

What would she say to him? Would she be angry that he left and took Rey with him? Would she be disappointed that he’s been too ashamed to contact her for so long? Would she hate him?

It was too late for his worries, however, because then there was a voice on the other end of the phone.

_“Hello? This is Senator Organa.”_

Ben was frozen, scared suddenly. It had been too long, and now he didn’t know how to talk to his own mother. She sounded tired like she used to after a long shift at the office.

_“Hello? Who is this?”_

His mouth moved, trying to form words, but he couldn’t. It was hard, but Ben didn’t understand why. He did know that he hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in years, and there might’ve been tears in his eyes.

_“If you’re not going to identify yourself, I’ll be hanging u-“_

“Mom,” Ben says, voice cracking.

It was silent, then. Ben couldn’t say anything else. He was too scared that Leia would be mad, that she’d hate him or just hang up on him, and all of this would have been in vain. For a moment, Leia didn’t say anything either, and then…

_“Ben?”_

Ben swallowed his fears and tried to be brave. “Hi, Mom.”

_“…How’s my little flyboy?”_

He couldn’t hold back his tears this time. It felt nothing short of amazing that the first thing his mother said to him after fifteen years was “how are you?”

“I-I’m good, Mom. I’m really good,” The words were a little muddled by voice cracks and sniffles, but he heard Leia laugh anyway.

 _“That’s good. Really good,”_ she paused. _“And Rey?”_

“She’s good too. Sleeping right now, but she’s…she got into Columbia U,” As he said the words, he could hear Leia gasp.

_“Luke’s little Sun Rey is at Columbia University? Your uncle owes me some money.”_

Ben laughed at that, and suddenly he felt like a little kid again, sitting at the kitchen table and swapping stories with his mom while she worked on reports for work. It was a weight off his shoulders that he didn’t know was weighing him down. They ended up talking for longer than Ben intended, and by the time he remembered why he called in the first place, it was almost 7 AM.

 _“So, you said Rey’s at Columbia?”_ Leia asks.

“Yeah, she’s at the top of her class, majoring in Engineering.”

_“The two of you are in New York, then?”_

The question scared him into more silence.

_“Ben?”_

“Don’t look for us,” The words were surprisingly hard to say, even though he’d been running from her for so long. After spending a few hours talking, Ben realized just how much he’d missed having his mother in his life.

_“But sweetie, it’s been years.”_

“And everything is great up here, so don’t come. Don’t…don’t tell anyone where we are, either.”

_“Ben…”_

He could hear the disappointment in her voice. Ben felt terrible for saying it, but he couldn’t have her show up. He couldn’t let anyone know that he was Ben Solo; his careers depended on it. If his fans at the club found out, then there would be paparazzi there every night, writing stories about Senator Organa’s dirty rebellious son. If Hux found out, then he would fire Ben on principle. He would never want to see Ben again, and Ben’s heart was too invested to let that happen.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I promise we’re fine, but if you come up here…” He couldn’t tell her everything, but for both of their peace of mind, she needed to know something. “Everything we’ve got depends on no one knowing that we’re related to you and dad and Uncle Luke.”

Then Leia was quiet. For a moment, Ben thought that she was going to ignore him and do what she wanted, as she’d always done, but Leia listened.

_“I can’t imagine why your happiness depends on no one knowing who you’re related to but okay…So then, I guess you didn’t call to reconnect?”_

Back to business, then. Her tone changed, and Ben missed the sound of her smile, but she was right: that’s not why he called.

“I…It’s a lot to ask, after fifteen years, but I need a favor.”

_“What kind of favor?”_

“You’re still good friends with the board of the New Republic Company, right? I need you to convince them not to pull out of their partnership contract with First Order Inc.”

_“Sweetie, the board would never agree to that. First Order Inc.’s business practices are not in line with the New Republic’s morals.”_

“Yes, I know that, but I need you to convince them.”

_“What for? Is there a reason why you care so much about helping First Order Inc.?”_

Ben braced himself for the barrage of anger he knew was coming.

“I…sort of work as the secretary to the CEO.”

 _“…you_ what _?”_

“I-“

_“Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Solo, you work directly for that monster of a man?!”_

“Mom, it’s not – he’s not a monster!”

_“His underage employees in Asia would beg to differ, as would the entire board of directors at the New Republic Company. I will not be helping First Order Inc. in any way, shape, or form.”_

Her tone sounded final, but Ben knew he had to try.

“But Mom, we’ve pooled money together to _change_ that! We’ve got ten million ready to go and another ten in the works. If you could just convince New Republic to stay, we could-“

_“No, Ben.”_

“Mom-“

 _“I said,_ no. _I’m sorry that your company is in this position, but I refuse to help that man. When your boss learns to have compassion, then I’ll ask the New Republic Company to consider renewing the partnership.”_

“But-“

 _“That’s_ final _, Ben. I’m sorry, I need to go now.”_

She was angry, Ben knew. There was no convincing Leia when she was like that, and Ben felt even more hopeless than before.

“…alright. Bye, Mom.”

_“Bye, sweetie…remember, I still love you.”_

He hesitated. “…I love you, too.”

And then she was gone.

 

That was his last shot at helping Hux out of this mess, and he screwed it up. Ben sat on his chair with his head in his hands, debating whether or not it would be more beneficial to just go home, sleep and try to figure this all out another day. He had just convinced himself that Hux wouldn’t be too mad if he left when his phone rang.

Dread filled Ben as he looked down at the Caller ID. He considered _that_ as a possibility, but always immediately dismissed it. There was no way that Han Solo could help him. Han had never been very understanding of Ben and his problems. It was always Leia that Ben went to when he needed anything, but she shot him down this time. Maybe Han wasn’t his first option or even his best option, but it was the only option he had left.

Hesitantly, he answered the call. “Hello?”

_“Hell, kid. What did you do this time? Your mom’s even more pissed than she usually is, and it’s only 7:30.”_

“Look, it’s not that big of a deal,” Ben said. He really didn’t want to deal with his father right then. “Don’t worry about it.”

_“Don’t worry about it? Oh, I’m not worried about whatever you said to her. I’m worried that she’ll cut off my head if I don’t ‘talk some sense into you.’ So, what’d you do?”_

How typical of his father, only ever looking out for himself. Ben could already feel his anger growing, but he was desperate and tired and Han was offering a sliver of hope that Ben couldn’t afford to dismiss. Looking at Hux’s sleeping form through the glass doors of his office, Ben conceded. He’d do it, but only because he didn’t want to disappoint Hux.

“Okay, fine. I was trying to get mom to convince the board of the New Republic Company not to pull out of their partnership contract with First Order Inc. early.”

_“…That’s insane.”_

“Oh, wow, really? Mom didn’t say that at all.”

From the way Han sighed, Ben could tell he was just as frustrated with Ben as Ben was with him. _“Why do you care so much about this anyway?”_

“Because I work for First Order Inc. Why else?”

_“…Why was you mother yelling about that skinny carrot top they call a CEO?”_

“That _skinny carrot top_ is my boss. I’m his secretary.”

Han paused, and Ben almost thought he hung up. _“Oh, I get it. You’re in love with him.”_

Ben’s heart stopped. How did Han know? There’s no way he could’ve known. Ben hadn’t said anything to even remotely indicate how he felt about Hux. Then again, Han was always good at knowing just how Ben felt, even if he didn’t understand why.

“I – No! I’m not in love with him! You – you’re going crazy old man.”

And Ben hung up. He only felt worse after the two phone calls. He knew he was right to avoid calling them, but what other options did he have? Now, not only did his mother know where he lived, but his father was catching onto his love life somehow.

Suddenly, a text popped up on his phone.

 **[7:42] Old Fart:** Don’t worry yourself too much, kid. I’ll talk to your mom.

 **[7:42] Old Fart:** But you have to ask that CEO on a date or something. Pulling favors like this for him can only help you so much.

Ben almost threw his phone across the room. Was Han trying to give him dating advice? It was good advice, even if Ben didn’t want to admit it, but he was fine with ignoring that fact so long as his father lived.

Lying down on the couch, he stared up at the ceiling and debated just how fucked he was now that his parents were sort of back in his life. He was doing fine by just avoiding them, but now that they had his new cell number and knew where he lived, his peace may not last. He could run again. He could take Rey and go to Canada. She wouldn’t want to leave school, though. Maybe Ben could go on his own. Rey could take care of herself and Ben could send her money from wherever he was working to pay for her schooling. It could work.

But leaving New York would mean leaving Hux, and Ben didn’t know if he could do that. Hux shouldn’t have been a deciding factor, but he was a big part of Ben’s life finally being in order. He was part of the good in Ben’s life. If Ben were to move away, then everything good would be gone: Rey, Hux, his jobs, his (sort of) friends. He’d have to build it up from scratch all over again. It took years for him to figure out the first time, so Ben wasn’t sure that it would be any easier a second time around.

Ben dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. He didn’t want to leave, but if his parents got too involved in his life, then everything he’d worked for here might disappear anyway. He couldn’t imagine what would happen if the world found out what Senator Organa’s son had been doing for the past fifteen years.

The thoughts plagued his mind, making him restless, but the sleep that pulled at his eyes was stronger. Soon enough, he was asleep in his chair, with a furrow in his brow, and bad dreams in his head. When he finally woke up, his neck was sore. Ben’s unsure when he fell asleep, or how long he’d been sleeping, but the sun was starting to set when he could’ve sworn it just rose. The office was clearing out. Workers filing last-minute reports before heading out for the day. He was surprised the day’s commotion hadn’t woken him.

“Hey, there’s food,” He heard Hux’s voice from his side. “Eat what you want. There’s enough for both of us.”

As Ben sat up, a jacket fell off of him, his jacket. He felt groggy, but his mind was awake enough to register that there was food on the coffee table in Hux’s office. Without waiting for Hux to say anything else, Ben walked in, grabbed a to-go box, and scarfed down the pancakes inside.

“Do you always eat like that?” Hux asked. Ben paused and looked up. It was obvious that Hux was not impressed with his table manners.

“Yegh. Wah?” Ben’s reply was a bit muffled by eggs and sausage, bits of which flew out of his mouth. Hux crinkled his nose in disgust, but Ben just shrugged and kept eating.

“We slept all day,” Hux told him.

“Yeah, I know. The sun’s setting and you got us breakfast for dinner,” Ben finished his mouthful of food before speaking that time.

“I assume your last idea didn’t work out?” Hux asked.

Ben’s hand paused in the middle of cutting himself more food. He didn’t exactly think of what to tell Hux before he fell asleep. He couldn’t just tell Hux that Leia Organa was his mother, or that his father, Han Solo, offered to help him when his mother would not.

“I’m waiting on a call,” Ben said. “Or a text…It’s…They’re gonna contact me.”

“Who’s going to contact you?” Hux pressed. Ben stared at him for a moment and then shoved more pancake in his mouth instead of answering.

“Matt.”

“A friend,” He hated to refer to Han as a ‘friend,’ but he couldn’t tell Hux anything else.

“What friend? What did you tell them?” Hux sat back in his chair, looking just as stressed as he did last night, although the dark eye bags were absent from the look.

“I…” Ben swallowed his food and tried to think of something to say. “Someone my Uncle Lando knows.”

It was a lame answer and they both knew it. Hux’s hard stare only became more narrowed and frustrated at his answer. “Who, Matt? What did you say?”

“It’s…it’s someone with a lot of influence in the New Republic Company, okay?” Ben may have yelled a little. He didn’t understand why Hux was pressing him for this information.

“Don’t make me ask you again.”

“Why does it matter?!”

“Because if you talked to the wrong person, then the news will spread and the company’s other partners will pull out as well!” Hux shouted, suddenly on his feet. “The New Republic Company at least has the decency to break this contract through private channels so that my company isn’t hurt any more than it needs to be. If you spoke to the wrong person, then we’re done for.”

Ben stared up at him, at the worry and stress still so prevalent in his shoulders. Before he could stop himself, Ben opened his mouth to tell Hux everything. “It was Ha-“

He was cut off by his phone ringing. It was on the coffee table, and Ben would’ve ignored it, but he caught a glimpse of the caller ID and decided that Hux was not allowed to know who called him.

“Hello?” Ben answered his phone, earning him a glare from Hux.

 _“Your father and I had a long talk,”_ on the other end of the line was Leia’s unhappy voice. _“And I had a long talk with the company board today.”_

“You did?” Ben couldn’t believe his luck. Even if it didn’t go through, his mother talked to the New Republic Company board of directors because of his father. Ben looked to Hux with a hopeful expression. Hux returned it with confusion.

_“Yes, I did.”_

“And?”

 _“I don’t approve of this,”_ she says, instead of replying to Ben’s question.

“ _And?_ ” Ben prompts again.

 _“And, First Order Inc. has one year to turn things around,”_ she tells him. _“That CEO of yours will be emailed a list of things that the New Republic Company deems unacceptable. The list doesn’t have to be completed, but if an obvious effort is made to redefine company morals then the New Republic Company will not break partnership with First Order Inc.”_

“YES!” Ben yelled, elated. Hux was definitely confused, but Ben’s happiness seemed to ease his worries somewhat. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

_“Oh, don’t thank me. Thank your father. He’s here and I’m on speaker phone.”_

“What? No,” Ben glanced at Hux again. Hux’s mood seemed to shift with Ben’s, growing concerned as Ben did.

 _“Oh, come on, kid,”_ Han said. _“It’s not_ that _hard.”_

Ben rolled his eyes and grumbled. “Thank you.”

 _“Thank you…”_ Leia was obviously prompting for something more that Ben didn’t want to say.

“No.”

_“Ben.”_

“Why?”

_“Ben!”_

Ben whined and grumbled like a child, forgetting that Hux was watching him. “But mom!”

_“Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Solo, you thank your father this instant or I will rescind my recommendation to the board.”_

Ben pouted, but after he and Hux had worked so long for a solution, he wasn’t about to give it up over a ‘thank you.’

He sighed, “Thanks… _dad._ ”

 _“It’s like he never left home,”_ Han said teasingly. _“You’re welcome, kiddo.”_

Ben hung up with an exasperated sigh but turned to deliver the good news to Hux. Hux, however, looked too smug for his own good.

“What?”

“All of that complaining was because you didn’t want to say ‘thank you’ to your father?” Ben wanted to grumble over Hux laughing at him, but his laugh was too cute for him to mean it.

“Shut up. He’s a terrible person,” Ben said, but Hux still looked skeptical.

“So, you thanked him because?”

The smile returned to Ben’s face. “My parents convinced them. They’re giving us a year to prove that the company can change, and if we impress, then they won’t break the partnership.”

Hux lit up like a Christmas tree. The smile on his face made his eyes sparkle, and he stared at Ben like he was the best thing to ever happen to him. “You did it,” he whispered.

“Yeah, well,” Ben shrugged innocently. “I _am_ good at what I do.”

His arrogance earned him an eye roll, but the smile never left Hux’s face. “You really did it.”

Ben let himself get lost in that smile. His heart felt like it was soaring through the air, stuck on a high that he never wanted to come down from. He loved Hux’s smile, especially because he didn’t see it often, not like that. But, just as quickly as it appeared, it was just as quickly gone.

Hux looked away from him, coughing to regain his composure. “Thank you, Matthew,” he said, looking back without any trace of the joy Ben saw mere seconds ago. It was distant, cold, purposefully so. “You’ve done incredible work. You will be receiving a generous raise, and take tomorrow off.”

“Hux,” Ben tried to protest, but he didn’t know what to say.

“Truly, you are the finest secretary I’ve ever had,” Hux spoke over him. “I…I should return to work. My company has been given a chance. I don’t intend to squander it.”

“Hey-“

“You’re dismissed, Matt,” Hux cut him off. Ben didn’t move. He refused to. It was all wrong. Hux was supposed to be smiling. He was supposed to be laughing and happy that Ben did all of that for him, not patting him on the back and telling him to get back to work.

As Hux turned away, Ben grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug. Hux protested, loudly, but Ben refused to let go of him.

“Matthew,” His voice was low and dangerous, but Ben didn’t miss the way it wavered. “What are you doing?”

“You know, it’s okay to be happy,” Ben said, trying to comfort him. “You can take a break and just be happy that your company is okay. I know how much it means to you, but it’s not gonna crumble if you take a minute to relax.”

 “I know. I was about to lock up the office and go home.”

“O-oh…” That made things a little awkward. “Uh, that’s – that’s good.”

Ben didn’t let go. He didn’t want to. It wasn’t often that he was allowed to hold Hux like that, innocently instead of passionately. However, if it bothered Hux, he made no effort to show it. He let Ben hug him without any more protest.

With a heavy sigh, Ben loosened his grip on Hux. He couldn’t hold on forever but letting go of Hux felt like more than just letting him out of a hug. They were having a moment, and as cliché, as it sounded in his head, Ben knew it was one of those “now or never” things. They wouldn’t have many more opportunities to just be together like that, and Ben knew what he needed to say if he wanted Hux to stay. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but it felt so wrong to say.

How could Ben tell Hux that he’s maybe-sort-of in love when Hux seemed so indifferent? But, before he could move away, Hux wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist.

 “You’re right,” Hux whispered, leaning into him. “I probably should relax more often…Thank you, Matt.”

It made Ben smile. Tentatively, he hugged Hux back. The combination of relief that Hux wasn’t upset and the flutter in his heart from Hux clutching his shirt made him smile. He did well. He did something right.

“You’re welcome,” Ben said back. He smiled into Hux’s hair, loving the feeling of being able to stand there and hold him so innocently. It felt like a dream to stand there with Hux in his arms, but Ben banished the thoughts, too afraid of jinxing it.

“But really, you should go,” Hux mumbled, loosening his grip. “If you witness any more of this, you’ll never take me seriously again.”

“Who said I took you seriously, to begin with?” They laughed together, and despite Hux’s words, they held on for a little longer.

When they finally pulled back, Hux put on his best blank face, trying to act serious. “As I was saying, thank you, Matthew. Your hard work will be rewarded accordingly. Now get out of my office.”

The harsh words were backed with smiling eyes, however, and Ben replied in kind. “Of course, sir. Just doing my job.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As Hux cleaned the remnants of their breakfast-dinner from his office, his hand itched for his phone. For the duration of the crisis, Hux had resisted touching it, tried not to think about it, but once it was all over all he wanted to do was make that call. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. Phasma did it all the time and, on occasion, Mitaka too. Even Matt seemed to be in contact with his family, given that they were the ones who helped Hux out of his crisis, but Hux still wasn’t sure he could make the call no matter how much he wanted to.

Years ago, it would have been his first instinct, to pick up his phone and call his family. He’d tell them about his achievements, ask them for advice about something important, get them to talk him out of bad situations. However, as time passed, those calls became less and less frequent. He never stopped calling, but there were more missed calls, fewer messages waiting in his inbox and eventually there was no answer altogether.

Now, he made the calls out of habit. He hated it because he knew what would happen. He would call, the phone would ring once, twice, five times, then the voicemail would apologize to him and ask him to leave a message. It hurt more every time he tried, but he tried anyway. Just once he wanted to hear that sweet voice say “hello,” even though he knew it would never happen.

With a heavy sigh, Hux picked up his phone. His phone hovered over the call button, afraid of what he knew would happen. Just once, he wanted an answer. Just once he wanted to hear “we love you,” “come home,” or even just “hello.”

Before he could stop himself, Hux pressed the button and held the phone to his ear. It rang once, twice, five times. Then, the phone paused. Hux held his breath, waiting, wishing, praying.

_“Hello, you’ve reached Scilla. I’m sorry I’ve missed your call, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon!”_

She didn’t pick up. She never did. Hux wondered if she ever would.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That first part of Leia and Ben's conversation actually came from a church sermon I heard once. The guest preacher guy was talking about how he went off and lived this wild life of being free and gay and going to parties and then he got arrested. I actually really didn't like the sermon because the core message was "Gay is a sin, and being gay got me into drugs and sex and parties. That's bad, but I'm still gay, so I'm just never going to marry anyone! Abstinence is the solution!" It didn't sit well with me. His problem wasn't the gay part, it was that he kept going to these parties and doing drugs and having sex with strangers. Like homeboy, being gay has nothing to do with your addictions. Sit down. It would've been exactly the same if you were straight. 
> 
> Anyway. 
> 
> My point is that when he finally called his mother after getting arrested, it had been 10ish years. The first thing she said to him wasn't "where are you?" or "Why haven't you called?" It was "how are you?" It was acceptance of her son and loving him despite everything that had happened while they'd been out of contact and that's what I wanted to convey between Leia and Ben. 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, wait did you want me to talk about Scilla? Whoops, yeah well, she's there too. You'll see her again soon. Winnie too.


	7. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Ben helped Hux narrowly avoid a business disaster. Using his connections (mom) and a little bit of help (dad), Ben managed to save the company from going under. 
> 
> Now, it's Christmas time, but will Ben be able to find a present? Why is Rey so upset? What is Hux going to give Matt that comes in small box?!
> 
> Find out now on chapter 7: Have Yourself A Merry Little Chirstmas

 

 

Ben pushed the cart as Rey rattled on about everything Finn and Poe were doing for the holidays. They only had a week before Christmas and Ben still hadn’t found a gift for his Secret Santa. With the success of the Halloween party, Hux decided to put Ben in charge of the Christmas party as well. It was a real pain in the ass, but Ben took it easy on himself and settled for a potluck and Secret Santa.

The problem was that he had no idea what to get for his person. He’d wanted to assign himself Hux, but Hux decided not to play, so Ben ended up with someone named “Irene” who worked in the cafeteria. He didn’t want to be mean, but she wasn’t a very pretty woman. Looking down at the half-sheet of paper with all of Irene’s likes on it, he sighed, still stumped for gift ideas. What blanks she did fill out left Ben with the vague idea that she was an alcoholic and very stereotypically feminine.

“So, what are we getting?” Rey asked, taking the list of Irene’s likes.

“I dunno,” Ben said “She wants ‘nail polish’, ‘makeup’, and ‘booze.’”

“Then get her nail polish, makeup, and booze,” Rey handed the list back to him and walked off towards the Christmas decoration aisle.

“Rey!” Ben called after her.

He followed her down the aisle, looking at the various ornaments and tree lights for sale on the shelves. Rey ran her hands over the ornaments, looking longingly at a few of them.

“Come on, Rey,” Ben told her.

Obediently, she put the ornaments back and followed him out of the aisle. Like every year, she stared at the Christmas tree display as they passed it, and Ben had to pull her along.

“Ben, can’t we just-“

“You know we can’t,” Ben hated to say it, but it was true.

Since he and Rey started living on their own, they’d never been able to have a proper Christmas. They tried for the first few years, but when Rey realized Ben was using up their savings to buy her presents, she made him stop. She was only eight, and she told him that he needed food more than she needed toys. They never had the money to spend, not even during the few years that Ben managed to keep a job for more than two months.

“But, just this once!” Rey protested.

She pulled on his arm, and Ben saw the sad child that she should’ve been all those years ago. She never questioned it then, but after fifteen years of no Christmas, she must’ve grown tired of watching it go by without her.

“Rey I – We don’t have the money,” It broke his heart to say that. It always did.

Rey looked up at him with the same sad look that took over her face every year. It made him feel worse because this year she asked. This year he actually had to say “no.” She turned away from him, looking back at the display, but not resisting when Ben pulled her along.

They browsed in silence, then. Ben walked up and down the makeup section, wondering what Irene would like best. Every time he looked back at Rey, she was standing at the end of the aisle, still staring at the display and the happy children that ran around the store holding toys that they wanted for Christmas. She never got to have that.

“Hey,” He rested a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.

“Let’s just go,” she said, sounding a bit angry. She walked off towards the check-out lines without waiting for Ben.

“The hell, Rey?” Ben questioned, catching up to her. “You know why we can’t do all the holiday stuff.”

“Yeah, well maybe I’m just tired of that,” She turned away from him, shoving her hands into her hoodie.

“Rey-“

“No, Ben! I know we can’t. We never have enough money to buy a tree, or presents, or anything. I’ve known that since I was five and you kidnapped me!” Rey screamed at him, not caring if people started to stare.

“We were miserable!” Ben retaliated. “Our parents _abandoned_ us. What was I supposed to do? Let you stay there and wither away, hoping that Luke _might_ come back?”

The whispers of onlookers grew louder, reminding Ben that they were in public. He pulled Rey into an aisle and away from prying eyes. She wouldn’t look at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Ben scolded. “If you were still a kid, I’d get it, but you’re nineteen. We’re fucking adults, Rey. We can’t be screaming at each other inside a Target!”

“You’re one to talk,” She spat.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, incest? You’d _love_ that, wouldn’t you?”

Ben was so ready to unleash his rage, but he forced himself to stay calm. It wouldn’t help anyone if both of them had tantrums in public. He sighed. He wiped a hand over his face.

“Rey, you know why we can’t do Christmas, and you’ve never asked. Why now?”

She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself.

“…Finn asked if we were going home to see our parents for Christmas,” she said. “I…what was I supposed to say? ‘My dad abandoned me when I was a kid, and Ben’s parents neglected him for basically his whole life. By the way, we’re too poor to have Christmas, so no we’re not doing anything.’”

Ben wanted to pull her into a hug, but she closed herself off, making sure to put distance between them. “I just thought we could do something this year ‘cause maybe we don’t have parents, but you’re still my family. Finn’s my family. Poe is my family. I thought...”

“Rey-“

“Let’s just go.”

She walked off without him again. Ben didn’t have the words to make it better. He wished he did. He wished he could give Rey what she wanted. Standing in the check-out line, Ben wished they could have Christmas. Doing a mental tally of the cost of the make-up and nail polish in his cart, Ben opened his wallet to reach for a twenty but stopped short when he opened it.

“Hold, the fuck, up,” He shouted, as the realization hit him. The parents around him glared but Ben was too excited to notice.

Rey latched on to his side suddenly. “What are you doing?” He asked, momentarily thrown.

“Holding the fuck-up,” she replied, a bit bitterly.

“You little…” Ben glared at her. “Would you listen to me for a second? I have three jobs. You work part time.”

“Okay? Good for us?” She didn’t get it.

“Rey, we moved into a nicer apartment. We got phone upgrades. We’re paying for your college without problems. We have money.”

It took a few seconds, but as Ben’s words sunk in, realization dawned on her too.

“We have money,” She said, the beginnings of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “So…we have _enough_ money? We can have Christmas?”

“You bet your ass we’re having Christmas!” Ben shouted.

Rey squealed with delight and tackled him with a hug. Ben couldn’t believe that he didn’t realize it earlier. With all the money that he made from working for Hux at the office, working at the club, and ‘working’ for Hux on Friday nights, they had more than enough to spend on Christmas trees, and ornaments, and decorations, and every single present that Rey had ever wanted.

“Okay, okay! Go pick a tree,” Ben shooed her away, ignoring the nasty glares he got from the other customers as he followed her to the back of the store.

By the time he made it to the decoration section, Rey was dragging a giant box towards him. The box said it was a nine-foot monstrosity that didn’t come with pre-installed lights. Ben didn’t know that Target even sold nine-foot Christmas trees, but Rey thought it was perfect so Ben laughed and told her to pick out lights for it.

For the next three hours, the two of them ran around the store filling up carts with everything they’ve always wanted to buy but never had the money for. They picked out ornaments, ugly sweaters, lawn-decorations (for the apartment hallway), and eventually split up to find presents for each other. Ben almost stopped Rey to tell her that they could go to other stores instead of buying everything at Target, but the huge smile on her face stopped him. After making her wait for fifteen years, how could he make her wait any longer?

When they finally checked out, they had four carts full of Christmas supplies. Rey called Finn and Poe while they checked out, knowing that it wouldn’t all fit in their tiny 2003 Accord. Ben, meanwhile, almost had a heart attack when he saw how much all of it would cost. $5600 was a lot, but Ben knew he could make all of that back in just a few weekends with Hux. Still, it was a staggering number.

“You know what, just take it,” Ben said, handing his credit card to the cashier. The pimple-faced teenager looked at him like he was crazy for buying so much, but Ben brushed it off. He was getting his baby cousin everything she deserved. Who cared how much it cost?

As they sat on the sidewalk, waiting for Finn and Poe to get there and help them haul everything home, Rey latched on to him again. “Thank you,” she muttered, burying her face in his jacket.

Ben hugged her back, unable to resist the smile spreading across his face. He needed to remember to thank Hux. Without him, Ben wouldn’t have his jobs or nearly enough money to do this. He should buy something for Hux.

“Ah, shit!” Ben exclaimed, turning to dig through their bags.

“What?” Rey asked. She started searching through the bags with him, not knowing what they were looking for.

“I forgot Irene’s present,” Ben grumbled. He ran back into the Target and Rey laughed at him as he went.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The office looked beautiful when Hux walked in on Christmas eve. Despite the boom in activity that always came with the holidays, Hux let Matt take a small team to party plan and decorate again. Though there wouldn’t be a huge party like during Halloween, the Secret Santa game proved just as fun if not more so because it spanned an entire month instead of just a single day. The building was covered in lights and tinsel and ribbons. Matt was going to be in charge of party planning indefinitely.

His employees were all smiles as he walked by, greeting him with excitement. He knew they were excited for the rest of the day. Hux always allowed his employees to take a half-day holiday on Christmas Eve and the full day on Christmas Day. Other employers would think him insane, but Hux’s employees knew better. Not everyone took the day off, specifically the more dedicated and less cheery members of his workforce. The vacation days were allowed as a choice for those who wanted it, but most never took off more than Christmas Day. Hux himself took full advantage of his holiday, leaving the building at noon on the twenty-fourth, and not returning until the morning of the twenty-sixth.

Matt, however, seemed to be in a particularly bad mood. Hux managed to walk all the way up to his desk without being acknowledged.

“Matthew?” Hux said.

“Huh? Oh! Hey! Hi! Good morning, Hux!” Matt jumped out of his trance and frantically searched his desk for his tablet.

“Uh, there’s uh…you have no schedule today,” Matt stared at the tablet, confused for a moment. “No schedule? But – oh, right. It’s the twenty-fourth. No schedule.”

“Are you alright, Matt?” Hux asked, slightly concerned.

“Where does Irene Gleeson work?” Matt asked, looking back at his computer screen.

Hux had to stop himself from smiling. “Who?” He feigned ignorance, amused that Matt hadn’t figured out his little secret.

“Irene Gleeson. She works for you, in the cafeteria, apparently,” Matt pulled out his secret Santa info sheet and passed it to Hux. “I can’t find her anywhere, though, so she hasn’t gotten any presents all month. I guess it wouldn’t be _that_ big of a deal, but reveal day is today, and I still can’t find her.”

“Hmm, I don’t think you have to look far,” Hux teased. He couldn’t resist letting a smile slip onto his face as Matt stared at him, confused. “I think Irene’s already found you.”

“What?”

“Mitaka’s not too bad with Photoshop, don’t you think?” Picking up the photo attached to the information sheet, Hux examined the photo and held it up beside his face for Matt to compare them. “I don’t look half bad as a woman.”

“What…” Matt’s face turned from confusion to shocking realization, to anger. “What the fuck!? _You’re_ Irene?! You told me you weren’t going to play!”

“Yes, I’m aware. So, what gifts have I missed out on this month?”

“What gifts – fucking hell! I bought like $50 worth of makeup and nail polish!” Matt pulled out a small gift bag from under his desk, containing all of the gifts that he bought for Irene throughout the month. “Why did you sign up as _Irene?”_

“You’re telling me that you, or whomever else, would’ve been completely unbiased when picking presents for me?” Hux browsed the bag. There weren’t many products inside, but the brand names on those products looked expensive. “This was the best way to ensure that I got what I wanted without bias getting in the way.”

“Wha- That doesn’t even make sense!” Matt yelled at him. “If I knew it was you, then I would’ve been _more_ motivated to get you something good!”

“Yes, and I didn’t want you kissing up.”

“How is that kissing up? What are you even gonna do with all of that make-up? Last time I checked, you don’t wear any.”

“I think my mother will appreciate it. She loves keeping up with modern beauty trends,” Hux took the bag and walked into his office. Matt wasn’t far behind him.

“What do you mean your ‘mother’? Isn’t she dead?”

Hux made a face at him. “No, she’s alive and well. Flew in from Cambridge last week.”

Matt stood dumbstruck for a moment. He whispered to himself about flowers and “not for his mom,” but Hux was too busy trying to figure out how to sneak the gift bag underneath his Christmas tree without anyone noticing. He knew his family would swarm him as soon as he got home, not letting him go until he claimed he was too tired to keep amusing them.

“If you’re quite finished Matt, I have work to do,” Hux sat behind his desk, pulling up his emails and preparing to send out the “season’s greetings” emails that he’d been procrastinating.

“Wait, no!” Matt shouted suddenly. “You can’t take the make-up!”

“What do you mean I ‘no?’ You bought it as a gift,” Hux paused his typing. They both eyed the bag of makeup on Hux’s desk, and Hux debated whether or not he should’ve set it under his desk instead of on top of it.

“But it’s supposed to be a gift for you, not your mom,” Matt argued.

“Matthew, it’s fine.”

“Then keep the make-up, but I’m getting you something else!”

“That’s very unnecessary.”

“I’m doing it!”

“Matthew.”

“Armitage.”

Hux was taken aback. He was offended that Matt dared to address him by his given name. Even more so because he liked the way it sounded when Matt said it. His name rolled off Matt’s tongue nicely, and inappropriate thoughts of Matt shouting his name over and over again wormed their way into his head.

“Fine,” Hux said, if only so that he could go back to his emails and try not to think about Matt in compromising positions. He could feel his cheeks burning and prayed that Matt didn’t notice. “But I expect something good.”

“Oh, it’ll be good alright,” Matt stalked off to his desk with a triumphant smile on his face. Hux wasn’t sure what he thought he won. He’d only be spending more money on something Hux probably didn’t need. “It’ll be the best present you’ve ever had!...Armitage.”

Hux’s head shot up to glare at Matt, and Matt was looking back with a snarky grin on his face. Trying and failing to stay calm, Hux looked back at his emails and pretended that nothing happened. However, he knew his cheeks were bright red, and Matt probably knew that too. Still, Hux found himself looking up at Matt every few minutes, wondering if he was browsing the internet for a present for him.

When he was sure Matt wasn’t looking, Hux pulled out a small gift box from his desk drawer. He wasn’t the best at picking out gifts, but for Matt, he tried. He spent a few weeks wondering what he could get that would be appropriate and appreciated. The gift he came up with was a little less appropriate, but he hoped Matt would like it anyway.

Now, if only Hux had the courage to actually give it to him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Holiday fantasy nights always got a little weird. Halloween tended to be the weirdest since Ben, Rey, and Poe had to dress up as sexy monsters, but none of the holidays were much better. If anything, Halloween was the best holiday to have fantasy nights on because of the variety they were allowed. The costumes and music for other holidays tended to walk a fine line between “kinky” and “very politically incorrect.”

For Christmas, Rey was dressed as Mrs. Claus, Poe was her worker elf, and Ben was Rudolph, with the nose and everything. Though Ben usually looked forward to the big crowds on fantasy nights, he was glad that the audience was mostly empty on Christmas. It was extremely awkward to dance on a pole to songs he used to sing with his parents as a kid. Although, he did enjoy dancing the Mean Girls rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock” every year.

As most of the club was empty, the dancers were just messing around on stage. Rey and Poe were shamelessly flirting with each other dancing to “Santa Baby” while Ben hung around Jessika at the bar. Normally he didn’t mind working on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, but he was eager to get home this year. He and Rey were actually having Christmas and most of their friends at the club were joining them. Ben didn’t want to spend any more time at the club than he absolutely needed to.

 “And here I thought you were supposed to kiss under the mistletoe.”

A voice drew Ben’s attention away from his conversation with Jessika, and he smiled when he was greeted with Hux’s face. He looked Ben up and down liberally, staring pointedly at the plush mistletoe toy decorating his thong. He was surprised that Hux bothered to show up on Christmas Eve, but it wasn’t an unwelcome surprise.

“Well, don’t let the placement stop you, Pumpkin. You can still kiss what’s under it.” Ben smiled and leaned back against the bar. “Didn’t I text you not to come tonight?”

“You did,” Hux sat at the bar beside Ben, ordering himself a glass of water. “But I thought I’d bring you a present anyway.”

“A present? For me? What is it?” Ben’s swelled. It did that a lot these days. He always felt so happy around Hux. He always felt wanted and warm.

“Whatever you want,” Hux smiled back at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He obviously wasn’t there just to see Ben. There was something else bothering him and he was using Ben to avoid it.

“Shouldn’t you be at home, with your family? It’s Christmas Eve.”

Hux wouldn’t look at him, but he wouldn’t let his face give away anything either. “Shouldn’t you be with your family as well?” Hux countered.

“This is my family,” Ben told him. “We’re all going back to my apartment after we close to celebrate. We’re also closing early. That’s why I told you not to come.”

“Well, they seem much more fun than my family,” Hux looked around the club, smiling at the way Rey and Poe laughed at each other on stage. “I did go home earlier, but they...I needed a break from them.”

It didn’t sound like the whole truth, but Ben didn’t know how far he could push his luck. Hux didn’t go to Kylo to talk, he went to Kylo for comfort. Matt was the one who Hux had been complaining to about his family for the past month. Ben didn’t mind too much, however. Hux came to him to get away, so Ben would make him forget.

“Well, you certainly came to the right place,” Ben took Hux’s hand and dragged him towards the dressing rooms. “Come on, I have a present for you, too.”

Hux went willingly and huddled close to Ben when the other dancers started cheering them on. As soon as they were inside the dressing rooms, Ben went for his bag. He dug through the pockets, searching for Hux’s gift and smiled when he finally found it.

“Go on, open it,” Ben said, handing Hux an envelope.

“What is this, a love letter?” Hux eyed it warily but did as he was told.

“Better than that,” Ben’s smile grew as Hux read over the letter. His furrowed brow turned into a smile as Hux realized what he was reading over.

“You’re clean,” Hux said. “Should I have brought my STI test results as well?”

Ben laughed as he kissed Hux. The test results fell to the floor as Hux tangled his hands in Ben’s hair. “Nah, I trust you. But you know what this means, right?”

“That you never want to use condoms again and cleaning up after sex is going to be a nightmare from now on?”

“I was aiming for ‘fill your ass,’ but yeah, that too.”

“Oh, I can’t wait,” But with how eagerly Hux kissed him, Ben wondered if he was really being sarcastic. “So, is that what you want for Christmas this year, to fill me up?”

Ben kissed down his neck, smiling as Hux relaxed into his touch. “If we had more time, yeah, but it’s almost midnight so we’re closing soon. We’ll have to be quick instead.”

“Then should I be on my knees, kissing you under your mistletoe?” Hux’s hand reached into Ben’s thong as he spoke. Lightly, he pulled at Ben’s cock and Ben followed the motion with his hips.

“Someone’s eager,” Ben teased, kissing down Hux’s jaw. Hux’s hand kept stroking, rubbing until Ben was fully hard.

“Why else would I be here?” Hux kissed him before dropping to his knees.

As soon as Hux was on the floor, he pulled down Ben’s thong and got to work. Ben watched as Hux left a trail of kisses around Ben’s thighs and up his cock. He mouthed at Ben’s balls, licking and sucking on each one with care. At the same time, one of his hands worked at Ben’s cock while the other reached behind his balls and gently massaged his perineum.

Ben gasped and braced himself against the wall. Hux had become much better at giving blow jobs since Ben first met him. It was easily one of his favorite things to do and one of Ben’s favorite things to watch.

“Fuck, you look so good, Pumpkin,” Ben whispered. Hux licked up his cock in reply, staring up at Ben through his eyelashes. He made slow, purposeful licks up and down Ben’s cock, focusing on lapping up the precum leaking from the tip. He was showing off, and Ben loved it.

Ben sighed when Hux finally started sucking him down properly. His head bobbed back and forth, and his hands never stopped massaging Ben’s balls or perineum. Ben was having a hard time keeping himself upright but forced himself to stay standing despite the dizzying heat building in his gut. The loud sucking noises resonated through the room, and Ben was glad for the loud music playing on stage, else someone hear them.

“You like that, don’t you?” One of Ben’s hands tangled in Hux’s hair, making him look up while he sucked.

“You like tasting my cock? You want my come, Pumpkin?” Hux hummed in reply, and Ben’s hips snapped forward as the vibrations shot pleasure through his body. Hux kept humming, hands abandoning their tasks to hold on to Ben’s thighs. Ben lost a bit of his control and started fucking Hux’s mouth. With a slack jaw, Hux took it all greedily, staring up at Ben as Ben used him.

“Fuck, your face is…” Ben panted, barely coherent enough to speak. “You’re all red and pretty.”

His grip on Hux’s hair tightened as his breath grew short. Ben savored the warm wet heat surrounding his cock as his thrusts grew slower but more forceful. Hux whined around him, drawing Ben’s attention down. One of Hux’s hands made its way down his own body and rubbed his cock through his pants. Ben came from the sight of Hux touching himself while giving a blowjob.

The pleasure was toe-curling, and Ben stilled as he came down Hux’s throat. Hux’s throat contracted around Ben’s cock, making Ben gasp and whimper. The motion milked him until Ben was spent and shaky on his feet.

When Ben pulled back, the sight he was greeted with looked even better than the one that made him come. Hux stared up at him, hair mussed, face flushed, cum and spit dripping from his lips, and one hand in his pants, trying to bring himself some relief. Ben pulled him up and pushed him against the wall, kissing him roughly. The taste of himself of Hux’s tongue was arousing, and Ben might’ve gotten hard again if he hadn’t just come.

“Nuh-uh,” Ben whispered, pulling Hux’s hands up as he tried to undo his belt. He shoved a leg between Hux’s thighs and settled Hux’s arms around his neck. “I wanna watch you rub off on me and come in your pants.”

Hux glared at him, but Ben kissed him before he could reply and pressed his thigh against Hux’s crotch. “I want you to go home all messy and thinking of me,” Ben whispered.

He heard Hux suck in a breath, and his body stilled.

“I want you to go home and look at your family. I want you to face them knowing that you just came for a stripper,” Hux’s hips started moving as Ben spoke. His head fell against Ben’s shoulder, and Ben whispered encouragements into his ear.  

“What would they think if they knew? Would they think you’re dirty, disgusting, depraved?” Hux gasped as his hips moved faster.

“I do. I think you’re naughty; My naughty, dirty, horny Pumpkin. I think you like it, too. You _want_ to be dirty for me, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah,” Hux mumbled in reply. His nails scraped down Ben’s back as he pressed himself closer to Ben’s body, and Ben couldn’t help reaching down to stroke himself again.

“You like it when I talk to you like this? Tell you how pretty you are when you’re sucking me off and fucking yourself on my cock?” Ben felt Hux nodding against his shoulder. He was close. Ben tightened his grip and pumped himself harder, twisting his wrist as he stroked up.

“Do you like it when I call you ‘Pumpkin?’ What if I called you something else instead? What if I called your name? Fuck, Armitage, you’re so good for me,” Hux’s hips stuttered and lost their rhythm as Ben said his name.

“I wanna fuck you, Armitage. I wanna tell everyone that Armitage Hux is my little whore. I wanna tell them that Armitage Hux loves getting his ass violated and filled with my cum.”

Hux let out a little cry and stilled against Ben. His back arched off the wall, but Ben held him back so he could watch as Hux stained his pants. The hard line of his cock was obvious against his slacks, and Ben could see where the moisture was soaking through Hux’s underwear, despite the black color. His face contorted as he tried to ride out his pleasure, moving his hips against Ben’s leg again. With a few pumps, Ben came again, shooting his load all over Hux’s clothes.

For a moment, they both stood there, breathless. Hux leaned his head back against the wall, and Ben leaned forward against his shoulder.

“What did I say?” Hux panted. “Messy.”

Ben laughed. “You’re too pretty. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, now what am I supposed to do? I still have to go home and face my family, you know. As enticing as that fantasy was, it only remains that way until it becomes reality.”

“Shut up. You’ve got extra clothes in your car,” Ben kissed up his neck, not wanting to separate just yet.

“Oh? Are you so sure?”

“You wouldn't have let me do all of that if you didn't. Besides, I looked through your glove compartment that one time we did it in your car,” Ben kissed him and smiled. “Now, go home. Enjoy your holiday.”

Reluctantly, Ben pulled away from Hux completely and walked around the dressing room until he found a towel. The music had long since stopped playing, but Ben figured everyone else was trying to be polite and give them some privacy. He knew Rey and Poe would be asking about it later, however.

When Ben turned around, Hux was staring at him, expectantly. He had something to say but refused to say it.

“What?” Ben questioned. “Come on, Hux. I know it’s not our usual Friday night, but it’s Christmas Eve.”

“I know…I just wish I could stay. I would much rather spend the night with you than with my family,” Hux whispered, his eyes sad and longing, and Ben almost told him ‘okay.’

He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something felt so wrong about the way Hux spoke about his family. Not just that night, but recently it seemed like Hux dreaded going home at the end of every day. For the longest time, Ben assumed it was because his mother died, but earlier that day Hux confirmed that she was alive and well. Ben wanted to ask but didn’t know if he was allowed. He just knew he hated looking at Hux’s eyes lose their light as prepared to leave the office.

Ben wished that he was brave enough to reach out and ask Hux to spend Christmas with him. His friends would be more than happy to tease Ben about it and he got the feeling that Hux wouldn’t mind at all, but he couldn’t. Not as Kylo.

There was still an invisible line drawn between them. They came dangerously close to crossing it every time they met, but they both knew they couldn’t. Kylo wasn’t supposed to be anything more than convenient for Hux. He was there when Hux needed to blow off some steam and help him discover himself, but that was it.

Even if the lingering fears of coming out to the world weren’t in the back of Hux’s mind, there was still the fact that Kylo was a stripper and Hux was a CEO. Hux wouldn’t risk the scandal of being caught with a man _and_ a stripper. He cared too much about his company to let it fall into disarray because of him.

“I’ll make it up to next week,” Ben said. “Think of it as Christmas part two.”

“I look forward to it. I’ll hope that your mistletoe doesn’t move to a doorway. I like where it is,” Hux gave him one last kiss before he left, lingering as they parted.

“Goodnight, Pumpkin. Merry Christmas,” Ben only wished Hux could kiss him like that every day.

 

Suddenly, Ben knew exactly what he was getting Hux for his Secret Santa gift.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Bright and early on the twenty-sixth, Ben arrived at work with his heart racing in his chest. When he told Rey what he was going to give Hux, she wouldn’t stop talking about it. It made him nervous, but at the same time, he couldn’t stop smiling about it. He had the perfect gift for Hux, he just knew it.

As soon as the elevator dinged, and Hux started walking towards Ben, Ben jumped up, ready to present his gift. But as Hux came closer, his hands started shaking and a lump rose in his throat. By the time Hux reached Ben’s desk, he could barely say “Good morning.”

He rushed through his morning greeting and explanation of Hux’s daily schedule, then sat very hastily. Or, he hoped it looked hasty. Really, his knees buckled as soon as he was finished speaking.

“Matthew, are you alright?” Hux asked, giving him a concerned look. “I trust you didn’t celebrate Christmas too hard?”

“Um y-yeah…I’m fine,” Ben didn’t understand why he couldn’t make himself talk. They were just having a normal conversation. He hadn’t even brought up Hux’s gift, and yet his heart was beating so loudly, it was the only thing he could focus on.

Hux’s frown deepened. He obviously didn’t believe Ben, but he didn’t push the subject. For a moment, he stood there, and it looked like he would say something more about it, but he didn’t.

“Well, say something if you feel unwell,” Hux turned to enter his office, hesitating at the door. “I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

Ben watched him go, then leaned back in his chair and forced himself to breathe. Apparently, just the thought of giving Hux his present was enough to make Ben into a nervous wreck.

He couldn’t remember the last time he was so nervous for something. Maybe when he and Rey were still in California and Ben was wondering if they’d have food to eat the next day, but even then, he had confidence that everything would turn out for the best. Standing there that morning with Hux waiting for him to say something, Ben felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.

Maybe it was because he had something to lose this time. Sure, there were plenty of times he and Rey could’ve starved and lost their lives, but this felt worse, somehow. Knowing that it could all go wrong and have to live with the consequences was probably what made him so nervous. If Hux didn’t like his present, Ben would still have to go to work every day, and he’d be reminded of what he lost. The thought was terrifying. So, as hard as Ben tried to talk himself into getting up and giving Hux his present, he couldn’t work up the confidence to do it.

“Matt. Matt? Ben!”

“Huh?” Ben jumped, snapped out of his trance by Finn. When did Finn show up?

“Dude, are you okay?” He asked. From the stack of papers in his hands, he was probably trying to tell Ben something important, but Ben didn’t hear any of it.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” Ben wiped a hand over his face.

“You don’t look fine. Did it go badly?”

Ben tensed at the mention of the gift. He hesitated. “Did what go badly?”

“Your gift. Did Hux not like it?”

“Well…”

He tried to avoid Finn’s eyes, but Finn seemed to see right through him. “You did give it to him, right?”

Ben didn’t answer him.

“You didn’t give it to him?”

“I’m sorry, alright?” Ben hissed. Even if he wasn’t actually mad at Finn, going through the motion of it was comforting, somehow. “It’s not like I can just stick it in a box and hand it to him!”

“But it’s four o’clock! If you don’t do it now, then he’s gonna leave and you-“

“Finn, if you’re going to be unproductive, do it somewhere else. I don’t need you tainting Matthew,” Hux’s voice crackled through the desk phone intercom and Finn shot an apologetic look through the glass doors.

“Go, Ben,” Finn said, walking away with his stack of papers.

“But-“

“Go!”

Ben almost screamed, almost. His self-control had improved drastically since he started working there, but that didn’t stop him from dramatically slamming the upper half of his body down on his desk. Since that morning, he’d stopped shaking, but Ben still couldn’t make himself walk into Hux’s office. Good thing Hux made him do it instead.

“Matthew, come here please,” Hux said through the intercom. Just like that, his heart was through the roof again.

“Matthew,” Hux said again when Ben didn’t move.

On shaky legs, Ben forced himself up and through Hux’s office door. His heartbeat seemed to get louder with every step he took towards Hux’s desk, but Ben forced himself to go. It was now or never.

Hux was waiting for him, leaning on the front of his desk so that it wasn’t standing between them. Instinctively, Ben walked right up to him, stopping when there was only a foot of space left. Hux looked at him with a frown that Ben wished wasn’t there. He didn’t want Hux to be upset, especially at him, but he knew it was deserved given the way he’d been acting all day.

“Matthew, are you alright?” Hux asked for the second time that day. “You’ve been…different all day.”

“I’m fine,” It came out as barely a whisper.

“You can tell me anything. You know that, right?” Hux asked him. He reached out his hand towards Ben, but stopped short, though Ben didn’t know why. “I’m here for you, as your boss and your…friend.”

He hesitated. Hux hesitated. Was the word hard for him to say? Did he just barely think of Ben as a friend? Was Ben wrong this whole time? Would Hux hate his gift?

“I know. Thanks,” it was harder to say than it should’ve been. Just hearing Hux refer to him as a friend made it feel like his heart was being crushed. What if he just thought of Ben as a friend, and nothing more? “I-it’s just…your gift.”

“Gift?”

“Yeah, I…” Ben took a breath to steady himself. “I think it’s pretty great, but I don’t know if…maybe you won’t like it.”

Hux cracked a smile. “That’s what this is about?” He asked. “You’ve been acting strange and worrying me all day because you’re afraid I won’t like your gift?”

Ben forced himself to smile, too. “I’m not scared,” He said, trying to sound as cocky as he usually did. “It’s just it might be…too much for you.”

“Too much? For _me_?”

“Yeah. You might not be able to handle it,” It surprised Ben how easily shaken he was at the thought of Hux hating his gift. It surprised him even more just how quickly he calmed down as they talked. His heart was still beating hard in his chest, but it was so easy to talk to Hux. It was reassuring. He could do this.

“It must be some gift, then,” Hux adjusted his position on his desk. “Well, what is it?”

“Close your eyes,” Ben told him. Hux gave him a questioning look but complied.

He could do this. Ben knew he could do this. Maybe his hands were starting to shake again, and his knees were starting to feel weak, but Ben knew he could do this. He wanted to, for himself. He needed to, even if it all went terribly wrong.

Stepping forward, Ben leaned down towards Hux and cupped his face. He was so beautiful. If Ben had all the time in the world, he’d stare at Hux and count the barely-there freckles dotting his face. Maybe it could all go wrong, but he hoped it wouldn’t. He pictured Hux smiling at him, taking his hand and never letting go, and he held on to that image.

Then, Ben kissed him.

It was nothing special, just a simple, innocent peck, but it felt so foreign. He’s kissed Hux hundreds of times, but that kiss felt anything but familiar. It felt like a request, a plea for Hux to feel how much Ben cared about him. Ben wanted Hux to know what he meant to him, even if Hux didn’t feel the same way.

Ben’s lips tingled as they parted, and he lingered there, letting their breaths pass between them. “Merry Christmas,” He whispered.

Hux’s eyes fluttered open, but he didn’t say anything. For a few long moments, they stood there, staring at each other, until Ben couldn’t take it anymore. He stepped away, knowing he needed to get out of there. Hux had said nothing, but that was arguably worse than saying anything at all. Ben didn’t quite know if he wanted to cry yet, but he was sure he’d make a teary fool of himself if he didn’t go.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, eyes downcast. He couldn’t bear to look at Hux right then. “It was stupid. I’m stupid. I…I’ll just…”

Hux still hadn’t said anything. Ben turned to go, feeling the tears burning at his eyes, but he didn’t get far. “Matthew,” Hux said, stopping Ben in his tracks.

“How long?”

Ben didn’t know why he stayed standing there instead of running off and finding somewhere to cry. It was like his feet were glued to the floor. “I…”

He thought back on the months they’d known each other, trying to figure out when exactly he started to want Hux to stay in his life forever. Halloween, when Hux defended him when he was so obviously in the wrong? The night his PTSD decided to rear its ugly head and Hux sat with him until he was okay again? The first night he noticed Hux back at the club, watching from his secluded corner and pretending he wasn’t staring at Ben?

It could’ve been any of those times, but one stuck out in particular. That first night they slept together was the first time in a while that Ben let a hook up stay the night. He remembered how Hux let him hold him. Ben remembered how he let himself pretend, just for that night, that Hux was his boyfriend and they were happy together. It was a moment of weakness that opened the floodgates to everything else that had happened since then, Ben was sure of it.

“The day we met,” Ben said, his voice surprisingly sure.

Hux was quiet again. Then, Ben felt a hand pull at his arm, turning him around. He was afraid, but he met Hux’s eyes and found them searching his own. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

There was more silence, too much silence, and then Hux let him go. His mouth moved, but Ben couldn’t hear the words he said. That was it, then. That’s how it ended. His heart sank, but he didn’t feel like crying anymore. No, he just wanted to go home and sleep. He didn’t want to be there anymore in that room with Hux. He couldn’t.

“Matt.”

“What?!” Ben lashed out, unable to keep his emotions in check. He heard his own voice crack and felt the weight of the unsaid rejection bearing down on him. Why wouldn’t Hux just let him go?

There was so much more to say to Hux, but it was all quickly becoming too much for Ben to handle. He didn’t want to deal with any of it right then. It was done, Ben made his confession and Hux rejected him, but instead of letting him go, Hux kissed him.

A million thoughts raced through Ben’s head. Hux’s lips were on his. Hux held him close. Hux wiped at the tears Ben didn’t know he was shedding.

“What?” Ben whispered, quieter this time.

“If you would just wait for a moment instead of assuming and rushing into things like you always do, maybe you would’ve heard me,” He chided. Hux cupped his face, and Ben leaned into his touch. “I said, I like you, too.”

Ben stared at him, unmoving, unable to speak. Then…

“You can’t just fucking do that! Goddamn it, Hux!” Ben held Hux by his shoulders, screaming as tears and snot rolled down his face. “You couldn’t’ve said something sooner?!”

“What are you yelling at me for?!” Hux yelled back, looking more than shocked at Ben’s reaction. “You were too busy daydreaming to listen to me!”

“Y-yeah, well you…” Ben couldn’t stop the tears, and the sobs overwhelmed his speech. He could barely open his eyes let alone talk to Hux around frantically wiping tears from his face and sniffling. He heard Hux laughing at him softly and then tissues being pressed into his hands. “S-stop laughing…” Ben mumbled as he tried to clean himself up.

“Oh no, you’re being far too cute for that,” Ben could practically hear the smile spreading across Hux’s face as he spoke. Turning away, Ben grumbled about it if only to hide his own smile. “Goodness, it’s like being a teenager again. Christmas kisses, teary confessions, and everything coming out of the blue. You know, real adults talk to each other about their feelings. They go on dates and get to know each other and _then_ do this whole confession crap.”

Hux helped Ben dry his tears as he spoke, scolding both of them with a smile on his face. Ben almost laughed. “Well, I tried.”

“You _tried_? Please, do enlighten me,” Hux took his glasses and began cleaning them, while Ben sent him a half-hearted glare.

“Just now. I was supposed to…you know, _talk_ more, not get all…”

“And what a bang-up job you did,” Hux teased.

“Well, at least I tried. What did _you_ do? Sit on your ass and wait for me to say something? ‘ _Real adults talk to each other about their feelings,’_ ” He watched with a smile as Hux grumbled to himself, unable to think of a comeback.

“Not even five minutes into this, and we’re already fighting,” Hux sighed, but the smile never left his face. “This is going to be some relationship…”

Hux trailed off as he looked up at Ben. He stared into Ben’s eyes, searching again, studying. A slight frown etched itself onto his face. “Your eyes, they look like…”

Ben panicked, realizing what Hux was trying to say. He was seeing Kylo’s eyes. The glasses and wig were the only things that really differentiated Matt and Kylo. If he spent any longer without the glasses on, he was sure Hux would recognize him.

“Like?” Ben prompted, trying to sound as calm as possible. He pried his glasses from Hux’s hands. Placing them back on his face seemed to break Hux’s trance.

“Nevermind,” Hux blinked a few times, reconsidering what he was thinking of. “Well, now that you’ve given me your present, I have to give you mine.”

“You got me a present?” While Hux turned back to his desk to retrieve Ben’s present, Ben adjusted his wig, still a little on edge from almost being found out.

“It’s not as…sentimental as your gift, but I think you’ll like it anyway,” Hux passed him a small red box tied with a white ribbon. “Merry Christmas, Matthew.”

Ben stared at the box, wondering what Hux could’ve possibly gotten him that was so small. His immediate thought was rings, but that couldn’t be it. It was too soon for rings. They hadn’t even discussed whether they’d be boyfriends, lovers, or if they were even ready for titles like that.

So, Ben opened the box and found a little black rectangle laying there. If he didn’t know any better, Ben would’ve thought it was a memory drive, but Ben knew better.

“You bought me a car?!” Ben stared down at the key in the box. Picking it up, he inspected it further. “YOU BOUGHT ME A PORCHE?!”

“Yes,” Hux said, looking quite pleased with himself. “Well, Phasma bought it. For my birthday five years ago. So, technically I’m re-gifting it to you, but I never drive it. However, Finn told me you drive a sad excuse for a car every day despite the fact that we live in New York City, so I thought-“

Ben cut off his rambling with another kiss, smiling into it when he felt Hux kissing him back. It wasn’t so foreign then. It was familiar, happy, and warm. “Thank you,” he whispered, and he meant it. There was so much to thank Hux for, but Ben knew he couldn’t say it all.

“Thank _you_ ,” Hux said back. “Your gift was the best I’ve ever received.”

He pressed their foreheads together, and Ben pressed their lips together. Then, suddenly there was a bright flash of light.

“Shit!”

“My god, have you no subtly!?”

Hushed voices yelled at each other from the other side of Hux’s office doors. Through the glass, Ben and Hux turned to see Phasma, Finn, and Mitaka staring at them. The whole group froze like deer in the headlights. Finn was holding his phone up like he was taking a picture and Phasma glowered over him as if she was yelling.

“Walk away slowly,” Mitaka’s muted voice commanded, and they all backed away from Hux’s office.

Worried, Ben looked back to Hux. “Should we go after them? I can make Finn delete the picture,” He remembered how angry Hux had been when Finn snapped a picture of them at the Halloween party, though he was definitely more dramatic about it. Hux, however, wasn’t out to the world yet. Ben didn’t mind too much, so long as the photo remained strictly between Rey, Finn, Poe, and himself, but Hux might be uncomfortable by it simply existing.

Hux looked strained like he desperately wanted to go after Finn, but he held himself back. “Later,” he whispered, making himself relax. “This is more important.”

Hux kissed him again and Ben smiled, holding him closer.

 

Best Christmas ever.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Target, in fact, does not sell nine-foot Christmas trees without lights. I checked. But we're just gonna pretend they do.
> 
> EDIT: Yikes, I hate it when I accidentally leave lines in that I was supposed to have deleted. If you read something about Hux having a bedroom behind his office, pretend you didn't. That was an old plot thing that I wrote out because it was weird as heck. It's not relevant to the story anymore.


	8. Better Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ON THE LAST EPISODE OF BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Rey had some feelings about Christmas, but it turned out just fine. Meanwhile, Ben got Hux some incredible presents! (They kissed.) Hux also bought (regifted) Matt a car.
> 
> But there's something waiting right around the corner. Is this the calm before the storm? The final stand before it all goes to hell?
> 
> Find out now on chapter 8: Better Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was really surprised with the response to the Christmas chapter. Like, a lot of you were getting really worried about how Hux would take the news when he finally finds out about Ben. I definitely didn't intend for that to happen, but that works too.

 

 

“Charlize, tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

 

They were caught in the middle of lunch traffic. Phasma insisted that he not go see his lawyer in the middle of the day, but Hux was already out the door and she wasn’t going to let him do all of it alone. She looked over at him in the passenger’s seat of her car. He hadn’t moved since they left his lawyer’s office.

Throughout her life, Hux had remained her closest friend, even when he refused to let her help him. He stood by her when were kids and the eighth graders bullied her for being too tall. He was the one who started a protest against the school board in high school when the coaches refused to let her play on the football team. He was the one that pushed her forward when her commanding officer told her she’d never be good for anything other than blindly following orders. Hux was always there for her, even if he liked to pretend he didn’t care.

There wasn’t much Phasma could really do in their current situation, but she’d be damned if she let him go through it alone.

“Oh no, not my first name,” she tried to joke. He hadn’t smiled all day. “I guess that means you’re serious about this.”

He didn’t reply, and it bothered her. She didn’t even get an eye roll out of him. Her own half-smile faltered. “It’s not my place to tell you that, Armitage.”

“Tell me,” he demanded.

She didn’t like this. For years, she’d hinted at it and, on a few occasions, told him outright that it needed to be done. But she didn’t think it would be like this. She didn’t think he’d be like this.

The manila envelope Hux’s lawyer gave him rested on the dashboard of her car. He’d pushed it into her arms as soon as he received it. He wouldn’t hold it, wouldn’t touch it, wouldn’t even look at it even though getting it was the whole reason why they’d made the trip to his lawyer. She glared at it. She glared at him.

“Are you doing this for Matt?”

He hesitated to reply. She watched his hand clench into a fist as they pulled into the company parking garage. “I don’t know,” he said finally.

“Well, if he didn’t exist, would you still be doing this?”

“Probably not.”

“And why is that?” She parked and turned off the car, but didn’t get out.

He took another moment to reply. “Because I’d still be trying to pretend that she cares.”

Phasma sighed and held the manila envelope out for him to take. “She hasn’t loved you for a long time. I told you that years ago.”

“You introduced us.”

“And I’m sorry I did,” She extended her hand further until the envelope was almost in his lap. He glared at it. “I wouldn’t have if I had known she’d treat you like she has been.”

He looked at it a moment longer before finally reaching out and taking it from her. With a clenched jaw and balled fists, he walked towards the office building, not waiting for her. Phasma caught up easily but didn’t call Hux on his behavior. It wasn’t her he was trying to run from.

“You _are_ doing the right thing,” She said as they rode the elevator up to their floor. “You don’t deserve what she’s put you through, Armitage.”

His shoulders dropped a bit, relaxing as he considered what she said. When the doors opened, she watched as he put on his “boss” face and pretended nothing was wrong. That was the way it always was: Hux pretended.

With company business, or external affairs, he was quick to respond, but when it came to himself Phasma knew he wouldn’t deal with a problem until it was about to kill him. That’s what happened when they were kids and he refused to admit his father had anything but the best intentions That’s what happened when they were in college, and he ended up in the hospital because of alcohol poisoning. That’s what was happening now, with her.

Still, Hux did have a tendency to prove her wrong. As Hux walked up to Matt’s desk, he was greeted with a smile. To no one’s surprise, Hux smiled back. That was where she saw hope. Maybe things wouldn’t end as badly as she thought they would. Maybe it would all go to shit anyway. But whatever happened, she knew Hux would be okay. Hux was strong. He spent years bending to _her_ will, and now he finally had something he wanted. He had something to smile about. It was years since she’d last seen him smile like that.

She just hoped that smile wouldn’t fade away. He deserved that much.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He was happy for them, he really was, but it was beginning to become a problem. No matter where he went, Mitaka seemed to find his boss and his boss’s secretary giggling together thinking no one was watching. For the first few weeks, he enjoyed sneaking around with Phasma and teasing them, but now he just wished it would stop.

They stole glances at each other in the halls and kisses in the break room. They distracted each other during meetings and locked themselves in the copy room when they thought no one was looking. Ever since Hux and Matt got together, the two were inseparable, not that they really left each other’s sides before, however.

Their relationship was innocent enough, but it was beginning to interfere with the work atmosphere. That’s what worried him. Everyone noticed how happy Hux had become recently and took advantage of it. As much as he liked to claim otherwise, Hux didn’t punish as hard as he used to; he didn’t strike the same fear into his employees’ hearts.

Now, he watched the twenty brightest minds of the company roam around the floor, gossiping about their lives instead of working diligently. Even his secretary, Unamo, cracked a smile during her morning greeting. Mitaka sent her a glare that brought a swift end to her sudden sunny-ness but commanding the rest of the floor wasn’t so easy.

Perhaps he was the CFO of the company, but Mitaka was never a very bold person. He relied on the order and stability that Hux brought to do his job. Without it, he couldn’t get so much as a word in edgewise. Without it, he faded into the crowd again, and he hated it.

It reminded Mitaka of the early days when he worked as an accountant on the lower floors, doing grunt work. He worked the hardest, he did everything better than everyone, but no one ever noticed. No one gave him credit for any of the work he’d done, until Hux.

Armitage Hux, the CEO’s son who could’ve had it all from the start, chose to claw his way up from the bottom. He was there alongside Mitaka, doing work that was far below their skill levels. He was the one who took notice of Mitaka, who helped him speak up and climb the ladder. A few years later, Phasma showed up, and then the three of them were unstoppable.

So, without Hux at the forefront, putting everyone in line, Mitaka found it hard to work. No one would listen to him. No one responded to his emails or announcements. No one bothered him about petty fights. No one asked him whether or not they were balancing their department income statements correctly. No one interrupted him while he worked.

As he finished the last report in the pile on his desk, Mitaka realized he’d been left alone all day. His work was done, his reports were filed, and it was only two in the afternoon. It was the calmest day he’d had in a while. He didn’t understand it until he got up to retrieve a snack from the break room, but the whole floor, including himself, felt so much calmer. Without Hux’s constant cold glare, the whole office looked brighter.

Mitaka paused and looked around the floor. He didn’t remember the last time anyone in the office looked so happy to be at work. Ever since Matt arrived, everything had been changing. He wasn’t sure if Hux could tell, but Matt commanded attention much like he did. The first month or so was more than hectic as they screamed at each other, but after that, Mitaka started noticing the little differences.

The office became more relaxed as they did, more enjoyable. Matt’s parties lifted everyone’s spirits, and Hux’s newfound smiling let the whole building do the same. Sales were up, the New Republic Company didn’t break their contract, and everything was going great, so naturally, Mitaka worried.

If they could make that much of a difference in the company by making heart eyes at each other, what would happen if something tore them apart?

“Sir, I might remind you that this floor is very occupied at the moment,” Mitaka walked up to Matt’s desk, interrupting a conversation between his boss and the secretary. They were standing close, smiling at each other, oblivious to anything but each other.

Hux opened his mouth, prepared to reprimand Mitaka for interrupting them, but when he looked around the room, he reconsidered and said nothing. Instead, he told Matt they’d speak later and marched back into his office. Matt looked astonished.

“What was that about?!” He demanded of Mitaka. He had quite a temper, but unlike Hux, Mitaka had no patience for it.

“Sit down, Mr. Calrissian. This office is no place for your relationship,” Mitaka spoke quietly but firmly. It only made Matt angrier.

“No place? This is his company! Who are you do say what can and can’t happen inside it?!” Matt screamed. He was furious, and rightly so. When Mitaka interrupted them, it almost sounded like Matt was about to ask him out on a date.

“I’m his friend,” Mitaka barely raised his voice, but it was enough to get Matt’s attention and that of some nearby workers. A glare was enough to send the others back to work, and then he turned back to Matt. “I am aware of the nature of your relationship, and _this office_ is no place for it.

“Perhaps you are unconcerned about the opinions of others, but Hux doesn’t have that luxury. This isn’t something you’re _allowed_ to tell the world. Are you aware of how disastrous it would be for both Hux and the company if word got out about you two? I imagine not. For his sake, I suggest you try thinking about someone other than yourself.”

Matt responded with fearful and confused eyes, so Mitaka continued. “I also suggest that you remember that until you came along, he never considered even the possibility of being in a relationship with another man. Do not make him regret it, or I will ensure that _you_ do.”

He turned on his heel, then, sure that Matt had received his message. Hux was the friend that made Mitaka’s life better. He built Mitaka up and gave him a life he only ever dreamed of. Mitaka would protect him and his happiness no matter what it took, even if that meant reminding his boyfriend not to be such an idiot every five seconds.

“Good job, Dopheld,” Phasma commented as he walked back to his office.

“Of course,” he replied.

Matt would not mess this up. Hux had worked too hard to have it taken away from him, so Mitaka would make sure that didn’t happen. Hux deserved that much.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry. I was gonna just…um…I’ll go,” Finn stumbled over his words awkwardly, trying to close the door to the copy room before Hux or Ben ripped his head off.

He was happy for them, he really was, but ever since they’d gotten together Finn had accidentally walked in on them more times than he could remember. It always seemed to be him, too. No one else in the office seemed to care that their CEO and his secretary were always suspiciously absent at the same time, nor did they wander into the break room at the exact time they had their tongues down each other’s throats.

On the up-side, at least Ben stopped complaining to him about every little problem. It was no secret that the two of them didn’t get along, but he was literally the only one who understood all the sides of Ben’s relationship. Finn was there at work while Ben and Hux awkwardly flirted during meetings. He was hanging with Poe backstage at the club whenever Ben rushed in to grab his clothes and clock out with a huge smile on his face. He was the one antagonizing over homework with Rey at her apartment when Ben came home and started going on about “stupid” Hux was being that day.

It shouldn’t have been Finn. Poe and Rey were much better equipped to handle Ben and his drama than Finn was. From day one, Ben never liked him, and it eventually became a game, seeing how long Ben could go without making some sort of snide remark about him. But, now Finn was his go-to-guy and it was weird.

“So…am I just supposed to, like, say it?” Ben would ask him. “Just ‘Hey, you wanna go on a date this weekend?’ Are you sure that doesn’t sound too sudden?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Finn told him, exasperated.

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he? It’s going to work.”

“Yeah, but he’s not a dumbass like you are. If it doesn’t work with his schedule, then he might not say yes.”

Finn glared at him. “What’s that even supposed to – you know what, no. I’m done here.”

He started to walk out of the bathroom, fed up with Ben’s constant put downs, but Ben stopped him. “Ugh, no wait!”

“For what, you to ignore my advice and insult me for the thousandth time? No thanks.”

“If you would just fucking listen for a second, I’d tell you.”

Finn glared at him harder and Ben glared back. He was ready to walk out of there. He was always ready to walk out on Ben. He didn’t have to take all of the verbal abuse, but in the back of his head, he could hear Rey begging him to be nice and help Ben.

“What?” he grumbled. Ben was lucky Finn liked Rey so much.

“I just – I _meant_ to say that he’s not stupidly in love with me like you are with Poe. You’d drop everything for him in a second. Hux won’t,” Ben spoke carefully, through a clenched jaw. Finn knew Rey told him to play nice too. It was hard for both of them, but for her, they’d do anything.

“Then just schedule something short and during a time when he’ll probably be free. It could just be a lunch thing or something.”

“That…might actually work.”

“Of course it’s gonna work.”

“’ _Of course it’s gonna work,’”_ Ben repeated, mocking him. He left the bathroom without so much as a “thank you.”

Finn rolled his eyes. It was a pain in the ass to help Ben deal with his relationship problems, and if it weren’t for Rey, he wouldn’t bother. It may have helped their relationship, but only marginally. They still hated each other, but Rey called it a win that they were at least talking. Though he was inclined to disagree, Finn couldn’t help the little smile that slipped onto his face later that day.

Ben sat down next to him in the break room, and very suddenly announced, “we’re having dinner tomorrow night.”

“Oh…kay?”

“He doesn’t want to go out in public in case anyone recognizes him, but he said we can do dinner and a movie here.”

“So…it worked?” Finn asked, slowly processing what Ben was saying to him.

“Yes.”

“…”

“…”

“ ‘ _Thank you, Finn, for helping me get a date with my boyfriend! You’re the best!’_ ” Finn said in a comically deep voice when Ben didn’t say anything else.

Ben rolled his eyes and got up to leave, but paused at the door. He sighed. “Thank you, Finn, for helping me get a date with my boyfriend…you’re the best.”

Finn was surprised that Ben actually thanked him, and if he wasn’t mistaken, there was a bit of a smile on his face too. Laughing to himself, Finn pulled out his phone to text Poe and Rey about it. Maybe Ben was a total ass to him sometimes, but even Finn couldn’t deny that he deserved every little smile he could get.

They couldn’t stand each other most of the time, but Finn knew that Ben would always take him seriously. Until recently, they hadn’t said more than five words to each other (“hey,” “bye,” “sure,” “nah,” “thanks”) but Ben was the one who passed him a beer when Finn was trying to figure out his sexuality. Finn was the one who kept Ben company and listened to what he said when Poe and Rey decided yelling at each other was more important than listening to what Ben told them. They were bros. Not very close bros, or bros that really got along, but bros.

Rey texted him a screen shot of a few texts she sent to Ben. She was squealing about Ben’s date and sending him heart emojis, and a moment later, Ben’s voice was screaming from somewhere on the floor, “You’re a fucking asshole, Finn!”

Finn laughed. Yeah, telling Rey was sort of a dick move, but Ben deserved it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was almost comical, watching Ben dance around the dressing rooms wearing only black spandex shorts and a hoodie. He danced to the muffled music coming from the stage, shaking his ass and flailing his arms far less gracefully than Poe knew he was capable of. Rey danced right alongside him, laughing and doing a poor rendition of the Knights’ routine that they all knew by heart.

He liked seeing Ben smile. He liked it even more when he was smiling and Finn was smiling with him. It warmed his heart to see the two of them getting along, even if Finn was failing quite miserably at following Ben and Rey at the dance.

“Ben!” he called over the music. “How was your date?”

Ben stumbled over the next steps of the dance and turned to glare at Poe. Flustered, he opened and closed his mouth, searching for something to say, but all that came out was, “no.”

“That’s right; your date!” Rey latched onto Ben’s arm. “How’d it go?”

“No!” Ben shouted. Even in the poor lighting, Poe could’ve sworn Ben’s face flushed red. “I – that’s…I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Did it go badly?” Rey asked.

“Or maybe it just went _that_ well,” Poe commented. He motioned to his neck, flashing a bright smile when Ben shot him another glare and slapped a hand over the dark bruise at the base of his neck.

“They were making out in Hux’s office!” Finn shouted, ducking out of Ben’s reach when Ben whipped around to grab him. “It was gross and I have pics.”

“Delete those!” Ben yelled, lunging for his phone. “Why the fuck were you even there? We stayed late after everyone left!”

“Phasma wanted pictures. I was just following orders!” Finn held the phone just out of reach as Ben reached for it.

Poe laughed at them. “You know, this reminds me of when we were kids, Ben.”

Ben paused for a moment, looking confused before the realization hit him. “No! Poe, don’t you dare!”

“But you were so cute!”

“Poe!”

“Wait, what happened when you were kids?” Rey questioned.

Poe grinned, and Ben glared at him. “Well, you know we were friends when we were kids, right?”

“Yeah, and you moved, then you guys met up again a few years ago.”

Ben shot him another look, warning Poe not to say anymore. Poe ignored him. “Did he tell you that he used to have a crush on me?”

“He did?!”

“What?!”

“UGH!!”

Finn and Rey were astounded at the new information and huddled around Poe, eagerly awaiting his story. Ben groaned dramatically and stood as far away from them as he could get, trying to hide his face in against the wall.

“Oh yeah, he had a huge crush on me. It was so cute.”

“I was twelve!”

“You were adorable!”

“UUGGGHHH!!!”

Poe rolled his eyes and resumed his story.

“So, yeah; he was twelve, I was fourteen, and it was summer. We were going to move in August, right before I started high school, so Ben and I were hanging out every day. We’d been friends for years, but I noticed that he was starting to stare at me. I’d ask him if there was anything on my face or if I had food in my teeth, but he’d just look away and swear it was nothing.”

“Aww!” Rey cooed. “Why don’t I remember this?”

“You were…two, I think,” Poe said. “I’m not sure you’d remember much from then, even though you were actually around for a lot of it. He used to ask me to help babysit you as an excuse to hang out. Anyway, there was this one day in July when we were watching fireworks at his parents’ ranch in Del Rio when Ben just suddenly shouts ‘I like you!’ It came out of nowhere, and he was so red; it was adorable. The next day, he furiously denied having said anything. I teased him about it for the rest of the summer, and he whined every time I brought it up.

“I apologized, eventually. At the end of the summer, when Ben was seeing me off at the airport, we said our goodbyes. We hugged. He cried.”

“I didn’t cry!”

“He _almost_ cried. Then, I kissed his cheek and left for New York.”

“You were an asshole!” Ben yelled. “I was twelve and confused enough about liking guys and girls, on top of having a crush on my best friend. Then, you had to go and kiss me and leave without another word! It was mean!”

“I called you, like, a week later to apologize.”

“Yeah, and I was in agony for a whole week, wondering if my true love just left me forever!”

“Aww, you thought I was your true love?”

“I – Fuck, would you just shut up?” If he wasn’t red before, Ben was definitely red now. “Why are you even telling this story?”

Poe paused. His bright smile softened and brows pulled together ever so slightly. “You were so happy back then; the happiest I’d ever seen you,” he said. “When we met up again, I thought I lost you, man. I mean, I know it had been years since we talked, but you…you didn’t smile like you used to. My best friend was gone and I had no idea why.”

The room was quiet, except for the muted thumping of the stage music. Ben looked at him like he used to when Poe started complaining about his homework and mean kids at school, all soft-eyed and worried. For a moment, Poe saw the scrawny little kid he protected from the bullies, who looked at him like the world might fall apart if Poe ever stopped smiling.

“Then you met Hux and came back. You’re happy again. You’re Ben, again. He brought you back.”

“What, so you think I’m only me now that I’ve got a guy to kiss and fuck?” Ben tried to look angry, tried to sound like his usual disgruntled self, but the shaky breath he let out after let Poe know he didn’t mean it.

“No, that’s…” Poe tried to find the words. “After we met up again, you never smiled, not really. You worked constantly, taking whatever job you could find so that you and Rey would have enough to eat. You refused to do things for yourself unless Rey talked you into it. Even then, you weren’t enjoying it as much as you should have.

“Hux…just by liking him, you let yourself be selfish and take something for yourself. I mean…It doesn’t feel like you’re treating everything as a chore anymore, and it’s because he isn’t a chore for you. You wanted him, and instead of pushing him away because it would’ve gotten in the way of taking care of you and Rey, you reached out and took him for yourself. He reminded you that you deserve to be happy, and now you smile like you did that summer you confessed to me. It’s…nice. I like having my best friend back.”

If Poe told Ben he was crying, Ben would deny it to his last breath, but there were definitely tears welling up in his eyes. He heard a sniffle from Rey, and felt Finn’s hand squeeze his; Poe was almost crying himself.

Then, the music stopped and muted applause erupted from the club floor, breaking the emotional atmosphere. “We – uh – we better get out there,” Ben said, blinking the tears away.

“Yeah…yeah, we should do that,” Poe wiped his tears with the back of his hand and felt Finn give his other hand another squeeze.

Ben, Rey, and Poe made their way to the stage, standing in the wings as the curtain fell and the Knights shuffled off stage. They were still a little high-strung with emotions, but they had to shake it off. They couldn’t be sad while dancing for the crowd. They weren’t allowed to be. So, Poe put on his game face. They’d talk about it later, he was sure of it, but now wasn’t the time.

Something weighed down on his shoulder, suddenly, and Poe looked over to Ben. He tried to say something, anything, but it was too late. They were being announced and then the music started to play. So, Ben sent him a smile instead; nothing special, just a simple little smile, but it meant the world to Poe. It was a smile of thanks, of understanding, and something else he hadn’t seen from Ben since he moved away.

As the curtain rose and the three dancers greeted the crowd, Poe watched Ben. He watched as Ben’s eyes found Hux’s and his face lit up as he danced. It was the smile he never saw when Ben and Rey first moved to New York, and Poe hoped it would never go away. Ben was finally happy, and he deserved to be.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So…”

“So?”

“So, when are you gonna bring him home?”

“What?” Ben paused in the middle of stir frying their dinner to give Rey vaguely panicked look.

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. When are you going to bring Hux home to meet me? I want to make sure he’s good enough for you.”

“Why?”

“ _Because_ this is important!” Rey exclaimed. She didn’t miss the way Ben flushed pink as he tried to focus on their dinner instead of answering her question. “He’s the first relationship you’ve had in years! If you’re serious about keeping him, I’ll need to give him a full inspection.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “He’s not a pet, Rey. He’s my boyfriend. Besides, he’s already been to our apartment.”

“What? When?” Rey racked her brain, trying and failing to remember when Hux had visited them.

“When I first met him.”

“…You mean the first night you fucked him.”

“I met him that night.”

“And I met his passed-out, bare ass the next morning.”

“See, so you’ve met him. No need for him to come over.”

“Ben!” Rey complained.

“Why do you want to meet him so badly?” Ben asked, serving up their food. He pushed a plate towards Rey, but she set it aside.

“Why _don’t_ you want me to meet him?” She looked at him with hard eyes, trying to let him know she was serious.

“Why don’t you answer my question first?”

“Beeen!”

“Reeey!”

She glared at him and shoved a spoon full of stir-fry in her mouth. He glared right back. Ben always did that with important things; he always left Rey out. When she was younger, she understood; some things were too complicated for her to understand, but now she was nineteen. Ben needed to trust her. She needed to feel like he trusted her.

“I need to make sure he’s good enough for you because I’m worried about you.”

“What for?” Ben asked around a mouth full of food. “It’s not like he’s a serial killer or anything.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, the room fell silent. The thing Rey had been trying to avoid was suddenly right there in front of them. She couldn’t look at him, not until she figured out what to say. It didn’t seem to matter, however, since looked equally as bothered by his words.

“He’s not like them, Rey,” Ben whispered.

“You don’t know that,” she protested. “Thannison wasn’t like that at first either, and then suddenly you’re meeting his family, then you’re smoking weed, selling assault rifles, murdering–”

“He’s not like them!” Ben slammed his fist down on the table, startling Rey. “He’s not like them…”

It was a dark few years that neither of them dared to talk about if they could help it. “But what if…” She couldn’t say it. It was too painful to think about, let alone talk about.

“I’m okay, Rey. He’s not gonna hurt me,” Ben said from across the table.

She wanted to believe him, but how could he be so sure? What if Hux turned out to be some sort of crazy, deluded gangster like Thannison? What if Hux was as twisted as Snoke? Rey had reason to worry, after what happened to Ben. She needed to make sure Hux was good enough. She needed to make sure he was safe.

“I’m okay,” Suddenly, Ben’s voice sounded from beside her. Rey looked up and saw Ben looking back down at her, having moved to her side. She stood, taking the silent invitation holding him tight.

It made her feel like she was a little kid again, being wrapped in Ben’s big arms, but instead of comfort it only brought her more worry. She wished she didn’t feel so small and helpless, but that’s all there was in the warmth of Ben’s arms.

“I’m okay,” Ben whispered, pressing a kiss to her head. “He’s okay. We’re okay. No one’s gonna hurt me. Don’t worry.”

Rey only held on tighter, clutching the fabric of his shirt. “…So, you’ll bring him home, then?”

“Rey!” Ben pushed her away, the tense mood broken by her question. She laughed. He scowled and blushed. They finished dinner.

It was hard to trust that he’d be okay when she knew the last time he said that, there were bruises all over his body that hadn’t been there when he left the house. But, for Ben, she would try. He was right, after all. Hux wasn’t them. He’d already been far more kind to Ben than they had, and so much more loving.

So, for him, she’d try not to worry. She’d trust him. He deserved it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Okay, I can do this. I got the food. I got the movie. I got the popcorn. It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be fine. Shit yeah okay. Okay, okay…” Ben didn’t usually make a habit of talking to himself while nervous, but at that point, he was trying absolutely everything he could think of to make himself less nervous.

But hey, since when were first dates not nerve wrecking?

It wasn’t easy to put together. For two whole weeks, Ben asked Hux out to the park or the movies or times square, and for two whole weeks, Hux kept saying no. It hurt, and Ben didn’t know what he was doing wrong. Weren’t they dating? Didn’t couples go out on dates? Ben couldn’t understand why his boyfriend didn’t want to go out with him but was perfectly fine with making out in his office.

He thought it was because he never actually outright asked Hux to be his boyfriend. But, it took Mitaka’s angry reminder for it to finally click: Hux wasn’t out to the world yet. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. Ben remembered what it was like when he first accepted that he was into guys as well as girls. It was scary as hell being anywhere but his room because he was so afraid of what people might think of him. Hux was also a very prominent figure; it was no wonder why he didn’t want to go _out_ on a date.

So, what better way to solve the problem than to have a stay in? Ben wasn’t eager to bring Hux to his apartment just yet. It had been a few months, but on the off chance Hux recognized it from when he slept there with Kylo, it would be a big mess that Ben knew he needed to sort out before he took Hux home. Hux’s house was also a no-go, if only because Ben felt too awkward asking if their date could be at his house. Then, Finn came up with the brilliant idea to have a stay-in date at the office, and Hux said yes.

Looking around Hux’s office, Ben re-counted all of the supplies he’d gathered for the millionth time. Hux would be there soon. He’d gone home (though he didn’t say why), and they agreed to meet back at the office around eight. It was seven fifty-three.

Trying to shake off his nerves, Ben opened his phone camera to make sure he looked okay before Hux got there. For once, Ben wished he’d picked a better look for Matt. Straightening out his wig and glasses, Ben glared at his reflection on his phone, trying to figure out if he looked good enough. Rey had dressed him up in some blue button down with white polka-dots. She insisted that it looked adorable, but Ben had to roll up the sleeves just to make it passable.

Sighing, Ben stared forlornly at himself. Sometimes, he wondered when it would be okay to tell Hux that he wasn’t actually “Matt.” Sure, it was convenient to have his identities separate, but sometimes he wished he didn’t have to hide it. He really, really liked Hux, and, despite his better judgment, really hoped that they could be a forever kind of thing instead of just a few months.

He certainly had enough reason to hope for that. Hux hadn’t been back to see Kylo since Christmas. Ben missed seeing him, missed being with him, but Kylo was never supposed to be a real lover. Hux said it himself, _“Why else would I be here,”_ if not for the escape Kylo gave him? For the moment it would hurt, but in the end, the pain would be worth it. Kylo could let Hux go if Matt had a chance at forever.

 “I like your shirt,” A voice made Ben jump, and his heart started racing as he turned to see who spoke.

Hux leaned against the open doors looking like an angel. It was his eyes, Ben decided, or maybe it was his smile. Either way, he looked beautiful. Compared to Ben’s haphazardly thrown-together outfit, Hux looked like he was fresh off the runway. The brown cardigan, pastel blue button down, and gray jeans were much more casual than Ben had ever seen Hux dressed, but it only made him more perfect. Ben wasn’t sure that Hux had ever looked so relaxed and happy.

“I like you…r cardigan. I like your cardigan,” Ben stumbled over his words, and then he could feel his face heating up. He wanted to kick himself, but the laugh it drew out of Hux made it worth it. “So uh…hi.”

“Hello.”

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Um…How are you?”

“Good.”

“That’s-that’s good.”

“Yes, it is.”

 Shit, why did it have to be so awkward? They stood too far apart, Hux was still at the door, Ben couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound stupid; It was not how he wanted the night to start. It was never that awkward at work or when they were fucking in the middle of the night, but maybe that was because they’d never had time to really sit down and talk.

There wasn’t the driving hustle of work to pull them away from each other or the passion of their bodies to distract. It was just them, and Ben was a little scared of how it would go.

“So, uh, do you wanna eat first or I’ve got a movie…”

“Food would be wonderful.”

“Cool, I got Chinese.”

“Oh, Yunnan Flavour Garden?” Hux opened up a pair of chopsticks as he sat on the couch.

“Uh…”

“Grand Sichuan House? Lucky Eight?” Hux listed off various well-known Chinese restaurants around Brooklyn and Ben got the feeling he should’ve picked Italian food instead.

“Liu’s Shanghai?”

“Well…”

“Matthew, where did you get the food? It’s not that-“

“Panda Express,” Ben mumbled. He didn’t want to look up at Hux, embarrassed that he obviously expected food from one of the more expensive and better-known restaurants, and Ben went out and got Panda Express.

“ _Panda Express?_ Are you serious, Matthew? That chain is garbage,” Hux laughed. Ben could feel himself deflating as Hux spoke. What was wrong with Panda Express? Ben liked it…“God, Netflix on a laptop, bad Chinese food; you really did go for the full teenage-cheap-first-date experience, didn’t you…”

Hux trailed off when Ben dared to look up at him. He hated it. Ben should’ve picked something else for them to eat. How was he supposed to know Hux thought Panda Express was terrible? Ben liked it. Although, for the longest time it was the only kind of Chinese food that he and Rey could afford, so that might’ve been why.

“I-I just – it’s so laughably _bad_.”

Hux hated it.

“I mean, it’s – uh – like I’m a teenager again.”

Ben should’ve just taken them back to his apartment.

“Not that that’s bad, per se, just…never mind.”

They were ten minutes into their date, they’d just sat down to eat, and Ben already messed it all up. So, they ate in silence. Every few minutes or so, he’d look over at Hux, who was glued to his phone. Was he really so boring that Hux would rather text someone on his phone? Ben wished he knew what to say to get Hux’s attention onto him, but everything sounded too stupid in his head to say out loud. It was just the sound of cheap wooden chopsticks scraping against Styrofoam echoing between them as they ate. Ben couldn’t think of anything to say, nor did he really want to say anything. He’d messed up dinner enough as it was.

But that didn’t mean that the whole date was a disaster, right? They still had a movie to watch, and Ben was more than capable of making up for a bad dinner with a great movie. They cleaned up the rest of their dinner in more silence while Ben tried to think of something to say, but by the time they’d settled back into the couch he still hadn’t thought of anything.

“So uh, is there anything you wanted to watch?” Ben asked pulling up Netflix on his laptop.

“Nothing in particular,” Hux was still texting, still not paying attention to Ben. “Whatever you’d like.”

“No, you should pick something,” Ben insisted. “I already fucked up dinner so you should at least like whatever movie we watch.”

Suddenly, a thick blanket of tension settled over the already overwhelming silence.

“Oh…alright.”

Ben wanted to kick himself. Why did he say that? It only made everything worse! Ben just wanted Hux to have a good time, and here he was feeling bad about himself. Hux was probably wondering what was wrong with him.

The movie started before Ben could see what Hux had picked, but he recognized it at the opening of the first scene. Poe loved the movie to pieces. He’d forced Ben to watch it more times than Ben cared to remember. By then, he knew it well enough to have the whole script memorized. “The Princess Bride?”

“Would you prefer to watch something else?” Hux hesitated, his hand already halfway to the laptop.

“No, no! This is fine. It’s cool,” Ben gave Hux a half-smile to reassure him, not that either of them were convinced by it.

On screen, the grandfather began the epic tale of the Princess Bride to his grandson and Ben let himself slip into the comfort and familiarity of the film. His mind wandered as it played on. Maybe he could try something else next time. Next time, he’d order dinner from one of the fancy restaurants Hux sometimes went to for lunch meetings. Next time, he’d be more confident, greet his boyfriend with a kiss instead of just a compliment. Next time, they’d actually talk and get to know each other better. But this time, he just had to survive. This time, Ben just needed to make sure that the date didn’t get any worse.

Hux seemed to pay the movie as little attention as Ben was. He was on his phone again, texting, scowling at the reply he got, then furiously typing in a reply, but never pressing ‘send.’ With a sigh, he put his phone down and looked over at Ben.

“What?”

“N-nothing!” Ben turned back to the movie, embarrassed to have been caught snooping. “Um…is everything alright?”

“Oh, um…yes. It’s nothing,” It was very obviously a lie, but Ben didn’t push it any further. Vaguely, he remembered Maz saying something about Hux keeping secrets on his phone, but it was a secret for a reason, right? If he wanted Ben to know, then he would’ve said something about it.

_‘Could this be a trap?_

_I always think everything is a trap. It’s why I’m still alive.’_

They weren’t even half-way done with the movie and it was already getting boring. At that point, Ben couldn’t completely blame Hux for continually checking his phone. Maybe it was a failed date after all. Hux didn’t seem like he was enjoying it, Ben was definitely getting bored, and overall it had been the most awkward experience he’d ever had with Hux.

“Hey, if you’re bored we can just...stop. It’s fine, you know,” Ben kept his eyes trained on the movie. It was his suggestion, but he could still feel his heart tearing apart as he waited for Hux’s inevitable ‘yes.’ Then, Hux would be able to properly talk to whoever he’d been texting. Next time, Ben would make it better, but this time…he just wanted this time to be over.

“Matthew-“

“No, it’s fine,” Ben closed his laptop and started to reach for his coat. Undeserved tears burned at the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away. “You’re not enjoying it anyway, so we’ll just…we’ll try again next time.”

“Matthew, stop,” Hux’s hands came down on top of Ben’s, stopping him from putting up the laptop.

“…I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“Why? You didn’t do anything.”

“Exactly, I didn’t do anything,” Ben looked up at Hux when he was sure the tears wouldn’t spill over. Hux looked so guilty, but what for? “I told you no for two weeks, then you put all of this together, and I’ve been on my phone this whole time. I should be paying attention to you, to us, not distracting myself with other things. Let’s just…Let’s watch the movie…please?”

“…okay.”

It still wasn’t perfect, but they sat and watched the rest of the movie together. Hux didn’t look at his phone once, and Ben found that the silence between them was definitely more relaxed than it had been.

However, sitting in silence and watching the rest of the movie wasn’t exactly a bad date, but it wasn’t the date he wanted to give Hux either. There was one idea stuck in his head that he’d been avoiding because of how cheesy it was, but at that point, it couldn’t have made the date any worse.

Yawning loudly, Ben stretched his arms up and over his head. He stole another glance at Hux, but Hux was distracted with the movie. Quickly, Ben brought his arms back down, one of them by his side and the other on the back of the couch around Hux’s shoulders. He didn’t touch Hux, no that would’ve been too obvious, but he got just close enough that if anyone else had been there, they would’ve seen Ben just pull the oldest move in the book.

Hux started coughing, suddenly, though it sounded suspiciously like laughing. Ben looked over again, but Hux waved him off, saying it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing. Hux knew. Ben knew that he knew. So, it shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise when Hux leaned himself against Ben, letting his head rest on Ben’s shoulder and his body press against Ben’s side. Still, Ben’s heart leaped in his chest, and a smile settled on his face.

_‘Incontheivable!’_

“ _Incontheivable!_ God, I hate this movie,” Hux murmured.

Ben looked at him curiously. “Why’d you pick it if you hate it?”

“I…When you said the food was from Panda Express, I thought you took what I said about us acting like teenagers one step further,” Hux’s fingers toyed with the end of his cardigan. “I thought you picked it on purpose to recreate the kind of first date that teenagers have because they don’t have any money. I figured I’d finish it off with a crap movie to complete the experience…unless you don’t…”

“Oh yeah, no, this movie is awful,” The corners of Ben’s mouth twitched up when relief flooded over Hux. “I do know the whole script though. _I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?_ ”

Hux smiled as Ben recited Wesley’s lines, glancing at the screen to read the subtitles for Buttercup’s. “ _Well, you were dead._ ”

“ _Death cannot stop true love,_ ” Ben reached out to cup Hux’s face, inching closer. “ _All it can do is delay it for a while._ ”

Hux let Ben pull him closer, trying to resist the smile that crept up on his face in favor of acting just as passionate as Ben. “ _I will never doubt again._ ”

“ _There will never be a need,_ ” Ben whispered the words. They were close enough that their lips were almost brushing. Just an inch closer and they could have that perfect fairy-tale moment.

And they would have, had they both not burst out laughing. The movie played on without them as they held their stomachs and laughed until they were almost crying.

“It’s…it’s such shit!” Hux managed to say between his laughs. “Who the hell comes up with this stuff?”

Ben leaned back against the couch, watching as Hux laughed. He wasn’t sure he remembered seeing Hux that happy and relaxed. It wasn’t like when he smiled because they’d just closed a business deal, nor like the tired-out smiles, Ben earned after Hux spent the last hour screaming his name.

That smile on Hux’s face was there for no reason at all. They were laughing over something stupid and trivial, and that’s all there was to it. Ben wanted to kiss that beautiful smile, so without thinking, he leaned in and did.

When he pulled back, however, the surprise on Hux’s face brought Ben back to reality. “Shit – I’m sorry! I-I just…you…”

“Hey,” Hux reached up and brushed his fingers against Ben’s cheek. His eyes flickered between Ben’s eyes and his lips. “It’s okay.”

Hux kissed him, then, and it made Ben’s heart fly. It felt like a first kiss even though they’d kissed a thousand times before. His lips were warm and sweet. It made Ben’s head fuzzy and his heart full. The world could’ve passed them by for all he cared. Hux was there and kissing him. That’s all that mattered.

They ignored the movie for a while, making out on the couch as per proper teen-date-protocol. Ben pushed Hux back onto the couch, and Hux managed to flip them over so that he was on top. It was dizzying to have Hux like that, close to him, touching him but not with sexual intent. The hickey Hux sucked into Ben’s skin was tactfully beneath his collar, but a blush rose to his cheeks anyway, knowing that it would be on display when he danced at the club. It was a mark not unlike the ones Hux left on Kylo, but this was different. There, in that room, the two of them were actually together, not just weekend lovers. It was a brand that Ben would wear to work on Monday, and this time Hux would know it was there.

Hux sealed his work with a kiss to Ben’s lips, before they parted, panting but smiling. “Wow.”

Hux burst out laughing again. He collapsed on top of Ben, wrapping an arm around Ben’s chest so he wouldn’t fall off of the couch. “What?” Ben asked, brushing away stray hairs that he’d pulled loose from Hux’s perfectly gelled hair.

“Making out on the couch instead of watching the movie. This is truly the kind of first date I expected to have in high school,” Hux leaned up and kissed his jaw.

“You – you’re enjoying the date, then?” Ben asked, wrapping his arms around Hux’s shoulders.

“Yes, very much.”

“Good.”

“…Were you really so worried?”

“Well, yeah. It’s our first date. I wanted it to be good,” Ben stared up at the ceiling. It was dark in the room, save for the soft glow of his laptop and whatever light streamed in from the city beyond the windows. “Besides, I haven’t been on a date in years. I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re doing wonderfully.”

“But dinner was bad, and I don’t know why I couldn’t talk to you. We’re always talking, but I just…couldn’t.”

Hux laughed again, soft and gentle. It made Ben’s stomach flutter. “This is a date, Matthew. When we talk, it’s always about work because we’re at work. We haven’t had the chance to talk about us.”

“Us?”

“You, me; I realized I know exactly what you’ll complain about after meetings, I know how many snack breaks you take during the day, but I don’t really know _you_. What’s your family like? What did you dream about as a child? Why do you know the entire script for the Princess Bride?”

“It’s Poe’s fault. He’s made me watch it, like, a billion times,” Ben made a dramatic gesture with his free hand, and Hux laughed. “I didn’t know you could be so poetic.”

“Poetic?”

“Sentimental…or something like that. You know me but you don’t _know_ me,” Ben teased.

“I want to get to know my boyfriend. What else am I supposed to say? ‘Let’s play twenty questions?’”

“Okay.”

“Matthew.”

“Well, we’re going for the teenagers-on-a-cheap-first-date vibe, right? Might as well,” There was a moment of silence as Hux considered it, but he relented eventually.

“Fine, but we ask twenty questions total, and I start.”

“ _As you wish_ ,” Ben could practically feel Hux rolling his eyes as he spoke.

 “One. You said Poe Dameron is the reason why you know the Princess Bride so well. How well do you know him?”

“We’re best friends. I’ve known him since we were kids. Two. Who’s in the picture frame on your desk?

“Millicent, my cat. She’s an orange tabby.”

They asked questions back and forth, distracting each other with various stories about their lives. Ben realized that Hux was right, he really _didn’t_ know that much about him. He learned that Hux loved strawberry ice cream, had a scary godmother named Rae Sloan (who Ben swore his mother had ranted about before) and stayed fit by attending Zumba classes three times a week. Ben went on about how much he loved the stars and constellations, how proud he was of Rey for getting into Columbia, and how much he admired his grandfather.

It was the kind of comfortable that Ben could’ve fallen asleep to, happy and warm with Hux in his arms. He might have, had Hux’s cell phone not interrupted them.

_‘My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.’_

Neither of them moved as the phone screamed at them. Slowly, hesitantly, Hux reached out for it, checking the caller ID. He sat up straight as soon as he saw who it was.

Ben reached for the laptop, pausing the forgotten movie. “Sixteen. Are you gonna answer that?”

Hux looked at the phone like he’d seen a ghost. It was a call that he hadn’t expected. Ben couldn’t see the caller ID from there, but he could tell Hux’s thumb was hovering over the ‘accept’ button. Who was it that Hux looked afraid to answer? Was it whoever he was texting earlier in the evening? Was it his friends, his parents, his scary godmother?

“No,” Hux denied the call, and moved to put the phone back, but whoever called, called again. Glaring at the phone, Hux denied the call again and then put it on silent. “You’re more important.”

Hux punctuated it with a kiss and pushed Ben back down onto the couch. His head laid on Ben’s chest and they tangled together again, but his hand balled up the fabric of Ben’s shirt. “You’re more important,” he said again, but Ben wasn’t entirely sure Hux’s was talking to him. “Seventeen. If I called you, would you pick up? Even if it was late or inconvenient for you?”

“I – yeah,” Ben got the feeling his question had more to do with the call he just denied rather than what Hux actually wanted to know about him. “Unless my phone just didn’t wake me up, or I was in the middle of something I couldn’t get out of, yeah. I’d pick up. I’ll always pick up when you call me.”

The answer seemed to appease Hux, as his grip loosened on Ben’s shirt. Ben leaned down and kissed his forehead, just to reinforce it. “Always, Pumpkin. I promise.”

“…don’t call me that.”

“What?” It took Ben a moment to realize what he said, but when it clicked he couldn’t stop smiling. “Don’t call you ‘Pumpkin?’”

“Yes, don’t do that.”

“But it’s cute!”

“Matthew,” Hux pushed himself up to sit and glared at Ben. The bright red blush across his face betrayed his anger.

“Oh, come on.” With a huff at Ben’s resilience, Hux removed himself from Ben completely and moved to stare out of the large windows instead. Ben hung himself over the back of the couch, staring at Hux with a lazy smile. “It’s not that bad, Pumpkin.”

He watched Hux tense as he said it again. It was mean of him to poke fun at Hux like that, but it wasn’t like Ben didn’t know what he was doing. When Hux didn’t reply or move, Ben got up and followed him to the windows. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around Hux, trapping him there.

“What’s wrong with the name ‘Pumpkin?’” Ben whispered. He pressed a kiss below Hux’s ear just to feel him squirm. “Is it like a sexy pet name or something?”

Hux whipped around in Ben’s arms and pushed at his shoulders, trying to get away. “Matthew, please,” He only succeeded pulling Ben closer and backing himself up against the cold window glass.

“Eighteen. Is it, Pumpkin?” Ben pressed. Their lips hovered dangerously close to each other. Hux stopped fighting him, but he looked up at Ben, scared and excited. Calling him by that name was setting him off, Ben knew, but it was hard to resist when Hux made it so easy.

Pressed together, Ben could their arousals pressing together through their pants, and wondered if it would be so bad to just give in. It would be easy to kiss Hux right there, lose himself, and he was sure that if they did kiss that he would.

“Yes,” Hux confessed, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. He shifted in Ben’s hold, torn between pulling Ben closer and pushing him away.

“What if we just…” Ben’s mouth spoke without his head’s consent.

“Here, in the office?”

“No one would know.”

“We’ve barely been together a month.”

The protests were weak at best, but even when Hux wasn’t trying he got through to Ben. He wanted to, but they couldn’t yet; not before Ben said something about who he was. Hux deserved better than that. He deserved to be told, not have it suddenly sprung on him.

Still, he pushed the decision off on Hux, “What do you say, Pumpkin?”

Hux glared up at him, pushing on his chest lightly. He changed the subject. “Nineteen. Tell me your real name.”

“What?” Ben’s smile dropped.

“If you insist on calling me ‘Pumpkin,’ then I’m going to insist on calling you by your real name,” Hux raised an eyebrow. The smile on his face was still playful, but Ben couldn’t bring himself to play along. “Lando Calrissian does _not_ have a nephew named ‘Matthew,’ I checked. So, tell me, what’s your name? Is it just as outlandish as ‘Armitage?’”

Ben’s head dropped to Hux’s shoulder. He didn’t seem to know Ben’s secret, though somehow he figured out that Matt’s name isn’t ‘Matt.’ For a few long moments, Ben let his heart race until it calmed. He was unbelievably close to being found out, which meant he’d need to tell Hux sooner rather than later. He just didn’t know when “sooner” would be.

“It can’t be that bad,” Hux tangled his hand in Ben’s wig. Ben prayed that he wouldn’t pull on the synthetic hair. “I promise I won’t laugh.”

“…Ben,” Ben murmured.

“I’m sorry?”

“Ben! My name is Benjamin Matthew Calrissian,” Ben pulled back so that Hux’s hand was out of his wig.

Hux smiled, “Ben? Well, that sounds much nicer than ‘Armitage.’”

“Yeah well, it’s not so nice when you’re six-feet tall in eighth grade and everyone calls you ‘Big-Boy Benny,’” Ben looked at the ground. The experience wasn’t really that bad, even if he hated being singled out as a kid. He just needed to give Hux a reason.

 “Still not as bad as mine.”

“Please,” Ben scoffed. “’Armitage’ rolls off the tongue. It sounds foreign and sexy.”

Hux laughed. “Oh, my schoolmates did not think that, at all…Would you mind if I called you ‘Ben?’”

Truthfully, he wouldn’t mind at all, but it did nothing to keep up his façade. “Can I call you ‘Armitage?”

Hux made a face.

“There’s your answer,” Ben pecked him and Hux rolled his eyes.

“Fine, then. Your turn. Last question.”

The last question, what could he ask? It became harder to figure out a question with every round, but Ben wanted to make sure he used his last question on something good, something important. Something that he’s always wanted to know about Hux.

“Twenty. Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Matthew, we’ve been together for nearly a month now.”

“Yeah, but I never actually asked you. I just kinda told you I liked you and then cried about it.”

Hux laughed again. He was doing a lot of that during their date. Ben loved it. “Hm, alright. Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“Good,” Ben couldn’t stop smiling. He knew Hux would say yes, but he was excited anyway. “Because I _like_ like you.”

“I _like_ like you too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a couple of housekeeping things:  
> \- While searching for suitable Chinese restaurants to list, I knew that Panda Express would eventually be the punchline, but I didn’t know that it only existed in the middle of some mall in Brooklyn. For those of you who don’t know, Panda Express is like the Taco Bell of Chinese food.  
> \- For the record, I love the Princess Bride. Hux would be Buttercup while Kylo is Wesley.  
> \- Del Rio is in Texas. Why? Because Han Solo is a space cowboy, and cowboys live in Texas. I also have a plot bunny (that may never be written) about a Dallas AU (like the TV show.)
> 
> And yes, I know, this slow burn is _really_ slow. I didn't realize it was this slow because I know what happens, but after reading your comments, I realized "wow, I'm really making them wait....hmm...." We're about half-way through the story though, so don't worry.   
>  It's soon.


	9. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Matt and Hux had their first date! Their new relationship bloomed despite Ben's worries. Everyone put their two cents in, revealing some interesting stories about Ben and Hux's pasts.
> 
> But now...there's something not right. Something hasn't been right for a while, but Hux is on the verge of finding out what it is. Just what was in that envelope Hux got from his lawyer?

 

 

“Kylo – Kylo stop! I’m not even- ah!” Hux burst into giggles as Kylo kissed down his neck.

Pressed up against the door of the Starlight Suite, Hux tried to push Kylo away, but Kylo held him there, poking at his sides. They had barely made it inside before Kylo started attacking him with kisses and tickling. Hux tried to resist it, but Kylo knew his body too well.

His hands were warm, even through all of Hux’s clothes. Hux could feel them roaming, sliding inside his coat and into his pants. A firm squeeze to his ass made Hux yelp through his laughter, and he could feel Kylo smiling against his neck.

“But it’s been so long,” Kylo complained. He stopped tickling Hux but refused to let him go, holding him tight. “You haven’t come by in ages!”

“It’s only been a month,” Hux relaxed against his body, enjoying the weight of Kylo’s head on his shoulders and arms around his waist.

“Yeah, a whole month of no sex! And not even a text to apologize. You’re mean, Pumpkin.”

“I – what?” Hux could hardly believe what he heard. “You mean to tell me that you haven’t fraternized with anyone else?”

“No. I mean, why would I?” Kylo started undressing him, letting the clothes form a pile at their feet. “No one else could even begin to compare.”

Hux was taken aback. Since when did Kylo care so much? Did Kylo really not sleep with anyone else in the month that he’d stopped visiting? The lips that crashed into his made him think it was true. The way they kissed him so gently made him think Kylo couldn’t possibly have been lying. It made him feel a little funny.

“I missed you, Pumpkin. It wasn’t the same coming to work without knowing I’d get to end the night with your delicious screams and your needy moans,” his words were crude, but Hux only heard the sadness in his voice, saw the hesitation in his eyes. “Where’ve you been?”

“Work,” Hux brought his hands up to comb through Kylo’s hair. They were still standing half naked at the door, but Kylo seemed content to just hold him there for a while. Hux wasn’t about to complain about it. “It’s been…a lot.”

“Hmm, stressful?”

“Very.”

“Was Maddison being a little shit again?”

“Don’t call him that,” Hux flicked his ear, and Kylo laughed. “He’s more of a ‘Mara Jade.’”

In truth, Matt had done nothing. Hux had been meeting with his lawyer all week, and it was driving him up a wall. He was constantly stressed and questioning what he was doing. Phasma said that he deserved to be happy. And, meeting with his lawyers, writing up those documents, it would make him happy. Eventually. He hoped.

That was in addition to the meetings with the New Republic Company to discuss the new terms of their partnership. All of it made him much more stressed than he usually was until it all finally reached a breaking point. It was normal for him and Matt to argue, but Hux may have taken it too far. He blew up Thursday morning over a wrong coffee order. Matt was only trying to be sweet and surprise him with something different, but Hux exploded. He felt terrible afterward, seeing the guilt all over Matt’s face. He’d done nothing wrong but blamed himself anyway.

Friday was no better. Hux had no idea what to say, how to apologize. The words got stuck in his throat every time he tried, and Matt seemed to misinterpret it every time. Eventually, Hux just stopped trying so that he wouldn’t have to watch his boyfriend beat himself up about it.

Hux ended up at Kanji Klub on a whim, honestly. It had been a long night, and he had nowhere to go. Then Kylo texted him a dick pic, and Hux decided he needed to go to the club right then. At least if he was there, he wouldn’t have to think about how hurt Matt looked, or worry about hurting anyone. Hux could bite and Kylo would bite him back, literally.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo’s voice snapped Hux out of his trance. Apparently, just being with Kylo wasn’t enough to distract Hux.

“What for? You didn’t do anything.”

“If he’s not gonna say it, someone should,” His arms tightened around Hux’s waist. Did Kylo always care so much? Hux couldn’t remember.

“Well, it’s my fault anyway. He was only trying to help,” Kylo relaxed a bit when Hux spoke. Hux was sure Kylo was acting differently, but they hadn’t seen each other in a while. Maybe he was imagining things. “There’s just…a lot going on.”

“Does this mean I get to see you more?” Kylo finally pulled away, dragging them towards the bed. Hux’s clothes were almost completely off then, so he just stripped himself of the rest of it. “Or does Matty like to keep tabs on his boyfriend?”

Hux opened his mouth and started to reply, but realized, “How did you know I’m dating Matthew?”

Kylo froze with his back turned to Hux. Hux couldn’t see his face, but he was sure he caught him off guard. “You told me, just now.” He said after a long pause.

“…Uh-huh.”

“Oh, come on,” Kylo protested. He pulled Hux onto the bed with him. “You talked about Matt all the time! When you disappeared for a month, it was only fair to assume you started dating someone. I swear I’m not stalking you or anything.”

Hux didn’t completely believe him but dropped the subject anyway. He didn’t remember talking about Matt that much, but he could see no other option for Kylo figuring that out. “Fine, just let me-“

“Make your ritual phone call. Yeah, sure,” Kylo kissed him, then rolled to the other side of the bed. He dug through the bedside drawers for lube and condoms. “Don’t know why you always have to make a call before we fuck. They never pick up.”

And she never would. Not anymore. Kylo was righter than he knew, and it hurt Hux to realize that. “You’re right. Nevermind.”

Kylo shot him a confused look. “Wait, seriously? You’re not gonna call?”

For a moment, Hux hesitated, but he knew it was useless.  Instead, he kissed Kylo. “I’m here for you. There’s no point in calling anyone else.”

“Alright,” Kylo kissed him enthusiastically and pulled Hux on top of him. “Then, tell me: does Matty top or bottom?”

“What?”

“Ya’know, is he a top or a bottom? Or maybe he’s a switch? That would be kinky.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

They stared at each other, confused. After a moment Kylo slapped his hands over his eyes. “Goddamn it! I didn’t teach you the most basic shit! Why do I suck?!”

“For the record, you’re very good at sucking,” Hux offered. Kylo chuckled. “But what is a ‘top’ and a ‘bottom’?”

“They’re sex positions. Sort of,” Kylo said, smoothing his hands up Hux’s thighs. “It’s like…you usually bottom so you’re getting fucked. I usually top, so I do the fucking.”

The information wasn’t that hard to process. “Oh, so I’m the woman,” Hux said. It made sense. He was the smaller man and less experienced one.

“What? There's no women here,” Kylo gave him a look somewhere between amused and concerned.

“Yes, but I’m in the woman’s role,” Hux explained.

“No, there’s no women here,” Kylo sat up, and Hux slid down to his lap. “’Top’ and ‘Bottom’ aren’t gendered roles. You can have a relationship where the chick is the top and the guy is the bottom.”

“Oh,” Hux thought on that. It was hard to imagine how a woman might top a man, but it mostly made sense. “Then, what’s a ‘switch?’”

“So, typically people are either top or bottom, but you don’t have to stick with that role. Some people like both and switch a lot. Hence ‘switch.’”

“…You’re saying I could’ve been the one fucking you this whole time?”

“I guess, yeah. But I’m a Verse-Top, so-“

“I could’ve been having my way with you this whole time?” Hux cut Kylo off. His cock was starting to take interest at the idea of doing the fucking. It had been a while since he’d gotten to ‘top,’ and until just then he thought he’d been confined to taking cock for the rest of his life.

“Yes?”

“Good. That’s what we’re doing tonight,” Hux was excited. He wanted to get lost in Kylo. He wanted to be distracted and could think of no better way to do it. He pushed Kylo down on the bed. “Did you clean yourself?”

“Yes,” Kylo sounded surer this time, but still didn’t say much. He looked as excited as Hux felt. The feeling buzzed under his skin like anxious adrenaline.

“And your tests are still accurate?”

“Yeah, that’s clean too.”

“Excellent,” Hux flipped Kylo onto his stomach and sat on his thighs. Kylo yelped and squirmed, but Hux held him down smoothing hands down his back until Kylo stilled.

He’d forgotten how exhilarating it was to be there with Kylo. Usually, Hux was the one getting fucked, but the feeling was all the same. Electricity, fire burning over his skin. The excitement and intensity of it all felt almost foreign after going so long without it. Still, Hux remembered loving the feeling, he remembered how much he loved it.

For a moment, he considered his options. There was so much he could do now that he knew he was allowed, but there was one thing that he’d been wanting to try since Kylo first showed him. Spreading Kylo’s ass cheeks apart, he bent down and licked one long stripe from his balls to the cleft of his ass. Kylo screamed, squirmed, and shoved his hips back. “Fuck. Warn a guy-“

But Hux cut him off with another lick. To have Kylo shaking in his hands gave Hux a power rush that he couldn’t begin to describe. He swirled his tongue around Kylo’s puckered hole and hummed in satisfaction as he listened to Kylo scream his name. It was like he was a peasant that held the king’s life in his hands. Suddenly, Hux had all of this power, and no one knew it but them.

Hux went to town, eating Kylo’s ass and opening him up slowly. He loved watching Kylo take his fingers and then beg for more. It was tight and hot, and Hux could feel the anticipation building in his stomach. He spread Kylo slowly, taking his time despite wanting to be in him now. He nipped at the insides of Kylo’s cheeks, drinking in the needy whines, prolonging the wait and torturing them both.

“Hux please,” Kylo panted. His hand had snuck down to pull at his cock. It was leaking all over the bed.

“Please what?” Hux teased. He had Kylo on his knees, spread three fingers wide. It was a pretty sight, but Hux was flushed. He wasn’t sure he could hold back much longer. Kylo whined. “Ah-ah. None of that now. I know you love to talk, so talk. Tell me what you want.”

“You,” Kylo moaned. He thrust himself back on Hux’s fingers, trying to get them deeper inside him.  “Want you. Want your cock.”

“Needy,” Hux scolded, but he was struggling too. He wanted to make Kylo wait. He wanted to make it last, but couldn’t resist sliding his cock over the cleft of Kylo’s ass. It was red and leaking, wet with lube and his own pre-come. Hux imagined the rest of him looked much the same: flushed and wanton.

He leaned over the side of the bed to reach for a condom, but Kylo caught his arm and shook his head. “What, do you want me to make a mess of you?” Hux asked.

“Fuck yes.”

He put Kylo on his back, but that may have been a mistake. Hux almost lost control at the sight of Kylo spread out before him, naked, horny, and frustrated. He looked so different. Hux had seen him before, naked, horny, and pissed that Hux was sitting on his dick but not moving. This was different. This was Kylo letting Hux unravel him, presenting himself to Hux because he trusted him. He was beautiful.

“Let me hear you,” Hux hooked Kylo’s legs over his shoulders as he pushed in. It was burning, tight and perfect. He didn’t know it could feel like that, but he was surrounded by Kylo’s heat, and it made his head a little fuzzy.

“Fuck, more!” Kylo gasped. One hand was locked in his hair, and the other gripped the sheets. “Don’t be nice.”

So, Hux wasn’t. He pressed in slow, and drew out again just as slowly, giving Kylo no time to adjust. It was a tedious burning drag, but Hux could feel the electricity with every movement. Gently, sweetly, he pressed kisses to Kylo’s knees and watched him. But it was hard not to give in and fuck him like they both wanted.

“No no, please!” Kylo tried to move them, but Hux wouldn’t let him. He drank in every whine, the way Kylo’s brow furrowed and his muscles tensed. “Please, please!”

“Please what? I told you to use your words, didn’t I?” He let Kylo’s legs drop around his waist, and sat still. Kylo whined louder. “I’m waiting.”

“Touch me,” he begged.

“Where?” Hux let his hands brush across Kylo’s thighs, drawing lines towards their cocks, but not touching. “Here?”

Kylo’s breathing quickened and his eyes flickered down to watch Hux. Hux’s fingers traced around Kylo’s abs, going over every dip and curve. He rolled his hips forward and they both groaned. “Or here?”

His hands went higher, pressing against Kylo’s chest and circling his nipples. Kylo’s breath hitched. “Or maybe you like it here.”

“But I won’t know unless you tell me,” Hux flicked his thumbs over Kylo’s nipples, watching, waiting for him to break. He didn’t know why Kylo was holding himself back, but Hux wanted it to stop. “Come on, tell Pumpkin what you want.”

“Fuck shit; Just fuck me, _please,_ ” Kylo’s ears went red, and he looked almost drunk. He pulled Hux down and kissed him. Their teeth clicked and their mouths mashed together in what could barely be called a kiss, but Hux was too far gone to care.

Hux made his thrusts long and hard, building up his pace until he could barely hear anything above their moans and the wet slap of skin on skin. It was overwhelming. The heat of Kylo around his cock, the feeling of him shaking apart under Hux, the sounds Kylo was making; it was consuming.

“Fuck! Hux, yes!” Kylo clawed at Hux’s back, undoubtedly leaving marks. “More! Faster!”

Yes, that sounded like a wonderful idea. Hux sat up and pushed Kylo’s legs back. They bent easily, stretched from years of dancing on stage, presumably. He snapped his hips forward and they both groaned.

“Touch yourself,” Hux breathed. It was hard not to close his eyes and lose himself in the pleasure, but he wanted to watch. “Give me a show.”

“Fuck-“ Kylo’s hands released the bedsheets slowly, trembling. “Fuck you’re so hot.”

He rolled his nipples between his fingers, pulling them, pinching them until they were perky little buds. Then he pulled a little harder, twisted a little further. Kylo moaned every time he dug his nails into the sensitive buds. “It-it was torture without you.”

One hand trailed down, tracing around his abs like Hux’s hands did and pulled at the hairs around his cock. Kylo let out a string of curses when he finally took a hold of his own cock. Despite Hux’s grueling pace, Kylo stroked himself slow and long, going from base to tip and stopping to play with his head. “Couldn’t come. N-not without thinking of you.”

He arched off the bed as Hux scratched red lines down the backs of Kylo’s thighs. Still, the hand around his cock didn’t move any faster. The tip of his cock drooled pre-come all over his stomach, but Kylo did nothing to stop it. “Fuck- you- your pretty hair, and….and your perky ass. L-lips drooling ‘round my – ah! – my cock.”

Kylo’s eyes focused on Hux. They were dark in color, almost black. They bore into Hux, drawing him in. “A-and your eyes. Your – you – fuck! Hux!” Kylo arched off the bed, coming hard.

Hux was helpless. It was too much, having Kylo like that beneath him. Thick stripes of come painted his chest, and all the while Hux watched. He watched his own cock slide in and out of Kylo’s ass like it was made to be there. He listened to Kylo chant over and over again, like a prayer. His body was strung tight, and Hux was helpless.

“Fuck, Kylo!” Hux snapped his hips forward harder, faster. Kylo’s walls squeezed his cock, and then Hux was coming into that tight heat. Whispered curses fell out of his mouth and his hips made little thrusts forward as he came.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Kylo whispered. It made him moan. Hux could barely pry his eyes open through the haze of pleasure, but he saw Kylo staring up at him. “I can feel you coming. Fuck, it’s hot.”

Hux all but collapsed on top of him, completely spent. It had been a while since he’d topped, and his thighs were burning. Slowly, he pulled out of Kylo, drawing a groan out of both of them. He laid beside Kylo and closed his eyes, exhausted.

“Fuuuuck! Your come’s dripping out of my ass,” Kylo complained, sounding equally as tired.

“Told you it would be messy without a condom,” Hux scolded. He threw his hand over to slap Kylo’s chest, but it landed in a puddle of come. “Ugh….”

“So gross,” Kylo laughed at both of them, and Hux rolled his eyes. A hand tugged at Hux’s. “Come shower.”

“Later,” Hux mumbled. Exhaustion weighed his body down, but something else stopped him from going with Kylo. Kylo hummed in reply and rolled out of bed. A moment later, he was cursing in the bathroom, loudly complaining about how sore his ass was.

 He should’ve been in there. He should’ve been laughing with Kylo and enjoying a post-sex shower, but he couldn’t. Once the haze of lust cleared from his mind, the overwhelming guilt set in and wouldn’t budge. He went to Kylo that night on a whim, but he should’ve been anywhere else. It was wrong to be with Kylo, he knew that from the beginning, but now it was clearer than ever.

Hux cheated.

He’d known it was cheating from the moment he considered going to the club, but he still went. What was wrong with him? How terrible of a person did it make him? What would Matt think if he ever found out?

It wasn’t something he wanted to admit to himself, but he couldn’t deny it. Not anymore. Not when it felt so nice having Kylo there with him. Not when he desperately wrapped himself around Kylo as soon as he came back to bed.

“You okay, Pumpkin?”

“I’m…” _cheating, lying, terrible_ “tired.”

“Hmm, then sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“…Promise?”

“Always.”

He shouldn’t have been there and he knew it, but Hux didn’t want to let go of Kylo so soon. Not when he felt so safe in his arms.

“Goodnight, Kylo."

It was cheating, but he couldn’t lose Kylo, yet. It would hurt too much to let him go. Staring up at the stars through the skylight, Hux hoped he’d be allowed to hang on. Eventually, he’d have to let Kylo go, but he couldn’t yet.

 

“Goodnight, Pumpkin.”

 

 

Not so soon after he lost Scilla.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Earlier that night…**

 

“Don’t worry ‘Punzel! I’ll save you!” Winnie let out a fierce battle cry as she jumped down from the cliff and charged into battle.

The evil Mr. Stuffing and his army of Beanie Babies were worthy enemies, but the brave Knight Winnima was stronger. With her mighty pool noodle of justice, she slew her foes easily. Their army may have been large, but Winnie was smart. She swung her pool noodle in large arcs, sweeping her enemies aside, but one snuck up on her from behind! It jumped on her back, and Winnie fell to the ground with a terrible cry.

“Aah! Millie!” She screamed when she saw the orange feline land beside her. “How could you? You were like a sister to me! I loved you!”

Millie sat patiently beside her former friend, and meowed, _‘I hate you!’_

“Nooo!!” Winnie cried dramatically. “I’m sorry, ‘Punzel! Remember meee!”

With her last breath, Winnie reached out to Rapunzel, vision fading fast. She was glad, at least, that the last thing she would see was her beautiful princess staring back at her. Then, her body laid still on the cold ground, unmoving, unfeeling, and tongue sticking out. The kingdom would miss her dearly.

 

After ten minutes of lying dead on her bedroom floor, Winnie was getting bored. Playing knights and princesses wasn’t as fun when there was no one to play with her. Sighing, Winnie looked up at her Rapunzel doll, taped to her bedroom window. Millie was sitting on the ledge pawing at her dangling hair. Millie didn’t count. She was a cat, and she liked to steal Winnie’s socks.

Pushing herself to her feet, Winnie grabbed her pool noodle and started to set the Beanie Babies army back up. “Millie, you have to _me_ win this time, okay?” She said, with her hands on her hips. Millie meowed and walked out of the bedroom, more bored than Winnie was with their game. “Millie!”

Winnie raced down the stairs after the feline, but Millie was faster. By the time Winnie reached the bottom floor of her house, Millie was nowhere to be seen. Winnie checked under the couch, in Mama and Papa’s bedroom, in the dining room, and even snuck into Papa’s office, but Millie disappeared.

“Mama!” Winnie called, walking into the kitchen. “Where’d Millie go?”

“Not now, dear. Mama’s cooking,” Mama dashed passed Winnie and dropped vegetables into a pan.

“But I need someone to play with,” Winnie watched Mama. Her mouth started watering. She was getting hungry, but she didn’t want to eat until Rapunzel was rescued. “Mama! Mama, will you play with me?”

Mama didn’t respond, so Winnie marched right up to her and started pulling on her dress. “Mama, play with me please.”

“Winnima, I’m busy,” Mama didn’t look at her. She was too interested in the food.

“But I wanna play!” Winnie whined. “Please Mama? You can be the princess and I can be the knight and Millie is the dragon-“

“Winnima, I am busy,” Mama looked at her that time, but she still kept cooking. The stove clicked off, and then Mama was rushing past Winnie again, to the sink this time.

“Pleeeaaase Mama?” Winnie begged. She pouted even though Mama wasn’t looking and kept tugging on her dress. “Please please please please pleeeeaaa-“

Mama grabbed her wrist suddenly and glared at her. She looked really angry, the kind of angry that Winnie didn’t like. Winnie didn’t like it when Mama did that. Her fingernails hurt where they dug into Winnie’s skin. Mama didn’t look like Mama when she was angry like that. She looked really scary and talked really mean, but Papa said that’s just what happened sometimes. Papa said that Mama still loved them and they shouldn’t be afraid, so Winnie tried.

“I said _no_ , Winnima. Now go clean up your toys and wash your hands for dinner,” Mama let go of her, then.

Winnie stood there for a moment longer. Her eyes stung with tears, but she wouldn’t let herself cry. She’d only get in more trouble for that. So, she whispered “okay,” and went back upstairs to her room.

It wasn’t fair. She didn’t understand why Mama wouldn’t play with her. Dinner could wait. There was a princess that needed saving and Winnie was the only one who could do it! Didn’t Mama know that?

 “It’s not fair!” Winnie threw Mr. Stuffing on the floor and then rampaged through his army of Beanie Babies. If Mama didn’t want to play with her, then she’d play by herself. She’d play monster and destroy everything. That was fun, sometimes.

“Winnie!” Mama shouted from the kitchen.

But then Winnie looked around her room at the mess she made and was scared. Mama would be really mad if she saw it. What if Mama stopped loving her because she was bad and didn’t clean up her room? The thought terrified her enough to make her clean up quick. Winnie didn’t want Mama to stop loving her. She liked it best when Mama was happy because then Mama smiled instead of yelling.

She cried a little bit, but it was okay when she was in her room. Mama couldn’t see her there, so she couldn’t get in trouble. When she was done, Winnie sat on her bed with Rapunzel in her arms instead of going downstairs. She didn’t want to go yet in case Mama was still mad.

“Was I bad again, ‘Punzel? Is that why Mama yelled at me?” All she wanted to do was play, but maybe Mama was right. She’d been doing things when Winnie asked her to play, and that was very rude. But then, Mama was always doing things. She was never not doing things.

Papa would’ve played with her. Papa always played with her, even when he said he had a lot of work to do. All Winnie had to do was bat her eyes and he’d go play. But Mama never wanted to play. She never wanted to do anything fun, and Winnie didn’t know why.

When she started to sob a bit, Winnie pressed her face into a pillow, hoping Mama wouldn’t hear. She clung to the hope that if she was good and did what Mama asked, Mama wouldn’t stop loving her. Just like Papa said.

By the time her sniffles subsided, Winnie was almost asleep. Millie showed up at her door (finally) and meowed at her. “What is it, Millie?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

Millie meowed at her again and started walking towards her door. A bright light shone into her room from her window, and Winnie gasped. She ran to the window and pressed her face against the glass. Outside, it was really dark, but she could see a car that looked like Papa’s car!

“Papa!” She yelled, all sleepiness forgotten.

Winnie bolted out of her room and down the stairs, slowing when Mama yelled at her for it from the kitchen. At the bottom of the staircase, by the front door, she bounced on her feet impatiently. It was a Friday night and Papa was home _early_! He was never home before dinner on Fridays.

As the door opened, Winnie tried her best to stay still and quiet. Mama was already mad, and she wouldn’t like it if Winnie tried to bother Papa. With her hands behind her back, she looked up at Papa just like Mama taught her, and said, “Welcome home, Papa. Did you have a good day?”

“Yes, I did. Thank you for asking, Winnima,” He replied, just as calmly as she asked.

After a moment, Papa looked down at Winnie and gave her a big smile. Winnie smiled at him, too. He didn’t really like it when Winnie was ‘proper’ all the time, but they both loved Mama and wanted to make her happy. It was their little secret, everything they didn’t like but did anyway to make Mama happy.

Papa took off his gloves and put his keys in a bowl by the door. As he did, Winnie gasped. Cupping her hands around her mouth, Winnie whisper-shouted, “Papa!”

He looked down at her, and she pointed to his hand. “Your ring!”

Papa’s eyes widened, and his hand disappeared into his pocket. When it came out again, a gold band was wrapped around his ring finger. That was their other little secret. Papa didn’t like wearing his wedding ring very much, but Mama would get really mad if she found out. More than the being proper, Papa said that the ring was really important to Mama. Even if she found out that Winnie and Papa didn’t like some things, she _absolutely_ could _not_ find out about the ring. Winnie swore she’d never tell and she never did…well, except for Millie, but Millie didn’t count.

“Armitage Brendol Hux,” Mama called. Winnie watched her walk into view, but she didn’t smile when she saw Papa. “You’re actually home on a Friday? What made you decide to grace us with your presence, my _dear, **useless** _ husband?”

“I…It was a slow day at the office,” he told her, not meeting her eyes. Mama stood with her arms crossed, and Papa looked down at her feet. Was he in trouble already? That wasn’t supposed to happen. Papa just got home _and_ Winnie made sure he was wearing his ring. “And… I have something I’d like to talk to you about, Scilla.”

“Well, whatever it is, it can wait until after dinner,” Mama didn’t look happy, but she wasn’t yelling. If Mama wasn’t yelling then it couldn’t have been too bad. “If you were going to come home for dinner, you could’ve at least come on time. You’ve already made us wait. Don’t make it any worse.”

Papa frowned and said more things, but Winnie didn’t bother to listen. She was looking at a thing on the ground that fell out of Papa’s coat. Picking it up, she inspected it carefully. It was a big yellow envelope, and it had a picture of a hammer on it.

Tugging on Papa’s coat, she tried to get Mama and Papa’s attention. “Papa. Papa, what’s this?”

“Not now, Winnie,” Mama scolded. Papa didn’t look down at her.

Winnie pouted and looked at the envelope again. It wasn’t completely closed, so she took out the papers inside. There were a lot of them, held together with a big black clip. She tried reading some of it, but not a lot of it made sense. Winnie’s teacher always told Mama that she read as well as a third grader, even though she was only five, but even this was really hard to read.

There was one word at the very top of the front paper that didn’t understand. She remembered hearing it before, but she couldn’t remember what it meant. “Mama! Papa!” She said again. “What does ‘divorce’ mean?”

Mama and Papa stopped talking. Mama stepped away from Papa and covered her mouth. They didn’t look happy, but they didn’t answer her either. Did she do something wrong? Was it another bad word that she wasn’t supposed to say, even though Papa said it all the time? “Is it something bad?”

“Winnie, go to your room,” Papa said quietly.

“But what does it-“

“Winnie, _go_!”

Winnie was shocked into silence. Papa never yelled at her, so he must be really angry. Quickly, Winnie ran up the stairs, and to her room. Mama didn’t yell at her not to run. As soon as she closed her door, she heard screaming. Mama and Papa were yelling at each other and Winnie didn’t like it.

She climbed up onto her bed and held Rapunzel to her chest. Millie jumped up on her bed and laid down in her lap. They sat like that while Mama and Papa fought. Winnie was scared. Mama and Papa yelled at each other sometimes, but they were yelling a lot more. They started yelling after she asked what “divorce” was. Did she do something wrong? Were they fighting because of her?

Millie pressed closer to her, and Winnie hugged Rapunzel tighter. She shut her eyes, hoping that Mama and Papa would stop fighting soon. She hoped they weren’t fighting because she did something wrong. She wanted to be the hero and make everyone happy, but instead, she made everyone sad.

 

She hoped she hadn’t done anything bad. She hoped that, when Mama and Papa stopped yelling, they would still love her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun. DUN. DUUUUUNNNNNN.
> 
> So, this chapter is much shorter than usually give you, but I promise to make it up to you next time. I needed to make the reveal feel a little more dramatic and that cut off was the way to do it. But then, was anyone really surprised that Hux has been married this whole time? A few of you caught it, but then again I don't think I was being super subtle about it in the first place :/


	10. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE NOW INTERRUPT YOUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL EPISODE OF BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Hux hurts, but he doesn't know why. It should've been fine. His life was finally starting to look normal again, but he doesn't feel normal. Something is wrong. All he feels is...nothing.
> 
> Why?
> 
> Find out now on Between the Lines.
> 
> (Surprise, I updated.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Implication of depression. It's not said outright, but the behaviors are there.

 

 

It was a nice day. The sun shone through the kitchen windows; a perfect opportunity for shadow puppets at breakfast. Winnie would’ve been downstairs, dressed and smiling before Hux had even started breakfast on a day like that. She would’ve been smiling, telling him everything she was going to do at Pre-K that day.

 “Winnie, eat your cereal before it gets soggy,” Hux glanced at her, where she sat at the kitchen table. Winnie didn’t answer him. She stared down at her cereal, distracted, distant.

But that morning, she’d whined when Hux woke her up for school. He got her up, dressed her, set her down at the kitchen table, and she fought him every step of the way. There was no energy, no bright eyes, no smile that outshone the sun.

He wasn’t used to the silence, not with her. She should’ve been laughing. She should’ve been talking his ear off, but she wasn’t. Something happened to her in the past few months. She didn’t smile anymore, she didn’t want to play. She clung to Hux constantly, never wanting to let him go.

“Winnie, you have to leave for school soon. You need to eat,” Hux finished packing her lunchbox and brought it to her.

“I don’t wanna…” she mumbled. It hurt him to see her like that, though he knew she was suffering more.

With a sigh, Hux smoothed a hand through her hair. All of this was his fault. She no longer had both parents by her side, they had screamed at each other in front of her, they screamed at her; he couldn’t imagine how he must’ve hurt her. It was those times when he most wished he could take it back, if only so Winnie didn’t have to suffer.

“Winnie-“

“I don’t wanna!” She yelled. She thrashed her arms, throwing the bowl of cereal off the table. Its contents splattered all over the floor, and Winnie looked up at him, scared, apologetic, and ready to cry.

He hated that she looked at him like that. His own daughter was terrified of him, and he knew it was because she watched him yell at her mother. She listened as Hux yelled at her. Then, she watched her mother leave her without so much as a ‘goodbye.’

Hux knelt down and pulled her into his arms. He held her close and held her tight as if it would ward off her pain. It wasn’t the first time this had happened in the two months since Scilla left and didn’t come back.

“I-I’m sorry, Papa,” her voice shook, dangerously close to crying. They both knew she wouldn’t, though. She was too scared to. Scilla had made sure of that.

“No, no, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about. Papa’s sorry. Papa’s sorry for doing this to you,” She didn’t deserve any of the chaos he’d created.

The door bell rang. Immediately, her little arms clung to his neck, unwilling to let go. Hux didn’t want to let her go either, and if Scilla couldn’t have him arrested for kidnapping, he might not have. Instead, he carried his daughter to the door, gathering her suitcase, backpack, and lunchbox on the way.

When he set her down, she still refused to let go. He had to pry her arms from his neck and watch her look at him, betrayed. It was the same thing, every other week for the past two months.

“Why can’t you come with us?” She asked, begged.

The doorbell rang again. Hux sighed. “You know why, Winnie. Papa has work.”

“But after?”

The doorbell rang once more.

Hux wanted to be able to smile for her. He wanted to give her hope, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know how. “I’m sorry.”

He opened the door, and Scilla was waiting on the other side. She didn’t look at him, didn’t speak to him, just held one hand out for Winnie to take while collecting Winnie’s things with the other. Hux wanted to say something. He wanted to apologize, but he knew she wouldn’t respond.

Winnie didn’t go to her, not right away at least. She clung to Hux’s pants, looking between her parents, waiting for them to say something, anything. Hux couldn’t. Scilla didn’t; she turned around, and held her hand out, silently commanding Winnie to go with her.

Hux ushered his daughter forward, but she resisted. “Papa,” she tried to pull him with her.

“Be good for your mother, alright? I’ll see you soon, Winnie,” He hugged her and sent her off.

She didn’t hug him back. Dragging her feet, Winnie took Scilla’s hand, but as they started to walk off, she kept looking back at Hux. He waved. He tried to smile, but it faltered when Scilla tugged roughly on Winnie’s hand.

“Winnima, stop dawdling. Walk straight.”

“Yes, mama,” She cast him one last look when she climbed into the car.

Hux always hated watching her go, but he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. It wasn’t that he minded their temporary join-custody, it was just that it always felt like he was sending his little girl to war. Against what, he didn’t know, but he was sure he caused it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Hux arrived at work that morning, Matt greeted him with a smile far brighter than any that Hux deserved. “Good morning, Mr. Hux,” he said as Hux approached his desk. “Here’s your schedule for today.”

Hux took a deep breath and made himself smile. It was pretending, but Matt was there. And if Matt was there, it wouldn’t be long before that pretend smile became real. Their eyes met, and Hux felt that morning’s stress melt away. Work had become an escape for him lately, and it was Matt’s fault. It didn’t happen every morning, but Hux felt like he needed an extra dose of his boyfriend to help him feel okay.

“Matthew, what is this?” Hux asked, pointing randomly at the list of meetings. He played their game, as they’d started to do most mornings. The routine was soothing. “I thought I told you not to schedule unnecessary appointments.”

He watched Matt’s face carefully, letting his smile grow as Matt tried his hardest to remain in character. Their relationship was still mostly a secret, but with his back turned towards the rest of the office, Hux didn’t have to wear as much of a mask as Matt. He turned to enter his office, motioning for Matt to follow.

“But sir, we’ve been partners with Ilum Manufacturing since the company started,” Matt protested, following him. “It may not be their CEO, but they at least deserve our attention considering how strong our partnership has been for the past – mmph!”

Hux cut him off with a kiss as they reached his desk. He sighed into it, taking comfort in the warm arms that surrounded him, and the smile that greeted his lips. Then when he smiled, he knew it was real. They fit so perfectly and Hux didn’t know why. He knew relationships took work, he knew that they still had so much to learn about each other, but when Matt kissed him when Matt held him, it felt like they’d been together for years. Somehow, Matt knew just how tightly to hold him, how gently to kiss him in order to make Hux lose himself.

There, in his arms, Hux could pretend like nothing was wrong. It was so simple to ignore the rest of the world and pretend that Matt had always been there, that there had never been anyone else. It shouldn’t have been so easy, but it was. It was a comfort he’d come to rely on, to need.

When Matt finally pulled away, Hux leaned forward chasing his lips, not wanting to let him go. Matt smiled, pecking Hux as they leaned against each other. “Mr. Hux, I’m not sure this is appropriate,” He muttered, making a lame attempt to keep up their rouse.

 “Is it?” Hux asked, kissing him again and again. It felt like an addiction, how warm it made him feel. He could cling to that and pretend nothing else mattered.

“What if someone sees us?” Matt said around the kisses. “What if they say things?”

“I’ll fire them,” Hux draped his arms around Matt’s neck, holding him there. Matt’s hands trailed down, playing with the belt loops on Hux’s pants. His lips were soft but his kiss was rough, wet, and sweet all at the same time.

“Morning,” Matt whispered when they finally pulled apart, lips red and kiss-swollen.

Hux almost forgot to reply, feeling so content and breathless just to have Matt there in his arms. “Good morning.”

“How are you?”

“Better, now,” Hux answered honestly.

Matt smiled. “Miss me that much?”

“…Yes,” Matt didn’t know how right he was.

He hated leaving the office. Hux hated leaving and going back to the rest of his life. It was so comfortable at the office, with work on his desk and Matt by his side. There was no problem that he couldn’t solve, no issue that he couldn’t overcome. And if Hux did get stuck, Mitaka was there to support him, Phasma was there to show him it could be done, Matt was there to give him hope.

When he had to leave, the comfort didn’t follow him. Instead, he went home to numbness, a house that was not a home, his daughter’s cries. He hated going home. Nights were hard, sometimes, when Hux laid in a bed too big for one person. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would, but his heart did ache. Looking up at the ceiling, he’d wonder if he’d really done the right thing.

So, yes, he did miss Matt that much. He missed how kind his smile was. He missed sweetly Matt spoke to him, especially when Scilla’s words rang in his ears.

_“How could you do this to me?”_

_“You’re worthless.”_

_“I can’t believe I ever loved you.”_

“I missed you, too,” Matt said, pulling Hux away from his thoughts. Pausing, he brushed his thumb over Hux’s cheek. “But, I should get back to work,” he mumbled against Hux’s lips, trying to pull away, but Hux kissed him again. Matt laughed at his persistence.

“A little longer,” Hux clung to his shirt, refusing to let go. Matt hesitated, and Hux knew immediately that Matt caught on to his stress.

 “I wasn’t kidding about that meeting, you know,” Matt told him. He kept up their game anyway, watching, waiting for Hux to flash him with a sly smile. “It’s in thirty and I still need to-”

“I need to talk to you, Matt,” Hux cut in. Eyes downcast, he toyed with the back of Matt’s collar. There was weight in his voice, the kind that threatened to break men. It wasn’t dire or final, rather he sounded uncertain, afraid. He needed to say something. He needed to tell Matt about Scilla; he just didn’t know how Matt would take it.

“Oh…what is it?” Matt’s voice wavered, in concern, maybe fear. He seemed anxious.

Hux gripped Matt’s shirt unsure of whether to hold him close or push him away. Four, five, ten times his mouth opened and closed searching for words, and Matt watched. Carefully, he settled his hands on Hux’s waist, holding, comforting, coaxing him into calm.

“Is everything okay?” Matt asked. Instantly, Hux recoiled. His hands pressed on Matt’s chest, pushing back slightly, his shoulders drew together, and his frown deepened. He couldn’t do it. What if Matt hated him? What if Matt wanted to leave him? What if he thought Hux was just as horrible as Scilla said he was?

“Never mind,” he whispered. Twisting out of Matt’s grasp, he fled. He hesitated, but he fled, practically running behind his desk as if it was a shield to protect him. He couldn’t do it. Not yet. “It’s nothing.”

“Hux-“

“Go back to work, Matt.”

“But-“

“ _Go_ ,” His tone was final. No questions, no protesting; Hux commanded him to leave and prayed Matt wouldn’t question him.

“No,” But Matt was just as firm. He stood his ground, staring Hux down.

“Matthew-“

“No! Tell me what’s wrong,” Matt demanded, almost shouting. “We’re adults, right? We’re supposed to talk about our feelings, not push them away and pretend nothing’s wrong.”

Hux stared back at him, eyes just as hard and determined. Had it been another day, before Matt kissed him, before he stole Hux’s heart, Hux wouldn’t have cared. But, he did care, and he knew Matt was only pushing because he cared too. Maybe that was why his eyes softened as soon as Matt whispered, “please.”

It took moment, a long moment before Hux said another word. He never broke eye contact with Matt, and Matt didn’t dare look away. He wanted to trust Matt, but Hux still wasn’t sure everything would be okay. More than once he heard footsteps outside Hux’s office approach, pause, and retreat until finally, Hux spoke.

“Not yet,” Hux whispered. He closed his eyes, too scared to see Matt’s reaction. “I…I can’t, yet. Please trust me.”

He begged. It felt cheap and dirty. How could he ask Matt to trust him, when he didn’t trust Matt enough to just tell him? It was hypocritical and made him even worse of a person, but that wasn’t what hurt the most. When Hux opened his eyes again and saw understanding instead of anger, he felt his throat tighten. He didn’t deserve that.

“…Okay,” Matt pulled him close. “Not yet…And when you’re ready to talk, I promise it’ll be okay. I won’t be mad.”

Hux almost started crying right there. He didn’t deserve Matt. He didn’t deserve that kindness and understanding. Scilla would’ve never let it go. She would have hounded him for hours until Hux broke and told her what was wrong. It usually ended in a fight and Hux sleeping on the couch or at Phasma’s, even though the problem was something petty. There were times when Hux forgot to buy milk on their weekly grocery run and Scilla blew up over it. This was so much bigger than milk and Matt trusted Hux to tell him when he was ready.

“Um, before I go,” Matt said. He scratched at the back of his neck like he did when he was unsure of something. “Are you free on Saturday? Cause, uh, I was wondering if you’d see a movie with me…I mean, just if you really wanted to and you’re comfortable with it, I think it would be cool if we went out and saw a movie or something, but like you don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I want to, but if you don’t that’s cool too.” Matt shot him a hopeful look, and Hux couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

It didn’t seem like the smoothest way to change the topic, but the way Matt rambled broke the tension. “You’d like to go on a movie date for your birthday?” Hux said carefully. He smiled at the way Matt’s ears turned red. He didn’t say it was for his birthday, but Hux had read his file. He knew what Saturday was.

“I mean,” Matt wouldn’t meet Hux’s eyes. “If _you_ want to, that would be an awesome birthday present, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. We can stay here and watch a movie for something.”

“Matthew,” Hux closed the distance between them and pecked him. “It’s your birthday. You’re allowed to ask for whatever you want.”

“I know, but…” Matt reached down to hold his hands. “It won’t be as fun if you’re not enjoying it too.”

Hux didn’t know what to say. When was the last time someone had been so sweet to him? Kylo didn’t count, not when he was purposefully anything but sweet to Hux. Scilla certainly hadn’t said anything like that to him in years.

“Alright, well, let’s go see that movie, then.”

“You’re sure?” Matt’s smile got impossibly wider.

Hux didn’t actually want to go, but it was too hard to tell Matt that. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to make Matt happy, but he didn’t think he’d have the energy for it. He’d been feeling so drained lately without a reason as to why. But how could he possibly say no, when Matt was all he had left?

“Yes, I’m sure…unless…”

“Unless?”

“Well, to be honest, I was expecting you to ask for something a bit more…intimate,” Hux put it lightly, but Matt definitely understood what he meant.

“Oh! Um…well…I mean, are you comfortable with…that?” Matt flushed again but sounded excited.

“Oh no, you don’t get to be embarrassed about this,” Hux scolded. “Not when we almost had sex on our first date, you spent an entire lunch break ranting about ill-timed hard-ons, _and_ you re-arranged yourself in front of me, _twice_.”

“Hey, you can’t blame me for that last one! Your ass looked amazing. It’s not my fault that my dick thought the same thing.”

Hux burst out laughing, and for the first time that morning it wasn’t forced. “Well, if that’s still what your _dick_ thinks, I’m not opposed to it. It’s mid-April, Matthew. We’ve been dating for almost four-“

“Three.”

“Four months. Christmas counts. So, if you’d like that instead of, or in addition to your movie, I’m okay with it.” Matt looked so excited that Hux swore his heart skipped a beat. His eyes searched Hux’s for any sign of a lie, but Hux made sure he found none.

“Fuck, why do you have to be so perfect?” Matt squeezed his eyes shut. Hux certainly didn’t feel like he was perfect, not by a long shot, but if Matt thought that then he had to be doing something right. “Now, I want to. I reeeeally want to, but I promised my cousin we’d _all_ spend the day together. I’m not sure you’d want everyone to be there while we got frisky.”

“And who is _everyone_?” Hux questioned. Matt looked sheepish, suddenly.

“Uh, well…”

“Matthew.”

“My friends? They all really want to meet you, and they’re practically my family – well, Rey _is_ my family – but if you’re not comfortable with that…”

“…They all want to meet me?”

“I talk about you a lot. My cousin likes to complain that I never shut up about you.”

How could Hux say no to that? Matt talked about him. Matt’s friends were eager to meet him. Who did Hux have to talk to? Phasma, Mitaka, but they knew Matt. They always knew how Hux’s relationship was because they could walk out of their offices and see for themselves if the two were getting along. Besides, lately, they were more concerned than excited. It was hard to talk to them when they were constantly worried about how he was doing with the divorce.

“Alright, then let’s see a movie Saturday,” Hux smiled at Matt, and Matt smiled back.

For a while, he was so afraid of what might happen if Scilla saw them out together, but now they were getting a divorce. And as much as he didn’t want to, if it would make Matt happy, then he’d go. He’d do whatever he could to keep that smile on Matt’s face and prove he wasn’t the failure that Scilla said he was.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Saturday morning, Hux forced himself out of bed. He itched to reach out for the bottle of whiskey on his bedside table, but he stayed his hand. It was not a day to get drunk, even if that’s exactly what he had been doing every weekend.

He thought about anything but the alcohol taunting him on his bedside. The weather was nice for mid-April, and rain wasn’t in the forecast. He wouldn’t need his heavy coat. There was still bacon in the fridge for breakfast, and it didn’t look like he’d need to go grocery shopping for another week.

When he opened the cabinets to retrieve a plate, there was another bottle staring him down. What he wouldn’t give to drink until he forgot. But it was Matt’s birthday. He stared right back and closed the door. There wasn’t much time until the movie started and Matthew wanted to meet a bit earlier so Hux could meet his friends. He wasn’t hungry anyway.

 

 

His hands wouldn’t move, except to adjust his cigarette. Hux had sat in his car for ten minutes trying to convince himself to go. Something about the weekends made everything harder. Maybe it was just that there was nothing to distract him. During the week, he had work and Matt. Hux could get lost in the rhythm of old habits and the comfort of his boyfriend. On Friday nights, he had Kylo. Ironically, it was also Kylo’s birthday on Saturday, so he left Hux no time to think about anything but what they were doing.

Then came Saturday, and with it, all the time in the world. The mind-numbing time to think and consider his life. What else was he supposed to do? He used to run errands for Scilla, but that wasn’t an option anymore.

“-ux. Hux!”

Hux blinked himself out of his thoughts and looked around. He was at a movie theater. He hadn’t even registered the drive there, or getting out of his car and paying for a ticket. Matt was waving at him from across the theater’s lobby. His mop of blond hair was impossible to miss when combined with his monstrous height.

Matt crashed into him like an ocean wave, suddenly, refreshingly. He kissed Hux, and Hux latched onto his shirt. Right. Matt. Matt was there. That meant everything would be fine.

But Matt pulled back suddenly and frowned at him. “You smell like smoke.”

Hux tensed. Matt was upset. “I…I was nervous.” It wasn’t a lie. Not completely.

Immediately Matt’s face softened and he rolled his eyes. “I guess it’s not so bad if it’s just _one_.” It hadn’t been just one. “But it’s okay.”

Hux wasn’t so sure that it was, but Matt kissed him again. “Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that,” He smiled. “I know I got all pissy last time you smoked, but we were stressed and the New Republic Company was up our asses. You still shouldn’t do it, but it’s not _that_ bad…okay?”

“So, who are your friends?” Hux didn’t answer him. He didn’t want to watch Matt get mad at him, but that didn’t seem to matter. Matt gave him _that look_ anyway. Hux held his head high, but let his gaze drift to his shoes.

“Yeah, they’re all over here,” Matt let it go, but he knew something was wrong. Hux could hear it in his voice.

He brought them to a table full of people who were all at least five years younger than Hux. They were all smiling and happy. With a jolt, Hux also realized they were all from the same club that Kylo worked at. Except for Finn (who he’d seen hanging out there countless times anyway), Hux recognized _all_ of Matt’s friends from that club.

Scavenger stood when Matt motioned to her, wearing a bright smile on her face. “Hux, this is my cousin, Rey,” Matt said.

“I know you,” Hux said. It was definitely her. She even wore her hair the same way. “You’re Sc-“

“Yes! Skywalker!” She interrupted. She shot Hux warning look, glancing between him and Matt. “Rey Skywalker. I received an email about making it to the next round of the application process, but I wasn’t aware that the CEO would be personally reviewing all of the _internship applications_.”

“What?! You applied for an internship and didn’t tell me?!”  Holy shit, Matt didn’t know.

Hux didn’t hear most of what Matt said. He was stuck on the fact that one of Kylo Ren’s dancing partners was Matthew’s cousin _and_ (if her stern looks were anything to go by) he apparently didn’t know that his cousin was a stripper. Hux constantly wondered how he’d lasted so long without telling Matt about his divorce, but Rey’s secret seemed much more impressive.

“Yes…the internship,” As he spoke, Rey’s look dissolved into a more natural looking smile. “Your application was very impressive Miss Skywalker. I have high hopes for you.”

And she was a Skywalker no less. Matt being a Calrissian was impressive enough, but he was actually related to the great Skywalker clan? It was no wonder he was able to hold his own against so many self-righteous managers in the meeting room.

Matt introduced the rest of his friends one by one. Finn didn’t receive much of an introduction. Poe Dameron gave him a sheepish wave, and Hux hoped he still felt guilty about abandoning the company. Jessika, the bartender, smiled at him looking very amused. Snap, the bouncer, gave him a similar look, but at least had the decency to look embarrassed when Hux glared at him.

Hux hadn’t processed much else. The movie was fine, not that he remembered much of it. They went to some fancy restaurant and Hux insisted on paying for everyone. Matt was all smiles when the group ended up at an ice-cream parlor around midnight. And when everyone else left, Matt dragged him to central park for a quiet walk by themselves.

“Thank you,” he said as they walked hand in hand. “I really enjoyed today.”

For New York, it felt quiet. The city still roared around them, but the darkness that fell over them was a comfort. As they walked, Matt swung their hands lightly. Hux held on, not knowing if he could keep himself together if he let go.

“Of course,” Hux whispered.

“Seriously. Thanks for coming out in public with me today,” Matt looked at him. “I know it’s hard, being seen outside with another man, but…it means a lot. You’re doing great, I promise.”

It took a moment for Hux to realize what Matt was talking about, but he felt almost foolish when he figured it out. His sexuality. He hadn’t taken the time to consider such things since he handed Scilla the divorce papers. He supposed he should’ve been warier of being seen in public, but who was there to judge him? The one person who would hate him already did and the person whose opinion he cared most about was holding his hand. Maybe he would’ve felt more stressed and anxious about being so openly gay around Matt’s friends and all of New York city, but he didn’t have the time for it.

Hux smiled, not knowing what else to do. Guilt weighed on him for being so distracted during Matt’s birthday. It was easier when it was just the two of them. Hux didn’t have to pretend when it was just them. He didn’t have to put on a smile and be approachable. Matt only cared that Hux was there.

“You were okay with today, right?” Matt stopped walking, which startled Hux a bit. “It wasn’t too much?”

“It was fine; perfect,” Hux told him. He didn’t want Matt to worry. “Anyway, it’s _your_ birthday. You should only be concerned with how much _you_ enjoyed it.”

Matt pulled him close until their lips were almost brushing. “Yeah, but like I said: I can’t enjoy it if you’re not.”

“Well, I’m enjoying it very much,” Hux leaned in and kissed him. Matt smiled into it.

It was a lie. Sort of. Maybe.

He was enjoying spending the day with Matt and his friends, but could he really say that if he didn’t feel most of it? He smiled out of habit and laughed on cue, but he could’ve just as easily not. It wouldn’t have felt any different. It didn’t feel any different from how he felt right then: floating, weary.

Numb.

Sometimes he could smile and mean it, usually when he saw Matt first thing in the morning or could distract himself with Kylo. Otherwise, everything felt like nothing. Or everything felt like it was chipping away at him and there was nothing he could do about it.

It felt like he was pretending. It felt like he was pretending nothing was wrong. But how could anything be wrong? Hux got what he wanted. His company was thriving. He got out of a relationship that was wearing him down. He was holding the man that made him feel like he was flying. And yet, his chest felt hollow. He was on edge, constantly; waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for it to shatter.

Hux had no idea what was wrong with him, only that it wasn’t always so hard to smile. He didn’t always feel so drained. He used to be happy.

So, when Matt pulled away and smiled at him, Hux smiled back. It wasn’t what he actually felt, but it would make Matt happy, and that was what was important to him. It didn’t matter that he’d forgotten how to smile as long as Matt never stopped. He would be strong for Matt, for Winnie.

Squeezing Matt’s hands, Hux took comfort in the feeling of Matt squeezing his back.

He wanted to be strong. He wanted to help them, protect them. Hux just wasn’t sure he had the strength to do it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the other half of chapter 9, hence why it's not being posted on a Monday. Don't worry, though. You're still getting an update on Monday :D
> 
> Also:  
> So, I'm doing this project in my stats class where we have to analyze a dataset and do a bunch of math. Long story short, I chose the dataset about extramarital affairs (I only picked it because of this story), and Hux fits the profile to a T. On average, people are more likely to cheat if they are:  
> \- male (but only marginally)  
> \- about 32 (Hux is 35)  
> \- married for 9.5 years (Hux and Scilla were married for 10)  
> \- have children  
> \- unhappy in their marriage
> 
> I mean, all of this is probably pretty easy to figure out on its own, but I think it's cool that I have statistics to back it up. 
> 
> AAaaaaaannnnddd (last thing, I swear) I updated the general story summary. It sounds more like a TV promo now. I figured it was appropriate to do considering how I do chapter summaries.


	11. Before You Start Your Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> Hux sent his daughter off with his ex-wife, feeling terrible about what he was doing to her. He came close to telling Matt about his relationship, but couldn't go through with it. Instead, he agreed to go out for Matt's birthday, even though the depression he's slipped into made things harder for him to bear.
> 
> Has Hux finally reached his breaking point? Will Ben ever tell Hux what's really going on? Will Hux figure it out before Ben can tell him, or is he too wrapped up in his own mess to realize it?

 

 

The water was warm against his skin as Hux leaned back against Kylo’s chest. He fit there nicely, head nestled in the crook of Kylo’s neck and their bodies pressed together in the large tub. Breathing in the steam, Hux forced himself to relax. He may have been able to look like he was enjoying himself, but Kylo would notice eventually if he didn’t relax.

“What are you thinking about?” Kylo pulled him closer, trailing kisses down his neck.

Even so, it wasn’t as if he was trying very hard.

“Nothing,” Hux whispered, twisting around to kiss him. He didn’t linger. “I’m just…surprised we both fit in this tub.”

“Well, it _was_ built for multiple people to fit,” Kylo ran his hands down Hux’s back. “And have room for a bit of fun.”

Hux tried to laugh when Kylo winked, but he couldn’t focus. He was there, physically, and he’d been there every week, but his mind was always somewhere else. Usually, Hux could distract himself and get lost in Kylo’s eyes, his dazzling smile, the amazing sex, but tonight he couldn’t.

The divorce had been quick, but messy and much more painful than he had expected. That night, Scilla screamed and cried and asked him a million questions that Hux couldn’t answer.

 _“Bastard!”_ She’d screamed at him. _“Fucking some whore when you have a loving wife at home?! How could you do this to me?”_

It felt like they fought all night, or rather, Scilla screamed at him all night. Hux knew he had no excuse, so he didn’t fight back. In the end, she left and never came back.

Everything had just been finalized that morning, and Hux figured he’d go see Kylo to celebrate, but it didn’t feel as happy as he thought it should have. _‘Congratulations, Mr. Hux. You’re a free man!’_ his lawyer had joked, but Hux hadn’t laughed. Staring down at the papers in his hands, he’d wondered if he just made the biggest mistake of his life. His chest felt empty, suddenly, like half of him was missing.

“Hux,” Kylo’s voice in his ear snapped Hux out of his daydream, or rather, Kylo’s hand on his dick did. “What’s up? You keep zoning out.”

His hand worked slowly, pumping Hux with sweet pressure while his other hand rubbed up and down Hux’s side, but Hux couldn’t get into it. He pulled Kylo’s hands away gently and leaned forward to grab the soap. Ignoring Kylo’s protests, Hux began to wash himself, scrubbing his skin with a soapy loofa until it turned pink. Even so, he didn’t feel clean enough.

“Hey,” Kylo’s head pressed against Hux’s back, and Hux paused.

What was he doing? Just that morning Hux divorced his wife, and he chose to celebrate it by sleeping with a whore. _His_ whore; the one he’s been sleeping with for months. It was wrong, wasn’t it? He was cheating on her, with a man no less. Something he hadn’t even considered when he first started seeing Kylo. After all, it was with another man, and Hux wasn’t gay. How could it be cheating?

Then what did that make Matt? If they were dating, where did he fit into all of this? If he liked Matt as much as he thought he did, then Hux was gay or bi or whatever. He was cheating on his wife with Matt and cheating on Matt with Kylo.

“You thinking of a special someone?” Kylo asked. Hux sighed as Kylo pressed kisses into his shoulders. Somehow, he always knew what was going on. Maybe it was because Hux almost always told him. How pathetic was that? Telling all of his secrets to a whore?

“Am I that obvious?”

“Nah, I’m just a good guesser,” Kylo wrapped himself around Hux, pulling them together. “So, who is it?”

 _‘My wife,’_ Hux almost said. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t call her that anymore. She wasn’t his wife anymore. She wasn’t supposed to matter anymore. So, who did? “My boyfriend.”

“Mm, Matty? I don’t think he’ll mind,” Kylo sounded far too sure of himself.

Hux wanted to protest, _‘He would. He’d be angry,’_ but more than that, he wondered what Kylo thought of it. He knew Hux and Matt were dating, but he never protested it. He never pushed to keep Hux for himself. He never seemed bothered that Hux stopped coming to see him as often, or even that Hux _did_ see him. But really, what did Kylo care? He was getting paid to fuck Hux, not care about his personal life, even if he had been quite helpful and knowledgeable about business matters on occasion.

It just seemed a little strange that Kylo never complained about Hux’s relationship with Matt. Or, maybe what was strange was that Hux _wanted_ him to be upset. Hux wanted Kylo to be angry that he was being brushed aside for someone else when he and Hux could’ve easily fallen into a real relationship.

It wouldn’t have worked out, though. Dating Matt in secret was hard enough. Hux couldn’t even imagine what dating Kylo in secret would be like. He just didn’t understand how Kylo could be so easy going about it all when they’d slept together so many times. Kylo’s feelings never got in the way, not once, whereas Hux knew he was drawn to Kylo. Their bodies fit together so perfectly, and Kylo never forgot how and where Hux liked to be touched. How could Hux _not_ be drawn to him?

“Come on, Hux. Relax, I’ve got you,” Kylo nibbled on his ear, and Hux wanted to listen to him, but…

“I can’t,” Hux said, pulling away from Kylo, pulling himself up and out of the tub. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Oh, come on,” Kylo hung himself over the edge of the tub, watching Hux towel off. “Matty’s not gonna care. Not when it’s me.”

Hux didn’t reply. He couldn’t, not when he knew that Kylo could easily talk him into whatever he wanted. Kylo had that kind of power over people, over him. Just one word, one kiss, and Hux would be long gone, lost in Kylo and the fantasy world that existed when it was just the two of them.

Strong arms wrapped around him, and Hux froze. “Just let me take care of you,” Kylo whispered, and Hux was so weak for him.

He stood there, in the bathroom, and watched as Kylo dropped to his knees. It was erotic, the way Kylo lapped at his cock, worshiped it. Even knowing how wrong it was, Hux couldn’t help loving the sight of his hardening cock pressed against Kylo’s cheek. His tongue was wet and his mouth was hot as it sucked Hux down, bobbing his head and inching further and further down Hux’s cock.

Hux imagined it was Matt. He pretended Matt was kneeling in front of him, face flushed, fully dressed in his button down, slacks, and oxfords. He was better dressed than he’d been the first time Hux met him, but it was still his Matt, eager to please but hating to take orders.

One of Hux’s hands made its way into his hair, Matt’s hair and Hux could feel how coarse it was. It was still long enough for Hux to pull, however, and Matt moaned around Hux’s cock as Hux pulled it. Hux’s hips bucked forward, and Matt let Hux fuck his mouth.

Matt’s big hands grabbed Hux’s ass, guiding, asking Hux to use him, and Hux did. He loved the look Matt flashed him, wanting but defiant. Matt wanted more, and he dared Hux to give it to him, so Hux did. He snapped his hips forward faster and harder until he could feel Matt gaging around him, the sweet wet pressure of Matt’s throat around his cock bringing him closer to that edge.

Hux could see Matt reaching down to palm himself through his pants. He was getting off on this, Hux using him. It made Hux slow his pace, wanting to drag it out and watch Matt come as Hux fucked his face, but Matt squeezed his ass and pulled his hips forward, not wanting Hux to stop.

It pushed Hux over, and he came, burying his cock deep in the heat of Matt’s mouth. The muscles of his throat contracted around Hux, dragging every last drop out of him, and Hux pulled Matt’s head close as he struggled to stay standing. As Hux pulled himself away, a bit of his come dribbled onto Matt’s lips. Matt held him close, however, pressing his face against Hux’s abdomen while he jerked himself off. He looked up at Hux as he came, spilling semen all over the floor in long white spurts.

 

Hux regretted all of it as soon as he opened his eyes and saw Kylo, not Matt, looking up at him.

 

He stumbled away, paying Kylo’s protests no attention as he hastily dressed. Right then, all that mattered was getting out of there and away from Kylo. He needed to get away from the desire, the pleasure, the _guilt_. Rummaging through his briefcase, Hux found the extra cash he kept stashed there, for when he’d inevitably break things off with Kylo. He found his wedding ring in its box beside the cash and almost screamed.

“Hux, I’m sorry,” He heard Kylo say. Kylo walked into the bedroom, still nude. “I – did I do something?”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Hux said. “I’m with Matthew, and this…it’s not appropriate.”

The guilt only bared down on him more as he spoke. Weren’t those the words he should’ve said all those months ago when he still had a wife? Why didn’t he say them back then?

 _“I loved you!”_ He could still hear Scilla’s words ringing in his ears. _“I gave you everything and this is what I get? This is my thanks for my sacrifices?”_

Hux shoved the money at him, unable to look him in the eye. He needed Kylo to leave and never come back.

For a long moment, neither of them moved. The silence was heavy between them, and Hux could hear his heart racing in his ears. He heard Kylo move, saw his body disappear, but never felt the money leave his hand. Standing there alone, it felt like hours had passed, when really it was only a few minutes.

When Kylo stepped back into view, he still didn’t take the money. He didn’t ask Hux to explain himself. He didn’t beg Hux to let him stay. Instead, he pulled Hux into a hug, one that Hux just barely restrained himself from returning. He felt the heat of Kylo’s body through their clothes and felt himself lean into the touch. There it was, everything that was them. The perfection of their bodies together, the passion of every night they spent in secret, the fantasy and illusion of a life that Hux would never live.

_“How could you be so weak? So **pathetic**?”_

Gently, Hux felt Kylo squeeze him, felt Kylo press a kiss to his forehead. Then he whispered, “Goodbye, Pumpkin,” and he was gone.

The money was still in his hand, but Kylo wasn’t. Hux watched as Kylo walked through the door, sure and confident. He never looked back. Hux listened to the muted music of the club seeping through the quiet room. The door shut. He didn’t come back.

Hux ripped the door open. He made another mistake. He wasn’t ready to let Kylo go, not yet. Hux ran out, leaving most of his things in the room. Too many people blocked his way, but Hux shoved past them, searching for Kylo in the crowd. When he reached the edge of the balcony, his eyes swept the club floor frantically.

There.

That messy mop of black hair disappeared into a back room. Hux raced down the stairs, not caring who he pushed out of the way. He needed to fix this. He needed to apologize. Why were there so many people in the way? Why couldn’t his legs move any faster?

When he finally reached the door, it refused to budge. He twisted the handle, pushed on the door, but it wouldn’t open. “Come on, come on.”

Someone touched his arm, and Hux stilled. He looked around but didn’t see anyone near him until he looked down. An old woman looked up at him, wearing a sad frown and sympathetic eyes. Miss Kanata, Kylo told him about her. She could open the door for him. She had the key.

But she didn’t. She shook her head and gently pried his hands away from the door.

Some part of his heart broke, though he thought he didn’t have the right to feel that way. Kylo was never supposed to be anything more than convenient. He was easy sex, an easy outlet for Hux to use when he needed it. Now, he was gone, and Hux had to blink up at the lights to stop himself from crying.

He could ignore it. He could push everything aside and just not focus on it. It would go away on its own, eventually. It had to. So, Hux returned to the Starlight Suite and collected his things. They’d done so much there, and there was so much more that they would never do.

Setting everything else aside, Hux tried to clean away all traces of Kylo. He drained the bathtub and cleaned the tiled floor, trying not to remember everything they’d done together there, but the memory of Kylo’s body was like a ghost against his skin.

Eventually, he gave up. The whole suite needed more maintenance than Hux had energy for and it wasn’t even his job to clean it. There were too many memories there. He needed to get out, but he also didn’t want to go. He forced himself to, eventually, when the club grew quiet and Miss Kanata had come to check on him.

Hux hadn’t realized how much time had passed but thanked her for giving him access to that room for so long. He left Kylo’s final payment on the bed.

He drove home in silence, trying not to think about anything but getting home and finally being able to relax. Through the neon traffic of New York City at night, he looked up at the sky and wished it was raining. At least, then, he could pretend that the world felt his pain.

Pulling up into his driveway, Hux went through the motions of it all. There would be food waiting for him in the fridge and a nice glass of bourbon on the counter. He unlocked the front door and pulled it open.

“I’m-“ he started to say, but paused. The lights were off, like they should’ve been at 2 AM. even though it was only ten o’clock. Scilla and Winnie would’ve both been asleep, though Winnie might’ve tried to stay up and wait for him on the couch.

But there was no one there anymore. They were gone. It wasn’t their house, it was just _his_ house. There was no meal waiting for him in the fridge, no family to come home to. Scilla hadn’t even stepped foot in the house since she found out Hux was divorcing her. That was three months ago.

As he walked through the house, Hux flipped on the lights. He never realized how empty it was without his family there. Scilla took things with her, leaving most of the kitchen and living room barren, but it wasn’t just the physical emptiness that he felt. No one was there and no one would be there. It was just him, alone, with his bourbon and Millie for company. Even then, Millie was nowhere to be found.  

They were gone, all gone, and it was his fault. First Scilla and Winnie, who he pushed away with his own two hands. Winnie would be back, eventually, when it was his turn to care for her, but Scilla wouldn’t. She begged him to stay but eventually stopped talking to him altogether. Even when she dropped off Winnie at his house, she didn’t say a word.

Then it was Kylo. He was right to push Kylo away, he knew, but it still hurt like hell. Kylo was everything he couldn’t have and would never be able to have. He was the one that got Hux into this mess in the first place. If it wasn’t for him, then Hux would still have a wife and child to come home to. He’d still have his family, his home. He’d still be…miserable.

Had he really been so happy with his life if he let himself have an affair with a stripper for months and months? He tried to think back to before he met Kylo before he had Matt. What had his life been like? He was always at work, and when he wasn’t at work, Scilla was. Hux never got to spend any time with his wife. Winnie never had both of her parents home at the same time, and now she never would.

It was just him and his bourbon, then. Hux sat at the kitchen table, a flimsy thing he bought from IKEA to replace the one Scilla took and sipped his drink until the silence became too much to bare.

Hux fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed the first person in his contact list: Scilla. It was out of habit, he told himself, but at that point, he was just ripping his own heart to shreds. He already knew what would happen, but he let it play out anyway.

His phone rang, once, twice, five times, and she didn’t pick up.

_‘Hello, you’ve reached Scilla. I’m sorry I’ve missed your call, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon!’_

No answer. She never answered, and she never would. It was stupid to hope that she’d finally pick up, especially right after he’d turned his back on her. But he had to try.

 _“Hello?”_ Hux hadn’t even noticed his thumb brushing over another contact until they’d already picked up. Matt’s baritone sounded too gentle and Hux’s heart jumped in his chest. He didn’t deserve Matt. _“Hux? Are you there?”_

“Hey, Matt,” Hux said, trying to make himself sound not exhausted. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

_“Nah, nah; it’s fine. I was up anyway. What’s up?”_

“…I…” Hux stared into his glass of bourbon. Could he say he hadn’t meant to call? Maybe, but he found he didn’t want to. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Matt laughed, light and happy. It put a smile on Hux’s face, if only for a second. _“You’re so cute.”_

“I’m a grown man, Matthew.”

_“So? That doesn’t mean you’re not cute.”_

Hux wished Matt was there with him then. He wished Matt could wipe it all away, so he could pretend nothing was wrong. It would be so much easier.

 _“…Uuuhh, what did you wanna talk about?”_ Matt asked when Hux didn’t say anything else.

“…I’m not sure,” And he wasn’t, really. It was just that hearing Matt’s voice made him feel less alone in that empty house. Still, it felt too suffocating to be inside. Forcing himself to stand, Hux walked out to the back porch and took a seat on the wood.

_“Then, tell me about your day.”_

“Matthew, you’re my secretary. You were there for most of it.”

_“So? Tell me anyway.”_

Hux smiled, knowing Matt was only trying to help. “How about you tell me about yours? I called to hear _your_ voice after all.”

Matt laughed, _“That’s fair. Well, then. Where to start? It was around nine am, and this hot red-head stepped out of the elevator. I saw him and thought ‘_ Damn. Look at that ass in those pants. I’d tap that. _’ Then I saw his face and…he was just gorgeous. He had the kind of face that you’d think would be on the cover of a magazine or something. It was like watching an angel walk up to my desk and tell me ‘good morning.’ I had to pause and wonder how I got so lucky.”_

Hux smiled. He put the phone down and left it on speaker so that Matt’s voice filled the night air. It reminded him of everything he still had, despite all that he’d thrown away. Matt still wanted him. Winnie still loved him. Phasma and Mitaka still stood by his side.

He looked up to the stars glittering in the sky. It was clearer out there in the suburbs of New Jersey. He could see them much more clearly without New York City’s lights in the way. What was it about the stars that had calmed Matt and Kylo so much? Was it because they were so beautiful? Right then the only thing they did for Hux was remind him of how much he’d lost.

“Matt,” Hux interrupted. “Tell me about the stars.”

_“The stars?”_

“What do you like about them the most?”

It was comforting, in a way. Hux listened to Matt ramble on about his day, constellations, anything really. It wasn’t too much more, considering everything else he’d given up. Then, he put his phone on mute so that Matt couldn’t hear him cry.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He’d barely left the house all weekend and almost didn’t go to work Monday morning. The weekend was hard, harder than he thought it would be. He had three months to process and prepare for what was coming. The furniture disappeared from the house piece by piece, he saw Winnie less, he saw Kylo more. It was such a smooth transition, that Hux thought finalizing the divorce on Friday would be painless.

It wasn’t.

Saturday, he woke up outside on his porch. The sun woke him, much earlier than he would’ve liked, but it wasn’t good to sleep outside. His body was sore from sleeping on wood, but the physical pain was a kind distraction from the reality he was living in.

He drank until he was out of Bourbon and cried until he was out of tears. In a sudden burst of anger, he took his wedding ring and threw it against a wall. Not a moment later, he scrambled on the floor to pick it up and held it close to his heart. It was the only part of his marriage that didn’t fall apart. He couldn’t wear it, though. It no longer felt right to, even though it hadn’t felt right for a long time.

Scilla was right. He was weak, so weak and pathetic that he couldn’t let go of something he’d already thrown away. They were so happy, once upon a time. What happened to that? Where did it all go wrong? He could still remember their wedding day, and how happy they’d been. He still remembered the day she told him she was pregnant and how much they’d smiled.

They’d known each other for thirteen years, they were married for ten, parents for five; somewhere in between the sunshine and white picket fence, they’d lost each other. At some point, they fell apart. It just wasn’t until Hux saw Kylo until he smiled at Matt that he realized it.

Saturday, he drank until all he saw was black.

Sunday, he laid in bed and stared at the spot where she should have been. He only got up when his stomach and bladder protested too loudly to ignore. Only half of the pathetic sandwich he put together was finished when Hux smashed the plate on the floor. He cried again, picking up the broken pieces of their wedding china.

He found Millie upstairs, the first time he’d seen her in a while. She was scratching at the bottom of Winnie’s bedroom door, wondering why the child wouldn’t let her in. _‘She’s gone, you know,’_ Hux wanted to say, although that wasn’t completely true.

They went in together. Her room was so much emptier now. Half of her closet was missing, and most of her toys. All that was left was her bed, and the Rapunzel doll she loved so much. She’d be missing it. He knew Winnie wasn’t gone, not forever anyway, but she may as well have been. The house was too empty without her giggles in his ears.

There was a box of clothes sitting open on the floor. It was full of Winnie’s baby clothes. Hux had long since given up on trying to stop his tears. He remembered how Scilla talked about wanting another child, another baby girl. They’d call her Eleanor.

Sunday, he cried until his lungs hurt from sobbing.

Monday, he woke up and stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it would be before he felt okay. Hux forced himself out of bed and got ready for work. It was two hours past when he normally went in and Matt had already called five times. He felt like shit, but he still had a business to run. The world wouldn’t wait for him, no matter how much he screamed at it.

He showered. He shaved. He dressed. He drove. He didn’t feel any of it. He’d slept for hours the day before but still felt exhausted when arrived at work. People stared. He expected them to. He didn’t care.

When the elevator opened, it took him a moment to realize he was still standing there. Phasma was by his side as soon as he stepped out. She knew everything. She was the reason why Hux and Scilla met. What Hux hadn’t told her, Scilla surely filled in.

“Maybe you should go home,” she told him. A gentle hand on his shoulder stilled his feet.

“I did,” Hux didn’t look at her. “Now, I’m here. There’s still work to be done.”

She didn’t stop him again, but he almost wished she had.

As he neared his office, so he also neared Matt. The blond looked distressed, staring at his computer and chewing on his nails. The frown melted into a smile as soon as their eyes met. He stood, pushing his other work aside.

“Hux!” That smile on his face was too much for Hux to bare. He didn’t deserve it. “It’s nearly noon; is everything okay? You’re not sick, right?”

Hux paused by Matt’s desk. Matt’s eyes searched his, so innocent and kind. He didn’t know what Hux had done. He didn’t know how terrible Hux had been to him.

He opened his mouth to reply, but couldn’t find any words. His brain froze. His mouth wouldn’t speak. When Matt’s smile faltered, Hux knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself together.

“Hux…”

He ran. Without a word, Hux dashed into his office, ignoring Matt’s protests. His hands shook as he set everything down on his desk. Matt was quick to follow. His footsteps followed Hux’s, waiting, watching. A gentle hand came to rest on Hux’s shoulder but he flinched away.

“Hey,” Matt whispered, too gently. “Come here. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“No, it won’t be okay!” Hux snapped. He spun around, hands still shaking, ready to take everything out on Matthew.

He thought it wouldn’t be so bad if Matthew hated him, if Matthew left him. After all, Matt deserved better. But, as soon as soon as he turned around, the words died in his throat. Matt looked back at him with his arms wide open. He asked no questions, made no accusations. He just offered himself to Hux like a promise that he could put everything back together.

Hux ran into his arms.

The sobs were a familiar thing to him by then. His hands shook. His whole body shook, but Matt’s arms closed around him and Hux felt like maybe it was okay if he shook apart. Matt could put him back together. His tears stained Matt’s shirt, but Matt just rubbed his big hands up and down Hux’s back until the sobs dissolved into teary hiccups.

Matt kissed his forehead and held him there, never complaining, never pushing. “Shh, it’s okay,” He whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. You did nothing wrong.”

“…I…I did everything wrong,” Hux mumbled against his shirt. His words were broken with sobs.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Hux clutched Matt’s shirt a little tighter. He didn’t answer right away, but Matt waited, let Hux take his time. “You’ll hate me.”

“No, no,” Matt promised. “I could never. I’d never hate you.”

“You will.”

“I won’t.”

“How can you say that?!” Hux pushed Matt away, suddenly. He didn’t want to hear that lie, because how could it be anything but a lie? “How can you be so…so _sure_ that I’m not some – some _monster_? How can you _trust me_?”

Hux almost wished he hadn’t said that. The sadness in Matt’s eyes was almost too much to bear. They begged him to be okay, and Hux wished he could. But wasn’t it better that way? Wasn’t it better if Matt hated him too? Scilla already did, and Kylo probably did too. What was one more?

“Because I know you,” Matt answered almost immediately. “I know that you’re a good person no matter how hard you try to look cold and standoffish. I know you care. I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”

“No, you don’t,” Hux said. When Matt stepped forward, he stepped back, only stopping when his legs his desk. He didn’t know what he was saying or why he was saying it. “You don’t know.”

“Then…then tell me,” Matt pleaded. “Whatever it is, I promise I won’t hate you.”

“Yes, you will!” Hux yelled. He was messing everything up. “You don’t understand; you _will_ hate me!”

“Then help me understand!” Matt was getting frustrated. It only made Hux feel worse. He couldn’t even keep his boyfriend happy. “What happened? What did you do?”

“I cheated!” Hux screamed.

The whole office went silent. Even outside of his office, Hux couldn’t hear the daily noise of the office. It was like the whole world was listening, watching him, and it was terrifying. Tears burned in his eyes, and his heart pounded in his chest. But worst of all was the way Matt looked at him.

He didn’t look surprised. He knew. Hux’s heart sank. That was it. He lost everyone, then.

“Who?” Matt asked.

Hux hesitated, but only for a moment. There wasn’t any point in lying anymore. “A stripper. Called Kylo Ren,” Hux’s voice wavered. Why couldn’t he have just kept himself together? “A-and…I…”

“Okay,” Matt said, interrupting him.

“…Okay?” Hux asked, unsure.

“I mean, it’s okay,” When Hux met his eyes, they were sure. Matt wasn’t lying. “I mean, are you still seeing him?”

“…no…”

“Then it’s okay,” Matt pulled him back into his arms before Hux could protest.

“…How could…why aren’t you mad?” Hux let his arms cling to Matt again.

He didn’t understand. Why wasn’t Matt screaming at him? Why wasn’t he calling Hux names and storming away? He’d barely told Scilla why he wanted a divorce before she went off. As soon as he said the word ‘affair,’ she was already screaming. He hadn’t even told her who he cheated on her with. Why didn’t Matt scream at him too? Hux betrayed him, betrayed his trust, and he was just okay with it?

“You told me,” Matt said. “And you’re not cheating anymore. I told you, I know you. I trust you.”

“B-but I-“

“Are you gonna do it again?”

“No! No, I promise…”

“Then, I forgive you,” Matt kissed his head again, holding Hux a little tighter. “You cheated, yeah, but there’s nothing we can do about that now. You told me, you apologized, and you promised not to do it again. I could be mad at you and hold a grudge, but I couldn’t hate you. I care too much to let it tear us apart.”

Hux kissed him right there. He didn’t deserve Matt and how kind he was. He didn’t deserve Matt’s forgiveness, his warm arms, his gentle kisses. Matt gave it all to him anyway. Hux messed up in one of the worst ways possible and Matt forgave him just like that.

Pulling him closer, Hux looped his arms around Matt’s neck and tangled his hands in his hair. He let himself get a little lost when Matt pulled at his lips. He let himself relax when Matt’s hands wandered a little too low. He needed Matt as close as possible. The way Matt spoke to him, looked at him, kissed him, it felt too much like love for Hux to let him go. Somewhere, in the back of his head, Hux knew Matt loved him. To still want Hux after what Hux did, Matt either loved him, or he was an idiot. Maybe both.

He melted a little when Matt dragged their bodies together. It was just pressure and proximity, but Hux could feel the heat building. Maybe he’d let Matt take him right there in his office. At that moment, nothing else mattered but Matt, so it wasn’t much of a stretch. Hux pulled on his hair in retaliation, loving how insistently Matt’s lips clung to his, even when Hux pulled his hair back.

But suddenly Matt pulled away completely. Hux was minutely aware of too many things going on all at the same time, but couldn’t process everything. The warmth of Matt’s body suddenly disappeared, there was something limp and hair in his hand, Kylo was standing in front of him.

“Kylo?”

Hux gaped. Kylo was standing in front of him, even though a minute ago, the person standing there was Matt. Looking down at his hand, Hux saw that he was holding a blond wig. He looked back at Kylo as he took off his glasses, and the pieces started to click together.

“What – you’re…”

“Wait, Hux. I can explain,” Matt-Kylo-whoever the fuck he was tried to make an excuse. His hands came up in front of him like a shield, or rather like he was trying to stop Hux from attacking him.

“No,” Hux’s heart was beating hard inside his chest, and his hands were starting to shake again.

Why hadn’t he seen it earlier? It was so obvious. Now that he’d seen it with his own two eyes, he saw all of the freckles that were exactly the same, he saw those same big ears, heard the same deep baritone, tasted the same lips, and he knew. How could he have been so blind that he was fooled by a wig and a pair of glasses?

“Hux-“

“No, get out,” Hux flinched away when _that man_ reached out for him.

Hux slept with him. For months they slept together, kissed, bickered, laughed, and Hux never noticed. How could Kylo not tell him? How could Matt not say a word? How could Hux never have noticed?

“But-“

“Get out!” Hux wrapped his arms around himself. He couldn’t stop shaking.

He didn’t want whoever that was there with him anymore. He didn’t know who that was. He wasn’t Kylo. He wasn’t the sex god who could make Hux forget. He wasn’t Matt. He wasn’t Hux’s sweet boyfriend who never stopped caring. Hux didn’t know who that was, and he didn’t want him there.

“If you would just let me-“

“You’re fired!” Hux screamed. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away all of the bad, all of the pain. “Get away from me!”

For a moment, there was nothing, then he heard footsteps retreating, running. Hux collapsed, then. His legs couldn’t keep him up. He couldn’t feel anything, but at the same time, he felt everything. His legs wouldn’t work, but his hands were clamped around him.

He had no idea what was happening. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, even though he knew his body was still going through the motions. His were still shaking. They wouldn’t stop shaking. And it felt like there was a giant gaping hole in his back, consuming him, dragging him in.

Hux wrapped one hand around his neck, trying to loosen a rope that wasn’t there, and locked the other in his hair. He couldn’t drag himself back together. He didn’t know how. Every thought in his mind was scattered, thinking of everything at the same time. It hurt. Everything hurt.

When a hand landed on his shoulder, Hux flinched back. Blonde hair flashed in front of his eyes, and Hux tried to scramble away. Matt. No, not Matt. That man. But Hux blinked some of the tears away and found Phasma there instead.

“Armitage? Armitage, breathe with me, okay? Slowly. In, 2, 3, 4. Out, 2, 3, 4. Again,” Phasma talked to him until his breathing resembled something normal. Hux hadn’t even been aware that he was hyperventilating.

He let Phasma pull him into a hug and tell him that everything would be fine. He knew it was a lie. He knew it wouldn’t be. After all, he told himself that, and now things weren’t. Scilla was gone, Matt and Kylo didn’t exist and Hux no idea who had been playing him for the better part of a year.

As he cried in Phasma’s arms, he thought it would’ve been better if none of it had ever happened. He shouldn’t have slept with Kylo. He shouldn’t have kissed Matt. He shouldn’t have divorced Scilla. Things would’ve been better that way. Hux would still have a life, a family. Maybe Scilla would’ve yelled at him. Maybe he would’ve been miserable living in a marriage with a wife who’d long since stopped caring, but it would be better than this.

Anything would’ve been better than this. Anything at all would’ve been better than losing everything he thought he knew.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, chapter 12 isn't done yet, and finals start soon. That being said, if you don't get an update for the next two-ish weeks, that's why. (Wouldn't this just be the shittiest cliffhanger to leave you on for a month?) I'm going to try my hardest to keep up with the weekly updates, but life happens and it doesn't always like to work with you.


	12. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE ROAD SO FAR:
> 
> When we last left our boys, Hux was broken, heart aching from losing Scilla and turnign away from Kylo. He turns to Matt for comfort, but accidentally pulled off his wig, revealing his true identity.
> 
> The cat's out of the bag. Hux finally knows who Ben really is, but is that a good thing? How could Ben possibly hope to be forgiven after lying to his love for so long? The drama is spreading and no one is safe from its claws.
> 
> Find out what happened now on Chapter 12: Stay With Me

 

 

 

“Kylo?”

Ben froze, unable to speak. Hux held his wig in his hand, and there was shock written all over his face. Ben’s heart started pounding. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. This wasn’t how he wanted Hux to find out. He took off his glasses, trying to think of a way to explain it all.

“What – you’re…”

“Wait, Hux. I can explain,” Ben said. But could he really? He didn’t know what to say, exactly. Everything he could think of sounded wrong, but if he didn’t say something soon…

“No.”

“Hux-“

“No, get out.”

Hux backed away when Ben tried to reach out for him. There was fear in his eyes, hurt, betrayal. Ben knew he was putting all of the pieces together, but it wasn’t a happy revelation. He wanted to make it all better, and he knew if Hux would just let him explain then it would be okay.

“But-“

“Get out!”

Ben didn’t know what to do. He meant to tell Hux. He was going to take Hux to his apartment, sit him down and explain everything carefully, gently. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Hux wasn’t supposed to panic.

It was the way that Hux held himself, how he scratched at his own neck like he couldn’t breathe, and his chest heaved for air as his body closed in on itself. Ben recognized the all-too-familiar signs of a panic attack, and it was his fault that Hux was having one.

“If you would just let me-“

“You’re fired! Get away from me!”

Hux squeezed his eyes shut, and Ben stood frozen for a moment. Something lurched inside him when Hux screamed at him. Ben tried to reach a hand out to comfort him, but he couldn’t move. All he could think about was how badly he messed up, how stupid he was, how he should’ve done better.

“No, no, no,” Ben whispered to himself, stumbling out of the room. He crashed into his own desk, putting a hand to his heart. It raced, and Ben cursed at himself. He was a coward for not saying anything sooner. That perfect moment he had been waiting for never came, though he knew it was never going to. He should’ve said something sooner.

In frustration, Ben swept half of his desk’s contents onto the floor and braced himself on it. Would Hux even listen to what he had to say? Turning around, Ben watched as Hux collapsed on the floor, shaking, crying. Before he could stop himself, Ben moved towards Hux’s office. Even if he wouldn’t listen, Ben could at least hold him, help him.

But a hand on his arm pulled him back.

Mitaka stared through the glass windows at Hux’s shaking body, and when he looked back at Ben, he looked murderous. Ben’s head snapped to the side before he could say a word. His whole body followed, almost falling to the floor, but the stinging pain of Mitaka’s slap didn’t register until Mitaka was already screaming at him.

“I told you not to hurt him. I told you I would make you regret it. You’ll never work again! Never!” His whole body shook as he screamed, as if Hux’s panic was seeping into him too.

“Dopheld!” Phasma held Mitaka back before he could hit Ben again. She looked horrified, more so when she noticed Hux. “Oh no, Armitage.”

She rushed into Hux’s office, leaving Ben at Mitaka’s mercy. Past him, the whole office had come to a halt. They all stared at Ben, watching them. As soon as they got a good look at his face, the whispers started. He knew what they were saying. He knew that they were gossiping about the blonde hair that he didn’t actually have, the glasses that he didn’t really need. They’d make the connection sooner or later. Someone would realize who he was and then his whole life would be over.

But somehow, that didn’t matter to him as much as Hux did. Despite the pounding in his head and how hard it was becoming to breathe, all Ben could think about was making sure Hux was okay. Everything else just felt…blurry.

He turned towards Hux’s office again, but something, someone held him back. He heard screaming but couldn’t make out the words, his head snapped to one side again but he didn’t feel the pain, he felt a tug on his shirt but didn’t know who was touching him. He was pushed, led further and further away from Hux.

When he could make sense of things again, Ben found himself out of the office completely. He sat in the passenger seat of a car, Finn beside him in the driver’s seat. They were still in the company garage.

“I…” Finn started. The heels of his hands were pressed into his eyes. “Mitaka just – What happened, Ben? What did you _do_?”

Finn looked a little worse for wear, and Ben found that when he tried to reply, his face was a bit sore. Pressing a hand to his heart, he breathed, slow and deep…or, he tried to. The tears that welled up in his eyes made his breathing shaky, though he tried to hold them back. He tried to stay calm, but his body wouldn’t listen.

“Ben…” Finn said again. He put a hand on Ben’s shoulder, then Ben sobbed.

Suddenly, there were things creeping up on him. Loneliness, abandonment, fear, all descending on him like a fog. ‘ _It’s your fault,_ ’ they said. ‘ _You should have expected this. He was never going to be yours. You were never going to keep him. You didn’t deserve it then and you don’t deserve it now.’_

“Messed up,” He whispered, hunching over. “I messed up.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ben Solo.

Ben Organa-Solo.

Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Solo.

 

Hux has said the name so many times that he’s started to think they weren’t actually words. He’s recounted the past year of his life almost as many times, wondering how he could’ve missed something so obvious. Twisting his blanket between his fingers, Hux went over it all again.

Matt was Kylo, and Kylo was Matt. The internet told Hux his real name is “Ben Solo,” delinquent run-away son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, two of the tycoons who saved the New Republic Company. He lived in New York with his younger cousin, Rey Skywalker, whom he’d “kidnapped” when he ran away. They worked as strippers. Ben also worked as Hux’s secretary. Hux never had a clue.

It was laughable how obvious it all was. There were so many signs that pointed to Kylo and Matt being the same person, but Hux was fooled by a cheap wig and a pair of glasses. Why didn’t he realize how they sounded exactly alike? Why hadn’t he noticed that they tasted the same? Hell, he should’ve been able to tell based on the moles on his face alone.

Hux just didn’t understand how Kylo could also be Matt. Kylo was like a dream, a sensual, sexy, confident Adonis. Kylo was his favorite fantasy. Matt was awkward, goofy, hardworking, but destructive when he had temper tantrums. Matt was his sweet boyfriend. To Hux they were so different. It just never occurred to him that they could ever be the same person.

What did Phasma keep telling him?

He was blind in love.

If that was true, then who was he so in love with? Maybe it was both of them, maybe it was just one. Hux definitely didn’t know what it meant in terms of how he felt now. If they were all the same person, then did he still feel the same way about Ben, or did Hux hate him for lying?

He didn’t know what to feel. Hell, he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t find the words. He wanted to cry, but he’d spent all of his tears. He wanted to punch something, but he didn’t have the strength. It was all too much for Hux to handle, but he’d already worn himself out too much to do anything but stare out the window.

 

“Tea’s ready,” Phasma said, nudging him out of his thoughts. She pressed a mug of the steaming drink into his hands, but Hux didn’t look at her.

He’d been sleeping in her condo for two weeks, since the day that Matt, Kylo, Ben, whoever the fuck he was, made his big reveal. It was partly because she didn’t trust him to take care of himself after he had a panic attack in his office, but also because he couldn’t bear to live in his own house anymore. It was better, in some ways, because Phasma’s condo didn’t feel as empty.

It was kind of her to do, especially when Hux found stacks of his clothes in the drawers of the guest room, but he suspected Phasma let him stay because she didn’t know how else to help him. For all her people skills, Hux could tell she was completely lost. He wasn’t someone she ever had to worry about or help, but she did her best and Hux appreciated that.

Mitaka fared a bit better, maybe. He stepped up to run the company when Phasma finally convinced Hux to take some time off. He came by Phasma’s place every day to update Hux on the company, knowing it would ease his mind to know that _something_ was going right. But Mitaka was always fragile. Looking after the company brought Hux comfort, but it held Mitaka together.

Hux cursed himself for being so weak. Apparently, it was infectious. He couldn’t see through a simple disguise, and now Phasma was constantly worrying, Mitaka was trying to hold everything else together on his own. How could he have done this to them?

“His things are still there,” Mitaka said, picking an armchair opposite the couch. “Finn took a bit of it, but most of it is still there. Are you sure you don’t wan-“

“No,” Hux interrupted. He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, watching the sun set between the skyscrapers. “Leave it.”

He heard Phasma sigh. He’d told them the same thing every day. Don’t touch Matt’s things. Don’t throw them away. Let the bastard come and get it himself. Phasma said it didn’t look as bitter and petty as he intended; it looked sad, and almost desperate.

What Hux couldn’t say was that he wasn’t ready to give up the illusion just yet. If he kept Matt’s things there, then Matt still existed. He was his own person, as was Kylo, and Hux didn’t have to feel so confused. The lie couldn’t last forever, but he would pretend for as long as his friends would let him.

Mitaka started giving his report about the daily on goings of the company, but Hux tuned him out. He didn’t need to hear every word to know his company was okay; Mitaka sticking to routine was enough to tell him that. Instead, Hux watched the colors in the sky fade from yellow to red and then purple and blue. The sun was lost behind the skyscrapers, but it pulled the night sky behind it.

Lately, Hux had started staying up to look at the stars while he lost himself in his thoughts. The view wasn’t as good from the city, he decided. New York’s light pollution outshone most of the stars. The sky looked a little better from the club, since it was tucked into a darker corner of the city, but the best view was from Hux’s house.

In that small suburban neighborhood, across the river in Jersey, there were few lights to clutter the sky. He could sit on his porch and watch the stars all night. Then, Hux would wonder what was so great about the stars. They were just hot balls of gas millions of lightyears away. Some of them maybe looked like pictures, but Hux couldn’t figure out the appeal.

He hated it. He hated sitting there and not being able to do anything but look at the stars. He hated that the only think he could think about was _him_. There were days when Hux didn’t want to get out of bed, but if he didn’t move then all he did was think. Thinking was worse.

“I’m going back tomorrow,” Hux announced suddenly.

Phasma and Mitaka had nothing to say for a moment. Then Phasma asked him, “are you sure?”

“I can’t sit around forever,” though his body suddenly felt like it weighed a ton.

“I…That’s not a good idea,” She told him carefully.

“Excuse me. I need to get some sleep before tomorrow,” Hux ignored her, pulling the blanket along with him. If he just kept moving, he’d be okay. If he never stopped, if he never gave himself time to think about any of it, then it couldn’t hurt him.

“Armitage-“

“Don’t, Charlize.”

“You’re going to over-work yourself.”

Hux paused by the door to her guest room, “That’s the point.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Why don’t you just go talk to him?” Poe asked.

“I tried,” Ben grumbled.

“Write him a letter?”

“Poe…”

“Call him.”

“ _Poe_.”

“Or just forget about him and find someone else? I’m sure there are plenty of other-“

“Would you just stop already?!” Ben snapped. He stormed off to his room, slamming the door behind him. A second later, he reemerged to grab his beer from the coffee table before retreating and slamming the door again. Dull thuds and loud crashes sounded from the other side of the door, and frown etched itself onto Rey’s face.

“What’d I say?” Poe asked. Rey shrugged. Finn glared at Ben’s bedroom door. 

“Just, try not to make him too mad, okay?” Rey sighed and picked up her duffle bag. “I have to go. Ms. Kanata wants me to help with set up. Text me if you can get through to him.”

“Rey, it’s Tuesday. You’ve got an eight-am class tomorrow,” Poe tried to stop her, grabbing the strap of her bag as she passed him.

“Yeah, and I’ve got bills to pay,” She said with a tight smile.

Poe let her go without much of a fight. Even though Hux fired him, Ben hadn’t bothered to pick up any more shifts at the club. Rey hadn’t said a word to him about their finances, but it stressed her out enough that she started working more. Finn and Poe tried to stop her, insisting that she needed to focus on her classes, but Rey stubbornly refused to take their money or let them bother Ben about it. She could handle it, she said.

“This is fucking bullshit,” Poe muttered, flopping down on the couch. “If Ben would just pull his head out of his ass…”

“You know you can’t pester him into talking to Hux, right?” Finn asked, staring down at his own beer bottle. They’d been running around in circles about the subject for much longer than Finn cared to think about it. 

“But we’ve left him alone for almost a month, and he still hasn’t said anything about what happened.”

Finn told Rey and Poe what he saw and what he managed to piece together, but he had none of the details. Ben refused to say anything, no matter how hard they pushed him or how much they begged. He wouldn’t say a word.

“Then, he doesn’t want to talk about it,” Finn rolled his eyes when Poe groaned loudly. They were all getting a little tired of the situation, but no matter how hard Poe hoped, there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

“But he needs to!” Poe insisted. “Talking about it will make him feel better. It makes me feel better…”

“That’s because you like to talk,” Finn cracked a smile at his boyfriend’s pouting. “Ben’s just…Sometimes he likes to talk a lot, and sometimes – I dunno, sometimes he just doesn’t.”

“Well, I still think he should GO TALK TO HIS BOYFRIEND,” Poe shouted towards Ben’s bedroom. Finn groaned.

The door swung open forcefully, hitting the wall with a loud smack as Ben pulled it open. Ben hovered in the doorway but he looked furious. “Fuck off, Poe! You don’t know anything about this!”

“Because you won’t tell me!” Poe flinched a bit, but shot back his reply. He pleaded with Ben, though Finn tried to stop him. “If you just tell us what happened-“

“And I told you, I don’t want to fucking talk about it! Get out of my apartment!”

It was disheartening, how Poe seemed to shrink back every time Ben pushed him away. “Ben, we’re just trying to help-“

“Really? cause you’re not!”

 “If you would just talk to us-“

But it was more worrying that Ben kept getting angrier. They’d already been hearing smashing from inside his room. “If you would just _fuck off!_ ”

They were standing toe to toe, Ben having stalked out of his room. Poe stood to match him, but even with his good intentions Finn knew he wasn’t helping himself. Pushing Poe back down on to the couch, Finn herded Ben into his room, eager to put some distance between them before Ben did something else he’d regret.

“Dude, what’s your problem?” Finn asked, closing the door.

“My problem?” Ben whipped around, and Finn realized too late that it might’ve been the wrong thing to say. “My _problem_ is no one will leave me the FUCK _ALONE_!”

The anger rolled off of him in waves, but Ben seemed to deflate after that. He dropped down on his bed and pulled a pillow to his chest. “Just leave me alone,” he muttered.

Finn sighed and shook his head. After months of dealing with Ben’s temper tantrums at work, Finn was all but immune to it. He was glad that Ben let him go so easily for once, instead of talking his ear off about every little thing wrong. But he hesitated as he reached for the door.

 “You know what,” Finn said. “Fuck you.”

Ben turned his head and glared over his shoulder, but didn’t respond.

“Fuck you. I listened to you go on about Hux for _months_ , and then it all blows up in your face and you decide to just fucking quit?” Finn turned around. He was angry. “You wasted my time ranting about Hux, then mooning over him, then bragging about him, but you can’t even get over yourself long enough to _do_ something about what happened!”

Ben pushed himself up, “You don’t know any-“

“Yes, I do!” Finn interrupted. “I was there for all of it. I worked five days a week, eight-to-five, just like you. I worked on the same floor, thirty feet away, and you can bet your ass I heard it every single time you two started screaming at each other or laughing too hard. You know how many times I accidentally walked in on you two sucking face? The image is permanently burned into my brain. So, yeah, I do know something. I know everything. If I wasn’t there to see it, for some god-forsaken reason, you decided it was a good idea to _tell me about it_.”

Finn took a breath. He felt drained. He wasn’t used to lashing out like that, but Ben wasn’t stopping him. He looked rather shocked, actually.

“I couldn’t care less what happens to you,” Finn said, voice low and a little hoarse now that he’d finished yelling. “You’ve always been a dick to me, so why should I care if you’re heartbroken for the rest of your life? But you know who does care? Poe, Rey, Ms. Phasma, Mr. Mitaka, _your boyfriend_. I know you’ve heard me talk about how he won’t let anyone touch your stuff. Even when I went to get your wallet and phone, he had Mr. Mitaka watch me to make sure that was all I took. He still cares about you, even though you hurt him. So, you need to talk to him. You owe him that much.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Ben gripped the pillow in his lap, not meeting Finn’s eyes.”

“You haven’t tried.”

“Yes, I have!” Ben yelled. Then, softer, “You were there. You saw what happened.”

Finn sighed and leaned back against the door. “No, I saw you both panicking. Of course he didn’t want to talk to you right then; he was panicking. You were panicking. But it’s been a month. You’ve both had time to calm down and think, so now you need to go back to the office and talk to him.”

Finn paused, waiting for Ben to say something, but Ben’s reply was to lay down and ignore Finn again. “Not talking to him is what got you into this mess in the first place, right? So just…talk to him.”

He left Ben’s room, and dropped back down on the couch next to Poe. Whatever happened between them was having an effect on everyone. Even at the office, Finn saw a noticeable shift in attitude. The office felt like it wasn’t moving without Hux there, and even when he came back it was like trudging through a thick swamp.

Hux was a shell of his former self, living off of his work and take out from PandaExpress. Ben wasn’t much better. Rey said, he hadn’t left the apartment in days. The one time he did, he left and didn’t come back until 1 AM, eyes red and puffy from crying.

Poe looked at him sympathetically, and Finn knew he heard everything that was said. “You don’t really hate him.”

“It would be easier if I did,” Finn muttered. He just wanted his friends to be alright. Was that so much to ask?

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ben stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He re-adjusted his tie for the tenth time that morning before ripping it off and deciding to just not wear one. His hands combed through his hair because it never seemed to fall as perfectly as he needed it to. He fidgeted with his sleeves, unsure of whether to roll them up or leave them down.

When Rey knocked on the door, he muttered a soft “yeah,” to let her in, still trying to figure out his sleeves. She pulled his hands away and neatly rolled them up to his elbows. When she finished, she slipped an arm around his waist and joined Ben in scrutinizing his outfit.

“You look good,” She said.

A little voice in his head doubted her. Black and grey might be a little dramatic. Maybe Hux would appreciate khakis more. “Are you sure I shouldn’t just go with jeans or-“

“Ben, you look fine. Your slacks are fine. Your button-down color is fine. It’s okay. You can do this.”

Ben looked at her in the mirror, eyebrows drawn together. He squeezed her in a side hug, but she pulled him into a proper one.

“Hey, come on. It’s not like you’re shipping off to war or anything.”

“Feels like it,” Ben muttered.

They stood there for a moment, Ben taking comfort in his cousin’s reassurance.

“Does it really?” Rey asked. For once her voice sounded small, quiet.

“Nah,” Ben said. “Feels worse.”

And it did, in some ways. At least when he was training for war, there was certainty. He would be a hero whether he died in the field or came back in pieces. Even though he never got to fight, he at least knew what to expect. This was different. This was uncertain.

He didn’t know what he would say, or how Hux would react. There were so many ways it could go and no reassurance of one outcome or another. It scared him, but he couldn’t back out. Finn’s words stayed with him for days because Ben knew he was right. He owed Hux an explanation. Not saying anything made things bad, staying silent would only make it worse.

That didn’t stop his hands from shaking as he pressed the elevator button to the 60th floor. That didn’t stop his palms from sweating when the doors opened and everyone turned to look at him. The whispers started as soon as he stepped out, and Ben almost wished he’d come towards the end of the day, when most of the office had gone home.

A hand on his shoulder jolted Ben out of his thoughts. Finn stood beside him, worry on his face and concern in his eyes. He hadn’t meant all of what he said to Ben, not really. If he did, he wouldn’t have nudged Ben forward and whispered “good luck.”

Ben stepped closer to his old desk, to the lie that he kept up for so long, but he was stopped short by Mitaka. He stood in Ben’s way, glaring him down like a warning. Ben flinched back. He didn’t run, but his body tensed in preparation for another well-deserved slap. It never came, however. All Ben heard was a quiet voice whisper “Doph, let him go.” Searching for the voice, Ben found Phasma looking back at him. Unlike Mitaka, her gaze was weary, tired. She didn’t stop Ben, rather she motioned him on then called for the rest of the office to stop staring.

The momentary distraction was gone as soon as it appeared, but Ben found himself wishing Mitaka had actually slapped him again, that Phasma hadn’t stopped him. Doubt clawed at him like a monster in the shadows. What if Hux didn’t want to listen to him? What if Hux had already made up his mind about everything and wanted nothing to do with him?

Picking up one of the picture frames from his desk, Ben wiped the dust off of the glass. The picture Ben held made his heart ache. It was from their first date, when they stayed in at the office and pretended they were teenagers. Ben insisted that they take a selfie to commemorate the night. Hux had grumbled about it, but eventually gave in. Even though he tried to frown, Ben could still see the corners of his mouth upturned as picture-Hux rolled his eyes at picture-Matt.

It had only been a month, but everything was covered in a thin layer of dust. It looked frozen in time, untouched by anyone. He hesitated for a moment, but then Ben dared to look up through the glass doors. There sat Hux, typing away at his computer like he would’ve been any other day. Even through the glass, he could see the bags under Hux’s eyes, the annoyance obvious on his face directed at whatever he was typing. It was like he hadn’t been away for a month. It was like everything was exactly the same.

Only it wasn’t.

Hux glanced over at him, but their eye met only for a second before he went back to his work. Then he did a double take and froze. Ben’s heart beat loud in his chest as they looked at each other. He couldn’t move, he didn’t want to, but he did anyway. No matter how much his hands shook, no matter how much his heart ached, no matter what ended up happening, Ben needed to talk to Hux. He owed him that much.

So, with shaky hands, Ben pushed the glass doors open. Hux stood, as if to greet him, but he didn’t move from behind his desk. Ben stepped inside and closed the door, but he didn’t move any further than that.

It was tense then, neither of them knowing what to say or how to say it. But it was all there, sitting between them. _‘I’m sorry.’ ‘I miss you.’ ‘Forgive me.’ ‘Don’t leave.’_  Were they his words, or Hux’s? Ben couldn’t tell, but he saw it on Hux’s face and felt it on his tongue.

“Hi,” Ben said instead. “Hey, Hux.”

Hux let out a choked off sob, hand flying to his mouth to muffle the sound. Even with tears welling in his eyes, dark circles, and probably days old clothes, Hux still looked just as beautiful as Ben remembered. It had been a month, but it hadn’t felt like it until Ben was standing there, finally laying eyes on the man he’d missed like hell.

He wanted to reach out. He wanted to run to Hux and hold him in his arms and whisper his apologies against those lips that he’s spend too long without. But he didn’t. He waited for Hux to say something, anything. He watched Hux’s mouth gape as he tried to find the words, and braced himself for the worst. It didn’t seem to matter.

It still felt like a stab to his chest when Hux whispered, “Get out.”

“Hux-“

“No, GET OUT!” Hux screamed, and Ben flinched back. Hux tried to hold himself together, but Ben could see him breaking down.

“Just five minutes,” Ben pleaded. He could feel the panic rising, but he breathed through it. There was no time to panic now.

“I…” Hux tried to say, but he trailed off and fell back into his chair. Ben didn’t miss how Hux kept looking away from him, and it was only then that he realized Hux hadn’t thrown out old blond wig. It was neatly displayed on the side of Hux’s desk, and Hux kept glancing at it like it would magically put itself on Ben’s head. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Had Hux been thinking about him? Was that what he meant? Because Ben hadn’t called, hadn’t texted at all. He took another step closer to Hux’s desk, then a few more when Hux didn’t protest. “Please, just – I’m sorry.”

Hux couldn’t seem to decide whether he wanted to stare at Ben or never see him again. It seemed to pain him to see Ben, but at the same time, there was such longing every time their eyes met. His hands balled up in fists repeatedly, thinking, deciding what to do.

“Hux?”

“Shut up. You’re going to answer my questions and then you’re going to leave,” Hux said, voice wavering. “Who are you?”

He stared Ben down, then, waiting for his answer. There were hard lines drawn all over his face as he did his best to look bold and intimidating, but Ben knew him too well to believe it. “Well?” Hux pressed. “Answer me, or I’ll have security throw you out.”

“Ben Solo,” Ben said, taking another step forward. “My name is Benjamin Chewbacca Organa-Solo. I’m Han and Leia’s kid, from the New Republic Company.”

Hux considered that for a moment, then looked to the blond wig. “Was there ever…?”

“No, there’s no – I mean, I’m Matt, but he’s…He’s a guy that I made up. There’s no Matt Calrissian, not _really_ , and I’m not related to Lando. But he still insists on me calling him ‘Uncle Lando.’”

“And Kylo Ren?”

“Stage name.”

Hux sat back in his chair and looked out the window. Ben could see his face a little better in the sunlight. He looked so tired, and Ben wondered how long it had been since he last slept. He worried, suddenly, that the stress was too much and Hux had started working late nights again. There was a blanket draped over the back of the couch that Ben hoped was only there for decoration.

“Why work as Matt? Why not Ben?”

“I get recognized as Ben, and…well, like employers recognized me,” Ben explained, “I started working at the club first, three years ago when I came to New York. I was popular, and as it turns out, a lot of people recognized me, too. Well, they recognized Kylo. I needed to start working day jobs for Rey, my cousin. She’s going to Columbia, and it’s expensive as shit.”

Hux still wasn’t looking at him, but he didn’t interrupt Ben. He inched closer to Hux’s desk as he spoke, “But it’s hard to keep a job when everyone recognizes you as the local stripper. Apparently, it was ‘ _unethical_ ’ to employ me. When I wasn’t fired for that, then it was ‘cause I broke something, or I quit cause someone started connecting the dots back to my parents. So, I made up Matt, and then it was just the breaking things part that I got fired for…I just – I need to work so she can go to school. I never got the chance, but she has it. So…”

Ben trailed off, and it was silent for a moment. He watched Hux roll a pen between his fingers, and thought about how much he wanted to reach out and kiss him. When Hux finally looked back at Ben, he jumped back a bit, not expecting Ben to be so close.

“Dameron started working at the club around the same time you started here. Was that planned?”

“Oh, yeah…well…” Ben rubbed the back of his neck, a bit embarrassed. “I needed a decent paying job, and he was getting bored here anyway. He set it up so you’d need a secretary as soon as possible and put my application at the top of the stack.”

The stretches of silence between each question seemed to grow longer and longer. It felt deafening, nerve-wrecking because Ben had no idea what Hux would say to him next. Rationally, he tried to tell himself that Hux was just thinking about what he said, thinking of other things to ask him, but he was afraid that Hux might not like his answers and throw him out.

“Was any of it real?” Hux asked.

The question caught Ben off guard. “What?”

“Were you…did you really want me, or was that just pretend, too?” Tears welled in Hux’s eyes. He couldn’t stop his voice from wavering as he spoke. The tears streamed down his cheeks, but Hux stared out the window again. His arms were wrapped around himself protectively, and his breathing was too steady, like he was trying not to let Ben see him break. “Did you ever really care, or was it all just some scheme to get me to – to pay you more or go easier on you?”

Ben was shocked that Hux even asked that. It physically hurt to hear Hux’s doubt. Had he thought that this whole time? Had he been wondering if Ben was just playing some cruel joke on him for months on end?

“No, no…Hux I – “ But Ben didn’t know how to convince him otherwise. “It was real. I swear it was all real. I – I cared, I _still_ care. I…You mean so much to me. I swear Hux, please. I really wanted you. I swear it was real.”

“Then, why didn’t you _tell_ _me_?” Hux whispered the words, trying and failing not to let his voice break.

“Because I…” Ben took a breath to steady himself. He needed to, or he might’ve started crying too. “I was scared…I was scared that you’d hate me. I mean, the people at my other jobs did; when they found out Ben was actually Kylo Ren, the stripper. I just – I didn’t want you to…but I guess it doesn’t matter now.”

Hux didn’t respond, but Ben waited. He waited, and waited. Then suddenly, Hux rose from his seat, rounded his desk, and stopped right in front of Ben. Ben opened his mouth to say something, but then his head snapped to the side.

Hux slapped him. His cheek stung from the force of it, but he didn’t try to fight back. It was something he deserved. Honestly, he was surprised Hux hadn’t stood up and slapped him earlier.

“I can’t believe you had the nerve,” There were still tears streaming down Hux’s face, but his voice was harder, angrier. “I trusted you and you fucking lied to me.”

“Do you even – fuck – I hated…I had to pick,” Hux told him. “Between you, and…between Matt and Kylo and…Do you know how hard that was? I thought maybe, just _maybe_ I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should’ve picked Kylo. Maybe – maybe I shouldn’t have picked either of you. And now you’re _fucking_ telling me…Now, you’re telling me that I could’ve been spared all of that, but you were too fucking _scared_ to say anything.”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck – then go! Just fucking go,” Hux turned away, wiping furiously at his eyes.

Ben couldn’t move, he didn’t want to. So, that was it, then. Ben’s job was finished. He did what he came to do. He explained everything to Hux, gave him all of the answers he wanted. Some part of him had hoped that Hux wouldn’t be mad. He hoped that Hux would just forgive him and things could go back to the way they were. But he knew it couldn’t.

“Did you hear me?” Hux said again. “I said, go back to your desk, Ma-…Ben. Go back to your desk, Ben.”

“What?”

“Your desk. Go back to it,” Hux paused for a moment, then turned around to face Ben. He looked calmer but just barely. “One’s personal life should not interfere with his professional. It was…inappropriate for me to fire you as I did. Your old job is still yours if you want it.”

The whiplash of emotions was almost too jarring for Ben to comprehend everything. Hux was giving him his job back, but he was still mad, but if he was keeping Ben around then they still had a chance.

Ben smiled. It wasn’t a very big smile, but it was just enough for him to get by. “Thank you,” he whispered, reaching out to pull Hux into his arms. “Thank you.”

But Hux shied away. “I’m giving you your job back, not forgiving you.”

“…Right,” Ben said. So, that was how it was going to be. Cold, professional, everything it should’ve been to begin with. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, just…go,” Hux said, turning towards his desk.

He was so tense, so hurt, but Ben didn’t know if there was anything he could do to help. Maybe he’d done enough, he thought as he started to leave. Maybe it would be better to just take the job and keep his distance, like he was supposed to the first time.

But for one moment, just one moment, Ben wanted to be selfish. He wanted to hold Hux and pretend that nothing had gone wrong, that they were happy, that he hadn’t messed up. So, before he could stop himself, Ben turned around and pecked Hux on his cheek.

Gently, Ben kissed him, because it might be the last time he’d be able to. But at least, for that moment, he could pretend that it was just another day, that nothing had gone wrong. In that moment, he could pretend that they’d just seen each other the day before, but Ben whispered “I missed you,” anyway.

And when he walked away, he imagined Hux looking back on him, fingers brushing his cheek, and a smile gracing his face. He pretended he could hear Hux scolding him for saying something so ridiculous. He told himself he wasn’t crying.

Maybe, just maybe it was better that way. Maybe they were never supposed to be together in the first place. Ben blinked the tears away, trying to dust off all of the things on his desk. The rest of the office pretended like they weren’t staring, but Ben could feel their gaze anyway. Maybe it was better that way.

 

But maybe, just maybe, Ben happened to miss the way Hux’s fingers brushed his cheek. Maybe he missed the way Hux’s shoulders finally relaxed or how he scolded himself for being so ridiculous. Maybe he missed the smile that Hux fought to keep off of his face.

 

Maybe it was better that way, but then again, maybe he just missed a few things.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's how the next few weeks are gonna play out. I'm furiously writing the next three chapters as we speak, because I'm going to China on Saturday, and I'll be there for the next 2 1/2 weeks. For those of you who don't know, China's super big about censorship, so there are a lot of websites that they block. I'm not sure if AO3 and Tumblr are blocked, but I'm willing to bet that they are.
> 
> So! I'm going to see if one of my friends would be willing to post the next few chapters for me. If not, then that's why chapters aren't showing up, and you'll get all of them when I get back, regardless of whether or not it's a Monday. Honestly, I probably could've just waited until I got back to start posting again, but I wanted to give you all _something_. So. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll see you in a few weeks!


	13. Say You Won't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PREVIOUSLY ON BETWEEN THE LINES: 
> 
> Ben and Hux's relationship took a turn for the worst. With Ben's big secret revealed, Hux threw him out and didn't look back. Ben thought their relationship was done for, but in a shocking turn of events, Hux gave him his job back.
> 
> Can Hux ever forgive Ben for what he did? Will Ben's past finally be revealed? Why are these descriptions getting harder to write?!
> 
> Find out now in Chapter 13: Say You Won't Let Go

 

 

There was a knock at Hux’s office door. “Sir, meeting in ten,” Ben said.

“Alright, thank you,” Hux replied without looking up from his computer. He resisted, actually, but his self-restraint wasn’t as strong as he liked to believe it was.

After a moment or two of staring at his email and reading the same sentence three times over, he dared to take a glance at the door. Ben was still standing there, watching him with a shadow of a smile on his face. As soon as their eyes met, Ben looked away and pretended he hadn’t been looking.

“I – uh – was there anything else you needed? For the meeting?” He asked, still standing in the door way.

“No,” Hux told him, standing. He gulped. He pretended he wasn’t affected by Ben’s gaze. He gathered his tablet and other important folders that he’d need. “But we should go now.”

Ben didn’t say anything else but held the door open for Hux, following him with his own tablet in hand. They didn’t talk, but the silence was companionable. At least, Hux thought so. Every once in a while, he’d catch Ben’s eye, but they never held each other’s gaze for more than a moment.

“The copies?” Hux asked suddenly.

“Done, and set already set up in the meeting room.”

“Powerpoint?”

“Ready. You can access it from your tablet or I’ll control it as you talk.”

“Refreshments?”

“All laid out. I got a veggie plate, fruit plate, coffee, water, and some fudge bars for Mr. Fett.”

Hux smiled as they walked into the meeting room. Ben had been at the top of his game since Hux let him come back. “Machete?”

Ben chuckled. Mandalorian Goods and Co. was notoriously difficult to deal with. Hux often said that they could never be reasoned with until one held a knife to their throat.

“Taped it under the table, in front of your seat,” Ben joked, sitting to Hux’s left.

“Excellent,” Hux’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Thank you, Ben. – Ah! Ladies, gentlemen, please come in. Have a seat. There are refreshments available if you’d like them. We will begin shortly.”

Hux greeted his guests as they filed into the room. The meeting and negotiations about their continued partnership started not long after.

It was comfortable, the routine of it all. He attended meetings, negotiated deals, made appearances at parties, and Ben was there by his side for all of it. In some ways, it was like nothing had changed. Ben worked just as diligently as Matt had, if not more. The company was thriving, Hux had stopped spending so many nights working until the sun came up again.

But other things would never be the same.

Sometimes, Hux looked at Ben and wondered why he couldn’t let go. He didn’t have to give Ben his job back. He wasn’t who Hux had fallen for. Ben was not the men Hux spent months getting to know, not really.

It was a moment of weakness, but then Hux wondered why, sometimes, he could still feel his heart racing. If that weakness only lasted a moment, then shouldn’t he know how to feel about Ben? Shouldn’t he know by now where they stood?

Hux dared to look at him when he should’ve been paying attention to the meeting. He was handsome. Though Hux always thought that, it was easier to tell without the wig and glasses and in proper lighting. Sometimes, when he was sure Ben wasn’t looking, Hux counted all of the moles he could see. He’d never thought to do it before, but lately he’d spent a lot of time staring.

“But only if that’s up to your standards, Mr. Hux,” Mr. Fett said from the opposite end of the table.

Hux froze. He should’ve been paying attention. Slowly, he looked to Mr. Fett with a scowl on his face, trying to make it look like he was contemplating whatever was just said. “We’ll see,” Hux said.

In his hands, his tablet flashed with a message:

_‘Shared profit distribution = 80/20. Xtra profit used 2 set up charity.’_

“I’m sure my lawyers will enjoy looking over your project plans. Charities are full of opportunities for corruption and deception,” Hux spoke as soon as he read the message. The glare he received in return told him he hit the mark.

As Mr. Fett started rambling about something else Hux looked to Ben. He’d sent the message, Hux’s tablet told him as much, but Ben didn’t bother looking to Hux for any sort of thanks. He supposed there wasn’t a reason for him to. Ben was just doing his job, after all. Still, Hux found himself expecting a knowing smirk, a cheeky glance, or something.

Reclining in his seat, Hux crossed his legs and settled in, preparing to deal with whatever ridiculous notion Mr. Fett was about to pitch to him next. Only, his leg brushed something under the table.

Ben’s eyes flickered over to him, and it was enough to make Hux suspicious. Trying to look as natural as possible, Hux ran his hand under the table. He definitely encountered _something_ , but he wasn’t sure what it was until his fingers touched cold, sharp metal.

His eyes must’ve widened in shock or maybe he gasped, because Ben suddenly broke down laughing, well disguised as coughs. It drew the attention of the room, giving Hux enough time to properly grope around and confirm that Ben _actually_ taped a machete to the underside of the table.

Instinctively, he glared at Ben, which only made the man laugh harder. Ben had to excuse himself from the room, leaving their guests thoroughly confused.

“A medical condition,” Hux lied, trying to pull their attention back to the meeting. “He’ll be fine. You were saying, Mr. Fett?”

The rest of the meeting passed fairly smoothly, if one could call shutting down an attempted collusion in the market*. Hux sighed with relief as the last few guests from Mando Co. finally left. They’d definitely overstayed their welcome, and he was glad to have them out of his hair. However, there was still one issue that needed his attention.

Ducking back into the meeting room, Hux crawled under the table and freed the machete from its bindings. After freeing it of all of the left-over tape, it was obvious that the machete was a Mando Co. product. Hux sighed in frustration.

“You. My office. Now,” He commanded Ben, pointing with the machete as he entered his office. He tried desperately to ignore the way his stomach fluttered at the huge grin Ben flashed him. “That was inappropriate.”

“It was funny!” Ben protested. “Come on, you were laughing.”

“Was I? What if one of the Mando Co. people had found this? What if Mr. Fett had found it?” Hux asked, waving the machete around. Ben backed up a few steps, but Hux pretended not to notice, and tried not to smile. “Would it have been funny then?”

“But they didn’t find it,” Ben tried to reassure him. “It’s fine, Hux – I mean – sorry, Mr. Hux…” Ben’s smile started to fade as he realized how casual he was being.

The mood broke, then. Hux sighed. He hated hearing Ben address him like that. It sounded wrong coming from him. It was too formal, too distant, but somehow, they’d silently agreed on it. That’s what their relationship had become: professional and distant, just like it was always supposed to be.

Hux hated it.

“Look Ben,” Hux said, lowering the machete. “Don’t do that again. We can’t have guests from other companies thinking we’re mocking them or, worse, threatening them.”

“Yes, Mr. Hux. It won’t happen again.”

Hux’s heart broke, then. God, he hated it when Ben sounded like that. It was just sentimentality, he tried to tell himself. The only reason why it bothered him was because Hux was used to hearing that voice call him fondly, call him sweetly, sensually. It was better that they didn’t try to be anything more than professional. But better for whom, he wondered. It certainly didn’t feel better for him. Maybe Ben preferred it, but Hux doubted that, too.

“It better not…or I may have to use this on you,” Hux waved the machete in Ben’s direction with a glare that he didn’t mean and a half-smile that he hoped was enough.

The relief he felt when Ben smiled at his joke was almost enough to make him melt. Then…then he didn’t know. They stood there, half-smiling at each other, both of them waiting for the other to say something first. It had happened often enough for Hux to know that it was happening, but he never knew what to do.

There was something else that existed there. Tension, awkwardness, hesitance; all of it made both of them so unsure of what to do, but Hux just wished he knew what to say. He wasn’t sure that he’d forgiven Ben yet. He wasn’t sure he wanted to, but he had the feeling that he already did.

A knock at his office door saved them from any further tension. They broke apart at the intrusion, as if they were just caught making out despite being a few feet away from each other. Phasma looked at them questioningly, but Ben excused himself before Phasma could question him. He gave Hux one last smile before he left.

“Was the meeting that bad?” Phasma asked, looking at him warily.

“What? Oh,” Hux put the machete down on his desk. He needed to figure out where Ben got it from. “No, Ben just…the meeting was fine.”

“So, you have a machete because…?”

“Ben decided it would be funny to tape a machete under the table, just in case I needed it while dealing with Mando Co.”

“Ah.”

“Don’t,” Hux warned, seeing the smile spreading across her face.

“But it is,” she said, giggling.

“It really isn’t.”

“But just imagine: You, wielding a machete, versus six men and women, all far more fit than you.”

“I work out!” Hux protested, though he couldn’t remember if he actually exercised since his divorce.

“Please, your aerobic dance classes do _not_ build muscle.”

“Stamina and flexibility are just as important.”

“For _some_ things, I suppose so. Although, you haven’t had to use them for a while now. Has it been two months already?”

Hux went scarlet at her question. “I – Sex isn’t the answer to everything, Charlize.”

“Yes, but you spent a month moping about your divorce and your boyfriend, and then you spend another two months _avoiding_ said boyfriend,” She sat down on his couch, making it obvious that he wasn’t about to get out of the conversation any time soon.

Hux glanced at Ben through the glass to make sure he wasn’t listening. “I haven’t been avoiding him,” He told her without meeting her gaze. “And he’s _not_ my boyfriend.”

“Really? I don’t remember you breaking up with him.”

“What?” Hux asked. He sat himself an armchair across from her, sinking down in the chair.

“I know you’ve been trying to figure out how to feel about him,” she started, sounding serious for once. “But no matter what name he goes by, he’s the same guy. You started dating him, and, as far as I know, you two never broke up.”

Hux bit his lip but didn’t reply. She was right, and he knew it. He had known it for a while, but some part of him had a hard time accepting that. Surely it couldn’t be that easy. He’d gotten to know two different people, after all, and Ben was someone completely separate from Matt and Kylo…only he wasn’t.

They were all the same person, and Hux saw more and more similarities every day. He was as diligent as Matt and as daring as Kylo. Only Matt would’ve had the idea to actually put a machete under the table, but Kylo was the one with enough gall to actually do it. Though he could still pick out which traits and actions belonged to Matt and which belonged to Kylo, it was getting harder and harder to do. More often than not, he was just Ben.

What was he so afraid of, then? Maybe he was scared of letting himself have the kind of happiness he knew Ben could give him. Maybe he thought he didn’t deserve it. Or, maybe he’d lost so much, he was afraid that if he acknowledged Ben, Hux might lose him, too.

“Even if you’re not ready to re-commit to your relationship, you need to at least stop talking to the guy like he’s _only_ your secretary. Everyone knows you two are more than that,” Phasma said.

But if he did that, it would make everything so real. Hux wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. Or, worse, what if he was? What if he was ready for it and Ben didn’t want him anymore? What if he realized what Scilla did, that Hux was useless, weak, and unworthy?

The thoughts seemed to fester, clawing at the edge of his mind. “No,” he told Phasma. “It’s better if we just – if we remain strictly professional.”

“Better for who?” She questioned, leaning forward. “For you, or your image? Because I’ve seen you staring at him, and I can assure you that it looks anything but professional. If you’re going to break ethical conduct, then you might as well be happy about it.”

She left him with that, tacking on that he needed to talk to him “properly” before the end of the day. Hux took one long look at Ben through his office doors and decided that Phasma’s advice was terrible. He didn’t need to be anything but professional with Ben. Maybe he wasn’t happy, but he’d divorced his wife three months ago and still trying to get over his boyfriend who he maybe hadn’t broken up with. That was reason enough to continue not talking to Ben, right?

Only, for the rest of the day, Hux couldn’t stop thinking about it. He stole more glances at Ben than he should have, walked in and out of his office for no reason other than catching Ben’s eye; there was a voice in the back of his head telling him what a terrible idea it would be to talk to Ben. It said he’d only be bothering Ben. It told him to go home, have a drink, have a smoke, sleep and forget.

Against his better judgement, Hux stopped in front of Ben’s desk right before five. The office was almost empty, and Ben was getting ready to leave, but Hux needed to do it.

“Mr. Hux?” Ben asked, looking up at Hux.

Hux could just go home. He could forget about Ben, drink his problems away, and smoke until every breath tasted like tobacco, but where would that get him? Maybe he was afraid, but he needed to know exactly who Ben was. He needed to know where they stood.

“What are you doing this weekend, Ben?” Hux asked. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, but Hux stood fast. He needed to know who Ben was, and this was the best way to do it.

“Um, not much,” Ben said, “I have to – well, I’m _working_ this weekend. You know what I mean…but if you needed me for something, I can clear my schedule.”

So, he was still working at the club, then? Briefly Hux wondered if he’d found someone else, if Kylo had taken anyone else to bed, but he stopped that train of thought before it could get too out of hand.

“No – well…” Hux looked away, trying to find the words. Was it always so hard to do this? It had been too long since Hux last had to ask. “I was wondering if you…if you might like to go on a date this Saturday?”

“I – really?” Ben sounded astonished.

Hux’s hands were shaking. He was afraid that Ben was angry, that he’d broken their silent agreement not to cross anymore lines. But when he looked back, he saw the exact opposite.

“Yeah. Yes, I’d love to,” Ben said. The gentlest smile spread across his face, but it held so much joy. It seemed like Ben was just as surprised as Hux was with what just happened. “Um, what time?”

“Can I pick you up at two?”

“Yeah, I’ll text you my address.”

“Alright.”

“Cool.”

“Very.”

They smiled at each other and Hux felt like he was flying. Maybe he was making the right choice. Ben deserved a chance. And, maybe it was only because his heart was fluttering in his chest, but Hux thought it wouldn’t be so bad if Ben turned out to be wonderful.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then, Mr. Hux,” Ben rounded his desk and stood in front of Hux.

“Yes, tomorrow,” Hux replied.

They didn’t kiss, or hug, or even shake hands. Hux was shaking a little too much for that, but he could manage a smile. It would have to be enough for now. Then, Ben turned to leave.

 

“Armitage,” Hux said suddenly.

Ben stopped and looked back. “Um…what?”

Hux crossed his arms across his body. Suddenly, he couldn’t meet Ben’s eyes. “You should call me ‘Armitage,’” he said. “We’re going on a date, so it’s only appropriate that we use our first names. Besides, I already address you by your first name, so…”

He dared to look up and see Ben’s reaction. Some part of him expected Ben to be repulsed, though he didn’t know why. He expected Ben to think it was a stupid request because he’d only ever called Hux ‘Hux.’ So, he looked up expecting the worst, but Ben looked at him like Hux hung his moon and stars. It was more than Hux could handle, but he couldn’t bear to look away. There was no other way to describe it.

“Armitage,” Ben said, grinning. He hesitated, mouth open like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure if he should. The words were spoken anyway.“I like it. It rolls off the tonged; sounds foreign and sexy.”

Hux rolled his eyes, fighting the smile spreading across his face. “Go home, _Ben_.”

“As you wish, _Armitage_ ,” Ben made a show of bowing to Hux.

All of it felt familiar and good. Hux was amazed. He hadn’t felt so light in a long time. For the first time in months, it was like whatever was weighing him down was gone. He liked it. If that’s how Ben could make him feel all of the time, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having him around. Maybe everything would be okay.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Maybe he should just cancel the date and go home.

Twisting his hands on the steering wheel, Hux tried to calm himself down, but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking and his heart wouldn’t stop racing. The date seemed like a good idea when he first asked Ben, but waking up that morning, Hux was clammy, distracted, nervous. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all.

Hux looked down at his phone for the umpteenth time and then back at the building he was parked in front of. This was definitely the address Ben had given him, but Hux almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The old, run down building wasn’t what he was expecting at all.

Finally, with three minutes to spare, Hux decided that he should give Ben a proper greeting and go to his door instead of texting him. The elevator wasn’t working which meant he’d get to take the long way to Ben’s door. After climbing three flights of stairs, Hux wondered if Ben would’ve been mad with a text instead of Hux going to his door. Six flights up, Hux decided that he definitely needed to start going to his aerobic dance classes again. When he finally reached the eighth floor, Hux was out of breath and feeling like he was about to collapse. His legs were shaking a bit, and he could’ve sword the old lady that passed him on the way up looked like the owner of Kanji Klub.

“Hang in there,” She told him, slapping him on the back as they reached the eighth floor and she continued up.

Hux stumbled down the hall, looking for door 8C. It wasn’t hard to locate, but Hux almost wished it had been. Maybe then he would’ve had more time to calm himself. His heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest as he raised his hand to knock on the door.

But before his hand even reached the door, it swung open.

“You’re late!” Shouted the girl who opened it. “It’s two-oh-seven.”

Hux blinked down at her. He’s sure her name was something like “Rey.” She glared up at him with enough intensity to send a chill down his spine.

“Forgive me,” he said, regarding her warily. “I wasn’t expecting the elevator to be broken.”

“It’s been broken,” she said, still glaring at him.

“Ah, I see.”

She didn’t let him in, not right away at least. For some reason, she didn’t seem to like him. Previously, when they met on Ben’s birthday, she didn’t seem to have a problem with him, although a lot had happened since then. When she finally did step aside to let him in the door, it was only because Ben called to her from inside the apartment.

“Sit there,” She commanded, pointing at the couch.

Hux followed her instructions, but took his time to look around their apartment. It wasn’t the same one he remembered. They’d definitely moved, but Hux wasn’t so sure if it made any improvement. Even though he didn’t remember too much of their old apartment, Hux knew this one was bigger, but that seemed to be the only good thing. There were stains on some of the walls, the floor boards squeaked, the paint on the walls was peeling; to Hux, the place didn’t seem suitable to live in at all.

Some of their decorations remained the same, however. The pictures were still by the door and there were still too many magnets on the fridge (that he noticed were organized quite neatly). There was also a Christmas tree in one corner of the living room. It was far too large to fit in the tiny apartment, and the top of it bent over where it touched the ceiling. It was still fully decorated, even though it was the middle of July, but looking around, Hux supposed they wouldn’t have anywhere to put it if they took the thing apart.

Rey sat down on the coffee table, right in front of him and continued glaring. She looked him up and down, sneering as she looked over his clothes. Hux got the feeling he was being judged by this small angry child, and wondered if what he was feeling was the kind of fear that he put into the hearts of his employees when they did something wrong. The sharp lines of her face made her look terrifying, though Hux knew she wouldn’t hurt him for Ben’s sake…or, he hoped she wouldn’t.

“So, _Armitage_ ,” She started. He didn’t like how she said his name. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you. Yourself?” Hux sat with his back straight, trying not to be intimidated by her. If he recalled his conversations with Ben from months ago, she was only nineteen. How bad could she be?

“Fine. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Parking ticket? Pulled over by the cops?”

“…No-“

“What about jail?” She interrupted, leaning closer to him. Hux shifted back ever so slightly. “Have you been? I’ve heard it’s terrible.”

“No, I’ve never-“

“Have you ever stolen anything?”

“No-“

“Shoplifted?”

“What-“

“Pirated a movie?”

“Why are you-“

“Lied about something important?”

Hux couldn’t answer her then. To some extent, he knew she was just looking out for Ben. All of her questions sounded like something a parent would ask the boy who came to take their daughter out on a date. But her final question was too close to the truth, and she knew it.

“So,” She asked, finally leaning back and giving Hux some space. Somehow, she could see right through him. “What’d you lie about?”

“Rey, stop torturing him!” Ben said. His bedroom door swung open, and he stepped out, saving Hux from having to answer. “Ignore her, she’s just messing around.”

Ben looked like he walked out of a magazine cover. He wasn’t wearing anything special, but Hux swore his heart skipped a beat. It definitely tightened in his chest. All of a sudden, he felt sick. His stomach wouldn’t stop flipping and he knew his face was flushed. Neither Ben nor Rey seemed to notice, but Hux wondered if he’d last through the date.

 “I am not!” She protested as Hux rose to meet Ben. “I’m making sure he’s good enough for you, and he’s not! He’s lying about something! He didn’t deny it when I asked him.”

“Sure, Rey. It’s not like he didn’t answer you because you were freaking him out.”

“I was not!”

“Were too!”

“Was not!”

“Were too!”

“Was no-“

Hux cleared his throat loudly to get their attention. Immediately, the two of them looked very embarrassed. Rey wasn’t wrong. There were still a few important things Hux had yet to tell Ben, but he wasn’t ready to say it yet. Not there, in front of his cousin, at least. It’s just that the way she worded it made him feel so guilty. He was lying.

“Shall we go, Ben?” Hux asked, eager to get away from the situation altogether.

“Yeah, uh, sorry…” Ben straightened out his clothes and walked with Hux towards the door. “Thanks for embarrassing me, Rey. I’ll be back later.”

“You’re welcome! Have fun on your date!” She beamed, then. Her smile was teasing enough to let Hux know her interrogation wasn’t serious, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Nor did the way she looked at him as she was closing the door. “I want him home by midnight.”

The last Hux saw of her was two of her fingers pointing back and forth between her eyes and Hux. He wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it wasn’t friendly.

“Is your cousin alright?” Hux asked, as they made their way down the stairs.

“Yeah, sorry about her. She just…she worries,” Ben’s eyes seemed distant, lost in a memory, but it lasted for only a moment. “Anyway, where are we going?”

 

Hux hadn’t had much of a plan when he asked Ben out. They drove for a bit, and for once, Hux was happy to sit in New York’s heavy traffic. It gave him time to think about where to take Ben.

They ended up in a mall in Boston, wandering, talking. But, for some reason, Hux could never make himself say more than a few words every time he replied to Ben. This date was something _he_ wanted. The whole point of it was to get to know Ben and figure out how he really felt. How could he do that if he was too afraid to even interact with him?

Hux felt a little bad. He should’ve spoken clearer, told Ben that their outing was supposed to be a get-to-know-you kind of thing. It was obvious that Ben was expecting a little more than that. Every now and then, their hands would brush. Abruptly, Hux would pull his hand back, heart beating hard in his chest. He knew it was too obvious for Ben not to notice, but he didn’t say anything about it.

It was just hard for Hux to let himself relax. He felt so on-edge and defensive, but against what, he didn’t know. For the sake of his sanity, Hux forced himself to stay calm. Browsing the various stores proved a good distraction, from his nerves at least.

“Hey, what do you think of this?” Ben asked, holding up a shirt with a single word written on it in small font.

“…Banana?” Hux had to squint to see what it said. Ben burst out laughing, but Hux had no idea what was so funny. “I don’t get it.”

“I know! It’s funny, right?” Ben stared at the shirt for another moment, looking like he wanted to take it, but he put the shirt back on the rack.

“Wait, don’t you want it?” Hux asked, looking between Ben and the shirt rack.

“Oh, uh, nah it’s fine. I don’t need any more shirts,” If he hadn’t been watching, then he might’ve missed it, but Hux saw Ben’s smile fade ever so slightly.

It didn’t make sense, not at first. If he liked the shirt, then he should buy it. What was the point in shopping if not to buy things that one likes? Then it dawned on him that Ben hadn’t bought anything yet even though they’d been walking around for almost two hours. They’d been to seven different stores, at least, and Hux was holding three shopping bags of his own, but Ben hadn’t bought anything. He’d showed Hux all of the clothes that he liked, picked up and smiled at the figurines in the comic book store, but he always put it back.

He didn’t have the money for it. Thinking about the state of Ben and Rey’s apartment, it should’ve been obvious, but Hux hadn’t noticed it immediately. Ben worked two jobs, wore beaten up converse and jeans to the office, and drove a shitty little accord (even though Hux knew he gifted Ben a porche). Hux knew he paid Ben well, but between rent in New York and paying for his cousin’s college tuition, Ben probably didn’t have money for anything other than weekly groceries.

Money was something Hux never had to worry about. It was always a secondary thing, something he knew would be there. If he wanted something, he bought it, but Ben didn’t have that luxury. He felt bad, then, for taking Ben there. It was mean of him.

“Uh, did you want the shirt?” Ben asked.

Hux looked over to him, realizing that he was holding the banana shirt in his hands. Without replying he walked over to the cashier and paid for it. Ben followed him, confused, but then panicked when Hux tried to hand him the bag.

“Wha – no, you didn’t need to do that! It’s fine, Hux. Really, I don’t need it,” reluctantly, Ben took the bag. He looked guilty, but Hux stared him down until he stopped protesting.

“Pick whatever you want, and I’ll pay for it,” Hux told him. He was furious, suddenly, at himself, at the world. Ben was an incredible employee. He deserved to be able to buy things that he wanted. “Whatever store, clothes, electronics, figurines, gifts for your cousin; if you want it, I’ll buy it.”

 “Hux, really. You don’t need to do this,” Ben said. “I mean, thanks for the shirt, but it’s alright.”

Hux glared at him. “I told you to call me ‘Armitage.’ Also, no, it’s not alright. Now what would you like?” Hux walked out of the store, looking around the mall.

“Nothing! Hux… _Armitage_ , you don’t have to,” Ben called, refusing to budge from inside the store.

“No, but we’re on a date. Let me,” Hux gave him another hard look. When Ben still didn’t move, Hux went back and grabbed his hand, dragging him out. “We’ll go back to that Thought-Geek comic book store first.”

“…Alright,” Ben complied, surprisingly easily.

Hux had expected him to resist longer, but as soon as they started walking away, Ben seemed to see the sense in what Hux was trying to do. It still took a bit of prompting to get him to choose things from the first store, but afterwards, Hux was the one getting dragged around.

Ben seemed like he was trying not to enjoy himself, but Hux could tell how much he enjoyed going from store to store and actually being able to get things. He still refused to let Hux buy him some of the pricier pieces, but Hux managed to drag him into Macy’s for a decent suit.

“What color button-downs do you not already have? I think you’d look good in red,” Hux said, holding up a shirt. It was deep red in color and would go nicely with the pants they’d already picked out.

Ben took a second too long to reply, and Hux looked to him, concerned. “What? You’re not allowed to tell me this is too expensive.”

“No, it’s just…nothing. It’s nothing,” Ben was staring at him for some reason. His eyes were soft and happy, like Hux had just done something amazing.

“Hmm,” Hux didn’t quite believe him, but he didn’t push. “Well, what do you think of the red?”

He turned back to the shirt, letting go of Ben’s hand so he could pick up another and compare them. Then he froze, realizing why Ben had been staring at him. Had they been holding hands that whole time? Thinking about it, Hux could only recall using both of his hands when paying for things or when Ben strayed away from his side. They’d been holding hands for most of their shipping trip.

Ben said something about red and black, so Hux grabbed those two colors and walked off to pay for everything he was holding. His heart was pounding hard in his chest. He hadn’t meant to do it, but it was instinct to grab Ben’s hand to guide him.

“Hey, you alright?” Ben asked. Hux had started walking away from the cashier without waiting for him.

“Oh, yes. Just…thinking about what we should have for dinner,” he finished lamely.

He was holding bags in both hands, but it wasn’t heavy. However, it didn’t leave Ben a hand to hold. Hux couldn’t stop thinking about it, then, and wondered if Ben would take his hand if he could.

“Hey, I can carry a few of those,” Ben offered.

Hux hesitated. His mind raced. If he gave Ben the bags, then Ben might take his hand again. Did he want that? Did he like that? He could refuse. He could say that they weren’t too heavy and not give Ben the opportunity.

“Alright,” Hux said, heart racing. He handed Ben some of the bags, leaving one of his hands free.

 

Ben took his hand almost immediately, lacing their fingers together.

Hux stared straight ahead, determined not to let anyone know he was panicking. He was sure his hands were sweating, but Ben didn’t let go. Ben’s hand was big and warm. It felt just like he remembered; like Matt’s hand when they strolled through Central Park on his birthday, like Kylo’s hands when they held Hux down and touched him all over. Only, they were Ben’s hands.

Neither of them said anything for a while, walking through the mall. Then, Hux felt Ben squeeze his hand, checking, reassuring. He looked at Ben, but Ben didn’t look back at him. He had to know how Hux felt, how unsure he was of whether or not to want whatever was happening. He had to know that Hux felt like he wanted to run away but also like he never wanted to let go.

Still watching Ben’s face, Hux squeezed his hand back. The biggest smile spread across Ben’s face. Hux’s stomach started flipping again, like it was earlier, but he found he didn’t mind it as much. It felt a bit like butterflies, and Hux may have smiled too.

 

 

 

They ended up at the pier for dinner, grabbing hotdogs and watching ferries take tourists to the Statue of Liberty. They leaned over the railing, looking out on the water. Conversation seemed easier, then. Hux caught himself laughing and arguing much more than he had been earlier.

He also kept playing with Ben’s hand. For some reason, he couldn’t stop touching them. Ben didn’t object. He just stared at Hux again with that same soft look. It was more than just holding his hand, Hux decided. He was doing something else to deserve that look, but he hadn’t figured out what yet.

“So, how did you start working at that club?” Hux asked, thumbing over the pads of Ben’s fingers. His hands were so strong and large, but he managed to be incredibly delicate with them. With his own fingers, Hux traced the lines of Ben’s palms

“Oh, Maz. She’s the owner and a friend of my dad’s. She found us; gave me a job after…after California,” Ben’s smile turned sad, then. He still smiled, but it was distant like his mind was elsewhere.

Something was bothering him. Something about California wasn’t happy, but Hux held his tongue. It wasn’t his place to ask, though the questions were racing through his mind. They were quiet for a while, Hux still playing with Ben’s hands, Ben deep in thought.

Ben sighed. “Do you remember that night at the club, when I freaked out and accidentally punched you?”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Hux said, squeezing Ben’s hand.

“Do you remember?” Ben insisted.

“…Yes, mostly,” Hux said carefully. “It was…you had a panic attack. It happened again a little later on Halloween.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Ben sighed again. “I have PTSD,” he confessed. “It’s…I manage it pretty well most of the time. Dark places don’t freak me out that much and loud noises are alright most of the time, but…”

“You don’t have to,” Hux told him again, squeezing his hand.

Ben squeezed back. “But when I think about _them_ , it’s not always so easy.”

Hux didn’t want to have this conversation, for Ben’s sake. It was obvious that it was a hard topic for Ben, but he seemed insistent on telling Hux about it. “Ben…”

“Ask me,” Ben told him.

“Who are they?” Hux asked, after a moment.

“Thannison. Snoke….Those are the only names I knew them by,” Ben’s frown deepened. “You know I ran away from home when I was fifteen; it was all over the news. My parents were never home, I was struggling at school, and Rey’s dad just abandoned her. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so I packed up and went to Cali.”

“There was this…This guy, Thannison,” The smallest smile made its way onto Ben’s face, but it looked so sad, so heavy. “He was just a year younger than me, but his grandfather was rich and hired me to basically be his friend. I thought he was going to be the biggest brat, ‘cause I knew I was, but he was…perfect. I loved that job. I loved hanging out with him. The job paid for everything Rey and I needed, and Than bought us everything else.”

“I kissed him when we were seventeen and he smiled like I just gave him the world,” Ben laughed, sad and bitter. “We were on the beach. Got ice cream, went swimming. I was his bodyguard, so it was just us. There was no one else to say that we couldn’t.”

“But I knew I couldn’t rely on that job forever, though. So, as soon as I turned eighteen, I enlisted in the military. It was supposed to pay the bills, so I…I left Rey with Than and enlisted. She still hasn’t completely forgiven me for that one, but I came back for her. Than wasn’t happy either, but I promised both of them I’d come back and I did. Military thing only lasted for two years, maybe. Broke my shin in a training accident and they discharged me.”

“Than and his family welcomed me with open arms, but Rey was mad. She was mad and…different. That should’ve been enough of a warning, but I didn’t see it. She didn’t smile any more, not really.”

“Snoke, Than’s granddad – he said it was nothing. He just herded me off to my job again, protecting Than,” Ben squeezed his eyes shut. “Than was different, too. He was…scared. He told me to take Rey and run, but he wouldn’t tell me why and I refused to leave without him. Fuck – I should’ve just left.”

“Snoke was – we _hurt_ people, and when we wouldn’t hurt them, Snoke would hurt us. I – H-he would tell me I could do better and then throw me in this box until I had ‘learned my lesson.’ And it was so fucking dark and cold and I was alone. I had no idea how long they left me in there. Sometimes it was minutes, sometimes days. A-and they didn’t touch Rey, but _Than._ He was his _grandson_ and he still – h-he…they…” Ben trailed off, voice cracking, body shaking.

Hux wasn’t sure how to comfort him. Gently, he touched Ben’s arm, but his eyes dared around the area, looking for someplace secluded. If Ben was going to have a panic attack right there, he didn’t want him to have to face the world while it happened.

But Ben was faster. He pulled Hux into his arms like he had that night at the club, and on Halloween. His arms circled Hux’s waist, holding Hux from behind. Hux could feel Ben’s tears staining his shirt, but neither of them said a word about it. Ben held Hux, and Hux let him.

After a few shaky breaths, Ben’s breathing evened out and he spoke again. “If we did a job wrong, they’d cut…they’d hurt Than and make me watch. Then, I’d get put in a box for who knows how long. I just know it was always night when they let me out, and I was always let out outside. I’d look up and see the stars and that’s how I knew I was okay. That’s how I knew I was still alive. When I came home, Rey would patch me up, and we’d sit like this next to a window and watch the night sky,” Ben said, squeezing Hux closer to him.

“I worked for Snoke for three years, doing whatever he wanted because if I didn’t then Than…he would hurt Than. He was okay, mostly, because I did my job no matter how hard it got. But there was one job that I just… I couldn’t.”

“My parents were in California for something, and Snoke…My own _dad_ – I-I shot…I…” Ben paused again, trying to calm himself down. “I only fired on them once. The rest of my rounds went into the guys who were supposed to make sure I got the job done.”

“Snoke wasn’t happy, but I don’t remember too much after he threw me in the box. I just remember sitting at the police station but not being arrested, Maz being at our door, telling us she’d take care of us, and the news report…Even now, I don’t think they’ve found all the – the pieces of…of Than.”

Hux didn’t know what to say. Was there anything he _could_ say? It sounded like a movie. Organized crime, falling in love with a rich heir, torture; None of it sounded real, but Ben was there, shaking, trying his hardest not to sob while he cried silently into Hux’s shirt. If it wasn’t real, then Ben was as damn good actor.

“…It’s okay if you don’t believe me,” Ben whispered. Hux didn’t reply. He wasn’t sure how to, when Ben said exactly what was on his mind. “I just – I needed to tell you. I trust you, Hux – _Armitage_ – and I want you to trust me, too, but...I’m sorry I ruined our date. I should’ve…I know this isn’t what you wanted. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Hux said, spinning in Ben’s arms. “Don’t say that. You didn’t…”

But he was still stuck on what to say. Ben was right. Hux wasn’t sure if he could believe the story and whatever they were doing wasn’t what he wanted for their date, but he wasn’t mad. Hux thought about it. What was the point of the date in the first place? Getting to know Ben, figuring out where they stood. If Ben could trust him with something that upset him so much, didn’t that tell Hux where Ben stood?

Then, the only question left was, how did Hux feel?

“Can I take you somewhere?” Hux asked. “Or do you want to go home?”

“I…um,” Ben hadn’t let go of him yet, and it didn’t seem like he wanted to. “Well, if you wanna leave, I can get a taxi or –“

“No, what do _you_ want?” Hux pressed.

“…I wanna stay with you,” Ben told him.

So, Hux took his hand and led Ben away to his car. Ben didn’t question him, and Hux didn’t offer any explanations. He just drove, hoping that they’d get to where they needed to be before it closed. His mind raced with everything he could possibly say, and it wasn’t enough. Not for Ben and the story he just told. Not for Hux and how he might feel. It would never be enough, but maybe this would be.

Evening traffic seemed to fight them every step of the way, but they go there eventually. Hux wasted no time climbing out of the car and buying them entry tickets.

“The planetarium?” Ben asked as they walked in. He’d calmed down a bit during the car ride over, but he still looked exhausted. Hux hoped it wouldn’t be too much for him. They needed to do this today.

“Yes, come on,” Hux took his hand without thinking, pulling him towards one of the rooms. His heart started beating faster and faster as they neared the room, but Hux was determined.

He knew where he stood.

“What is this?” Ben asked as they reached their destination. The sign above the door read ‘Star Room,’ and Hux gave him a smile, pulling him in.

As they entered, they were greeted by darkness. Hux felt Ben’s grip tighten on his hand, but it was only for a moment. When they passed through the second door, a million glittering stars smiled down on them. The room was big, painted in dark colors to mimic the night sky. Small lights dotted the ceiling, making stars and constellations. There were signs under each constellation that told the story of each star, and a large space in the middle for patrons to lay down and look.

Hux looked back at Ben and found tears in his eyes. His smile was so happy. He looked at Hux for an explanation, and Hux took a step closer to him, not caring that there were so many people around.

“I get it,” Hux told him. “You were only protecting your cousin. That’s all you’ve ever done, and being Matthew and Kylo was no different. I wish you would’ve told me and I’m still not happy about it, but…”

Looking up to the stars, Hux understood, then. The stars were constant, unchangeable. No matter what happened, no matter how they’re viewed, the stars would always be the same. “What I mean is, you said seeing the stars were your way of knowing you were okay, right? We’re here, under the stars. So, you’re okay, Ben. We’re okay.”

Suddenly, Ben’s lips were on his, warm and happy, and a little salty from his tears. But Hux didn’t fight it. In fact, he leaned into it, reveling in the warmth that spread through his body. For the first time in months, he didn’t feel like his world was going to fall apart.

He could hardly move, except to pull Ben closer. He could feel Ben smiling against his lips as he did.

“I love you,” The words fell out of Ben’s mouth as soon as they parted, like he’d explode if he didn’t say it right then.

It was like a switch flipped, then, and Hux couldn’t stop smiling. He buried his face in Ben’s shirt to hide it, but the soft laugh that shook Ben’s body told Hux he’d been caught anyway. Everything felt so alive. Was that what it felt like to be loved?

But a moment later, he felt his mouth go dry. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but Hux couldn’t make himself say those same words back. He wanted to, but for some reason he couldn’t. Then his smile faded a bit. Clutching onto Ben’s shirt, he tried to think of something to say instead, but he couldn’t

Ben didn’t seem to care. He kissed Hux again, soft and slow, like a reminder of what Hux just told him. They were okay. It didn’t matter that Hux couldn’t say ‘I love you’ just yet. Ben loved him anyway, and they were okay.

When they parted again, Ben smiled and started pulling Hux towards the nearest constellation. They stayed at the planetarium until it closed, in the Star Room, re-learning how to be in love.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD I'M BACK!
> 
> So, China was fun. I bought a lot of stuff and made some friends, but jet lag is terrible. 
> 
> Anyway. This was fun to write. I've been waiting for that planetarium scene since I started writing this fic. (Note: I've never been to a planetarium, so everything that I described is probably completely wrong, but it's still cute, so whatever?) And Ben's mysterious past is revealed! OOoooohhhhh~~ I liked the idea of having Ben's issues with Snoke be in the past. It's something important to his character, but it was never central to his and Hux's relationship. I thought it would take away the slice-of-life theme I was going for if it had been an ongoing plot point. 
> 
> Also! Have a double update because I didn't update for two (three?) weeks!


	14. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST TIME ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> All is well between Ben and Hux, finally. Well, except for the fact that Hux still hasn't said a word about his secrets. It's high time for him to fess up, but can he do it?
> 
> What will Hux say? How will Ben react? 
> 
> Find out now on Chapter 14: Honesty.

 

 

It was going to be a good day. Ben woke up with a smile, excited for the day ahead of him. Walking out of his bedroom, he greeted Rey with a kiss to her head as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. She groaned at him, clearly not having as good of a morning as he was, but Ben didn’t notice.

“It’s six am; why are you so peppy?” She muttered around a mouth full of cereal.

“Date tonight,” Ben said, dropping some bacon and eggs in a pan.

“Again? You two were just out last night.”

“Yeah, well Armie says he wants to take me somewhere special.”

“He’s _always_ taking you somewhere ‘special,’” She glared down at her cereal, grumpy.  “Are you gonna be home late again?”

“I dunno,” Ben chose his next words carefully. “Maybe…I won’t be home until tomorrow?”

Rey dropped her spoon in her bowl with a loud _clang_. “ _Excuse me?_ ” She asked. “Oh no, you’re _not_ spending the night with him.”

Ben made a face at her over his shoulder. “What? It’s not like I’ve never slept with him before.”

“Okay, but he’s like, your boss,” Rey crossed her arms, suddenly angry. “It’s…you just can’t, alright?”

Ben turned back to his cooking, giving her a half-hearted laugh. She was tense. It worried him. “That’s cute, but you can’t tell me what to do, Rey. You’re ten years younger than me.”

“Well, I’m two years older than you, so I _can_ tell you what to do,” Poe emerged from Rey’s bedroom, half dressed, hair mussed. “But I’m fine with it. Rey’s just worrying about you.”

“Don’t defend him,” Rey scolded.

“But they’re dating. What’s wrong with it?” Poe stole a bite of her cereal, and Rey glared at him.

“Wait, where did you come from?” Ben whipped around at the sound of his voice, very confused. It wasn’t usual for Poe or even Finn to spend the night, but Ben normally knew about it before hand. “Didn’t you go home last night?”

“Uh,” Poe wouldn’t look at him.

Ben tried to think back to the previous night. He’d gotten home close to midnight and said goodnight to Rey as she snuck into the kitchen for some water. She didn’t say much to him, but he didn’t think much of it, seeing as how late it was and how tired he felt. Poe must’ve been there and Ben just hadn’t seen him.

“Why were you in Rey’s room? You usually sleep on the couch,” Ben commented, pouring him a cup of coffee. “Did Finn spend the night too?”

“Did I what?” It was Finn that time, also wandering out of Rey’s bedroom. He also looked a little rough and was wearing a shirt Ben knew belonged to Poe.

Ben rolled his eyes, grabbing another mug. He spoke too soon. Of course, Finn was there, too. Finn accepted the cup gratefully, draping himself over Rey’s back, and smiling when Poe kissed him.

It was a typical morning scene, one that happened often enough that Ben almost didn’t notice anything was wrong. That is, until he noticed Poe kissed Rey too. Ben watched them then. He took one good look at Poe’s messy hair, the way Finn was haphazardly dressed, and the dreamy look on Rey’s face, and it clicked. “Oh my god.”

The panicked look Poe and Rey exchanged only confirmed Ben’s suspicions. “Guys, she’s my cousin!”

“Wha – Well, she’s also an adult!” Poe defended.

“Barely!” Ben shot back.

“I’m nineteen; it’s legal!” Rey countered.

“Who’s barely legal?” A female voice sounded that time, again coming from Rey’s bedroom. Jessika Pava made her way out of the room, wearing only a bed sheet.

Ben turned to Rey again. “ _Are you fucking kidding me_?”

“Not kidding. We were definitely fucking,” Jesskia said, stealing Ben’s cup of coffee. She froze when everyone else looked at her. “What?”

Rey didn’t have any other defense for herself. She avoided Ben’s gaze sheepishly, trying to look anywhere than at the other people in the room. Ben glared them all down for a moment longer before something else clicked.

“Wait, was that what all the yelling was about last night?” Ben asked, horrified.

“Yes?” Finn said.

“What the fuck?! I was home! In the next room!”

“Yeah, but you sleep like a rock,” Rey said. “What did you think it was?”

“I dunno, monopoly?”

“Seriously? Monopoly?”

“Oh no, you don’t get to do that!” Ben yelled back at her. “ _You_ were having an _orgy_ on a school night, while I was _in the other room_! I can’t believe you-“

His watch beeped at him. Seven o’clock. He needed to get to work. “We’re gonna finish talking about this later.”

“You mean when you’re home, and not sleeping with Hux?” Rey countered, still not looking at him.

“Don’t,” Ben warned, putting a piece of toast in his mouth and dashing out the door. He could get breakfast on the way. He wasn’t about to spend another fifteen minutes eating in that apartment with the three heathens that just defiled his baby cousin.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Despite his morning, Ben still knew it was going to be a good day. He jumped to his feet when Hux approached his desk, grabbing his tablet and Hux’s coffee.

“Meeting at the warehouse today, right?” Hux asked, without saying hello.

“Yes,” Ben started passing things to him, exchanging them for Hux’s briefcase. “Tablet, coffee-“

“Thank you,” Hux said, walking off as soon as the items were in his hands.

“Wait!” Ben called. Hux paused mid-stride and turned around. Ben caught his lips and felt Hux gasp against his mouth. A second later, Hux relaxed, kissing back with a smile.

They barely pressed together, more enjoying the feeling of being so close to each other rather than the heat of the kiss. It was a greeting, a shared smile, a teasing game. They slowed down, enjoying each other. Then, when they had stayed that way for a moment too long, Hux pulled Ben closer by his tie. Though they knew they didn’t have much time that morning, they fought to stay together, pressing into each other until Hux finally pulled away.

 “Good morning, Armitage.”

Hux pecked him again. “Good morning, Ben.”

“So, dinner tonight?”

“Of course. I’ll see you at six,” Hux smiled at him as he walked backward toward the elevator.

Ben’s heart was still hammering in his chest as he watched Hux go. As soon as Hux was in the elevator, however, he dropped the smile and cleared his throat loudly. The rest of the office had been staring at them, very obviously, but Hux either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

From across the room, Phasma smiled and shook her head before retreating into her office. Mitaka gave him a stiff nod, but it was the best Ben had gotten from him all week, so he’d take it.

After that first date, Ben and Hux hit it off like nothing had been wrong in the first place. It was nice to pick up where they left off instead of starting all over. That was what really made it feel like Hux had forgiven him. They were okay, and that’s what mattered.

The only thing that made him nervous was that Hux picked up where he and Matt had left off. It was a clear indication of what he wanted but also put a lot of pressure on them. It meant that Hux maybe wanted it to be a forever kind of thing just as much as Ben did. But it also meant there were somethings that they still hadn’t officially done.

Their kiss that morning was one of them. Hux didn’t seem to notice or care that they were surrounded by people who knew them. Ben hoped that night would be another. Hux hadn’t been back to the club in months, nor had they really spent any time alone in private. Ben wasn’t sure if he was supposed to make a move or wait for Hux to say something, but the invitation he got for dinner at Hux’s house seemed like what he’d been waiting for.

For some reason, it made Ben nervous. It would hardly be their first time, but it would be their first time in a while. He felt jittery just thinking about it. They weren’t starting over, but at the same time they were. They knew each other, they trusted each other, but there was still that line that they needed to cross.

Shaking his head, Ben tried to refocus on his computer and work. He was assuming things. Hux had only invited him over for dinner, but Ben was excited anyway. He hoped there was an unsaid “and save room for dessert,” but Hux might not be there just yet.

Still, Ben showed up at Hux’s house right at six o’clock, just a little after Hux did. He held his hope in his heart, wore his heart on his sleeve, and greeted Hux with a kiss as he tried to get the front door open.

“Slow down, we’re not even inside yet,” Hux laughed as he tried to focus on getting the door open. Ben didn’t mind lingering outside, though.

“Your place is really nice. Didn’t know you lived in Jersey,” Ben kissed along Hux’s neck, hooking his fingers in Hux’s belt loops and dragging him closer. He felt Hux arch off of him ever so slightly and had a good feeling about the rest of their evening.

“Yes well, it’s not like I could get a back yard in the middle of New York City,” Hux said, finally getting the door open.

They stepped inside, and Ben let go of Hux if only to look around. It was big. And empty. Most of the furniture seemed to be missing and there was blank space where it looked like pictures should’ve been. Otherwise, it looked like a normal suburban home. The walls were clean and white. The floors were smooth dark wood. There as a second floor, a spacious kitchen and living room, a porch and a large back yard.

It was perfect. Too perfect.

“It’s kind of empty.”

“Yes, well…I’m planning on moving soon. Maybe.”

Even so, Ben couldn’t help feeling like he was trapped in that house. If not for the way everything looked so clean and picture-perfect, then it was the way that Hux moved about as if it weren’t really his home. He was too polite with the furniture, too hesitant in his own kitchen.

“Don’t you have a cat?” Ben asked. Hux talked about that cat like it was his child. By now, Ben had heard so many stories about Millie that they felt more like memories.

“She’s with Phasma. Millie definitely doesn’t like it, but she’ll have to stay there until I can find a place for us to live. I won’t have her running around here while I move things out,” Hux set two glasses of water down on the counter and began cleaning the clutter on the kitchen table.

Ben didn’t think much of it, not until he caught sight of a bottle of pink glitter glue among the clutter. Vaguely he remembered Hux telling him to buy craft supplies when he first started working at the office. It was a request Ben remembered for being so absurd. What did his boss need pastel construction paper, pink glitter glue, and a 64-pack of Crayola crayons for? (Ben grumbled as he bought the crayons, lamenting that he only ever got the twelve-pack of knock-off crayons as a child.)

“It looks like a daycare in here,” Ben said, picking up a bottle of pink glitter glue from the kitchen table. It was only then that he looked around and realized that the house didn’t look as clean as he initially thought. There was evidence that someone was living there, but all of the craft supplies and toys said that this person couldn’t be any older than eight.

Hux hesitated to answer. “I apologize; I forgot to clean up,” he said in lieu of an actual answer. He plucked the bottle from Ben’s hand, and the craft supplies was gone from the table before Ben could look too far into it.

The questions raced through Ben’s head, but Hux kissed him and muttered, “so what would you like for dinner?”

“I’m good with whatever. If you’re cooking then I’ll take that, but I’m kind of craving pizza. Maybe we could kick back with some beers in the back yard and do a bit of star gazing?” Ben pulled Hux close to him.

“I’m not sure alcohol is the best idea tonight,” Hux told him. He kissed Ben back, but his eyes were distant, distracted.

Ben tried to catch his gaze, but Hux wouldn’t look at him. For some reason, he refused to say whatever was on his mind. Ben looked over at the living room, and the toys scattered all over the floor.

“Armitage?” Ben asked gently, trying to sound reassuring.

Hux pulled away from him, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He picked up a princess doll from the couch, trailing his fingers over its long blonde hair.

“I invited you over for dinner because I wanted you to meet someone,” He said, still too scared to look at Ben.

He paused again and Ben could practically feel how nervous he was. To calm him, Ben walked up behind him and pulled him close. He massaged circles into Hux’s hips, but it only seemed to make him tenser.

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “You can tell me. I won’t be mad. I promise.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“I have a daughter.”

Hux squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for Ben’s reaction. He was mad, Hux was sure of it. His thumbs stopped rubbing Hux’s hips, and his hands fell away slightly. Hux tried to blink back the tears.

“Oh… _oh_ ,” Ben said. “So…Am I meeting her later tonight?”

“Yes…is that alright?” Hux tried to keep his voice even. He tried not to sound as scared as he felt, but knew Ben could tell anyway.

“Yeah,” Ben said. “Hey, come on; it’s fine. I’m just meeting your kid. How bad could it be?”

Hux swallowed hard. His mind was still racing. Ben was mad; he hadn’t started yelling yet, but it would happen. “I should’ve told you earlier.”

Ben sighed. “Why?” He asked, kissing Hux’s shoulder. “I didn’t ask, and you weren’t ready to tell me. It’s alright. It’s not easy being a single dad. Believe me, I basically raised my cousin, I get it.”

“But you didn’t ask for this,” Hux protested, squeezing the Rapunzel doll in his hands. Winnie forgot to take it with her when Scilla picked her up two weeks ago. She missed it, but Scilla refused to come back just for a doll. “You wanted – you asked for me, not…this.”

“I asked to be a part of your life,” Ben turned him around. “This is your life, right? I haven’t changed my mind.”

Hux was quiet, considering what Ben said. He wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe that Ben wasn’t at least a little angry, but Hux doubted. His eyes darted around before finally settling on Ben’s. He let Ben rest their foreheads together, making himself relax and taking comfort in having him so close.  “You’re not mad?”

“No. A little surprised, but not mad. Besides, if your kid is anything like her old man, I already know I’m gonna love her,” Hux was smiling as Ben spoke.

“I am not _old_.”

“Eh, that’s debatable.”

He leaned forward and kissed Ben. It was nothing like the soft, gentle kiss from that morning. This one was rough and a little desperate. Hux captured his lips over and over again, licking his way into Ben’s mouth, and pulling him as close as possible.

It was like something exploded inside of him. Ben wasn’t mad. Ben wasn’t yelling at him. Ben understood. Suddenly it seemed silly that Hux would even be worried about it in the first place. It was acceptance and love and warmth all at the same time. Hux couldn’t help being a little overwhelmed every time he felt it. Sometimes he just felt like he didn’t deserve any of Ben’s kindness, but then Ben gave it to him anyway and Hux was always amazed.

His whole body felt like it was on fire. There were definitely tears in his eyes, but Ben wiped them away when Hux finally let his lips go. As they looked at each other, Hux could feel the arousal lighting up his nerves. Every time Ben touched him, even if it was innocent and sweet, Hux felt it like lightning through his body.

“Come on,” He whispered, pulling Ben towards his bedroom.

He kissed Ben again when they stumbled in, and worked at the buttons on his shirt at the same time. He felt Ben’s hands pressing back on his chest gently, but Hux resisted pulling away for as long as he could.

“Wait, wait,” Ben said in between kisses. “Isn’t your daughter coming soon? We don’t have time to-“

“We’ve got a little over an hour,” Hux told him, looking at his watch as he took it off. It landed on his nightstand alongside his tie, and then his mouth was back on Ben’s.

“Hux,” Ben sounded worried, but he didn’t stop Hux from pulling off his shirt and undoing his belt.

“Please,” Hux whispered against his lips. His fingers trailed down Ben’s body, brushing against his clothed cock. He was already half hard. “I just – please.”

It was cheating. Hux knew it was cheating to rub at Ben, cupping him and squeezing, but Ben wasn’t saying no. He groaned instead, leaning into Hux’s touch. He gasped and started humping Hux’s hand, trying to get more friction than Hux was giving him.

“Please,” Hux asked again. He trailed his other hand down Ben’s chest, tracing over his muscles, brushing over his nipples.

Ben shivered. “We’ll have to be quick.”

“Alright,” Hux whispered against his mouth. He undid Ben’s pants and pushed them down.

“You can’t fall asleep on me after,” Ben said, pushing down Hux’s pants as well.

“I won’t,” Hux promised. The separated for just a moment to shed the rest of their clothes, then crashed together again, falling on the bed.

Their limbs tangled together, holding, touching. Ben kissed him, kissed down his throat and his chest, trailing the kisses down to his naval then back up to his ears. They remembered. It had been months, but their bodies remembered what it felt like to move together. They remembered exactly where to press, how to touch, when to kiss.

Hux hadn’t realized how much he missed Ben until right then. He realized how much he missed the intimacy, how they knew each other better than they knew themselves. This was how they met, rolling around in the sheets, pretending like the rest of the world didn’t matter. It was just sex at first. That’s all it was ever supposed to be, but now it felt more like a promise. For now, it was the ‘I love you’ that Hux couldn’t say. It was the words that neither of them knew how to say. It was the part of their relationship that Hux knew had been missing.

“I missed you,” Hux whispered against Ben’s lips.

Ben pulled back and looked at him. Oh, Hux must’ve looked like a mess. There were tears, but lately there were always tears, and his whole body was flushed. Ben smiled at him anyway, even though he looked confused.

Hux gave him a smile and pulled him back in for another kiss. “I want it slow.”

“Do we have time?” Ben asked, sneaking one hand down to circle Hux’s hole.

“Ah – We’ll make time,” Hux propped his legs up so Ben had better access to him. Dry, Ben couldn’t get his fingers very far, but it felt good just to have that pressure.

Gently, Ben caressed him, kissing every spot he could reach, touching everywhere he couldn’t. Hux held on, locking his fingers in Ben’s hair and enjoying every moment of it. Eventually, Ben said something about lube and condoms, but Hux grumbled unwilling to let go even if it meant something better was coming.

Hux gasped when he felt Ben’s slick fingers circling him again. He relaxed after a moment, and let Ben in. The feeling was strange, though. It had been a few months.

“Why did you miss me?” He heard Ben whisper as he slipped a finger in.

Hux squirmed. He wanted more. He wanted Ben to do more than just let his finger rest idly in Hux’s ass, but Ben wouldn’t move.

“Armie,” Ben teased another finger around the rim of his hole, but didn’t push it in. It was clear Ben wanted him to work for his reward, but Hux didn’t want to think.

“Ben.”

“You wanted it slow,” Ben smiled at him, pushing the tip of his second finger in. Hux sighed at the burn, ass clenching around the digits, trying to draw them in further. “I wanna know.”

“I liked Kylo, too,” Hux confessed, groaning when Ben rewarded him by moving both fingers, scissoring him open. They pressed against his muscles, purposefully avoiding the spot where Hux wanted them most. “We met like this.”

“Yeah, I remember, _Pumpkin_ ,” Hux flushed when he heard the pet name. Ben pushed a third finger in, pushing one of Hux’s legs back so he could stretch him properly. “You screamed for me.”

Hux’s eyes fluttered shut as he moaned. It was more stimulation than he’d given himself in months. His cock leaked against his stomach, begging to be touched, but Hux didn’t want to give in yet. He knew he wouldn’t last long if he did.

“I – fuck – I picked Matt, but I liked Kylo, too,” Gripping the sheets behind his head, Hux tried to drive himself down harder on Ben’s fingers. He whimpered when Ben met his silent demand and gave him a fourth finger, fucking him with quick jabs.

“You’ll have to give me a little more than that, Armie.”

Hux let it drag out a little longer, hips bucking as Ben’s fingers brushed across his prostate. It sent lightning through his body, but it would be over too soon if Hux let him keep it up. “S-stop. Too close,” Hux reached down to still Ben’s hand, whining when it stopped moving and cursing when Ben removed his fingers completely.

Closing his eyes, Hux caught his breath, letting himself calm down a bit. He heard Ben moving around the bed, rummaging through the night stands. A moment later, he heard the familiar sound of condom packet being torn open and bit his lip.

“We separated everything, do you realize that?” Hux watched Ben stroke himself. “Matt was a pure and innocent relationship. Kylo was…sex, passion. I picked Matt because I thought it would be more real. You were sweet and kind but…I missed Kylo constantly. It wasn’t just the sex. It was your intensity, your ferocity. I missed you.”

Ben watched him for a moment, letting his words sink in. Then he leaned forward and kissed him. Hux pulled him closer, gasping when he felt Ben sinking into him. It was a different kind of fire, then. It wasn’t the burning passion and ferocity Hux had just talked about. This was gentler. This was warm. This filled him until Hux felt like he was about to explode.

“Well, now you have both,” Ben whispered. Then, he moved.

It stared from his lips and how familiar Ben tasted. It burned every time Ben’s hands touched him, caressed his stomach, circled his nipples. It filled him as Ben fucked him, slow just like he wanted. He dragged himself out slow but slammed back in hard and fast; the best kind of torture. It went all the way down to his toes that curled with pleasure as his legs wrapped around Ben’s waist.

 “No, no,” Hux gasped. “Now I have you.”

“And what am I?” Ben trailed a hand down between them and stroked Hux’s cock, teasing him.

“Everything.”

Ben thrust into him hard and stilled. He pressed his face into Hux’s neck and breathed. “Please,” he begged. “I-I need-“

“Yes yes, do it,” Hux babbled, knowing what Ben needed because he needed it too.

Ben picked up the pace then, dragging himself out and slamming back in as fast and hard as he could. His hands moved to hold himself up and hold Hux in place. Hux cried out, reaching down to replace Ben’s hand on his cock, trying to stroke himself in time with Ben’s thrusts.

Hux arched off the bed, every nerve singing with pleasure as he came closer and closer to his finish. With his free hand, he held Ben close, needing him there. Ben’s face was pressed into his neck, breathing frantically as he pounded into Hux.

“Gonna – gonna cum,” he muttered. His pace started to falter.

“With me. With me; together,” Hux chanted, pumping his own cock faster as he felt the pleasure winding up tight inside him. Hux came in his own hand, spilling it all over his stomach. His body was strung tight, ass squeezing around Ben’s cock still dragging in and out.

Ben’s hand on Hux’s hip held tight, digging nails into flesh. “Fuck, I love you. Armitage, I-“ He stilled as he came, groaning.

After a moment, Ben slipped out and rolled off of him. They laid side by side, catching their breath and basking in the afterglow. Hux’s muscles burned. He was going to be sore later, but it was worth it.

When he could open his eyes, he turned and looked at Ben. There was still an hour of sunlight left in the day, and it shone down on them through the bedroom window. After so many nights of sleeping together, Hux had never been able to see Ben so clearly.

In the star light, Ben had looked almost dangerous when Hux looked at him. But in the sunlight he saw each mole so clearly. He could see the bump in his nose, the way his hair fanned out over the pillow as he laid there, blissed out. The sun made it look like he was glowing, like some sort of god. Hux rolled over and took his hand.

Ben’s eyes fluttered open and met his gaze. “Miss me that much, Pumpkin?”

And Hux laughed. For the first time in a long time, he laughed and it felt good. With Ben by his side and a gentle warmth in his heart, Hux felt light enough to fly. Ben tossed the condom aside and pulled Hux close. They didn’t have much time to enjoy it, but Hux would take what he could. It felt so perfect and Hux knew it was what he’d been missing for so long.

He knew Ben was who he’d been missing.

“What?” Ben asked. He could practically feel Hux worrying under him. The fingers stroking his hair slowed.

“She’ll be here soon,” He said.

“I swear I’m gonna like her,” Ben said. He didn’t want to get up, but the sex took up more time than he expected.

“Not my daughter,” Hux said. “My…ex-wife. She’s bringing Winnie.”

“Oh…oh right, guess there had to be a woman involved at some point,” Somehow, Ben had forgotten about that part. The concept of Hux being married and having a family hadn’t even registered until Hux told him just then. He also got the nagging feeling that the name ‘Winnie’ was very familiar, but he had no idea why.

“Is she…Would it be a bad idea for us to meet?” Ben asked. He knew it might not go down smoothly, but he couldn’t be sure.

“Yes,” Hux said it simply.

“But…” It was unsaid, but Ben could hear it. Hux rolled away from him, then. He rolled out of Ben’s arms and to the edge of the bed, as far away as he could get. Ben turned onto his side and reached out, but Hux wouldn’t come back. “I won’t be mad, I promise.”

“Yes, you will be.”

“I haven’t been mad any other time you’ve worried about it.”

“…it’s different this time.”

“Why?”

“…”

“Armtiage.”

Hux took an audible breath, and then, “Our divorce was in April.”

It took a moment for Ben to process what Hux was trying to say. Their divorce was in April. It was mid-July, so it had already been a few months. Was there anything important about April? Ben’s birthday was in April. Hux found out about Ben’s identities in April.

“…Were you cheating on her?” Ben asked as the pieces clicked into place. He sat up suddenly, dread filling him. “Was I…Were you cheating on her with me? Did I cause your divorce?”

“Wha – no. No, you didn’t,” Hux rolled over then, looking up at Ben. “The divorce had nothing to do with you.”

“But you were cheating on her with me?” Ben wasn’t so sure then that he could keep his promise not to be angry.

“…Yes. I’ve…We’ve been having an affair until recently.”

Ben swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He furious and hurt and confused. Hux protested, but Ben ignored him, finding his clothes and dressing before Hux could stop him.

“Ben,” Hux said, sitting up. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to-“

“Didn’t mean to what?!” Ben yelled, rounding on him. They were having an affair this whole time. He was a home-wrecker. “Didn’t mean to – to like me? To be a liar? A _cheater_!?”

Ben only realized how loud he’d gotten when he saw the hurt on Hux’s face and the way he had curled in on himself. Sighing, Ben tried to calm himself down, but he couldn’t. It was too much.

“Look, Armitage,” He said, buttoning up his shirt. “I love you. I meant that and I still mean it, but right now…I can’t right now. Just…I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ben looked back on Hux one last time before he walked out of the room but wished he hadn’t. He looked so small with his arms wrapped around his legs, jaw clenched, trying to force himself not to cry. His gaze was locked on the sheets in front of him, as if staring at that and only that would make everything less painful.

“…okay,” Hux whispered, barely audible, voice shaking.

Ben walked out of the bedroom, mind still swirling with everything he’d just learned. He’d ruined this family. He tore apart a little girl’s parents. Hux said the divorce had nothing to do with him, but how could it not? The timing all lined up. It was no wonder Hux had been so upset that one night in April. He’d just left his wife of who knows how many years for his secretary of ten months.

Distracted with his own thoughts, Ben didn’t hear the car pulling up outside of Hux’s house. He didn’t see the figures walking up to the door. She was just a woman; slim, petite, pretty. But the hate in her eyes burned worse than acid. She was a viper who though he stole her prey. And her daughter. Oh, her daughter was just as fierce, with her sharp brown eyes and red hair like flames, but the corners of her mouth were pulled downward in a frown.

He didn’t realize what was going to happen until he opened the door and saw a mother and her child standing on the other side.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hux heard them before he saw them.

“Who are you?!” Scilla’s shrill voice screamed from the front door. The fear he had before tripled, quadrupled, and he leaped out of bed, pulling on his pants and running to the front door.

But that was a mistake.

He heard Scilla demanding to know who Ben was and why he was in her house, then he rounded the corner and caught her eye. She made the connection almost immediately. Hux was afraid.

“ _You_ ,” Scilla growled at him. “You’re a fucking _faggot!_ Both of you!”

She stepped into the house, forcing Ben backwards. She stood toe to toe with him, and despite being half a foot shorter, Ben was obviously afraid. “This is your fault! You _stole_ him from me! What, do you get off on ruining other people’s marriages? I bet you do, don’t you? All you faggots are all the fucking same!”

Hux didn’t know what to say, what to do to make it all better. Ben looked terrified. Winnie was on the floor, just about ready to start bawling. Scilla was furious and nowhere near close to calming down.

It was chaos. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Ben wasn’t supposed to be mad. Scilla wasn’t supposed to see him. He had a plan. They were going to have dinner. Ben was going to meet Winnie. It was supposed to be a good night.

“And _you_!” She turned to Hux, marching up to him. “This is who you were cheating on me with?! A whore faggot that turned you into his bitch? You let _him_ inside of our house? You’re tainting our daughter. I won’t allow her to stay with you for another moment less you turn _her_ into a fag too.”

Ben ran out then. Hux tried calling out to him, but Ben was faster. He bolted out the door, and a moment later, Hux heard his car peel away.

“Finally,” Scilla spat. “I can’t believe you let a gay man into our house. Go upstairs and pack the rest of Winnie’s things. I’m taking full custody. You will not be getting visitation rights until you come to your senses.”

Hux was shaking. It all happened so fast. How could everything have changed that quickly? How did it all fall apart? His whole body felt numb. None of it felt real, not really. It felt like he was in a bad dream, and he couldn’t wake up.

“Well?” Scilla yelled again.

“No,” Hux said.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, _no_ ,” Hux clenched his hands and stood his ground. He glared back at Scilla with as much intensity he could muster, and then the next moment he knelt on the floor next to Winnie. “Go upstairs, honey. Can you do that for me?”

“No! You are not taking my daughter anywhere! Winnima, go to the car-“ Scilla started shouting, but Winnie was already halfway up the stairs by the time Scilla finished her threat.

“How dare you!” She yelled, pulling back her hand to slap Hux across his face.

Hux caught her hand as she swung at him. “No. How dare _you_ ,” he said, heart beating hard.

In the back of his mind, something screamed at him to stop. It screamed at him to keep himself safe and just let Scilla do what she wanted. It was safer that way, easier. But Hux didn’t listen to it. Not then. Not when she scared Ben. Not when she terrified their daughter. Not now that Hux realized how wrong she had been.

His bold action seemed to stun her. She stood silent as Hux dropped her arm and took a moment to center himself. He felt more afraid standing up to her than he did when he told Ben about his family. His heart beat louder now than it did when Matt vanished before his eyes and Kylo magically appeared. But somehow, the words flowed out of his mouth like water.

“Winnie will stay right here, with me,” His voice shook, but he didn’t dare break eye contact. “She’s my daughter too, and if you think I’m just going to hand her to you, you’re wrong.”

“You don’t want to do this Armitage,” She warned. There was a darkness that fell over her eyes. It was the familiar kind, the kind that Hux used to see when he messed up.

He was afraid, but refused to back down.

“Yes,” He said, trying to keep his voice from breaking. “Yes, I do. I will.”

“And what, she’s going to live with you and your fag? You think you’re going to live some fairy tale life with him?” She stepped forward, and he stepped back. “I can’t believe you threw us away, threw _me_ away for _that!_ We had everything, Armitage! We were perfect together, but that just wasn’t enough for you, was it? You just had to have more-“

“NO! That’s _not_ why I-“

“Then, why did you? Huh?” She kept walking him backwards until the backs of Hux’s knees bumped the armrest of the couch. “Why did you cheat on me? Why wasn’t I good enough for you? Why weren’t you stronger?”

“Because you stopped answering your phone!” Hux screamed at her. “Y-you – you screamed at me and I…I…”

For a moment, it looked as though she understood what Hux was trying to say, but then she scoffed. Then she rolled her eyes and glared at him like he was a child and she scolding him for misbehaving.

“ _That’s_ why you cheated on me? Because I was too busy being a successful working mother? Because we had _normal_ couple fights?” She laughed a humorless laugh. “I can’t believe you.”

“I couldn’t believe you either,” Hux said. “When – When I ended up sleeping in a hotel or you denied me dinner.” It was becoming hard not to cry.

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. You’re saying that like I starved you. It was a _lesson_ so that you wouldn’t be so damn forgetful. You still got takeout or whatever at the end of the night.”

“That’s not the point!” Hux screamed, finally raising his voice.

“…Then what is?” She said after a moment. “Go on. Tell me, what was the point in throwing away your life for some fag. Is it really because I didn’t answer the damn phone? Did I hurt your _feelings_?”

“ _Yes,_ ” Hux ground out. He stepped forward then, and she stepped back. “I called you every fucking day since we started dating, or did you forget that? It used to be just when we couldn’t spend much time together, but then we got jobs so I’d call you during lunch. And then we got married and had Winnie, and _you stopped answering._ ”

“ _Busy_ , Armitage,” She glared at him, but he didn’t back down. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t answer, but unlike you, not all of us have the luxury of fucking around and getting paid for it.”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Hux yelled over her. “I know you’re busy. You stopped caring anyway. You stopped answering, you stopped caring, you…”

“Oh here we go,” She muttered under her breath. “ _Men_. Everything’s got to be about _you_ , doesn’t it?”

“You don’t _get_ it,” Hux’s hands flew into his hair and his eyes squeezed shut. “You stopped _loving_ me.”

“I see you’re telling me how to feel now. Typical of-“

“I did everything you wanted!” Scilla jumped when Hux started screaming suddenly. “It wasn’t enough for you! I – I let you push me around and enroll Winnie in things she didn’t like. I wore clothes that I hated. I didn’t go out with my friends because bars were ‘beneath us.’ I waited in Central Park for _five_ _hours_ and you never showed up for our date!”

“That was years ago.”

“ _It was just last December on Christmas Eve!_ ” He cried, then; tears and all. “You know what I did afterwards? I went to him. I went to see Ben, my _boyfriend,_ and do you know what he did?”

“Ugh, I don’t want to hear about your homosexu-“

“He gave me the best damn handjob of my life. Then I kissed him under the mistletoe and I _liked_ it,” Hux thought of that night and how crushed he’d been waiting in central park. He thought of how warm he felt because Kylo smiled as soon as their eyes met.

“You _disgusting-_ “

“He made time for me! We weren’t dating yet. He had his own life, his own friends, his own Christmas party to go to, but he made time for _me_. A guy he’d been seeing maybe once a week for the past few months,” Hux thought of the next day, Christmas day, and how scared Matt had been to confess to him. He thought of how they laughed as they kissed. It gave him courage.

“I know I’m wrong. I shouldn’t have cheated on you. That’s my fault and mine alone. You’re right, I was weak. I cheated,” Hux paused for a moment, but Scilla didn’t interrupt him. She just stood there and glared. “But the divorce is your fault. You…I realized – _he_ helped me realize just how much you didn’t…didn’t love me.”

They were silent, then. Both of them processing, thinking. Hux was still trying to stop his tears from falling, surprised that his voice held up. And Scilla just stood there. Her gaze never left Hux, her expression somewhere between anger and betrayal. He knew she had every right to be mad at him. He did something wrong, for real this time, and she was allowed to be angry.

But he wouldn’t let her push him around anymore, no matter how much his body was shaking.

Then, after a minute or so, Scilla spoke up. Her voice was low, quiet, but just as cold.“…So you divorced me because you had an affair and fell in love with a fag.”

“I did it because I loved you!” He screamed, tears streaming down his face. “Because I still love you, but you can’t – I can’t let you do… _this._ It hurts. I – I didn’t feel welcome in my own house. I did it because the more I tried to love you, the more you hurt me and-”

His head snapped to one side, and terror shot through his body. Scilla always yelled, but she never hurt him. Not like that.

“I gave you everything, you ungrateful son of a bitch,” She still spoke softly, and it was more terrifying than any scream. “I gave up everything for you. I sacrificed my career. I could’ve climbed the ranks in Dallas, but you wanted to run daddy’s company so I stayed up here with you. I gave you a home, a family, and this is how you repay me? By-“

 

“Oh, would you just shut up already?!” The front door burst open, startling both of them. Ben strode into the house, furious. His shoulders were hunched forward like a rabid animal getting ready to strike. He stalked forward, stopping right in front of Scilla. He loomed over her, and though she tried not to look afraid it was obvious that she was.

“Get out. You’re not welcome here,” He snarled.

“And you are?” Scilla tried to glare him down. “Look Armie, your little _fag_ is back to-“

“Don’t call me that!” Ben grabbed the front of her shirt. Both she and Hux gasped. “You’ve done enough. Now get out and don’t come back.”

They stared at each other for a moment, sizing each other up. Ben had a firm grip on her, forcing Scilla to stand on her toes, but her gaze was like ice, piercing and cold.

“Who do you think you are?” She challenged.

“Someone who loves him,” Ben’s reply was sure. His gaze flickered up to meet Hux’s eyes just for a moment, but it was enough. That brief look was all it took to make Hux feel like everything was going to be okay.

“And you think that gives you the right to walk in here and threaten _me_?”

“That always seemed to be enough for you,” Hux said. Ben looked at him again. “Let her go.”

It took a moment, but reluctantly Ben complied. Scilla dropped to the ground with a soft thud, but didn’t fall. They glared at each other for a moment longer before Ben brushed past her roughly and stood behind Hux.

“Fine,” Scilla said. “Have your whore. In a few months, I swear I’ll take everything else.”

She walked off without looking back. She walked to the staircase and began to climb, no doubt going to retrieve Winnie, but Hux dashed forward and grabbed her wrist before she could get very far.

“Let go of me.”

“No. You’ll see her in two weeks, when it’s your turn.”

She glared at him then, offended by his defiance, but Hux stood his ground. He refused to be bullied anymore.

Without breaking eye contact, Scilla ripped her wrist free and marched back towards the door. “This isn’t over,” She threatened.

“Then, I’ll see you in court,” Hux said, slamming the front door as soon as she was out.

 

 

Suddenly he felt tired. The fight and fire fizzled away as soon as the door closed. Hux rested his head against the door, leaning on it for support until he felt Ben pulling at his shoulders. He let himself be turned and immediately leaned into Ben’s touch, letting Ben hold him.

The quiet wasn’t so uncomfortable then. It felt more like Hux was finally at peace, though the reason was still a bit unclear. It may have been because he finally told Scilla how he’d been feeling for years. It may have been because he had the courage to stand up and fight for himself. Or maybe, it was because Ben had come back to him so soon.

“You didn’t have to come back,” Hux whispered.

“…yeah I did,” Ben said. He held Hux tighter. “Couldn’t let her talk to you like that.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know.”

Another moment passed.

“Why?” Hux asked. “Why come back? Aren’t you mad?”

“Yeah,” Ben told him. “But I – I was in the middle of getting a cab. Then I heard her screaming…I dunno. I just figured, I could leave and be mad at you, and not talk to you for another month or…or go back and get to kiss you goodnight.”

Hux smiled. “Is that all you wanted? A goodnight kiss?”

He felt Ben smiling against his neck, too. “Every night. I want a goodnight kiss every night…I just…I’m mad, but I don’t wanna be away from you anymore.”

Relaxing back into Ben’s arms, Hux sighed. “I’m sorry. I can make it up to you. We can-”

“It’s okay,” Ben told him. “I’ll get over it. You’re more important to me than that. Being here with you is more important than being mad.”

Hux felt his heart swell. It wasn’t some small deal that they’d been having an affair that Hux chose to keep for himself. Ben had every right to be furious, but he chose not to be. They’d talk about it later, but for now Hux was forgiven. He loved Hux, and Hux was forgiven.

“We’ll have to reschedule dinner,” Hux said after a while. He looked up towards the staircase.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ben said. “Go take care of your girl. She needs her dad right now.”

“Papa,” Hux corrected. “She calls me Papa.”

Ben chuckled. “Then does that mean I’ll get to be-“ He cut himself off abruptly.

“You’ll get to be what?” Hux asked, spinning in his arms. Ben wouldn’t look at him, but there was a bright blush across his face, going all the way up to his ears.

“Nothing,” Ben pulled away. “I should go.”

“I can drive you.”

“Nah, take care of your kid. I’ll be alright.”

Hux sighed again, but let him go. Ben was right, Winnie needed him the most right then, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to stay with Ben a little longer.

“Wait,” Hux called, after Ben was out the door. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Ben paused for a moment, then smiled. He turned back, stealing a kiss from Hux’s lips before Hux could say a word.

“Goodnight. I love you,” He whispered. He lingered and Hux let him.

Hux rolled his eyes. It was like those were Ben’s favorite words to say, and slowly, they were becoming Hux’s favorite to hear. There was a part of him that wouldn't mind hearing them forever.

“I know.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. Everything all out on the table. They're in love, and the secrets are out, but check that chapter count cause we're not done yet. 
> 
> I loved finally getting to tear Scilla a new one. In the original version of the story (that was like 30 chapters long,) her character was the exact opposite. She was supposed to be kind and caring; the perfect wife. It was supposed to create a big moral conflict about whether or not Hux and Ben should really stay together. It would've been fun to write, but that version of the story was way too much for me to handle. Also, I couldn't find a way to give the boys their happy ending and get rid of Scilla in a non-tragic way. (Yes, kill off the pregnant lady. That's _definitely_ what you should do.)
> 
> Rey's orgy was just for kicks. I haven't yet decided which Rey pairing I like best, so I just went with all of them. Practical solutions right here.
> 
>  
> 
> See you next Monday!


	15. House of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST TIME ON BETWEEN THE LINES:
> 
> The secrets are out! It's all on the table and anything goes! But there were a few people Ben and Hux forgot to consider in getting to where they are. 
> 
> What's Rey so upset about? How will Winnie react to Ben? Will I ever post a chapter on time again?
> 
> Find out now on Chapter 15: House of Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I told you we'd be back on the regular Monday updates, but it's been 2 1/2 weeks and I'm only now posting a chapter. I have no excuses this time. I just procrastinated and I'm sorry. :(

 

 

 

Ben turned, looking at himself in the mirror. He figured jeans and a plaid button down were good enough for a dinner date, but he couldn’t help antagonizing over his appearance. The question wasn’t if Hux would like it, but if his _daughter_ would like it. Tonight was about her, and Ben wasn’t eager to mess it up.

“Rey, this is fine, right?” He asked, walking out into their living room. “It’s not _too_ Texas farm-boy, right?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” she called from the couch. She hadn’t looked up at him.

Ben glared at the back of her head and stopped behind the couch. She didn’t bother acknowledging him, rather, she took the remote and turned the volume up louder. Even when he leaned over the back of the couch and held his hands in front of her eyes, Rey didn’t snap at him. She just bushed his hands away.

With a soft huff, Ben stood up. Rey had been like that since he caught her having an orgy. They talked about it, and, apparently, she wasn’t upset about it. They fought back and forth for a few hours about Rey being mature enough for that kind of relationship and if she was keeping up with her grades in the meantime (“It’s just a few summer classes!”) but that wasn’t what was making her so angry.

He just couldn’t figure it out. Suddenly, she just stopped talking to him. It didn’t make sense. Rey loved talking to him and telling him stories. But now she barely said more than a few words. As hard as he thought about it, Ben couldn’t think of anything he might’ve done to upset her. Anything that happened prior to her orgy had to do with Hux.

Worst of all, she wouldn’t tell him a damn thing. Normally, she’d be in his face telling him everything she hated and everything he was doing wrong, but now she wouldn’t say a word. He let it sit for a week, deciding that she’d come to him eventually, but she was hell-bent on ignoring him.

“So, I’ll be back late tonight,” Ben said, watching her face.

Rey didn’t reply.

“I should be back around ten, midnight at the latest.”

Still nothing.

“Apparently, Armie’s daughter has a strict schedule and _must_ be in bed by nine. I’m not totally sure if he’ll let me stay a little after.”

Rey frowned. Bingo.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ben asked, leaning back over the couch.

“Fine,” she ground out.

“I can stay, if you want. I don’t have to go.”

“It’s fine,” she turned the TV up a little louder. It hurt, a little.

Ben paused, trying to figure out how to approach this. He’d never had this problem before. During the fifteen years he spent raising Rey, she’d _never_ shut him out like this. Even as a moody teenager, she could never hold all of her anger in for more than a day or two. Going a whole week without saying a word was unheard of.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Ben asked, encouraged by the deepening frown on her face. If she was getting angry, then he’d get answers. “Armitage will understand if-“

“I SAID I’M FINE!” She screamed.

For that brief moment, Rey was shaking with anger. It was in her eyes, how her glare pierced his. It was in her body, how she was turned, ready for a fight. It was in her voice, how it cracked on the last word and betrayed the fury she was trying to portray.

And then it was gone.

As quick as it appeared, it disappeared, and Rey laid down on the couch. She distanced herself, going back to ignoring Ben.

“Rey…” Ben was bewildered. He didn’t know whether to stay and try to get her to talk or leave it alone and hope that she came around. He’s never had to make that decision before.

“It’s fine. Just go,” She muttered.

Ben listened only because he didn’t know what else to do. He wanted to stay and figure out what was wrong, but he didn’t know what else to say. Looking down at his watch, he didn’t have time to sit around and decide either. Hux was expecting him soon.

“…Can we talk about it when I get back? Or tomorrow even?” He tried.

“Just _go_ ,” Rey said again, harsher this time. “Leave already…it’s what you’re good at.”

Ben froze. The words were like a punch to his gut. He didn’t know where it came from or why she said it, but there was weight behind it. There was some undeniable, unsaid truth to the words that stopped him from yelling back. It was the way she said it, like she’d been holding it in for years that made him believe it was true. Although, he couldn’t comprehend what she meant. He wanted to yell back at her and say it wasn’t true, but he wasn’t sure what else he’d say.

“Rey,” he started carefully.

The TV volume was turned up a bit louder, a clear indication that she wasn’t going to talk anytime soon. It felt like giving up to just walk away, but Ben wasn’t sure what else he could do. She’d sprung it on him so suddenly, and she may not have said anything at all if he hadn’t pushed her. It felt like there wasn’t anything else he could do but leave.

 

So, he did. And he hated himself for it.

 

It bothered him all the way to Hux’s house, but Ben forced himself not to dwell on it when he rung the doorbell. He could talk to Rey later. Right now was about Hux and his daughter and making a good impression.

“Ben?” Hux’s voice jolted Ben from his thoughts. He realized he’d been standing there, spaced out.

“Hey!” He greeted Hux with a kiss, pulling away when he felt a light push against his chest.

“Is everything alright?” Hux asked, searching his face.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just Rey. She was a bit moody when I left,” Ben followed Hux into the house.

“Hm, that makes two of them, then,” Hux looked over his shoulder and Ben followed his gaze to a little red headed girl sitting at the couch, putting a puzzle together. “Winnie hasn’t been happy all day.”

Ben sighed. “Well, maybe some food can fix that. You made reservations, right?”

“Yes, we have an hour, but I need to get a few things first. Go say hi,” Hux pushed him towards the girl, but Ben hesitated.

Hux asked him to come back so soon. Ben told him they didn’t have to rush. He asked Hux to take some time and talk to his kid about what happened that day. Hux told him they’d taken more than enough time already.

As hard as he tried to hide it, Hux must have seen the apprehension on Ben’s face because he pressed a kiss to his cheek and pushed him forward again. “You’re the one who said you were going to love her,” He said. And then, softer, “…right?”

“Yeah! Yes!” Ben reassured him immediately. He took Hux’s hand, squeezing it tight. “I just don’t know what _she’s_ gonna think.”

Hux smiled, fears appeased. “You’ll be fine, and I’ll be right back.”

Then, it was just Ben and the girl.

Taking a breath, Ben forced himself to walk over to the child. He didn’t know what he was so afraid of; she was only a child. Still, the closer he got, the more nervous he became.

“Hey,” He said, trying to sound excited. “My name’s Ben.”

The girl looked over at him for a moment, considering something, but went back to her puzzle the next moment. She looked very familiar, Ben realized. He couldn’t pin it, but he felt like he’d seen her before. It wasn’t just the similarity between her and Hux either. They had the same flaming orange hair, the same cautious dismissive glare, and the same splatter of freckles that were more noticeable around her shoulders than her face.

However, her eyes were a hazel brown instead of bright blue. That was her mother’s mark, Ben thought. Now that he thought about it, that woman seemed familiar as well, or what Ben remembered of her.

“What’s your name?” He asked, when the girl continued to ignore him.

“…Winnie,” She said after a moment. It was the same name Hux said earlier, but Ben still couldn’t figure out why it sounded so familiar.

“What are you working on, Winnie?” Ben shifted his focus, deciding it wasn’t worth antagonizing over.

She glanced at him hesitantly, but answered. “A puzzle.”

The parts she’d finished showed of an image of a cartoon girl with long blonde hair and a purple dress, much like the doll laying on the couch. If Ben remembered his Disney trivia correctly, it was Rapunzel.

“Oh wow, you’re doing a great job with it. Can I help you?”

Winnie looked at him again and shrugged. Ben took it as a sign of agreement and began looking over the puzzle pieces. It wasn’t a very difficult puzzle. It was only twenty-four pieces, and she already had half of it finished.

“How about this piece?” Ben held up a piece with a face on it, and Winnie shrugged at it. “Well…I think it goes here. What do you think?”

She shrugged again.

It was obvious that they weren’t getting anywhere.

Ben put the piece in place and then picked up another. “What about this one? I think this looks like a corner piece.”

Winnie gave him the same response, so Ben just put the piece in the puzzle and moved on to the next one. He became determined to get her to say something, trying a hundred different ways to ask her opinion about puzzle pieces, but she never said a word. Before he knew it, they finished the puzzle. _He_ finished the puzzle.

“Look, you did it!” Ben praised with a forced smile. “That’s a nice dress. I really like Rapunzel’s dress.”

Then, Winnie gave him a look. A child should not have been so intimidating, let alone a child that was half his size, but her gaze cut right through him. Although, that was probably because he’d seem the same look from Hux a dozen times before. It was the look Ben got every time he’d done something wrong, and they both knew that it was wrong but he tried to lie about it anyway.

Ben sighed. “And I finished your puzzle for you; I’m sorry.”

Her frown deepened at this, but she looked more confused that upset. Not that Ben noticed.

“What am I doing? I’m making a terrible first impression,” Ben put his face down on the coffee table, right next to the puzzle.

Who was he kidding? He had no idea how to talk to kids. After Rey grew up, there was never a need to. Heck, the last time he talked to a kid was when he accidentally hit that one girl in the face with a volleyball. She looked strikingly similar to Winnie, if Ben remembered correctly. Orange hair, expensive clothes, a piercing gaze, and a mother that made him very uneasy…

Wait. That _was_ Winnie.

“HOl-“

“I forgive you,” Winnie said suddenly.

“What?” Ben looked at her, still in shock from his sudden revelation.

Winnie looked down at her hands, folded neatly in her lap. “Papa said that when people say ‘I’m sorry’ I say ‘I forgive you.’”

The corners of his mouth tugged upwards. That didn’t at all sound like something Hux would say. In fact, Hux would’ve said the exact opposite and told Ben that he should be sorry, but wasn’t so hard to believe that Hux was teaching his daughter to be better than himself.

“Thank you, Winnie,” Ben told her.

Her eyes shot up to his, surprised. She looked down again, looking at the puzzle and then her hands. It took her a moment, but eventually she looked up and asked, “really?”

Ben’s heart broke a bit. She didn’t believe him? “I – yeah. Really. Thank you for forgiving me. That’s not easy to do.”

“Why?” The question came without hesitation, then. Ben answered, if only to keep her talking.

“Because…Because sometimes you’re just really angry at the person and it’s easier to be mad than it is to...to _not_ be mad.”

Winnie thought about that for a moment, leaving them in silence. And then, “Is that why Mama never said ‘I forgive you’ even though I said ‘I’m sorry’ a lot?”

“Um-“

“Alright, who’s ready for dinner?” Hux interrupted suddenly. He hurried both of them along, stopping Winnie from asking anymore questions, and trying to stop Ben from thinking too hard about what she’d said.

“Armitage-“

“Later,” He said, focused on getting them out the door. “We have to get to dinner.”

Ben grabbed his arm. They weren’t doing this again. They weren’t going to keep secrets from each other.

“I promise,” Hux looked at him then, eyes pleading.

Ben gave him a hard look, but let it go. Later. They’d talk about it later.

 

 

 

“I know her,” Ben said as they drove to the restaurant.

“Know who?” Hux asked, focused on the road.

“Winnie. I’ve met her before.”

Hux turned to look at him then, for as long as he could without taking his attention away from traffic for too long. He didn’t believe Ben. “What? _When_?”

“November,” Ben said. He looked at Winnie through the rear-view mirror. She wasn’t paying attention to them. “At least, I think it was November. I was in the park with my friends, and I…well, I may have – uh – hit her in the face with a volleyball?”

Hux’s mouth opened and closed multiple times before settling on a very angry frown. The car may have swerved. “You did _what_?”

“Not on purpose!” Ben defended. “I just – it just happened! I mean she was okay! Right, Winnie? You took that volleyball like a champ! Didn’t even cry.”

“I don’t care that it wasn’t on purpose! How do I not remember this?! You hit my _daughter_ in the _face_ with a **_volleyball_**! What the _hell_ , Ben?” Hux yelled.

“I’m sorry! And what do you mean you don’t remember? Winnie was lost. I walked around with her looking for you and your crazy ex for a few _hours_. The sun was setting by the time we finally found that bit-… _her_. When we found her.” Ben censored himself just in time. “Were you not there for this? Didn’t she tell you about it?”

Hux was silent for a moment. His hands wrung the steering wheel. “No. She didn’t tell me any of this.”

“Well, it happened. We even got ice cream, right Winnie?” Ben looked at her again in the rear-view mirror. She looked terrified.

Ben frowned. She was definitely the lost kid he helped all those months ago, but she wasn’t acting at all the same. Then again, maybe arguing with her father wasn’t the best way to show her he could be trusted.

Winnie didn’t answer him, Ben didn’t push, and Hux didn’t say another word. They spent the rest of the car ride in silence.

 

 

“Hey Winnie, what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?” Ben asked as Hux pulled into the parking lot.

They were at a nice sit-down place. Somewhere that his plaid button down and jeans outfit just barely passed as appropriate. Ben, however, was eyeing the ice cream parlor a few feet over.

 “Strawberry,” she answered quietly.

“You wanna get some ice cream?” Ben asked, trying to gauge how many people were inside the store.

“Oh no. No ice cream before dinner,” Hux scolded. “You’re going to ruin her appetite.”

“It’s just ice cream,” Ben said.

“No,” Hux told him. He looked at the restaurant and the people waiting outside. “Now, wait here. I’m going inside to confirm our reservations. I’ll only be a moment.”

He disappeared inside the building without waiting for Ben to respond.

Ben looked down at Winnie and she looked back up at him. Some part of him knew it was smarter to listen to Hux, but he really wanted Winnie to like him. So far, he’d been doing a piss poor job of it, but the night wasn’t over yet.

“You wanna get ice cream?” He asked again.

She frowned, confused. It was cute. “But Papa just said no.”

“But Papa’s not here right now,” Hux was going to kill him.

Winnie looked towards the restaurant and then back at Ben, trying to decide. Ben smiled. She had the same thinking face as Hux. Her eyes were narrowed and her nose was wrinkled up.

“Come on. We can probably make it back before he does,” Ben held his hand out, and Winnie looked up at him.

With one last look at the restaurant, Winnie took his hand and let him guide her down the street and into the ice cream parlor. Ben tried not to feel smug about it, but as they drew closer to the store, she started leading him. Something about seeing her finally getting excited about something, even if she was doing a very good job at keeping a straight face, made him smile.

It smelled fresh and cold when they walked in. “Hello! Welcome to Baskin Robbins!” Said a woman behind the counter. “What can I get you today?”

They approached the displays of ice cream, starting at the far end. Winnie had to tip toe to see. Ben didn’t miss the way she kept looking further down the display, trying to see more flavors without moving from his side.

“Go look,” Ben told her, dropping her hand. Winnie stared back at him, wide eyed, and Ben flashed a smile back at her. “Go on, I’ll be right here.”

Then, for the first time that night, she smiled. It wasn’t at him, not exactly. She smiled as she turned away and pressed her face against the glass barrier between her and the ice cream. She smiled at the freedom she was given, even if she wasn’t going very far. She didn’t smile at him, but it was a smile nonetheless and that was good enough for Ben.

“You know what you want?” Ben asked her after helping her sample every single flavor in the store had to offer.

“Strawberry please!” She said, looking back at Ben excitedly.

Ben met the gaze of the woman behind the counter. “And I’ll take two scoops of vanilla bean in a waffle cone,” he added.

“Coming right up!” The woman said, smiling down at Winnie. “Can I get any add-ins for you today?”

Ben opened his mouth, ready to say no, but he took one look at Winnie and said “Sure, what do you have?”

Winnie’s smile grew brighter at even the mention of adding things into her ice cream. She managed to stay relatively calm as Ben helped her pick out what she wanted, but her smile kept growing. Ben wondered just how much she wasn’t allowed to have, normally.

“Alright, we’ve got a strawberry children’s cone with m&ms and rainbow sprinkles, and two scoops of vanilla bean in a waffle cone,” The worker handed the two cones over, one to Ben and one to Winnie.

She reached for it eagerly, but Ben took it before she could and looked down at her. “Wait, what do you say to her?” He asked, nodding towards the worker.

“Thank you!” Winnie shouted, then looked at Ben expectantly.

“And?” He gestured to himself with the ice cream. She sighed dramatically and Ben smiled.

She put her hands behind her back and stood up straight. “Thank you, Ben,” she said. Then, giving him that look again, “Can I have my ice cream, _please_.”

It was a statement, not a question, and Ben couldn’t help but laugh as he handed it over. It was like talking to a miniature Hux. Her frown broke as soon as the ice cream was in her hands, and as soon as it was in her hands, it was all over her mouth.

 

Ben thanked the worker again and paid for their treat. “Come on, we can finish them on the way back,” He held out his hand again, and she took it without hesitation.

They walked back to the restaurant slowly, taking their time to enjoy their ice cream. Every now and then, Ben would look down at Winnie, marveling at how polite and well-behaved she was being. It wasn’t at all what he remembered when he first met her, but a lot had changed since then.

Contrary to what Ben thought, Hux was waiting on a bench when they returned. He didn’t look happy.

“Where have you been?!” He yelled as soon as they were in sight. “I thought I told you not to get ice cream.”

“Armie, it’s just ice cream,” Ben gave him a sheepish grin, knowing he was in trouble. He wasn’t worried, though. Not until he looked down at Winnie and watched her smile vanish.

“Don’t you ‘Armie’ me; we have a table! We’re eating _dinner_ ,” Hux kept up his rant, not noticing how uncomfortable Winnie was becoming.

“It’s not that bad,” Ben muttered. He hadn’t thought about what kind of parent Hux would be, but it didn’t surprise him that Hux was on the strict side.

He kept looking down at Winnie, wondering how he was going to fix this mess. It was his fault she was upset again. He and Hux were fighting again and she clearly didn’t like that. She was still holding his hand, however, and he could feel her hesitation as she quietly took it back, retreating into herself.

“Ben, Winnie needs to eat _dinner,_ not – mmph!”

Ben cut him off with a kiss. It was a messy kiss, given Ben made sure to load his lips up with ice cream before diving in. Ice cream got everywhere. It was only a peck, but Ben still managed to drip ice cream down both of their shirts and all over Hux’s face.

When Hux pulled away, he gave Ben a look. It was that same look that Winnie had given him earlier in the night. Ben smiled. He used to fear that look when he first started working for Hux. Now that he’s seen his daughter wear the same face, he didn’t know if he could take Hux seriously ever again.

“That’s a good look on you,” Ben commented as Hux wiped at the ice cream dripping around his lips.

It took him a second to understand, but when he did, Hux turned bright red. “Ben!” He shouted in a hushed voice. He looked scandalized. Ben laughed. “We’re in public!”

Ben raised an eyebrow, taking it as a suggestion rather than a warning. It earned him another glare, but there was also a smile that Hux was trying very hard to hide. “I can’t believe you. Did you get vanilla just so you could make lewd jokes?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” Ben took another slow lick of ice cream, laughing when Hux pushed his shoulder.

“You can at least eat it correctly,” Hux scolded half-heartedly, stealing a bite of his ice cream. He hid his smile behind the ice cream, staring Ben down when he licked his lips clean. It looked much more sensual coming from him.

Ben stole another glance at Winnie. She looked less afraid now, but there was still a little frown on her face. They weren’t fighting any more, Ben made sure of that, so what was she still afraid of?

“Hey Armie, I’m sorry,” Ben said. Hux looked at him, confused. Ben held his gaze, but continually glanced down at Winnie, hoping he’d get the hint. “I shouldn’t have gotten ice cream when you told us not to.”

“What?” Hux asked him. He looked lost for a moment, but caught on when he followed Ben’s gaze down. “Oh, it’s alright. I…forgive you?”

It came out more like a question, but when Ben looked down again, Winnie was staring up at them in wonder. Her eyes were as wide as saucers.

“Finish your ice cream, dear,” Hux told her. Her gaze shifted over to him, and Hux smiled down at her. “Dinner is waiting.”

Winnie hesitated for a moment, in disbelief over what she just saw. Then, with a hesitant smile, she ate up her ice cream, cone and all. It made Ben wonder just how much fighting she was used to that a simple “I forgive you” was so perplexing.

He looked back at Hux, who only told him, “Later. I promise.”

Later couldn’t come soon enough, but in the meantime, Ben was determined to make this the best dinner Winnie’s ever had.

 

 

The restaurant was very stuffy and stiff. From the outside, Ben figured he was underdressed. Now that he was sitting down, he thought he was under prepared. The dim-lit restaurant reeked of old rich men. He had no idea how Winnie was managing to be so poised and well-behaved when he couldn’t stop looking around and admiring the decor.

“Ben,” Hux scolded, once they were seated.

“What? It’s _fancy_.” He picked up the menu, whimpering when he saw how much everything cost.

“Don’t look at the prices, just order. I’ll pay for it.” Hux browsed the wine instead of the food picking a fancy white wine with a name that Ben couldn’t pronounce when the waiter came by.

Surprisingly, there weren’t very many choices on the menu. There was steak, steak, fettuccini alfredo, salmon steak, and more steak (the beef kind.) To be fair, they were at a steak house, but that didn’t stop Ben from questioning his limited options. When the waiter came by to take their order, Ben pointed to something and hoped for the best.

 “So, what are you getting, Winnie?” Ben asked after the waiter walked away.

“Mac and cheese,” she said without looking up from the coloring book. She didn’t bother finishing any of the puzzles, choosing to draw free hand in the margins instead.

“With a side of broccoli,” Hux said, sipping his wine. Winnie made a face but didn’t argue.

Ben smiled. There was something comforting about knowing she hated eating vegetables as much as any other kid. It was a little bit of normal in the uptight restaurant that seemed so separated from the rest of the world.

Their food arrived with a little flair, but Ben was steadily becoming more annoyed than impressed with the theatrics. He just wanted to eat his steak. Staring down at his plate, however, he wasn’t sure what was there qualified as ‘steak’. The plate in front of him was easily a foot in diameter, but the steak barely took up a third of it. It was pathetic.

He looked over at Hux, who was already a quarter done with his steak, although that wasn’t saying much considering how small it was. Their food certainly looked appetizing and fresh, but Ben thought there would be more. Hux didn’t seems to be bothered by it, however. He shot Ben a questioning look that Ben waved away.

They ate in silence then, Hux staring at something on his phone, and Winnie consumed with her mac and cheese. It wasn’t what dinner should’ve been. It definitely wasn’t what dinner was at Ben’s apartment or what he remembered as a kid. This felt so formal and detached. He didn’t like it.

“So…how old are you now, Winnie?” Ben asked, pushing the parsley around on his plate. He’d long since finished his steak and side dishes, but it definitely wasn’t enough food. He debated picking up McDonalds on the way home, but suddenly there was another tiny steak in front of him. The waiters had refreshed the side dishes too.

“Five,” She said around a mouthful of macaroni. It was the Kraft kind. Disgusting.

“Winnie, don’t eat with your mouth full,” Hux said without missing a beat. Winnie sighed but obeyed, like it was something that happened regularly.

Ben frowned. He was getting tired of seeing Winnie so upset. She was a kid. She should be making a mess of her dinner and complaining loudly about how boring the restaurant is and talking their ears off, not sitting perfectly still like little doll and eating her dinner without a word. Even he didn’t have to grow up like that. Sure, his parents scolded him for being disruptive, but they never stopped him from being a _kid_.

“Hey, Winnie—“ Ben stabbed his steak with his fork and held up the whole chunk of meat. “—I bet I can finish my food before you can.”

Hux and Winnie stared at him like he was crazy, but Ben didn’t take his challenge back. He sent Hux the same look he’d been receiving; sure, they could talk about it later, but Ben was going to do something about it now.

“Ben, what are you doing?” Hux asked.

Ben ignored him, staring Winnie down. He took a bite of his steak, a small one. He didn’t even know if it was going to work. The game was something Rey used to challenge him to when she was little. Ben always indulged her and it always made her smile, but he didn’t know if Winnie would enjoy it. “I’m gonna finish before you,” he sing-songed.

But then there was a fire in her eyes that Ben hadn’t seen all night. She didn’t move. She was debating, deciding. She should ignore Ben and do what her Papa wanted. She should behave herself, but she really wanted to prove she was faster than Ben.

“Look, I’m almost half done!” Ben said around another bite of steak. He could’ve sworn she glared at him, just like Hux was. For a moment, he thought she was going to ignore him, like she did with the puzzle, but she didn’t.

“No fair! You started first!” She yelled, digging into her macaroni.

Ben grinned as she shoveled food in her mouth, trying to beat him despite the incredible disadvantage of her being a quarter of his size. Ben ate slowly, taking tiny bites of the steak while they glared each other down.

“Winnima!” Hux exclaimed. He looked between them, horrified. “Ben, she’s going to get a stomach ache!”

“Yeah, and I’m gonna finish my second steak before you finish your first.” Ben stuck his tongue out. Hux glared at him.

He didn’t care. He knew the rest of the restaurant was staring at their table, but none of it mattered, not when he heard Winnie giggling. She was watching Ben and Hux, with a smile on her face instead of a frown, for once.

“I’m almost done!” She announced.

Ben looked over at her and gasped as loudly as he could. “What?!” He shouted. “How? You’re so fast…But I can still catch up!”

An idea popped into his head, and Ben literally nibbled on his steak. Winnie burst out laughing and shoved more macaroni into her mouth gleefully. Ben looked around at their audience. They definitely weren’t enjoying the show, but Ben was getting a kick out of their reactions. His gaze stopped on Hux, however.

The look on his face was something between guilt and wonder. His eyes were locked on Winnie, staring at her like she was some sort of miracle. It was almost like he was seeing her smile for the first time. Then, he stole a glance at Ben, and the sheer gratitude almost knocked Ben over.

“Excuse me—“ Their attention was drawn away from the eating competition. A man had approached them looking none too happy. He might have been the manager. “Mr. Hux, on behalf of this fine establishment, I’d like to thank you for visiting us, but if you cannot get your child and… _him_ under control, then I will have to ask you to leave.”

The happy came to a screeching halt. Winnie’s smile was falling from her face, and Ben didn’t know what he could do to bring it back. He didn’t care about the damn restaurant or the rich old farts who didn’t think a kid deserved to be a kid, but Hux’s hand was on his shoulder before he could stand up and punch the manager.

“Of course,” Hux said. “I apologize. We will finish our meal and leave shortly…but I’m going to finish first because I can fit the most food in my mouth.”

Hux directed the last part at Winnie, smiling at her as he shoved half of his steak in his mouth. The manager gasped. The whole restaurant gasped. Winnie erupted in laughter again and ate the last of her macaroni while Hux was still chewing.

“Mr. Hux!” The manager protested. “This is indecent!”

Hux looked around at the table, at Winnie scarfing down her broccoli so she could say she finished everything, at Ben and the slow grin spreading across his face. Then, he looked at the manager and rolled his eyes.

“Jus wai unil yuh hab—“ Hux cut himself off, laughing. He couldn’t talk around all of the meat packed into his mouth. Bits of food spewed out of his mouth which he tried, in vain, to keep from going everywhere.

“Aw, so gross!” Ben found himself laughing too. Everything was too perfect not to.

“Done! I win!” Winnie exclaimed.

Ben fake-gasped again. “What?! I didn’t even see you finish! Are you sure you ate it all? Am I gonna find broccoli on the floor?”

 He shared a quick look with Hux and then the manager scooped Winnie out of her seat, carrying her outside while she bragged about her victory. Hux joined them outside a few minutes later, still chewing on that bite of steak.

“Well, good job getting us kicked out of the restaurant,” Hux said after he’d swallowed. There was a soft smile on his face.

“Hey, you’re the one that spit food all over the manager,” Ben countered.

Hux shook his head. “We’ll just have to find another place to have Sunday dinner. That place was getting boring anyway. Did you know, steak loses it’s appeal after you’ve eaten the same cut at the same restaurant for seven years?”

“Every week?” Ben asked.

“Mama really likes eating here,” Winnie answered.

“Oh.” Ben made a face at that, putting Winnie down when she started squirming.

Hux gave him a tight smile. “But I guess we don’t have to eat here anymore…assuming they’d let us back in.” He glanced back at the restaurant where the manager was watching them through the windows. “Come on, we should get going before we’re arrested for loitering.”

“Papa, I want ice cream,” Winnie said, as Hux helped her into her car seat.

“You had ice cream before dinner,” Hux told her.

Winnie pouted in her seat and crossed her arms. “I want more ice cream.” Hux didn’t answer her as he pulled out of the parking lot, and she grumbled quietly.

“We’ll get some when he isn’t looking,” Ben ‘whispered’ to her.

Hux turned and glared at him, but Winnie giggled and he said nothing.

 

 

 

They drove back to Hux’s house in silence. With her full stomach, it wasn’t long before Winnie was lulled to sleep by the gentle hum and vibrations of the car. Ben looked at her through the rearview mirror and smiled at her sleeping form. Then, he looked at Hux and watched the small frown etched into his brow.

“You okay?” Ben asked. “Haven’t said much to me all night.”

Hux sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m just…I didn’t think dinner would go that well.”

“Getting ourselves kicked out of a restaurant you’ve been going to for years is dinner ‘going well?’” Ben questioned, still staring.

“Winnie was smiling, so yes, I’d say so.”

Ben wasn’t sure what to say to that. That sentence alone left him with so many questions, not to mention the way Winnie had acted for most of the night. It took so much coaxing to make her smile, and even then, that happiness was so easily broken.

“Is it ‘later’ yet?” Ben asked.

Hux bit his lip. He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. He took a deep breath. “What do you want to know?”

“What is she so afraid of?”

“Us. Me. Her mother,” Hux said. “Scilla wasn’t exactly forgiving. Ever.”

“Meaning?”

“She…” Hux adjusted his grip again. “… _yelled_. A lot. At both of us, for everything and...it’s my fault. I’m the one who always told Winnie that she didn’t mean it. I-I defended her when she screamed at us and—“

“Hey, hey,” Ben interrupted. “It’s not your fault. She was terrible, but that’s not your fault.”

Hux was tense as Ben spoke. His grip on the steering wheel left him with white knuckles and tense shoulder, but Ben’s words soothed him. He didn’t explain any further and Ben didn’t ask him to.

“So, no fighting in front of her,” Ben muttered.

“I’d like it if you didn’t fight with me at all, but seeing as you’re intent on giving my daughter ice cream whenever I’m not around, I’m not sure we can avoid it,” Hux joked. They each managed a weak smile. “But no, not in front of her.”

“She’s very well behaved,” Ben said.

“She wasn’t always.” Hux looked at her through the rearview mirror. “She used to smile like the sun, but…”

“The bitch.”

Hux hummed in agreement. “A little before Christmas she was…harder on Winnie, stricter, more demanding. There was no reason. I watched that smile fade and I did nothing to stop it.”

Ben frowned. From what he remembered, Scilla wasn’t happy all those months ago when Winnie was returned to her. Was it his fault, then, that Scilla had become so harsh? It could be. The timing lined up.

“Not your fault,” Ben told him again. But, no, that cruelty was her fault, not Ben’s. Not Hux’s. Definitely not Winnie’s.

 

 

By the time they’d pulled into Hux’s driveway, the sun had set and the sky was dark. Ben wasn’t looking forward to driving back to his apartment, but it was worth it to spend a few extra minutes with Hux.

Gently, carefully, Hux pulled Winnie from her car seat and carried her into the house. She was sound asleep, drooling a bit on Hux’s shoulder.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Hux said, nodding towards the living room.

Ben took it as permission to explore and ducked further into the house. He hadn’t been back since the first time Hux brought him there, but he still remembered what he’d seen.

The house was still undeniably empty, although Winnie’s toys and things took up some space now that she was there. The TV in the living room was large, but it sat on top of cardboard boxes rather than a proper TV stand. The kitchen table looked cheap and flimsy, probably something from IKEA. The only thing that looked lived-in was the backyard.

The porch wood was worn from use, and a fancy grill with counters rested against the house. Ben walked out there and leaned against the railing. There were tables and chairs, and lights strung up on the trees. Hux and his family were outside fairly often then, Ben guessed. He laughed at the idea of Hux grilling burgers and hotdogs under the summer heat. He assumed Hux would burn as soon as he stepped outside, but the furniture said otherwise.

Then, he looked up, and his breath was stolen from his lungs. There were so many stars. He didn’t think he’d ever seen so many. They twinkled like the lights at the planetarium, but this was real. What he wouldn’t have given to wake up and see _this_.

“I’ve gotten in the habit of coming out here because of you,” Hux’s voice sounded from behind him. Ben turned and greeted Hux with a kiss, pulling him into his arms. “I started coming out to look at the stars after the divorce was finalized. It’s calming.”

“It’s beautiful,” Ben whispered. Hux turned, pressing his back to Ben’s front so they could watch the stars together. “I haven’t seen this many since I was a kid.”

“Oh?”

“New York and LA aren’t exactly dark at night. Yeah, I saw stars, but…not like this.” Ben pressed his lips to Hux’s hair, kissing him. “Are you sure you wanna move?”

“I can’t stay,” Hux told him. “It’s not home anymore. Hasn’t been for a while.”

“It could be.”

Hux shook his head. Twisting back, he cupped Ben’s face. “Yes well, you and Winnie aren’t here all of the time. Besides, there are too many bad memories.”

Ben held his tongue to keep himself from saying anything too soon. There was an implication there, but it wasn’t one they were ready to face yet. Maybe.

“I should go,” Ben said. He tried to pull away, but Hux held him back.

“We just got back.” Hux searched his eyes, and Ben knew he was looking for some sort of indication that he’d messed up, said something wrong.

A kiss was enough to ease his fears, if only for a little while.

“We have work tomorrow,” Ben said.

Hux sighed, clearly unhappy with the answer. “I’m the CEO, I can go in whenever I’d like.”

“But I’m not and I can’t.” Ben kissed him again. “Walk me to the door?”

He didn’t want to go just yet, but some part of him knew that if he stayed a little longer, that little longer would turn into all night. All night would turn into all day, and Hux would _not_ be happy if they missed work, no matter what he tried to tell himself.

“Alright.”

They held hands as they walked, fingers laced together. Ben looked around the house one last time as they walked through it. It was hollow and empty, but that was only because Scilla had stolen its life and taken its furniture. All it really needed was for someone to come in and love it. That’s all Hux really needed.

Maybe he could convince Hux not to move. They could be happy there, one day. But, if Hux really wanted to leave, then Ben would follow. They could have their own house that was only theirs, and as long as Hux was there, it would feel like home.

“I expect you to be in on time tomorrow,” Hux told him.

“You come in later than I do. How would you know when I come in?” Ben smiled, coaxing a smile onto Hux’s face as well.

“I have my ways,” Hux said.

Ben laughed. “You mean, you have access to security cameras.” They kissed again, lingering against each other’s lips.

And then they heard a little gasp from the top of the stairs.

Ben and Hux turned towards the noise and saw Winnie sitting at the top of the stairs with her hands over her mouth. She turned and started running back up to her room as soon as she was spotted, but Hux was faster.

“Winnima!” He barked. “Come here.” She stopped but hesitated to turn around. “Winnie.”

Shuffling her feet, she made her way down the stairs, looking very guilty. She stood at their feet, head down, until Hux picked her up.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Hux scolded. He tried to look her in the eye, but she kept avoiding his gaze.

Instead of answering, Winnie whined and turned her head away from them, resting it on Hux’s shoulder. She clung to his neck, refusing to let go even when Hux tried to pull her away.

“Come now, is something wrong?” His eyes flickered over to Ben’s, worried. Gently, he smoothed a hand down her back, trying to comfort her. “Did you have a nightmare?”

Winnie shook her head against Hux’s shoulder.

“Is there a monster under your bed?”

She shook her head again.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Winnie was silent for a long moment before mumbling something into Hux’s shirt.

“I can’t understand you if you don’t speak clearly,” Hux reminded her, trying to pry her away from him.

She clung tighter, but spoke up. “Why did you two kiss?”

The question was innocent enough, but Hux looked stunned, stumped. Surprise, fondness, sadness each crossed his face in quick succession, but he couldn’t seem to find an answer.

“Because I love him,” Ben spoke up, offering an explanation when Hux couldn’t find one. Hux looked to him, cheeks going pink. A smile crept up on his face. “I kissed your Papa because I love him.”

Winnie turned her head, then, looking at Ben. She was stuck, trying to decide on something, but Ben couldn’t tell what. Slowly, she pulled away from Hux’s shoulder and looked at him expectantly. “Papa, do you love Ben, too?”

“I…yes,” Hux answered, unable to say the words, but blushing furiously nonetheless. Ben’s stomach fluttered at the admission.

“What about Mama?”

Ben felt his heart drop. He hadn’t thought about that. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that Scilla would still factor in. But, of course she did. She was Winnie’s mother.

To his credit, Hux didn’t flinch. He was ready for the question, but also not. “I…still love Mama,” Hux answered slowly. “But I—I like Ben more.”

Ben tried to push down the little stab of pain that pierced him as Hux spoke. It wasn’t fair to expect him to say ‘I love you’ if he wasn’t ready, but Ben couldn’t help that little bit of disappointment. Hux wouldn’t look at him either. Maybe he could tell how disappointed Ben was, as much as he tried to hide it.

Winnie looked at Ben, then Hux, and then back at Ben. The concentrated pout on her face was too cute to look intimidating, but Ben hardly noticed it. All he heard was, “I got my eye on you!”

In a moment of shock, Ben and Hux looked at each other, bewildered.

“If you hurt him, you have to go through me!” Winnie jabbed her thumb towards herself and gave Ben the hardest glare a five-year-old could manage.

“Wha—Winnie, where did you learn that?” Hux asked her.

Winnie grinned at him. “Aunite Phas said that if someone said that they love Papa, then I say ‘ _I got my eye on you!’_ And Uncle Taka said that after that then I say ‘ _If you hurt him, you have to go through me!’_ ”

Hux smiled. He rolled his eyes. “Of course they did,” He said. “Well, do you also know what to say when it’s time to go to bed?”

“But I’m not tired!” Winnie protested. “I wanna play with ‘Punzel!”

“Alright, but we have to say ‘goodnight’ to Ben.” Hux looked to him. “He has to go now.”

“But I want Ben to play with me!” She whined.

“Later, I promise,” Ben told her, ruffling her hair. “Okay?”

“…Okay,” She said. She didn’t seem upset, however.  “Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight, Winnie,” Ben kissed her head, and she squirmed away, giggling. Then, he turned to Hux and pecked him on the lips. “Goodnight, Armie. I love you.”

Hux fought a losing battle with his smile. “Goodnight,” he whispered back.

“No, Papa! That’s not what you say!” Winnie yelled. She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

“Oh, and what am I supposed to say?” He asked, looking back at her with just as much sass. He seemed to regret asking as soon as the words left his mouth, however. His already-pink cheeks deepened in color.

“You’re supposed to say ‘I love you!’” Winnie acted it out, smiling brightly and clasping her hands together when she said the words.

Hux couldn’t fight it, then. He took a deep breath and a moment to calm himself. Then, he turned to Ben and said, “Goodnight. I…love you, too. I love you, too.”

The first time he said, Ben felt his heart explode. He couldn’t contain his smile. The second time Hux said it, it sounded so much more sure, and Ben felt warm from his head to his toes. He just felt so happy to finally hear Hux say it back.

Ben laughed. He didn’t know how else to make his heart stop beating or his skin to stop tingling. It didn’t help. It only made him feel lighter. Hux didn’t seem to mind because he started laughing, too. Ben reached for Hux’s free hand, weaving their fingers together.

“Why are you laughing?” Winnie asked them. The pout was back on her face.

“Because I love him,” Hux answered, smiling brighter than Ben had ever seen him before.

When Ben really looked at him, he saw a smile brighter than any other Hux had given him before. It was calm and happy and warm and free. It was a smile Ben wanted to see forever.

“I don’t get it,” Winnie said, looking between them.

“That’s okay,” Ben told her, because he didn’t know how else to explain it. How was he supposed to tell a five-year-old that his world slowed down when he was around her father? How was he supposed to say that everything felt so right when they were together?

How could he explain that except by looking at Hux and saying, “I love you.”

And how could Hux do anything but say, “I love you, too.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now introducing the brand new variety TV show game that's sweeping the nation: Why is Rey Upset?  
> Submit your answers now!
> 
>  
> 
> But really, I'm sorry I didn't post anything for 2 1/2 weeks. To be perfectly honest, I'm losing motivation for this fic. It's not that I'm not getting enough kudos or comments or even that I'm not interested in this story anymore. I've just been working on it for too long. I'm tired. However, I will finish it. I will definitely finish it without taking short-cuts or changing the rest of the plot, but I think I may have been too ambitious when I first started it. This is my first long fic ever and it's 17 chapters of at least 7-8k-ish words per chapter? I made a bad decision. I'm sorry.  
> I don't know. I guess it's better that it's biting me in the ass now instead of earlier in the story. At least the major plot points have been mostly wrapped up this way. 
> 
> Anyway. Enough of that. The next update will be when it happens. I will try my best to make Mondays (probably not next Monday because it's currently 4AM on a Thursday.), but it will definitely be done by the end of the summer.  
> Thank you for being so patient! You're all wonderful readers and I'm so glad to get your comments and kudos every week. I don't tell you that enough, but i really do appreciate it. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Updates every Monday.
> 
>  
> 
> [Come hang out with me on tumblr!](www.aiambia.tumblr.com)


End file.
